Carry Me Home (10 page)

I can’t hear what she mumbles next because she’s crying too hard. It doesn’t matter though. All that matters is keeping her safe. And I’ll do that. I don’t know how, but I’ll do whatever it takes.

She sniffles and gives a little laugh. “Hell of a time to tell you that, but I do.”

“Wait, what?” Despite the darkness, a light flares inside me. “I couldn’t hear what you said before.”

She’s quiet for a moment. “I said I can’t let Hoss hurt anyone else I love, Tanner. Not my brothers…and not you.”

The last fifteen minutes felt unreal, like watching a television show of my life. Her confession slams me back to reality. I suck in my breath and close my eyes. Life is weird shit. It can be so bad and so good, all at the same time.

“I think I love you, Green.” She touches the side of my face. “Saying that seems like it should be harder, but it’s not. It’s the easiest thing. I really do think I love you.”

I frame her face between my palms, her tears wet on my skin. “I know I love you.”

“You don’t have to say it back.”

“It’s the truth. At thirteen, you were my first love. And here we are, full circle. Who knows? Maybe you’re supposed to be my last love too.”

She’s back to crying, hard now, like a dam that’s broken. “I can’t help but think about Pippa. I hate having this shot with you because she’s gone.”

I hug her tighter. “No. That’s not what this is. If she’d lived, I think we’d have become friends again, eventually. But that’s as far as it would have gone.”

“Guilt sucks.”

“I’ve been stuck in it for too long. You know why I came home after the last tour? One night I was skating with my friend Ford. He loves to party and I never do. He’s on my team and is a little younger, got his high school girlfriend pregnant. He’s a new dad at twenty and wanted to cut loose. I let him talk a bunch of shit. We kept pushing each other. Normally that’s good, means we will go big, see how much we can do. But not that night. He got crazy. We started drinking Olde English.”

“Forties.”

“Bad idea. Anyway, I did this gnarly rail slide, steep, long, and hit it first try. Ford is better at everything else. I knew it, so that’s why I threw down on the rail. He tried and bit it hard. Broke his collarbone, arm, cracked his ankle. The championship was two days later, and he had to drop out.”

“That’s not your fault.”

“He should have won. I earned the title by default. He needs the money more than me. I’m set. I put the down payment on the house for Mom, and she can cover the mortgage. Ford has a kid. Responsibilities. He can really use that money.”

“That’s why you came to Vegas.”

“In part. Also because of you.”

“Look at us,” she says. “It takes until we’re in life-or-death mode to get to the truth.”

“That’s what I want with you though. Truth always.”

She sniffles. “Do you think we’ll have time for an always?”

I don’t want to lie. “I don’t know, but if something crazy happens, I’m still glad I came here with you.”

“Not with this mess.”

“Exactly with this mess.” I wipe hair off her sweaty forehead. Hot isn’t even a word for what it’s like in this container, soaking up the noonday heat. Each breath bakes my lungs. Still, I wouldn’t want to be anywhere other than right beside this girl.

“This isn’t your fight.”

“Maybe not, but it’s not yours either.”

“What are we going to do?”

“I’m not sure.” I hate that I feel so useless, stuck in the dark, in the fallout of other people’s bad choices.

“It’s quiet out there. Shouldn’t there be yelling? Not that yelling would be good, I don’t know, but the fucking silence is making me crazy. What if something happens to the boys?”

Maybe I didn’t fail Pippa, or Ford, not the way I had feared. But now, here with Sunny, I need us to get through this. I can’t let anything happen to her. Even if bullets fly, I’ll have my body to protect her.

“Don’t get any ideas to be a hero, okay?”

Sunny might be able to rescue herself from most situations, but I need her to be alive. “You’re going to be fine, Sunny. You’re not dying here. That’s for someday far in the future, when you’re in bed and—”

“Dude. Shut up. Do not Jack me.”

“Jack you?”

“You sound like Jack from
Titanic
. While he and Rose were dying. This is not the North Atlantic. I’m not letting go of you.” She clings tighter to my arm. “No way will I shove you off my life raft. Shit, I’m babbling.”

She’s also hyperventilating. I run slow circles on her lower back, turning my face to the door. Will the DEA agents know we weren’t involved? Things are quiet—too quiet. The false calm before the storm.

The sharp pop of gunfire erupts. We both flinch. Of course those fuckers aren’t going down without a fight. Things are in motion and out of control. There’s a shout of pain, a chorus of voices. It’s impossible to tell what’s happening. Sounds are muffled behind the thick steel walls. Sunny’s breath is harsh and fills my ears.

“Don’t move.” I push to my feet. My eyes can’t adjust in this space because it’s pure black. It’s like being covered with a blindfold. “There’s a stack of boxes over here. Get behind them.”

“What’s that going to do?” She whimpers. “You saw the size of the gun Hoss has.”

“Any barrier is better.”

“Barrier against what? He’s batshit crazy. You don’t know what he’s capable—”

The doors fly open. Sunny screams, and I lunge without thought, pure reaction, driven by the instinct to put myself in front of any oncoming danger. The light wreaks havoc on my retinas. A face comes into focus. The hat reads
DEA
. Thank fuck.

“We’re innocent,” I say, keeping myself positioned in front of Sunny. “We had nothing to do with—”

“Yeah, we know. This place has been under surveillance for months. You all right?” The agent looks me up and down.

“I’m fine. She—” I point to Sunny, who is bent, bracing her knees. “Make sure she’s okay, please.”

Outside, Hoss is on the ground, bleeding from his thigh, his leg twisted to an awkward angle as agents hold him down while the asshole struggles to get free, spouting off a round of obscenities and cursing the government.

“Don’t look,” I say as Sunny stumbles to my side.

“I need to see.” She shakes free of my grip and walks forward. Hoss watches her approach. His jaw protrudes as his beady eyes shrink to two slits.

He struggles harder against his handcuffs and lunges for her before two agents drag him back two steps. “You bitch,” he snarls. “You did this to me.”

Behind him, still more agents remove chemistry material from the tin shed. Sunny watches them for a moment before shaking her head. “Sorry. You’ve got only yourself to thank for this one.”

“He opened fire,” says one of the agents.

“Too bad your aim wasn’t a little higher.” She turns and pulls me into a tight hug.

I hold her close, absorbing her trembles into my body. “Where’s Delilah? The boys?” I ask over the top of her head, hoping beyond hope nothing happened to them.

“The mother’s in custody,” an agent answers. “State will be called to get the children.”

“No! No way to Child Protective Services.” Sunny whirls around, wiping her eyes. “Where are they?”

“This way.” The agent starts walking toward a single-story cement-bricked house. Inside two boys with thick red hair sit at a kitchen table covered in ziplock bags and piles of cash. Behind them are stacks of ammo, enough to defend a small nation.

“Hi,” Sunny says, clearing her throat. “How’s it going?” As if this is a house in the suburbs and we’re here for a pool party.

The boys don’t move a muscle.

“Do you know who I am?”

They don’t respond. How can they? Who knows what kind of life they’ve had?

“I’m your sister.”

More blank stares.

“Can we talk to you for a few minutes, ma’am?” The agent removes his aviator sunglasses. “We need answers.”

“Where’s Delilah?”

“Cuffed and ready to roll.”

She makes a strangled noise in the back of her throat. “Can I see her before she goes?”

The agent looks at his partner. “Don’t see a problem with that.”

“I’ll come with you.” I take her hands in mine.

She gives them a squeeze. “Please, can you stay with the boys? I don’t want them alone. His name is Tanner,” she tells them. “He’s a friend.”

The door closes and I’m alone with them. We stare at each other. One is wearing a Volcom shirt. “You skate?”

They nod.

“Cool. Me too.” I sit down.

“I know you,” one says. His stare is more focused now, eyes wide. “We have a poster of you in our bedroom.”

“Yeah?”

“You’re Tanner Green,” says the other. They glance at each other and back to me.

My shoulders drop. Their expressions change from blank stares to open worship. For the first time in a long time, I don’t mind that reaction. “Yeah. I am.”

M
om’s hunched in the back of the unmarked car in handcuffs. So this is where she’s ended up. I’ve always wondered if Delilah would ever go too far, and the answer is an unequivocal yes. Mom’s gotten herself into a mess no one can save her from.

“Hey,” I say.

She doesn’t look over.

“Mom.” Still no acknowledgment.
What the hell?
“No.” I slam my fist on the roof of the car. “No way are you checking out on me. You almost got me and Tanner killed. Hoss could have shot us.”

“You brought the Feds?” She turns and gazes at me with open loathing. I thought we had the same eyes, but I was wrong. They are nothing alike. Maybe a vague color match but that’s it.

“What? We didn’t bring anyone, but thank God they came.”

“You betrayed your own blood,” she sneers.

“No.” I throw back my shoulders. “Your paranoid, psychopathic husband nearly got you, me, and your sons killed.”

“What’s going to happen to Hoss?” She rocks. “My poor baby.”

“What about your real babies? Your sons, Mom? Maybe try giving a shit about them instead.”

“You always were jealous Hoss chose me and not you.” She’s twitching now, rubbing together her toothpick thighs. Looks like my stepdad wasn’t only dealing crap; he was enabling my mom to become a junkie.

I wrap my arms around my waist. “Mom, he forced himself on me. I was sexually assaulted.”

“Always showing off, prancing around in your bikinis.” She leans toward me, eyes unfocused, the handcuffs rattling. “He was a man. What was he supposed to do?”

“Not stick his dick in my mouth, for starters. Men don’t do that, Mom. Monsters do.” I glance back at the little house where Tanner is with my brothers. “Real men are kind, respectful, protective. I don’t know what you got involved in out here, but something tells me you’ve done bad things.” She ignores me, chewing a sore on her lower lip. “The boys are coming to live with me.”

As soon as I say the words, I know it’s the truth.

“You?” She sneers. “Why do you want them?”

Them.
She spits the word like my brothers are a bad taste and not her flesh and blood. It’s the drugs talking. A part of me knows that, but it doesn’t excuse a thing.

“Because they deserve a chance to be good men. I’ll raise them to treat girls the way you should have wanted me treated.”

What happened with Hoss wasn’t my fault. I deserve a good guy. I can want great things for myself. Funny, I didn’t know that last barrier was there until I just knocked it down. The string of hookups I never gave a chance to really know me beyond a few fun nights make sense now. Deep down I never thought I deserved love. But I do. I deserve Tanner’s love. I want it.

“Traitor.” She hisses the word.

“I needed you to be there, to protect me. I had Mimsy, but I wanted my mom.”

“I’m not your mother.” She stares ahead. “You’re nothing to me.”

“You’re right.” Her words should hurt more, but they don’t. I’m far past caring about her opinion. “Your mom became my mom instead. She’s amazing. She loves me. I’m lucky. And now I’m going to be a mom to those two boys.” I don’t have a clue how I’ll do that, but I’ll figure it out. No way will my brothers go into the system or have this messed-up woman ruin their lives.

“Miss?” An agent approaches. “I need to ask you some additional questions.”

“I have a few of my own.” I turn my back on the woman in the car. She gave me life, but it’s up to me to decide what to do with it. “How do I get custody of those boys?”

An hour later Tanner rubs my lower back in slow, steady circles while I place the phone to my ear. The agents cleared out, giving us a few moments of quiet. I hate that I’m the one who has to make this call, tell Mimsy about Delilah’s arrest, but as much as it hurts, the idea of Mimsy hearing the truth from anyone else is unacceptable.

“Sunshine?” She answers in two rings, already concerned, not expecting to hear from me. “Are you all right?”

I tell her what happened in short, simple sentences, from the drive out with Tanner to the meth to the bunkers to the guns. The basic facts are horrific enough without embellishment.

“I’m sorry.” Tears thicken her voice. “You should never have had to go through all that. What did I do to make Delilah turn out this way? I know I wasn’t always the—”

“Stop. It’s not your fault. She’s responsible for her own life choices. Besides, you’re my mom, too, the mom of my heart,” I answer. “You’ve done an amazing job, loved me even when I’ve been a pain in the ass.”

Tanner presses a kiss to the top of my head. Maybe I saved a drowning baby in a past life, because karma’s given me an amazing guy and the world’s best grandma.

Mimsy starts up with a round of fresh tears. “I’ve dealt with hard things in my time, honey, and you’ve never been one of them. Not even close.” She croons a line from “You Are My Sunshine,” the song she’s been singing me since my earliest memories, and cue my own waterworks.

“Are the boys—”

“Colt and Gauge are fine.” I remember their shell-shocked faces. What have they seen? Two young boys growing up in a meth lab in the middle of nowhere? “Well, not fine, but not hurt—at least not physically, from what I can see. They were escorted off the property after Hoss and Delilah were taken away, and—”

“They are coming home to live with us.”

My shoulders slump in relief. There’s not even a sliver of doubt in her voice. “I think there’s lots of red tape with Child Protective Services. It might take a while before they can leave the state.”

It goes quiet on her end, and my heart gives a painful lurch. “Mimsy? You still there?”

“Mmmmm? Sorry. Had to find my damn keys.” There’s the sound of the front door slamming. “I’m headed to the car now. Listen, honey. I lived through the Berkeley riots, was in Oakland for the Vietnam march, the first large-scale demonstration of the war. A little bit of bureaucratic tape doesn’t worry me. Child Protective Services will get no peace until those boys are where they belong—with you and me. We’ll get them the right kind of help.”

“You sure you are up for all this? I need to be involved, but I don’t want to make you feel like I’m forcing two little kids on you. They are going to probably need years of therapy.”

“Honey, those boys are my family, just like you.”

Family. The people who love you no matter what, like the guy beside me.

“Same goes for Tanner.” Anyone who says you can’t hear a smile is lying. Mimsy is clearly grinning ear to ear. “He’s a good boy, and you deserve a good boy.”

Tanner stops circling my back and slides his arm around my waist. Mimsy talks too loud. He’s heard every word.

I turn and maintain direct eye contact with him as I answer. “Yeah, I do.”