Carousel of Hearts (27 page)

She wanted him—dear God, how she wanted him! And Adam, who knew her better than anyone else, was right. She wanted a husband who would put her first, not push her aside like her father and mother had.

The worst thing about Simon was his ability to withdraw into himself, excluding her. She didn’t want a lifetime of frantically wondering if she had done something wrong and must win her way back into her husband’s good graces.

The universe narrowed down to Antonia’s thoughts and Adam’s beckoning gesture. His hand was broad and powerful, the long fingers capable of delicacy as well as strength.

As she stared at his hand with mesmerized longing, Antonia realized that the true reason she had never married was because she wanted a man she could trust to love her always, even in the midst of the disagreements that all couples sometimes experience. Even when the years robbed her of the youthful beauty that men so much admired.

Beyond question and doubt, she knew Adam was offering that kind of love.

And if she was the center of Adam’s life, he was the center of hers. It had always been her cousin whom she trusted and turned to, who had been the touchstone of her existence even when he was half a world away.

If she had known that he loved her as she loved him, they would never have been separated so long. She would have defied her father, would have gladly followed Adam to India.

The honorable reasons for standing by her betrothal to Simon were frail and irrelevant. All that mattered was Adam, who offered love and warmth and protection. Adam, whom she loved.

As Antonia struggled between what she wanted and what she thought she should do, she took another step toward Adam, then one more. Decision made, she flew the remaining distance in a rush of joyous abandon, drawn to Adam as a compass seeks its pole.

Wrapping her arms around his solid strength, she raised her face for a kiss. As their lips met, all doubts disappeared. She and Adam belonged together, two halves of the same whole. She had been blind not to know it sooner.

Adam’s embrace was rib-bruising in its intensity. “Lord, Tony, I love you so much,” he whispered huskily. “I was so afraid that I couldn’t change your mind.”

For a wild sweet interval they were lost in each other as memories, promises, and words of love wove a binding spell around them. But eventually Antonia made herself think of what still lay ahead.

She leaned back in Adam’s arms, tenderly brushing a disordered lock of his oak-colored hair from his forehead. “I had best find Simon.” Her smile was unsteady. “I’m not quite sure how to explain that I’m jilting him a second time.”

“You’ve had ample experience.” Adam’s tan skin crinkled around his eyes as he tried to tease a smile from her. “You’ve been betrothed to Lord Ramsay, Simon, and me in my amnesiac stage, and broken off from all of us.”

Antonia laughed a little. “Does this mean I’m about to be betrothed for the fifth time?”

“No,” Adam said firmly, linking his arms around her slim waist. “No more betrothals. We will simply get married, and as soon as possible.”

She laid her head against his chest, listening to the steady rhythm of his heart, reluctant to leave his sheltering embrace for the difficulties that lay outside the stillroom. The worst would be confronting Simon.

Though not as painful, there would also be the incredulous and disapproving relatives and the members of the
ton.
Lady Antonia Thornton, Baroness Fairbourne in her own right, was going to be judged a total, fickle idiot.

Antonia didn’t care. As she settled back into Adam’s embrace, she knew that no amount of gossip or censure could make her regret her decision.

Then reality intruded. The door to the stillroom opened, and Antonia looked past Adam’s shoulder into the startled blue eyes of Simon Launceston.

Chapter Fourteen

Antonia’s gasp of alarm alerted Adam. He turned to see Lord Launceston standing motionless in the doorway, his chiseled countenance like stone as he saw his affianced wife in the embrace of his best friend.

“May I ask the meaning of this?” Simon’s voice as expressionless as his face.

Adam slid a protective arm around Antonia’s waist. “Until half an hour ago, there was nothing going on behind your back,” he said steadily. “Direct your anger at me. I was the one who undertook to change my cousin’s mind, and it was not attempted or accomplished lightly. Tony was about to seek you out to end your betrothal. I’m sorry that you had to find out this way.”

Simon’s searching blue gaze turned to Antonia. “You wish to marry Adam?”

She nodded, biting her lip. “Yes. I know that I am behaving despicably, but…Adam and I belong together.”

“Does Judith know yet?” Simon’s soft tenor was edged.

Adam’s eyes narrowed speculatively. Lord Launceston had been startled and taken aback to find Adam and Antonia together, but there were no signs of anguish or fury. He seemed far more concerned about the effect on Judith. “She cried off from our betrothal last night, saying that all of us were mired in confusion and dishonesty. Because of what she said, I realized that I must declare myself to Tony.”

“That explains a great deal,” Simon said slowly, his thoughts turned inward for a moment. Then he gave a self-mocking smile.

“I really should make a dramatic exit now, but I had an important reason for coming here. A few minutes ago I inquired after Judith, thinking she might be interested in seeing how a telescope is assembled. The butler said she ordered a carriage for five o’clock this morning and left with considerable baggage. At my request, a maid went to Judith’s room and found this.”

He held out a sealed envelope to Antonia. “Mrs. Heaver said you might be in the stillroom, so I brought this down since it is addressed to you.”

Surprised, Antonia took the envelope and tore it open. She scanned the enclosed sheet, then she sucked in her breath. “Judith has left Thornleigh and is going to America.”

“What!” Manners for once forgotten, Simon grabbed the note and read it himself. He looked up, his face pale, his eyes seeking Adam’s. “What happened? Why would she leave so abruptly and go so far?”

“I’m not sure. Judith gave me no inkling of her plans.” He thought back to what had happened. “She said the reason she and I had decided to marry in the first place was because we were both settling for what we could get rather than what we really wanted. She had guessed that I loved Antonia. By implication, she may have meant that she also was in love with someone else.”

His mouth quirked wryly. “You might know more about that than I.”

There was a flash of emotion in Simon’s deep blue eyes before he turned and wordlessly headed toward the door.

“Where are you going?” Antonia asked, more than a little confused.

“After Judith, of course,” Simon flung over his shoulder.

“Wait!” Adam’s voice commanded. When his friend stopped, Adam asked, “Are you in love with her?”

“Yes, but I never said so because of the prior engagement between you and her.” Simon gave Antonia a rueful glance. “I can hardly accuse you of fickleness when I was behaving much the same way myself.”

“Thank heaven,” Antonia said, crossing the room to throw her arms around Simon in a spontaneous hug. “You have just done wonders for my guilty conscience. It had occurred to me more than once that you and Judith would suit admirably. Is she in love with you as well?”

Simon glanced at the letter he still had clenched in his hand. “I have no idea,” he said bleakly. “Judith never gave me any reason to believe that she returned my feelings. I don’t find this promising.”

“I think you’re wrong,” Adam said. “Judith was convinced that you and I were both in love with Tony. Believing that, she may have left because staying near you would have been too painful.”

“I hope you’re right,” Lord Launceston said, a grim cast to his handsome face. “I’m going to ask her to marry me, even if I have to follow her to America.’’

“Don’t go running off blindly!” Antonia exclaimed. “If we can deduce where she’s going, we can find her more quickly.”

“You’re right,” Simon admitted, shaking his dark head distractedly. “I…I’m not thinking clearly.”

Adam and Antonia exchanged glances. It must be love to interfere with Lord Launceston’s usually admirable thinking processes.

“Adam, you’re the expert on shipping. Where would she be most likely to go?” Simon asked.

“Liverpool,” Adam said instantly. “It’s much closer than Bristol, and these days it handles the majority of the North Atlantic trade. But we had best hurry.”

“We?” Simon asked, bemused.

“Of course. You’re going to need help looking for her.” Adam glanced at Antonia and got a confirming nod. “Neither Tony nor I will be able to relax and plan for the future until this tangle is sorted out. Nothing could make either of us happier than seeing you and Judith together.”

“What if I find Judith and she refuses me?” Simon said with another bleak glance at the letter in his hand.

“She won’t,” Antonia said with utter confidence. “I promise you that.’’ Only a woman who was loved by Adam Yorke would be fool enough to turn down Simon Launceston.

* * * *

The sails unfurled, the heavy canvas snapping as it began to catch the wind. Judith wondered if she would ever see her native land again. Her fingers tightened around the railing until her knuckles were white.

Perhaps it had been wrong to choose to run so far away. She had never felt more English than now, when she was leaving everything she had ever known.

Shuddering, Judith pulled her shawl around her shoulders, thinking how cool the wind was over the water. She had been fortunate to catch the
Lady Liberty.
The next Boston-bound ship wouldn’t leave for over a week. If she’d had to wait that long, she might have been mad enough to return to Thornleigh. She wondered if matters had been resolved between Antonia and her two suitors, and which of the people Judith loved was hurting now.

Someone came to join her at the railing. “We’re on our way at last,” a buoyant voice said. “I’ve seen enough of the old country, let me tell you. I can’t wait to get back to Boston.”

Judith glanced at Mrs. Maxwell, with whom she was sharing a tiny cabin. The plump, rosy older woman was an American widow returning home after a once-in-a-lifetime visit to British relatives. She was a pleasant creature, if a trifle over-exuberant. “You’ll have to see Belfast first,” Judith remarked.

“Only for a day,” her cabin mate said cheerfully. “Then it’s home again. I wonder if my youngest grandchild will remember me. My daughter and her husband thought I was quite mad to travel so far alone. But I say, seeing another country makes you appreciate your own more.”

Mrs. Maxwell said quite a lot of things, Judith thought with amusement. But she was a good-natured woman and clearly prosperous. Perhaps she could help Judith find a situation in Boston.

“You won’t regret emigrating to America, Mrs. Winslow. It’s a country for people who dare to dream,” the older woman went on. “Not like England, with so many musty rules to squeeze the life out of a body.” She stopped abruptly, an apologetic expression on her round face. “No offense meant.”

Judith couldn’t help smiling. “None taken.”

It was impossible to take umbrage at such innocent criticism, though she couldn’t help wondering if all Americans were so friendly and outspoken. If they were, she might find the New World a bit overpowering.

Her brief smile faded. The only dream she had ever had was to marry Simon Launceston. She turned her gaze back to the shore, where the bustling docks were already too distant for detail.

She swallowed hard.  It wasn’t that she aspired to be Lady Launceston. It was Simon himself she wanted, not his title or comfortable fortune.

That was not a dream she could achieve in America.

* * * *

The party reached Liverpool very late and spent what remained of the night at an inn near the harbor. Next morning, after Adam had consulted with the innkeeper about the shipping news, they plunged into the teeming Liverpool dockyards just as the port was waking to the day’s business.

A forest of masts rose in front of them while other ships bobbed out in the harbor, waiting their turns for dock space. Sailors and stevedores yelled in incomprehensible dialects and gulls screeched overhead and fought for tidbits. The air was ripe with the pungent scents characteristic of places where the land meets the sea.

Antonia and her companions had to dodge bales of goods and drays as they made their way along the waterfront. She was attracting huge amounts of unabashed male attention, but felt completely safe with her male escorts.

She would have enjoyed the new sights and sounds immensely if they weren’t on an errand of such urgency. Simon’s anxiety was contagious. It would be far better to intercept Judith before she left. One small woman could disappear very easily in a raw new nation. If she decided not to write, they might never find her.

Though Adam had never been to Liverpool, he had been in enough ports to know how to proceed. Antonia was impressed to get a glimpse of the merchant prince in action. It gave her a whole new view of the man she loved.

In an amazingly short time they were in an office where a substantial gratuity persuaded a weathered old clerk to check his passenger lists. As Antonia understood it, this office acted as local passenger agent for a number of foreign-owned ships.

With excruciating slowness, the clerk perused the list of names. Eventually he allowed that a Mrs. J. Winslow had purchased a ticket on the
Lady Liberty,
an American ship out of Boston.

Antonia breathed a sigh of relief that it had been so simple. Luckily, there was no reason for Judith to conceal her identity.

“When does it leave?” Lord Launceston asked eagerly.

The clerk blinked saurian eyelids. “Left yesterday on the evening tide.”

Simon began to swear with startling fluency. Antonia would not have guessed that the calm scholar could forget himself so far in front of a lady, More proof of the strength of his feelings for Judith.

While Simon swore and Antonia reflected, Adam asked the clerk a series of swift questions. After getting the answers, he ushered his companions out of the office. “The
Lady Liberty
will put in at Belfast before going on to Boston.”