Carisbrooke Abbey (15 page)

‘I must go back to my room —’ she said, as he set her down. She turned towards the door.

‘It’s not warm enough. The fire has gone out.’

‘How do you know?’ she asked in surprise.

‘Because it was the first place I looked for you when I couldn’t find you.’

She hesitated.

‘Here,’ he said, unstoppering a decanter by the bed and pouring her a glass of brandy.

‘I can’t —’

‘Drink it. It will warm you from the inside,’ he explained.

Hilary took the glass. Her hands were still trembling with cold, but she managed to set it to her lips. She took a sip ... and felt her eyes water.

‘You surely don’t drink this for pleasure?’ she coughed.

‘Sometimes. If I can’t sleep. Are you feeling any better?’

‘A little.’

The brandy was starting to do its work, and the warmth of the room was reviving her.

‘Good.’ He took the empty glass from her. ‘Take a seat,’ he said, indicating the chair by the fire.

Reluctantly, she sank into the wing chair. If the fire had indeed gone out in her room, which was all too likely, it would be folly to return before she had warmed through.

‘Now tell me,’ he said, leaning against the stone mantelpiece, not three paces away from her, ‘what were you doing on the roof?’

She gave an inward sigh. She did not want to tell him, but she found she could not lie to him.

‘I wanted to see if there were really any slates missing.’

His brow darkened.

‘I saw the plans for the abbey when I was organizing the library, and I realized that you could not have been up to the attics when you were injured,’ she explained. ‘You were heading towards them, and not away from them.’

He pushed himself away from the mantelpiece. ‘I knew I shouldn’t have let you near the library. You are too intelligent for your own good. And so you went up to the attic to see for yourself?’

‘I did.’

‘And then?’

‘When I couldn’t see any storm damage I was about to go back downstairs, but then I noticed the trap door. Suspecting that it led on to the roof I opened it. I climbed out, meaning to see if there was any damage noticeable from outside, but then the door slammed shut.’

‘Harumph.’ He settled back into his former position.

‘I tried to open it, but I discovered it was locked. Either Lund or Mrs Lund must have come into the attic and, seeing it open, shut and locked it without realizing anyone was outside.’

‘Mrs Lund?’ he asked darkly.

‘Yes.’ It was clear he had not wanted her to see the housekeeper, although why that should be she did not know. ‘I saw her this morning. I was exploring, wanting to see where you had been coming from on the night you were injured, and as I walked along the corridor she came out of the room behind the tapestry.’

He threw up his hands in disgust. ‘It’s impossible to curb your curiosity.’

Hilary smiled, but then the smile became rueful. ‘They say that curiosity almost killed the cat, but when I climbed out on to the roof, I’m lucky it didn’t kill me. If you hadn’t found me when you did ....’

‘Luck had nothing to do with it,’ he said, his charcoal eyes smouldering. ‘I was looking for you.’

She glanced at the clock, thinking that in that case it must be later than she had expected, only to see it was not yet twelve o’clock. She raised her eyebrows questioningly.

‘I had a particular reason for wanting to find you. I wanted to speak to you about my cousin.’

‘Mr Ulverstone?’ she asked in surprise.

‘The very same. Mr Ulverstone, I understand, has asked you to marry him.’

‘How do you know that?’ she asked in amazement.

‘I know everything that goes on in the abbey. I forbid you to accept him,’ he said.

‘You
forbid
me ... ?’ asked Hilary.

‘I do.’ His tone was unrepentant. ‘It is not the tempting offer it appears. I know it must seem to give you an easy way out of your difficulties, but you would do better to wait for me to find you a place —’

‘As to that, I have already found one. Or rather, Mrs Pettifer has kindly found me one. The Hampsons are in need of someone to look after their children —’

‘Pah! You can do better than looking after the Hampsons’ children!’

‘Indeed? So you forbid me to accept Mrs Hampson’s offer as well? Tell me, Lord Carisbrooke, just whose offer will you allow me to accept?’ she asked.

He took two steps towards her, and reaching down he cupped her face in his hands. ‘You deserve better than a position with the Hampsons, worthy though they might be. But marriage to my cousin would not be better. There are things about Laurence you don’t know.’ His eyes darkened, as they had a habit of doing when he was moved. ‘Laurence has no more right to offer you his hand than I have.’

His words were unexpected, and with a shock Hilary realized that his thoughts were wandering down their dark pathways again. Not being able to bear seeing him in pain she reached out impulsively, putting her hand on his arm. ‘Something is hurting you,’ she said. ‘Won’t you let me know what it is?’

He gave a deep sigh and for a moment she thought he was about to reveal his secret. Then he shook his grizzled head. ‘No.’

‘I want to help you,’ she persisted.

He covered her small hand with his own. His touch was light and tender. Then he dropped his hand to his side.

‘No one can help me,’ he said in a hollow voice. ‘Least of all you.’ Again his mood had changed: it was as if he could not keep out the dark thoughts. His mood became grim. ‘Except by going away from here.’

His words stung her. She had wanted to help him and he had rejected her. But still she could not let the matter rest.

‘There is something wrong in the abbey,’ she said, rising to her feet. ‘I can feel it. It hangs over everything, making it dark and desperate. What is it, Marcus?’

But he ignored her question.

‘Go to the Hampsons. Forget about this place,’ he said, gripping her by the shoulders and looking deeply into her eyes.

‘I can’t.’

‘You must,’ he said.

‘Do you believe I can forget about the abbey, just because I remove to the Hampsons? My memories do not shift and change with the passing scenery. They are etched into me. I cannot escape them by going to the Hampsons.’

‘As to that, you will not be with them for long. I hope to find you a place in Bath, something more suited to your tastes and abilities. Once there, amongst the concert halls and pleasure gardens, mixing with cultivated and agreeable people, you will forget.’

‘I will never forget,’ she said, covering his hands with her own. ‘Something is wrong here, I can feel it. It is eating you up from the inside. I cannot put it out of my mind. Just as I cannot put you out of my mind. You will be with me there, every bit as strongly as you are with me here.’

‘You don’t know what you are saying. You are young —’

‘Not so young that my feelings will change.’

‘I should never have let it come to this,’ he said. ‘It was wrong of me to allow you to stay in the abbey. I should have sent you away from here as soon as you arrived, but I let my surliness get the better of me. I refused to send you off in the carriage, and now I am repaid.’

‘You are too hard on yourself. You did not know the river would flood overnight, or that the ford would become impassable.’

‘Perhaps not. But I should have protected you from the abbey’s influence all the same. Even when you were forced to stay under its roof I should have taken better care of you, sheltering you from its harsher realities. And I should not have kissed you.’

She felt him withdraw from her emotionally, as well as physically, as he dropped his hands. But she was not about to let him regret the most wonderful thing she had ever experienced.

‘If you hadn’t, I would have missed the most exhilarating sensations I have ever known. I never knew feelings like that existed before I met you. You opened my eyes to a whole new world, and I cannot regret it, even if you can. I will be glad you kissed me for the rest of my life.’

‘Oh, Hilary, if only —’ he began, in anguish. Then his quicksilver mood changed again. ‘But it’s impossible.’

‘You are an earl, and I am forced to earn my own living —’

‘Do you think I care for that?’ he ground out. ‘If it was only the difference in our ranks, and nothing more, then I would clasp you to me at once.’

‘Then why —?’

‘Don’t ask me anything more. I cannot answer you.’ He turned away and strode across the room. He made a visible effort to control himself. Then in a more normal voice he asked her, ‘When are you going to the Hampsons?’

‘Tomorrow. They are to send the trap for me.’

‘Good. The sooner you are away from the abbey the better. But you cannot - shall not - limit yourself to a life of drudgery. I will soon find you something better, a position that will give you room to breathe, and I will send word to you as soon as I have found it.’

‘Thank you.’ She inclined her head. For although she was grateful for the post with the Hampsons, it was only for a few weeks, or a few months at most, and then she would have to have some other way of supporting herself.

He gave her a burning look, as though he would like to take her into his arms and rain kisses down on her. But instead he said, ‘Go. Go now.’

He turned his back on her.

She could see by the tautness of his stance that he was in the grip of a strong emotion. She had tried to reach him but she had failed. To try again would only cause him more anguish. Whatever his burden was, he was determined not to share it. And so she took pity on him. Feeling every step an effort she left the room.

It was as though her feet were made of lead.

The clock chimed twelve as Hilary descended the magnificent staircase. She had shaken off the worst of her low spirits and recovered at least a little from her encounter with Lord Carisbrooke. But still she wondered what it was that haunted him, a secret so terrible he could not even bring himself to speak of it.

To divert her thoughts from their useless wanderings, she turned them to another mystery. Who had locked her outside on the roof? Could it really have been Mrs Lund? Or was there a more sinister explanation?

As she crossed the hall, she heard the tinkling sounds of the pianoforte coming from the direction of the cloisters. Evidently the Palmers were indulging in a little music before luncheon.

Could one of them have been responsible for her ordeal?

Her mind went back to the previous evening, when Lord Carisbrooke had kissed her in the library. There had been a clicking sound, as if the door had opened ... or closed. What if Miss Palmer had seen them embracing, and had decided to remove Hilary as a rival? Would she go to those lengths to get what she wanted?

Having met her, Hilary reluctantly thought it was possible.

Or could it have been Mrs Palmer? It might have been the older lady who had seen the embrace in the library. Then, catching sight of Hilary going up to the attic, she might have followed her and given in to an impulse to get her out of the way by locking her on the roof. If so, was it a temporary or a permanent removal she had had in mind? For although Hilary had not been in any immediate danger, if she had not been found before nightfall she would almost certainly have died of the cold.

Or was she simply being fanciful? Had it simply been an accident, with Lund or Mrs Lund locking her on the roof?

That was more probable. Still, until she knew for sure, she decided to be cautious, and to stay as far away from the Palmers as possible.

She turned her steps towards the library, but the fire had burned down low and the room was cold. She built it up with new logs and then made her way to the drawing-room, where she intended to sit until the library was warm enough for her to continue with her work. To her surprise, though, when she entered the drawing-room, it was not empty. Esmerelda was there, standing by the window, looking as lovely as ever.

She was dressed in more suitable fashion than the last time they had met. She was wearing a beautiful blue pelisse trimmed with swansdown, and on her feet were matching kid boots. Her elegant bonnet was tied beneath her chin with a blue ribbon and it was decorated with a blue plume. Her hands were buried in a fashionable muff.

‘Good morning,’ said Esmerelda, turning round with a smile.

‘Good morning,’ said Hilary, quickly stifling her surprise. ‘It is good to see you again.’ Realizing that she was slipping into the role of hostess, which did not by rights belong to her, she asked, ‘Does Lord Carisbrooke know you are here, or would you like me to tell him of your arrival?’

‘That won’t be necessary,’ said Esmerelda with a bright smile. ‘I have not come to see his lordship, I have come to see you.’ She looked out of the window. ‘The grounds are looking beautiful,’ she said.

‘They are,’ Hilary agreed. ‘Autumn suits them.’

‘It does, doesn’t it? The colours of the few remaining leaves look lovely against the sky. But you should see the gardens in the spring, when they are full of daffodils and crocuses, and later on they are better still, when the rhododendrons are out. There are pink ones and white ones and red ones. Blood red.’

‘Unfortunately, I won’t be here to see them.’

Esmerelda made no reply.

‘Won’t you take a seat?’ asked Hilary.

She guessed that Esmerelda, being a guest at the rectory, even if she was an unwanted one, must have come on an errand from Mrs Pettifer. She had some news about the Hampsons, perhaps. Hilary felt her spirits sink. Mayhap they could not take her today as arranged, and wanted to delay her appointment.

‘No, thank you,’ said Esmerelda. ‘I won’t be staying long.’

‘How is Mrs Pettifer?’ asked Hilary, not liking to take a seat herself as her guest had not done so.

‘She’s very well.’

‘And Mr Pettifer? I hope he has recovered from his cold.’

‘Oh, yes. It was nothing, you know. Men do so like to make a fuss!’ said Esmerelda with a smile.

‘Have you some word for me about the Hampsons?’ asked Hilary, when Esmerelda said nothing more.

‘Not especially.’ Esmerelda smiled brightly again. ‘I wonder whether I might trouble you for some refreshment?’