Caroline's Secret (29 page)

Cream together brown sugar and lard. Add vanilla and eggs. Mix thoroughly.

Alternately add flour and buttermilk until all is mixed. Add nuts.

Chill overnight or several hours. Drop by teaspoonful onto greased cookie sheet.

Bake at 400° for 8–10 minutes. Enjoy! Makes about 4 dozen.

Preheat oven at 350°.

Grease muffin tin.

Cream together butter and cream cheese.

Gradually add 2½ cups of flour until well blended.

Shape dough into 1-inch balls.

Pat balls into prepared muffin tins, shaping into shells. Sprinkle ½ cup of nuts evenly into the shells.

In a medium mixing bowl, combine eggs and brown sugar. Mix well.

Stir in remaining nuts, coconut, 2 tablespoons of flour, and baking powder. Pour mixture evenly into shells, filling them half full.

Bake at 350° for 15–18 minutes.

Reduce to 250° and bake for another 10 minutes.

Makes about 3 dozen.

Preheat oven to 350°.

Combine flour, salt, and baking soda in a medium-sized bowl and put aside.

In a large bowl, beat together shortening, sugars, and vanilla until creamy. Add eggs, continuing to beat until light and fluffy. Gradually stir in flour mixture and oats. Next add chocolate chips and nuts.

Drop by well-rounded teaspoonfuls onto cookie sheet.

Bake 8–10 minutes.

Cool cookies on cookie sheets for two minutes before moving to a wire rack for further cooling.

Makes about 7 dozen.

“Come with me.” Luke Lambright took her hands into his, warm and callused. Emily’s skin tingled where he touched her. Oh, how she wanted to tell him yes.

Bright sunlight spilled all around them. How could she tell him
nay
? She had loved him as long as she could remember. She loved everything about him from his dancing blue eyes to his unruly hair that was as dark as a raven’s wing. He was the handsomest boy she had ever seen. Since they were no more than ten or twelve they had talked about getting married, the children they would have, their house, their farm.

But now he was leaving. In broad daylight. Boldly walking away from the Plain life they had always known. Walking away from their shared dreams of a simple life in Wells Landing.

Luke wanted to experience the
Englisch
world, go to see movies, dance, and drive a race car for money. Even as much as she loved him, she couldn’t understand what spurred his dreams in such a different direction.

“Luke, I—” She stopped short of giving him an answer. Her heart wanted to tell him one thing, but every other part of her knew that she had to stay. Tears sprang into her eyes. She blinked them back. “I—”

As if he knew she was about to tell him no, he pulled her into the circle of his arms. He held her close. Pressed against his warmth, she felt like she was home. His heart pounded under her ear, his breathing steady and true.

“How can I leave?” She managed to keep her voice from cracking, the building sob from escaping.

“How can I stay?”

She pulled away to look into his blue eyes. Normally they sparkled with a mischief to rival any
Englisch
troublemaker, but today they were cloudy with longing and hurt.

“You can’t ask me to choose, Emily. I can’t.”

“I know,” she whispered. “Nor can I.”

Leaving with Luke, leaving Wells Landing would mean saying good-bye to her family, her
mudder
and
vatter
and all of her
shveshtah.
And because she had already joined the church, a
meidung
for sure. A shunning.

“Ich liebe dich,”
he said, cupping her face in his hands and pressing a kiss to her forehead.

“I love you too.”

How could she leave? How could she ask him to stay? Why, oh why did love have to hurt so bad?

He trailed his fingers down the snowy-white linen of her prayer
kapp
, tracing an errant tear that had somehow managed to escape.

“I’ll call you, you know.”

She nodded.

“And I’ll come back for visits. I’m not a member of the church. They won’t shun me.”

She tried to smile at his hopeful words. But would her father let her visit with the wayward son of the community? She knew he wouldn’t.
Dat
would barely let her see Luke a’tall now as it was. They had been sneaking around so much, they didn’t even ask for courting visits any longer. And once he left the community—

“Are you afraid I’m going to forget you?”

Emily swallowed hard and gave a small nod. It was her worst fear of all: He would forget her and find some
Englisch
girl who understood things like race car driving.

“I could never forget you, Em. You’re my best girl.”

She closed her eyes as he traced the outline of her brow, the curve of her jaw.
Lord, please protect him; let him see the error of his ways. Let him come back to me
.

A car horn honked. Emily started at the noise, her nerves and emotions raw from the pain.

“I’ve got to go.” He gave her a small kiss, just a brief touch of his lips against hers, and then he was gone.

Emily watched, tears running unheeded down her face as he hoisted his suitcase and placed it in the trunk of the car. He still wore his Amish clothes, though his shirt was untucked and his hat had been shucked long ago. Already he looked different. Already he was apart from her.

He looked back at her once as the
Englisch
driver revved the engine. Luke smiled and waved, then opened the door and disappeared inside.

She pressed the back of one hand to her mouth to stifle her sobs as the blue car pulled away, taking with it the only boy she had ever loved.

How was she ever going to live the rest of her days and be happy without Luke?

“Emily? What are you doing out here all by yourself ?”

Emily Ebersol jumped as the voice sounded behind her. She whirled away from the sight of the beautiful Thoroughbred horses that Abe Fitch and his nephew kept and turned to face Becky Riehl. “W-what? I mean,
jah
.I’m fine.”

Becky’s gaze followed the line of sight and watched as the horses frolicked and played. Twin dimples dented her cheeks as she turned her attention back to Emily. “I didn’t ask how you were. I asked what you were doing out here alone. There is a wedding celebration going on at the house.” She gestured behind her toward the rambling farmhouse Andrew Fitch shared with his
onkle
Abe.

“
Jah
. Right.” Had she been that deep in thought that she hadn’t even heard the teen’s words correctly? “I just—” Needed a break? Had to get away? Wanted some time alone? She tipped her head toward the pasture. “You know.”

Becky stepped up to the fence and folded her arms across the top wooden slat. “They are
schee
.”

Emily allowed her gaze to wander back to the beautiful horses dotting the lush green field. The scene was pastoral and peaceful, yet it brought her no comfort. “Why aren’t you with the others at the singing?”

Caroline and Andrew’s wedding was over, but the celebration had just gotten started. There would be a singing in the afternoon and another in the evening with more food and cake in between.

Becky made a face, somewhere between a smile and a grimace. “They’re still getting everything ready, but I don’t think I’m staying.”

“Is Billy Beiler sitting with someone else?”

The young girl sighed. She’d had a crush on Billy since as long as Emily could remember, even when they were both in the schoolhouse and Emily was their teacher.

“You know tradition,” Emily said. “He’ll sit with a different girl at each singing. All the
buwe
will.”

Becky sighed again. “That still doesn’t mean he’ll sit with me.”

As true as the statement was, Emily could offer no rebuttal. What sort of advice could she give? The one man she wanted had left the Amish entirely. She hadn’t heard from Luke in months, even with all of his promises to call. And she worried that by now he had forgotten all about her. She pushed the thought away and concentrated on the girl before her. “He surely can’t sit with you if you are out here with me.”

“Will you go in with me?”

“Of course.” Despite the differences in their ages, Emily had always gotten along well with Becky. She supposed it was the other things they had in common that bonded them together. Like the fact that both of their families relied on dairy animals for their primary living, and the number of girls in each house. Both Emily and Becky had four other sisters to share the burdens of cooking and cleaning.

Emily linked her arm with Becky’s and turned them back toward the house where the wedding celebration was in a small lull. The first round of dinner had been served and the next wave was waiting.

The last thing Emily wanted was to go back into the house and watch her friend Caroline with all her wedding-day happiness. It was petty of her, she knew, but seeing her friends and their pleasure together was almost more than she could take in such a large quantity. She’d have to pray about it tonight. Maybe again in the morning.

If only Luke hadn’t left.

“The twins were sad when you didn’t return to teaching this year,” Becky said as they made their way up the drive toward the house. “Little Norma too.”

“
Jah
. I miss teaching them and seeing them each day.” She was sad as well, but that decision had been taken from her by no choice of her own.

Normally the singing would be held in the barn, but it was a beautiful early fall day and the benches had been set up around back. The weather in Oklahoma was typical, the sun shone bright and the wind ruffled the leaves in the trees. It was far too nice a day to sit indoors.

“
Dat
thought it would be best for me to help with the girls and with
Mamm
’s business.”

Becky nodded as if she understood, but the young girl would never truly know how Emily felt. Teaching had been the one thing that had been hers and hers alone. To have to give that up mere weeks after Luke had left . . . Well, she had prayed and prayed. Maybe she would understand one day herself.

They had just rounded the corner when Elam Riehl, Becky’s older brother, approached, the brim of his hat pulled low over his eyes. “There you are, Becky. It’s time to go.”

Becky bit her lip and cast her glance to where the young people were starting to settle themselves in their seats. “Can’t we stay just a little while longer? The singings are just about to begin.”

Elam shook his head. “
Ach
, no. The cows have to be milked whether there are singings or not.” Then he added, “
Goedemiddag
, Emily,” as if he had only then realized his sister wasn’t alone. He tipped his hat toward her, settling it a little higher up on his forehead.

“Goedemiddag,”
she returned.

Why had she never noticed before how big Elam was? Maybe she only noticed now because his bulk seemed to block the sun. Or perhaps that was the fault of his serious green eyes and stern mouth.

His demeanor brooked no argument, and something in Emily hated the disappointment on Becky’s sweet face. It wasn’t her fault the cows needed to be milked. “If it’s okay with your
bruder
, I can take you home if you want to stay for the singing.”

“You will?” Becky gushed, then she sobered slightly as she turned back to Elam. “Is that
allrecht
?”

He seemed to weigh her words, against what Emily didn’t know. Had he always been this serious? “
Jah
, fine. I suppose I can do without your help for a spell. But you can only stay for the first singing. After that
Mamm
will need help gathering eggs and such.”

“
Danki
, Elam.” Becky flashed her dimples in her brother’s general direction, then looped her arm with Emily’s once more. “Let’s go, Em. Maybe we can still get a
gut
seat.”

Emily allowed herself to be dragged across the yard. And she only looked back once to see Elam staring after them, hands on his hips and a saddened look tainting his features.

Elam was careful not to let the screen door slam behind him as he entered the house. He kept his hat on as he made his way across the living room and into the kitchen. Just a quick glass of water, then it was on to milking. He stood at the sink and poured himself a drink, staring out the window at the backyard as he took a sip.

“Elam, is that you?”

“Jah, Mamm.”

He heard the bedroom door close behind her, then her soft footsteps as she came down the hall.

“Is he sleeping?” he asked as she appeared at the kitchen door. Her eyes were heavy and tired and deep lines bracketed her mouth.

“Jah.”
She shot him an encouraging smile as if to say everything was fine, but they both knew that wasn’t the truth. Things hadn’t been all right in a long time.

“Where’s Becky?” she asked.

“I let her stay at the wedding. They were about to have a singing.”

Mamm
nodded. They both wanted Becky to have as normal a
rumspringa
as possible.
Jah
, she was needed at home, but there were other important things in life as well. Yet the attempt at normalcy was beginning to take its toll.

“Emily Ebersol offered to bring her home. Are the twins here to help?”

Mamm
smiled, and this one almost reached her tired blue eyes. “They took the girls down to the pond to fish. I thought that would be
gut
for
nachtess
,
jah
? Fresh
katfisch
?”

“Jah.”

“I can call them back if’ n you need their help.”

Elam shook his head. “I’ll go fetch them.” He needed them to sweep the floors, help with the milking machines, and tote the milk to the cooler. Even with them, there was still so much to do.

“Joy?”

At the sound of
Dat
’s call,
Mamm
turned. “I was so hoping he would sleep until supper.” She sighed, the sound resigned and heavy.

Guilt stabbed at Elam. “I should hire you some help. Or at the very least make the girls help more.” But neither choice set well with him.

How much longer could they go on this way? How much longer before one of them broke?

Mamm
turned back, patted him on the cheek, and attempted her smile once again. “I’m all right, Elam. If any help gets hired, it’d be for you. Now go get your milking done. There’s nothing to worry about here.”

She made her way down the hall, but Elam knew there was plenty to worry about. Plenty more and then some.

Emily bumped shoulders with Becky as the horse cantered along. The singing had gone almost according to plan. Billy Beiler hadn’t sat with Becky, but he had talked to her a bit afterward.

Yet Emily had to cut their chat short, haunted by the somber look in Elam’s eyes as he told his sister to come home right after the singing. It wasn’t just his eyes, though. His whole demeanor was chock-full of seriousness and woe, as if he carried a burden too big for even his broad shoulders to manage and too precious to share with others.

“Is Elam always that . . . stern?” She tried to pick a word that didn’t sound so negative.

“I prefer to think of it as thoughtful,” Becky chirped. It was amazing to Emily that Becky was so bubbly while Elam was not.

“Thoughtful, then,” Emily amended.

Becky shook her head. “Only since the accident.”

How had she forgotten the terrible accident that had rendered James Riehl practically helpless? Or maybe she had thought in the year since he had been kicked in the head by a cantankerous milk cow that he had somehow become whole again.

“How is your
dat
?”

“The same.” Becky shrugged, though her dancing blue eyes dimmed just a bit. Was her perpetual joy just a front to hide the stresses at home?

Regret swamped Emily. She’d been so caught up in her own problems that she hadn’t given the trials of others a second thought. Her father would be so disappointed if he knew. Just one more thing she needed to pray about. The Amish always cared for their neighbors, always looked after the community. That philosophy went double for a bishop’s daughter. She had fallen down on both accounts.

Emily bit back a sigh as she turned the buggy into the packed-dirt drive that led to the Riehls’ dairy farm. She didn’t know how many cows they kept, but she knew their property stretched almost into the next county. Was Elam taking care of business by himself? There were no other Riehl sons, but surely a cousin or two came around to help from time to time.

She pulled the horse to a stop. Surely . . .

“
Danki
for the ride, Emily. That was sure
gut
of you.”

“Gern gschehne,”
she replied, though her attention was centered on the rambling farmhouse and its peeling paint.

She hadn’t realized the Riehls had fallen onto such hard times. Did anyone in the district know? She’d have to ask her father about it the minute she got home.

“Becky,” she started. “Can I stay and help you gather the eggs?” She wasn’t sure where the words came from, but once they were said she was thankful for them. She had been wallowing in her own problems for far too long.

“You’d do that?” Becky’s eyes sparkled, then her smile faded. She shook her head. “
Danki
, Emily. That is a kind offer to be sure, but the chickens are my responsibility.”

As if they had tarried too long, Elam emerged from the milking barn, a scowl marring his handsome features.

The thought drew Emily back. Elam was a handsome man, or at least he would be if he didn’t look like he’d taken a big bite from a green persimmon.

“Becky, time to work.”

The young girl gave a quick nod, then turned her gaze back to Emily. “Thank you again.”

“Becky.” Elam propped his hands onto his hips, his impatience evident. “
Mamm
needs you inside.”

“Jah, bruder.”
She turned as if to go into the house, but not before Emily saw the shine of tears in her blue eyes.

“Some potatoes for you?”

“Huh?” Emily turned as her sister Mary nudged her shoulder to get her attention. “Oh,
jah. Danki
.” She took the bowl from her sister though her thoughts were still on Elam’s stern frown and the glitter of tears in Becky’s eyes.

“Have you heard from Luke?” Mary leaned close as she handed off the bowl full of mashed potatoes, her voice so soft that only Emily could hear. “Jonah Miller said he called his uncle yesterday.”

At the mention of his name, thoughts of all others fled from her mind. “He did?” It was hard to temper her response to a whisper when she really wanted to shout with glee. Luke had called!

“Jah.”

Her heart thumped hard in her chest. “Who told you that?”

“Girls.” Their father glared at them from the head of the table.

“Jah, Dat”,
Emily murmured, passing the potatoes on to her sister Susannah. She’d have to talk with Mary later, after supper, maybe during chore time.

As the oldest, Emily was expected to oversee her sisters in the evening milking. It tended to go a bit faster since all five of the Ebersol girls were available to help. In the morning, their chore time was split between milking their herd of dairy goats and taking care of the rest of the family’s livestock. With more hands to help, surely she and Mary could sneak a minute or two to talk.

Excitement filled her as she thought of news from Luke. It had been months since he’d left, nearly four to be exact, but this was the first she had heard from him.

He had promised to call, but she knew how difficult that would be. It wasn’t like he could call the shanty out in front of their house. Her father was as sure to get that message as any one of the Ebersol family. Nor was Luke big on writing letters. He was more into action, living, breathing, having fun.