Authors: Sennah Tate
My head was filled with only one word, playing over and over again — why?
Why did she leave me? Why did she go back to her ex? Why didn’t she tell me sooner that this was her intention? Why did I let myself get so attached to her when I knew that it could never last? Why, why, why.
I don’t know how much time passed between Tanner hanging up the phone and him arriving at my home. My guess would be that it wasn’t enough time; he had a tendency to drive like I did. He found me sitting on the floor of my office, drunk out of my mind and drowning in my own tears.
“Jesus. Do you have any idea what time it is?” He barked at me.
“Who cares about time? Time doesn’t matter. Nothing matters.”
He took the letter from my desk and read it quickly.
“Shit, man. I’m sorry,” he finally said with a frown.
“We have to find her. I’ll drag her back here if I have to,” I replied, slurring my words.
“I’m sure you will, buddy,” he said, patronizing me.
“Why don’t we get you to bed?” He grabbed me by the arm and helped to get me off of the ground.
I wobbled and leaned on him as he led me to my bedroom.
“No!” I roared, nearing the door. I started kicking and hitting anything in my reach, including my best friend.
It wasn’t difficult for him to restrain me. I was heavily intoxicated and my heart wasn’t really in it.
“My bed smells like her,” I sobbed, falling to the floor again.
He ran a hand over his head, not really sure what to do with me at this point.
“All right. I’m going to call Clara and Francis back. They’ll take care of you and I’ll track down Marcie, okay?”
“Marcie!” I yelled, hoping that I would see her bright smile or hear her melodic giggle.
“Marcie,” I repeated, defeated and broken again.
“Yeah, I know it hurts, buddy.” He already had his cell phone to his ear. I didn’t pay attention to what he was saying. I knew he was telling everyone what a wreck I was.
Under normal circumstances, I would try to hide my inner turmoil. This was impossible to hide.
For the next few days, Clara and Francis hovered over me constantly. I wasn’t able to go anywhere without supervision. Everyone seemed to think I’d gone off the deep end. They were worried about me, angry at Marcie, confused about the whole situation, and at a loss for how to make it better.
Tanner called me multiple times a day to keep me updated on his search for Marcie. I wished that I knew more about her life before she met me. I didn’t know where she worked, where she lived, or anything that would really help me locate her, other than her name.
A full week after Marcie’s departure, Tanner called me with the news I’d been waiting to hear.
“I found her place. I’m texting you the address now.”
For the first time since she’d left, I felt energized, awake, and alive. I could see her! I could talk to her, tell her how I felt about her, explain everything and win her back. It was all going to be okay.
I took a fast shower and shaved the weeks’ worth of growth from my face. I needed to look my best for Marcie. I didn’t want her to have any doubts that I was the one she should be with. I tucked the small ring box into my pocket. I didn’t know if I was going to propose to her today, but I wanted to be prepared if the moment was right.
Racing through the back country roads that led into town, I couldn’t help but picture a thousand different happy reunion scenarios for Marcie and I. I imagined her throwing her arms around me, telling me how sorry she was for leaving. Her soft lips on mine, her delectable curves pressed against my body and her gentle hands roving my skin. I couldn’t stop thinking of the huge smile I expected to see on her face when I showed up. It was only in my imagination, and her smile was still infectious. I found myself filled with more optimism and hope than I’d felt since the night Marcie left.
Every time a dissenting voice sprang up to remind me that she may not want me anymore, I squashed it. If she wanted to reconcile with me, she knew where I lived and she hadn’t done it. But I smashed that thought, too. Nothing was going to get in my way.
The car rolled to a stop in front of Marcie’s apartment and I was struck by just how derelict her home was. She told me plenty of times that she didn’t come from much, but I never imagined this. But this wasn’t her home. This was where she was staying. Her home was with me. Now I only had to make her see that.
Taking a deep breath, I stepped out of my car and approached her front door. My hand hesitated for a moment before I finally knocked.
I was beginning to think that no one was going to answer the door when it swung open on its hinges. My heart stopped; this was it!
Only, it wasn’t Marcie that answered the door. It was a handsome, yet scruffy-looking young man. Was this her ex? My blood boiled, but I had to maintain my composure.
“Yeah?” He asked, not really looking at me. He seemed more interested with whatever was happening on TV.
“Hello, I was wondering if I could speak with Marcie?” I tried to stay polite. There was no reason to make an enemy unnecessarily.
That got his attention at least. He narrowed his eyes at me and sucked his teeth casually.
“She’s not here. What’s this about?”
“Do you know when she’ll be home, or where I can find her?”
He frowned and I could see the wheels slowly beginning to turn in his Neanderthal brain.
“You’re that guy, aren’t you?” He laughed, glancing back to his television again before returning his attention to me.
“Look, Marce isn’t interested. She’s having
my
baby. We’re back together and there’s no room for you, Richie Rich.”
My hands clenched into fists at my side, but I forced them to relax. Was this Marcie’s way of telling me she meant it? Did she not want to face me herself?
“I just want to talk to her for a minute,” I replied, hoping he’d take pity on me.
“Like I said. Not interested. If you really care about Marcie, you’ll stay away from her. She has her family now and none of us need or want you around.”
So that was it. It was over. I walked back to my car with my head hung low. I couldn’t believe that after everything we’d been through, she was just going to throw it all away.
In the six weeks since I left Bryce, my life had settled back into a relatively normal routine. Kevin and I were living together again, but we were absolutely not a couple. I made that very clear to him from day one. I would let him be a part of our baby’s life, but I was not going to give him to opportunity to hurt me again. We were more like roommates now, though he definitely still thought he could take advantage of me now and then.
I’d talked Sal into giving me my old job at the diner back. People were much more generous with tips now that this baby was nearly bursting out of me. I guess they felt guilty that a pregnant woman was waiting on them. Whatever the case, it worked in my favor financially.
For the first few days back on my own, I watched and waited at the windows, expecting Bryce to come and rescue me from this nightmare. I thought he would come and tell me that what I heard was wrong, that he really did love me and wanted to be with me, but he never showed up.
Every once in a while I looked at my phone and considered texting Tanner just to find out how he was doing. If Bryce didn’t want to talk to me, that was one thing, but I couldn’t help but wonder about him and worry about his well-being. I did love him after all. I tried not to. I tried to forget about his hot passionate kisses and his magical fingers. I tried not to think about the way his caress could send shivers down my spine or how the mere sound of his voice could turn me into a puddle. There was no use indulging in those thoughts; nothing was ever going to come of it. I was surer of that now than ever.
In a month and a half, he’d never come looking for me. Surely with all the resources at his disposal, it wouldn’t be too difficult to find one young woman. It wasn’t like I was even trying to hide.
It was time for me to let go of Bryce and move on with my life. In a few weeks, I would have my baby. I still didn’t know if I was having a boy or a girl, but my last check-up assured me that everyone was healthy and well. I couldn’t wait to meet my little bundle of joy. If there was one bright spot in all of the events of the past few months, it was definitely her. Or him.
I busied myself with laundry. I still did all of the housework for Kevin and me. I wondered who took care of the place for the months I was gone. I no longer cared if I found random lingerie in his laundry basket. He wasn’t mine and I didn’t want him at all. My phone rang and the caller ID displayed an unknown number. My heart leapt a little. Was it possible that this was something related to Bryce? Did he want to reconcile? Did Tanner want me to talk some sense into him? Was Clara calling to tell me she missed me?
I answered the call, trying to tamp down my irrational excitement. It could just as easily be a bill collector or a wrong number.
“Hello?”
“Yes, may I please speak to a Miss Marcia Gallagher?”
And just like that, in an instant, my stomach dropped. There was only one time that strangers called and used my full name. Something bad had happened and there was only one person I could think of that this would be about: Nana.
“Yes, this is she,” I responded, my hands shaking as I made my way to the couch. I had a feeling I was going to need to be sitting down for this.
“Hello, Miss Gallagher, I’m calling on behalf of your grandmother.”
Oh god, please no. Not Nana, not now. I couldn’t bear it if something were to happen to her.
“Y-yes,” I stammered, “is everything all right?”
“I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to worry you. Your grandmother is doing all right, but her condition is deteriorating. She has expressed that she would really like to see you, so we’re just calling to let you know and see if a visit could be arranged.”
This was strange. In all the years that Nana had been in the nursing home, they’d never once called me and asked me to visit. Was her condition worse than they were letting on? I didn’t think I could handle any more heartbreak in one year. I’d had enough to last me for quite a while.
“Okay, thank you for telling me. I’ll find a way to get up there.”
“I’m glad to hear it. And Miss?”
“Yes?”
“The sooner the better.”
My throat constricted and tears gathered in my eyes. I always knew that this phone call was coming; I just wished that it was happening in another ten years.
Regardless, I couldn’t change the fact that my Nana was sick. All I could do was go see her and make the most of the time that we had left.
I didn’t bother writing Kevin a note. He probably wouldn’t even notice that I was gone. He lured me back into his house with claims that he wanted to be a father, but I think all that he really wanted was a live-in maid. Every time I tried to bring up anything about the baby he asked if we could talk about it later. He didn’t want to go to my doctor’s appointments with me, he didn’t go shopping for cribs or clothes with me, he wouldn’t give me any feedback on names… he hadn’t changed at all.
And that was okay. I knew what to expect from him now and that allowed me to prepare myself. I didn’t think it would take my child long to realize what kind of man their father was and come to the same conclusions that I had about him, so there was no use in harboring any resentment toward him.
I called Bernie, the cook from the diner and begged him to let me borrow his car. Once I explained the reason, he couldn’t say no. We weren’t close friends, but we’d known each other long enough that he knew he could trust me with his “baby”.
I had plenty of time to think on the hours-long trek upstate. That wasn’t really a good thing. I didn’t have anything that I particularly wanted to think about. The last time I’d made this road trip, my life was in a completely different place. Now everything had changed again, but this time it wasn’t for the better.
I didn’t want Nana to worry about me. I knew she would see straight through me and ask what was wrong. I knew she would be able to figure out that Bryce was the cause of my distress. But I was so much more worried about her; I couldn’t waste energy worrying about my own life. I still had hope that things would work out. I still believed what Clara said about everything being for the best in the end. She’d never been wrong about anything else, so I had to believe that she was right about this, too.