Carrying Hope (4 page)

“Sal fired me.”

“Jesus H. Christ, Marcie, what did you do?”

“I didn’t do anything!”

He clucked his tongue at me and gave me a patronizing look.

“Sure. You never do anything. Poor innocent Marcie just has life shit on her all the time. But it’s never her fault. Find a way to come up with the money.”

“I can’t do that, you know that.”

“Then I guess you’ll need to find a new place to live, won’t you?”

My mouth hung open in shock.

“Are you serious? You can’t cut me some slack for a few days? After all of the times I’ve covered your ass?”

He shrugged at me again. My hands balled into fists involuntarily. I wanted to throttle him and make him realize what a complete ass he was being.

I took a deep steadying breath before standing. If this was how it was going to be then I didn’t really have a choice.

I packed my backpack full of clothes and mementos. Only the things I absolutely needed. I didn’t know what I was going to do. I had enough for a roach motel for one night, but then I would have absolutely nothing for food. Hopefully I would be able to find a bed at a shelter. Regardless, it was going to be a very long night.

A gnarled bony hand grasped my own in a firm grip that I didn’t expect from the frail looking old man.

“I almost thought you weren’t going to make it, Dorian.” His voice was little more than a raspy whisper.

I slid onto the barstool next to him, still wary of the stranger.

“I hear you have some information for me?”

The old man looked around; presumably to make sure no one was listening in on our conversation.

I took the opportunity to look around as well, making note of the dingy mugs displayed on the shelf behind the bar and the colorful crowd of misfits that filled the joint. It was definitely a dive bar in every sense of the word. Music blasted from an ancient looking juke box, the loud crack of billiards balls knocking into each other was often punctuated by raucous cheering or cursing.

My eyes roved the perimeter, scanning for threats that the old timer may have missed. The characters didn’t seem like they would be the strictly law-abiding types, but for my purposes they were harmless enough.

I debated whether to order a drink or not, unsure of the cleanliness of anything in the establishment. Alcohol would kill all of the germs though, I reassured myself before ordering a double scotch from the bartender.

The surly barkeep didn’t seem to appreciate my presence in his bar. I was not dressed for the occasion, wearing the pants and shirt from one of my nicer suits and shiny dress shoes that looked even more expensive than they were in comparison to my surroundings.

Nevertheless, money talks and I got my drink without any smart remarks, despite the glower the pot-bellied man gave me as he slid my drink down the grimy bar.

I gulped the drink down in three big swallows, knowing I’d likely regret it later as the icy burn started to work its way through my limbs. I felt on edge, jumpy, and out of my element. I was used to owning whatever room I stepped into. It wasn’t really my style to be huddled in a dark corner trying to make myself unnoticed.

After a long awkward silence, I prompted him again.

“Well, out with it, old man.”

He turned his gaze toward me and I noticed one of his eyes was milky white with cataracts. That one diseased eyeball made me squeamish and I wanted to get this over with as quickly as possible, more than ever.

“I’ve heard a few whispers about what you’re doing,” he began, looking straight ahead now as if he were talking to the wall.

“So, do you know anything about the man I’m looking for?”

“I know plenty.”

His cryptic way of speaking was starting to grate on my nerves.

“Look, I didn’t come all the way out here to play twenty questions with you. If you have information, I’ll gladly pay you for it, but quit wasting my time.”

“I’m trying to say you time, sonny. You need to rein in that temper of yours before it gets you into trouble.”

“I don’t need proverbs from you, I need information. What do you know about my father?”

“Shhh!” He turned to me, his eyes wide with terror. I got a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach that told me this was going nowhere. Still, Tanner was never wrong about a lead. I had faith that my best friend knew what he was doing.

“Even in a place like this, the walls have ears, my boy,” his gaze turned back to the wall, making me feel even more uncomfortable.

I was beginning to think that this old man really was an escaped mental patient. His paranoia made me feel like I needed to look over my shoulder constantly.  

“What are you talking about?”

“The man you’re looking for…”

“My father?”

He winced again. What in the world could make him so afraid?

“He’s a very powerful man.”

I chuckled. Was that all? I already knew that.

“So am I,” I stated confidently. I’d yet to meet the man that couldn’t be bought with enough money. Protection, information, and retaliation were all things that could easily be purchased if you knew where to go.

The geezer shook his head, flakes of dandruff falling out of his bushy mane.

“Not nearly as powerful as you think. This has been covered up for decades. He’s not going to take your efforts lightly.”

“Well, that’s too bad. He needs to answer for what he’s done.” My mother’s face flashed before my eyes and I tipped my head to the bartender to order another drink.

“NO!” The old man shouted, pounding his fist on the bar. Glasses rattled in place and some of the patrons cast their gaze our way, making me feel paranoid now.

“You’re not getting it,” his voice was back to normal and the stunned hush that had taken over the bar faded away as people resumed their activities. Maybe they’d been expecting a fight, but I was in no mood to argue with an old man.

“Tell me what I’m not getting. Better yet, why don’t you tell me something useful?” Sarcasm dripped from my voice and I downed another drink. I was starting to feel a little hazy.

“If you would listen, you would hear that I am telling you something useful. Stop this search now or you will regret it. He will come after you. He will destroy everything you love and leave you with nothing. Just walk away; it’s not worth it, son.”

My answering laugh was as sarcastic as they came.

“Jokes on him then. He already destroyed the only thing I loved.”

His eyes sparkled with unspoken understanding. He knew he’d lost this battle.

I stood from the bar, leaving my money on the counter. I’d listened to enough from this crazy decrepit kook.

“I hope you’ll reconsider.”

“And I hoped you’d be useful.”

He looked apologetic, but he didn’t say anything. It bothered me more than I cared to admit that he wouldn’t divulge his knowledge to me. It seemed like such a simple request, but someone or something had obviously spooked this man.

I left the bar, my temper burning as I dialed Tanner’s number on my cell phone.

“How’d it go?”

“Huge fucking waste of time,” I growled.

“Really? I thought he was legit. What happened?”

“He’s insane. All he wanted to do was tell me to be careful. He said that I would regret it if I didn’t stop looking.”

“Whoa, really? Do you think he knows who your dad is?”

“Yeah, I do. Someone got to him though. I don’t know if they paid him off or threatened him, but he’s not gonna give up a peep.”

“Shit man, I’m sorry.”

I sighed, running my hand through my shaggy hair anxiously.

“Yeah, it’s fine. Just another dead end. We’re bound to catch a break some time.”

He was quiet for a moment and I checked my phone to make sure it hadn’t dropped the call.

“Bryce,” he sounded apprehensive; it made me uneasy. We were never afraid to speak our minds with one another. “You know I love you like a brother. I’ll follow you anywhere, but maybe the old dude is right. Maybe it’s time to drop this crazy search. I mean, what is it going to accomplish anyway? Just… I don’t know, meet a nice girl, get married, have pretty babies and spoil them with obscene amounts of money. He’s not worth throwing your life away over.”

I clenched my teeth, biting back the harsh words I wanted to spit back at him. Tanner knew how important this was to me, so he would only say something like that if he was really concerned. Regardless, there was no way I was going to give up that easily.

“I’m not going to be scared off by some Willie Nelson wannabe. I’m rich and powerful, too.”

He sighed.

“Yeah, I know buddy. I just worry about you.”

“Well, don’t. I’ll be just fine.”

“All right. Well, take it easy tonight.” I heard the unspoken implication:
Don’t drink yourself into a stupor.

The call ended and I started to stumble my way down the narrow alley to the lot I left my car in.

I called a few different women’s shelters to see if I could find a vacant bed anywhere. Every place I called was full. Realizing that I was going to spend the night on the street, I resigned myself to trying to find a safe place to sleep.

It wasn’t like I hadn’t ever been homeless before. It was just the circumstances that brought me to this point that caught me off-guard. I never, in all of my wildest dreams, would have thought that Kevin could be so heartless as to throw me out onto the street. Apparently, I gravely misjudged him.

At least it was still warm out. Autumn was rapidly closing in, but the temperature hadn’t begun to dip at night yet. I knew I had to figure out a place to stay quickly or I would be freezing in a week or two. I wandered the streets, heading away from the diner and from my… Kevin’s apartment. I didn’t want to accidentally run into anyone I knew, not that I thought that was a real possibility.

I passed a convenience store and my stomach rumbled at me. I hadn’t eaten since my bout of nausea that morning, so I knew I had to get something. The store smelled strongly of curry and tobacco, a combination that made me want to get in and get out as quickly as possible before my body could decide it wanted to be ill again. I didn’t have a lot of money, but I had enough to grab a snack, a lighter, and a keychain can of mace. The lighter would be handy for a ton of different things, but the mace had only one purpose. I was under no delusions; I was a young woman, all alone on the streets. Someone was bound to try and mess with me at some point and I wanted to be prepared when it happened.

I munched on the taquito that was somehow both lukewarm and burnt. Definitely not fine dining, but enough to get me through the night until I could come up with a better plan. I turned down a narrow alley, feeling slightly claustrophobic. There was some kind of store or something further down that had a neon light that illuminated part of the alley. Sleeping under a bright light might not sound ideal, but it seemed safer to me. I passed a dumpster, the noxious stench of urine and alcohol making me gag.

You can do this, Marcie,
I told myself. I knew I could do this. I’d done it before. But I hadn’t been in this position in years and everything felt as scary and dangerous as it had the very first night I spent on the street. I took a deep breath, steadying my nerves. It was just for one night. Come morning, I’d find another job and a bed in a shelter. It would take a while to pick myself back up, but I knew I could do it.