Carved in Stone (14 page)

“Well, I may remind you of your dead husband, but whether you like it or not, you’re my first. You’re the first woman to pick me up in years, the first I wanted to kiss so badly I ached, and simply the first I have wanted to make love to in a long time. When Ellen interrupted us in the courtyard, I was upset at her for doing it, and that was the first time I had really felt divorced. It’s too late to ask me not to care about you. You’re the only woman I want. Now tell me the truth. Do I scare you physically?” Will asked, the question not much more than a whisper between them.

“No. You don’t. What is it with you macho men? I’m not scared of you even though I know you can overpower me with your greater strength,” Jessica said sarcastically. “That’s biologically true with a lot of men, Will. Despite what happened between us and my reaction to it, it never occurred to me that you would intentionally want to hurt me. I’m not lying about that. I wouldn’t have crawled into bed beside you or let your sons talk me into coming here if I was physically afraid of you. If you knew me better, you’d have no trouble believing that.”

“You might change your mind if you knew how violent I can be when I’m upset,” Will honestly. “If I saw those men today that hurt you, I would still want to kill them, even thirty years later. They should never have been set free. I’ve seen your art. I can never pretend otherwise.”

He moved his hand on her arm in soothing circles, and then wrapped a leg across both of hers. He hoped it felt comforting and protecting to her instead of restricting.

“If I found a way to be alone with the men that hurt you, I’d probably kill them without remorse,” Will said, splaying one large hand across her stomach, covering where her daughter would have been. “You could make an argument that I’m not much better than those men.”

Jessica stared hard at the ceiling. Past conversations with other men merged into this one with Will. Most men were good inside, she had learned. Most men felt like Will did. Neither his words nor his attitude were a surprise to Jessica. Other men had tried to love her despite the past, but it just hadn’t worked out for long.

“Will, I believe you would only use your strength to protect me,” Jessica told him, rolling to her side and into his arms. “So hold me tightly and let’s sleep together. Make me feel safe and cared for tonight, and maybe we’ll both get some rest.”

Will put his arms around her, careful not to hold her too tightly, despite what she requested. He pulled her body against his to comfort both of them, and within a few minutes they both drifted off into an emotionally exhausted sleep.

***

When Michael and Shane came home several hours later, they found their father and Jessica sleeping peacefully together on the bed, wrapped in each other’s arms.

“Well, at least he kept her here,” Michael said wistfully. “I’m not waking them up.”

Shane shook his head. “It’s a good sign, but it doesn’t necessarily mean things will work out. If they want each other but aren’t acting on it, then this is just a temporary truce.”

“Well, I’m not listening to your analysis tonight, bro,” Michael said quietly, walking with Shane to the door. “I’m just letting them sleep and wishing for a happy ending. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

“No—no there isn’t,” Shane agreed. “Call if you need me. Seriously. I don’t mind.”

Michael threw his arms around his brother and hugged him hard before letting him go. “You really are the best man I know next to Dad.”

“Geez, Michael. I was tired of the leggy blonds anyway. Take them. Take them all. Just stop with the hugging already,” Shane said on an embarrassed groan when Michael laughed and let him go.

Chapter 9

Because he’d spent several depressing days sleeping, Will awoke at four in the morning still wrapped around Jessica. He used the bathroom to shave and brush his teeth before he crawled back into the bed to hold the still sleeping woman again.

He lay awake for almost an hour just holding her and studying her face as the room brightened with morning light. He used the time to learn every surface and memorize every line, crevice, and hollow. If he never saw Jessica Daniels again after today, Will thought, he would now always remember enough to carve her face.

At almost exactly six thirty, her eyelids finally fluttered and opened. Probably her normal wake up time, Will thought smiling. She didn’t look surprised to see him, but she did bring up an exploring palm to his now smoothly shaven face.

“Thanks for not making me wake up to a serial killer,” she said, smiling softly.

Will laughed at her teasing. “I figured I owed you that much for staying the night.”

He brushed her hair back and cupped her cheek. “You have an expressive face, Jessica Daniels. I really would like to kiss it good morning.”

Before she could formulate an answer through the brain fog, Will’s peppermint flavored mouth was on hers, his teeth nibbling her lips, his tongue sweeping the area his teeth grazed. Desire shot through her like a lightning bolt bringing instant and complete arousal with it. She curled her fingers into the material covering his shoulders.

Never taking his mouth from hers, Will rolled onto Jessica like they were already lovers, lining their hips together, suggesting the best of all possible ways to wake up. His heart beat in time to the blood rushing through all of him.

This woman
, Will thought moving instinctively against her,
this woman
was definitely the one he wanted.

Jessica could feel Will’s erection straining against her through his thin sweats that revealed everything he could offer. And he could certainly offer a lot, she concluded, sighing in happiness to be under him. Will’s weight bore down on her as he kissed her more deeply, and Jessica groaned at the increasing pressure of his mouth. Then it was simply the most natural thing in the world to part her legs and let Will and his impressive hardness fall between them, to shift under Will until his erection was cradled intimately against her.

Yes
, she thought.
God yes, and now
.

When Will rocked hard between her thighs, the only thing Jessica wanted more than him inside her was to have their clothes magically gone so she could feel his skin on hers. She ran hands down Will’s back, pulled his hips into hers, and almost climaxed when Will pushed hard enough against her to move both her and the bed. She groaned against his mouth and was thrilled when he kissed her harder in response.

The hell with worrying, she thought dizzily, honestly wanting Everett Williams more than she could remember wanting a man in a really long time. Tired of holding back, Jessica realized there was no longer any choice about being less involved.

Her heart expanded with the decision and beat frantically in anticipation.

But when she started to pull off his shirt, Will deliberately moved out of the reach of her hands. Just as quickly as he had rolled onto her, Will rolled off and moved to the other side of the bed, putting all the distance he could between them.

“I’m sorry,” he said, his voice ragged with the effort to breathe in his aroused state. “I got—carried away. I didn’t mean to crawl on top of you like that.”

Stunned, Jessica could only look at Will as if he was insane, and then she realized he meant they were really stopping.

Well, she was wide awake now, Jessica decided, staring at the ceiling in shock when she could no longer bear to look at Will’s guilty expression. She was breathing like an exhausted marathon runner and aching in places she knew she would feel all day. Her legs still trembled with arousal and wanting him back between them. She cursed Will and his misgivings for ruining the most sincere moment of desire she could ever remember feeling.

“Will, if you didn’t interpret my actions just now as an indication of my willingness, you are definitely not as smart as I thought you were,” Jessica said tightly. “Or else you still have a hell of a lot to learn about women even at your age.”

“I refuse to force you or coerce you into doing anything else with me you don’t want,” Will said firmly. “Seducing you when you aren’t fully awake was not fair either. That’s why I stopped.”

“Did I act like you were forcing me? Was I not part of the damn seduction?” Jessica asked, not caring that her emphatic tone revealed how far beyond rational thinking she was. “What the hell did your wife do to let you know she was okay with your sexual advances? I did everything but beg you to be inside me. If you hadn’t moved away, I was only a few seconds from doing that. You felt me reaching for your shirt to undress you.”

Will sighed, and gritted his teeth. “Okay, yes. I knew you wanted me, but this is not the right time. I’m not going to take advantage of you. And being with you is sure as hell not the same thing as being with Ellen.”

“Oh, you made that very clear just now,” Jessica said harshly. She sat up and swung her feet to floor, giving Will her back so he wouldn’t see how much his rejection had hurt her. “I get that I’m damaged goods, a fragile woman, someone you can’t be passionately honest with now. Don’t you think I’ve been down this road before?”

“That is not what I meant,” Will said, surprised and hurt by her interpretation of his self-control. “Look—can we talk about this tonight? I know you have to go to work shortly.”

Jessica stood, grabbed her shoes, walked to the chair and started putting them on. “No. We can’t talk tonight. I have plans tonight.”

“You got something more important to do than talking this out?” Will asked, fighting not to be seriously hurt by her refusal.

“Yes. I have a date with a man who doesn’t know anything about me other than I seem like a fun woman. It beats the hell out of looking at the pity in your eyes any day,” she said honestly.

“
You have a date?
” Will asked, disbelief in his tone. “After you came over here and crawled into bed with me, and then admitted you were interested in me, you have a damn date tonight? What did you do? Make the date before you even came over here yesterday?”

“Yes. That’s exactly what I did,” Jessica said, mocking his anger. “I plan to have a date every night for the next two weeks until this whole thing with you blows over. I don’t have the time or the inclination to work through your masculine guilt complexes hoping we might eventually get to some sort of normal relationship. Despite my misgivings—which is a long damn list—I offered myself to you two minutes ago, and you refused the offer. That makes things pretty simple for me, Will.”

“What if I had accepted your offer? What if I’d made you late for work and did what I wanted with you anyway? Would you still have a date tonight?” Will asked, unable to keep the belligerence from his tone.

“I guess we’ll never know,” Jessica admitted, her voice suddenly quiet and sad. “I never meant to fall asleep here or to let you kiss me this morning. I never wanted you to know the truth about me, and for damn sure I don’t want the pity you now feel for me. I got over the rape, Will. I’ve been sexually intimate with a lot of good men who have treated me well, and the good sex lasts until they find out about what happened. Then they become like you and end up reminding me of the past which brings the shame all back like it was yesterday. Sex and shame do not mix well.”

“You’re just not going to cut me a break here, are you?” Will asked, angry at her now, angry enough to say ugly things, angry enough to throw Jessica back onto the bed and make sure she knew how much he wanted what she had offered him.

It wasn’t about not wanting her. It was about doing the right damn thing by both of them. And it didn’t help his already raw emotions to know he was angry enough to demonstrate his own version of possessive violence. He wasn’t sure of his boundaries this morning. He hadn’t been sure of them in three days. How was he supposed to just get over everything in a single night of being in her arms?

Hell
. He didn’t even want to let her out of his sight today. He for damn sure wasn’t capable of being rational about his actions yet.

“I want you, and I care about you,” Will said, sitting up in bed to glare at her.

“Well, obviously not as much as I want you, Will,” Jessica said, marching out of the bedroom and down the hall, yelling as she went. “If I’d been shot instead of raped, you’d have been inside me a few minutes ago without a second thought about it. So don’t patronize me. You stopped just now because I was raped. I’m not the one with the problem—you are. You don’t know yet how you feel about it.”

Will bounded to his feet and stomped after her to the front door.

“I stopped for a lot of reasons, none of which had to do with not wanting you. If you sleep with those men you’re dating, you will be cheating on me—on us, Jessica. Those other men will be nothing more than substitutes,” Will warned, hoping what he told her was as much the truth as he felt like it was.

“You still don’t get it. I don’t care if the other men are substitutes,” Jessica said, her hand on the doorknob to ensure her escape. “Do you know what the success rate is for relationships to survive when the woman has been raped, Will? It’s less than ten percent. That means ninety percent of all relationships a raped woman ever has in her life will likely break up due to PTSD issues from the rape. I have to date a lot of men to find the ten percent of relationships that might actually work out for me. I refuse to feel guilty about looking.”