Carolyn Jessop; Laura Palmer (39 page)

When my mother left I felt unbearably alone. We had grown closer over the years and she helped me so much—especially with Harrison. I know the day she drove us to the emergency room it broke her heart not to be able to stay and see us through the crisis. But that was too risky because she’d taken us to the hospital without Merril’s permission. Those moments cut her to the quick.

I kept quiet about my plans to flee, but others in the community were discussing the option for themselves. Audrey and her husband were planning to quit and move to northern Idaho. I was losing the people I was closest to and afraid to confide in those who were still left. I never knew if some offhand remark of mine might be reported back to Warren Jeffs and create problems for me. I was determined to maintain a semblance of normalcy.

I never gave a hint to any of my children about my plans. But as I’d learn later, LuAnne began to have dreams about our escaping. In her dreams she’d see us all together in a house outside Colorado City. All her brothers and sisters were crying and saying they wanted to go back to their father and half brothers and sisters. Betty was pleading with me to take everyone home. LuAnne’s fear in the dream was that we were all going to hell and she was scared and crying. As she’d explain later, it was a relief when she awoke and found that she was still with her father’s family. But her dream kept recurring. Betty was the only person she confided in, and she told LuAnne that the reason she kept having the dream was because she didn’t say her bedtime prayers.

I did not make waves within the family. Bryson and Harrison were a shield for me because they still required so much care. I dutifully had sex with Merril to keep up the façade.

It was a tense and unpredictable time. Anything could happen at any time.

Three days after my mother left, my moment arrived.

After the Escape

T
he trip to Salt Lake City was pure hell. Betty was literally hitting me in the car and screaming, “Uncle Warren is going to find out what you are doing. You’ll be in so much trouble! He’ll never let you get away with this!”

Darrel had to lock all the car doors. My other children would have enjoyed the adventure and the ride if Betty hadn’t been so hysterical. She kept acting as though I was going to kill every one of them.

“Mother, you are taking us out into this wicked world to be destroyed! Father will never allow it.” Betty was upset for a reason. Warren Jeffs had been condemning Salt Lake City as one of the most evil cities on earth because of the Winter Olympics. His real agenda was to get the FLDS members who lived in Salt Lake to move to Colorado City in order to consolidate his power. But to my daughter Betty, if we were in Salt Lake when God erased the wicked from the earth—which Jeffs was preaching could happen any day—she and all of her brothers and sisters would be wiped out instantly. My other children were scared into silence.

Arthur tried unsuccessfully to calm her down. Darrel finally screamed at her to shut up. But she wouldn’t listen and she didn’t stop. It was five hours of pure hell. Harrison was also screaming because traveling made him so uncomfortable.

While we were driving, Darrel got a call on his cell phone from my mother. We had a place to stay. Mother—who escaped just three days before—had contacted Dan Fisher, a prominent dentist and former FLDS member who agreed to let us stay on his property near Salt Lake City.

Dan had been born into the FLDS. At one point he’d had three wives. But he quit shortly after Rulon Jeffs came to power and began living with just one wife. Dan became extremely successful after he invented one of the best tooth-whitening systems and other dental products. He still had many relatives in the FLDS and knew how bad things had become. For years, Dan has tried to help people who wanted out of the cult. His willingness to help me saved our lives.

When we got into Salt Lake City we made a quick stop at my brother’s to let the children use the bathroom. Moments after we left, Arthur’s house was surrounded by trucks from the FLDS. The hunt was on. My brother’s construction shop was surrounded by Merril’s posse before we even got to the city. They’d beaten us to Salt Lake.

On our way to Dan Fisher’s I noticed that my son Arthur was watching the road closely. I thought he might be planning to run the moment he had the chance. He wasn’t acting out like Betty, but I could tell from his body language that he was furious with me.

Dan has five guest houses on his property. His wife, Leenie, welcomed us with enthusiasm and gentleness. She couldn’t have been expecting a woman with eight children to land on her doorstep that morning, but she seemed delighted that we had.

Leenie took us to the largest guest house. With four bedrooms and a large living and dining area, it felt like heaven. I started to think about getting my children fed and making sure that Arthur didn’t bolt. Leenie’s daughter Sarah had come over and said she’d get them some Happy Meals while Dan talked to me in the main house.

Dan was waiting in the dining room with a glass of wine in hand. He asked me a few questions to get a grasp of my situation and background. He was impressed that I had a bachelor’s degree in education and that I’d taught for seven years. But when I mentioned that I was married to Merril Jessop, he stopped pacing around the room, put his wineglass on the table, looked at me, and said, “Wait—did you say your husband’s name was Merril Jessop?
The
Merril Jessop?”

I looked at Dan, somewhat surprised by his reaction. “Yes, Merril is my husband.”

“You mean I have Merril Jessop’s kids on my property?”

“Yes. Actually, you have eight of them.”

Dan’s face paled.

“Carolyn, when people come to me for help I don’t usually go to the authorities. Generally, I don’t recommend it. But if Merril Jessop is your husband, you’re not going to have even a remote chance of getting out unless you go straight to the top for help. I feel it’s urgent to get the attorney general’s office involved today as soon as possible!”

“I’ll do anything to protect my kids.”

Dan left immediately. I don’t think either of us understood the danger we were in.

My head was spinning. I hadn’t slept for twenty-eight hours. I was running on adrenaline from the stress and tension of our ordeal and there would be moments when I felt weak and ready to pass out. Everything was happening so fast. When I got back to the guest house I did a head count and discovered that Arthur was missing. I guessed that when he was watching the road he’d been looking for the nearest pay phone so he could run back and call Merril.

Arthur didn’t have any money, but boys who worked on construction crews always had phone cards in case they got into trouble. I ran back to Leenie’s house and told her what happened. Her daughter Jolene had just arrived to help.

Leenie called Dan, and he said it was too dangerous for us to remain on his property. He said we’d be safer at Jolene’s. I started rounding up my children to take them into hiding again and gathering up the black plastic garbage bags with all our clothes.

Betty started screaming again. “I’m not going with you! What are you doing? Where are you taking us?”

I found out later that before he left, Arthur had told Betty that he was going to call Merril and that she would have to get the children into the truck the minute he arrived. I pulled her into the car while she was fighting and kicking me as hard as she could.

Fortunately for us, Jolene had just graduated from dental school, and few in the FLDS even realized she was back in town. She had a beautiful house not too far from her father’s. Jolene carefully explained to my children that there was an alarm system and if anyone opened a door or window from inside, an alarm would go off and the police would come.

Shortly after we settled in, Sarah arrived with Arthur. She’d found him a few miles from Dan’s.

Arthur had unwittingly saved our lives because when he fled, I knew our cover was blown and we had to leave Dan’s immediately. I found out that Merril had arrived at Dan Fisher’s house five minutes after we left for Jolene’s. He had learned where we were staying even before Arthur called because, as I’d later find out, my stepsister betrayed me. If he had found us there before I had a protection order, there would have been no legal way I could have stopped him from taking my children. I would have had to go to court to fight for custody. It would have taken years.

Arthur’s five-mile run was a godsend.

I also learned from this episode not to talk to anyone. Merril had tracked us down because Darrel had told his wife where we were after he dropped us off. She mentioned it to my stepsister, who called her mother in the cult, who then called Merril.

Jolene insisted I go to bed for a few hours. She ordered pizza for my children and sent me upstairs to crash with my two youngest. I nursed Bryson to sleep and put Harrison in bed beside me.

After a few hours Jolene awakened me. Someone from the attorney general’s office had come over to question me so he could file for an emergency order of protection. He asked me for the name of someone in the community to call to tell them that the attorney general was now involved in this case. I gave him Sam Barlow’s name. He was a close ally of Warren’s, and I knew he would see to it that the word got around. I was sure Merril would still keep hunting for us, but at least he would be answerable to the law once the protection order was in place.

After he left, I went to check on my children. Betty and LuAnne were sitting on the couch. “I’m not eating another thing until I can go back to Father,” Betty said. LuAnne said she was on a hunger strike, too.

Jolene said that not eating wouldn’t get them anywhere. Moments later, her husband came in and put on the movie
Shrek.
It was the first movie my younger children had seen since Warren Jeffs banned them in the community. They were enchanted. I took Bryson back upstairs to bed. Arthur followed me into the bedroom.

“Mother, I know you have been living in hell,” he said quietly. “But I can’t back you in this. I don’t want to live in Salt Lake. I want to be in Colorado City with my brothers and sisters.”

I just listened. I knew he needed to feel he could tell me everything.

“I have never lived in a big city before and I don’t want to. I want to be in a small town.”

“Arthur,” I began cautiously, “you’re fifteen. In a few years you can live wherever you want. But until you’re eighteen, you’ll be with me.”

Arthur was not a boy who showed his emotions. But suddenly he began to quiver, then shake. “Mother, this has been the worst day of my life. I watched the road going to Dan’s house. Once we were there, I got the address and ran to call Father. When Father answered his cell phone I could barely speak, I was so out of breath. I told him where you were. I was going to run back and meet him there but Sarah showed up and stopped me.”

By this point, Arthur was sobbing. “Mother, I gave Father my word. I told him I would meet him at the address that I gave him, but I didn’t do it! I always keep my word to Father.”

It was awful to see my son in such agony.

“Arthur, I don’t expect you to understand what I am doing. But there’s no way your father ever would have let me leave peacefully. Escape was our only option.”

“I don’t want to be pulled into this fight between you and my father. I don’t want to have to take sides. What you did this morning seems crazy. But I will do whatever is necessary to protect my brothers and sisters. You can’t ask me not to.”

I was proud of Arthur because he was such a responsible son. He had been completely indoctrinated by the FLDS and I didn’t expect this to be easy for him. We’d always been very close. He never saw much of Merril. But he had been taught to fear and respect him.

Now he was in an impossible situation. He didn’t want to turn against me, but he also wanted to keep his word to Merril. I knew this was tearing him apart, but at the moment there was nothing I could do.

When we finished talking and I’d helped Bryson get back to sleep, I went to check on the rest of my children.

Everyone except Betty and LuAnne was bathed and ready for bed. Jolene had gotten them ready. It was one of the strangest moments of my life. In seventeen years, no one had ever helped me get my children ready for bed before. Never—not even when I was sick and confined to bed during my worst pregnancies.

Merrilee bounced into the bedroom. “Mama, look at me!” Her eyes sparkled. She was, for the first time in her life, wearing little-girl clothes. “Look, Mama!” She pulled up her nightgown to show me her underpants. “See the roses!” The panties were trimmed with rosettes, and this was the most miraculous thing Merrilee had ever seen.

She’d had a bubble bath and shampoo and her hair smelled fragrant. Jolene had a daughter Merrilee’s age, so her clothes fit my daughter perfectly. Merrilee had never realized such pretty clothes existed. After wearing long underwear 24/7 through all the seasons, she was experiencing herself in a way she never had before.

All of my children were euphoric. Even Betty seemed happy and engaged. This was an unimaginable adventure. They could eat as much as they liked, drink sodas, and watch television and movies. For the first time in their lives, I think they felt like the center of attention because they were not competing with dozens of siblings.

Arthur asked if he could work with my brother the next day, and I agreed. I felt that I could trust him, and I knew my brother would keep close tabs on him. When my brother came to pick him up the next morning, he took me aside.

“Carolyn, I don’t think you know how much trouble you have created for yourself. The entire city is crawling with men from the FLDS. They are scouring every possible place you could be hiding. I was afraid to come over here because I was sure I’d be followed. Things are really crazy. I know you went to the attorney general’s office, but Merril is not afraid of the law, not under these circumstances. I’m worried about your safety. Getting out of that religion might just not be possible.”

I looked directly at him. “The truth is I have nothing to lose. I would rather be dead than live that way another minute. I’m going to protect my children and do everything I can to get out.”

Arthur started to laugh. “Yes, I imagine you will. I don’t know anyone else who would try such a stunt. Your van was so out of gas we couldn’t get it off the trailer. You took a van that had almost no gas, loaded it with children who didn’t want to go, and now look where you are! Actually, you’ve gotten farther than anyone else could have.”

Then he got serious again. “Carolyn, you took the children of one of the most powerful men in the FLDS. They will hunt you down for that and plow over anyone who gets in their way. There’s no way the FLDS is going to let you escape with Merril Jessop’s children. This is one fight I don’t think you can win.”