Carides's Forgotten Wife (12 page)

At least, no more than he already had.

Those memories, the memories of how he had treated their marriage, were the most difficult to reconcile.

He still couldn’t remember April, Isabella’s mother. Couldn’t specifically remember dealing with her when she had told him about her pregnancy. He could only make assumptions. He was consigning a certain amount of memories to that file. Memories he would simply have to forget ever existed.

He knew enough now to function as Leon Carides. He knew enough to see to his work. To be a father. And to be a husband. He didn’t need anything else.

Rose walked into the studio space that they were beginning to share more often than not. He was holding Isabella as he sought to work on his computer. He had missed so much time with her, he liked to make it up when he could.

“I thought I might find the two of you in here.”

“I’m never anywhere else,” he responded.

She smiled, her expression almost sad. “That’s going to change. Soon you’ll be going out and going to work. Probably traveling again.”

He frowned. “Yes. I was thinking about that. I see no reason why you and Isabella can’t travel with me. I know you’ve been working to archive your father’s writing. To compile your family history. But surely once you have a good amount of that digitized you can start to travel away from the manor.”

“Yes. I don’t see any reason why I can’t.” The offer made her glow; the response made him warm in his chest.

“Well, that’s settled then. Of course, this is assuming that you aren’t sick of me.”

“Not even a little bit,” she said, treating him to a smile that he knew down in his bones he didn’t deserve.

“I have also been thinking about the fact that we never did have a party here in the manor. I know it isn’t Christmas. But I will be returning to work. I’m going to need to put on a strong face. Of course, most of the world doesn’t know about the exact effects my accident had. But I am going to have to put on quite a show to restore confidence in my abilities as an investor. Beyond that...there is the small matter of introducing Isabella as part of our family.”

The look of pain on Rose’s face stole any warmth that had just lodged itself in his chest a moment ago. “Of course we will,” she said, her tone practical.

“It is a necessity. But of course, the world will not believe that you secretly gave birth to a child. I’m going to have to confess my indiscretions.”

She nodded slowly. “And I suppose I’ll stand behind you like a dutiful wife as you make the claim.”

“You do not have to stand behind me. You can stand in the crowd and throw rotten fruit if you like.”

She shook her head. “No. I’m not going to do anything that would cast you or our family in a negative light. No, we can’t hide the truth. Obviously, Isabella isn’t my baby. And, honestly, if we tried to maintain that fiction it would only come crashing down around us later. Nothing is going to stop April from coming forward if she sees the potential opportunity for a payday. She didn’t seem like a terrible person, but she did seem like a woman who might find herself in desperate straits eventually. We don’t want to open ourselves up to that. The truth is the only way forward.”

It had been true for the two of them; of course it would continue to be true for their family.

“I agree. We will release a statement, but quietly. After our party.”

“You want to have a party?”

“Yes. With my beautiful wife by my side. A statement. Of my commitment both to you and to the business. A show of how things are changing after the accident.”

“I see. And what will you tell the public?” she asked.

“Simple. I will tell them that you nursed me back to health. I will tell them that my brush with death caused me to reevaluate some things. And that I have changed. All of these things are true.”

“Yes. Just leaving out the part about the amnesia.”

“I feel that amnesia is best left unmentioned.”

“That is probably true. First of all, I doubt very many people would believe it,” she said, wrinkling her nose.

“We are rather like a bad soap opera, aren’t we?”

She crossed the space, coming to sit down beside him, and pressed kisses on his cheek. “With a little bit less tragedy, I hope,” she said.

“One can only hope.”

“Then, I suppose we are going to be very busy planning a party,” she said.

“Or rather, the staff will be. I would rather keep you busy with me.”

Rose smiled. “That can be arranged.”

CHAPTER ELEVEN

P
UTTING
ON
FORMAL
dresses never did end well for Rose. That was why she was unaccountably twitchy and deeply uncomfortable as she zipped up the crimson gown, smoothing the silky fabric, watching the weight conform to her figure. First there was her prom. Then there was her wedding. And now this.

It made her feel a deep sense of encroaching doom. It made her feel so uneasy she could hardly breathe.

She looked at her reflection. At the wide-eyed woman staring back. She was expertly made up, shadow highlighting the blue of her eyes, her lips a deep crimson.

But she still saw plain, bookish Rose. Who would have to go downstairs and stand next to Leon, who couldn’t be called plain or bookish in any circumstances.

She took another breath. It would be fine.

This was different. This was their first party as a married couple. This was a symbol of Leon’s commitment to moving forward with her. This was their new beginning. And yes, eventually, they were going to have to deal with the fact that they had to tell the world about him having a child with another woman. But, for tonight, they would just have their party. For tonight, Leon would show off his improved health, and they would stand together, truly a couple for the first time in the eyes of the world.

She took a deep breath, looking down at Isabella, who was in the small bassinet that was currently in the room she shared with Leon. The baby was sleeping, and Elizabetta would be upstairs to ensure that she was taken care of during the party.

Still, it was Rose’s first instinct to stay hidden up here with the baby. Mostly because she was used to hiding. Used to staying out of the spotlight. Out of the way.

She was used to watching from upstairs. She was definitely not used to being down in the party.

“Well,” she said fiercely to her expression. “Tonight you are.”

The bedroom door opened and Leon walked in. Her heart slammed against her breastbone, her mouth going dry. He looked beautiful in his perfectly fitted suit, all traces of the vulnerable, confused man she had spent the past couple of months caring for erased. This was the Leon she had always known. Confident. Suave. Perfectly at ease in any situation he might be dropped into.

“Rose,” he said, his dark gaze intense. “You look... I don’t have words. There is nothing that will do you justice.”

She felt her skin heating all over. “Thank you.”

“Shall we?” He extended his arm, and she looped hers through it. Then they continued downstairs together.

The ballroom was already full of guests, men who looked exquisite in their tuxedos, women who were resplendent in their gowns. That earlier insecurity that was vibrating over her body grabbed hold, worked its way beneath her skin.

He had said there were no words for her beauty, and yet there were so many women in here who possessed a much richer, deeper beauty than Rose did.

The kind of women he used to prefer to her.

He had spent nearly two months with her as his only lover. Surely these other creatures, rare hothouse flowers—that were nothing like the common garden variety of bloom that she was—held greater appeal.

Perhaps that was why he had no words. Because she was simply plain.

At some point
, she scolded herself, tightening her hold on him,
you have to trust him.

Yes, at some point she would. But it was difficult. Not because he hadn’t proved himself to be loyal over the past couple months. Simply because these months were like something out of a dream. And when it all came down to it, he had not offered her the most important thing. He had promised commitment. He had promised it several times over. But he had never offered feelings. He had never offered love. That concerned her.

Attraction was one thing. It was most certainly real. At least between the two of them. At least...for her.

What would happen when that changed? What would happen if she were to become pregnant with his child? If her body changed? What would happen when she aged? Would his feelings change along with her appearance?

She pushed the thought firmly into the back of her mind. She was not going to focus on anything like that. She wasn’t going to doubt him. Not now, not when he had given her nothing to doubt.

A man in a perfectly cut suit, with a beautiful woman on his arm, crossed the space between them. The woman was visibly pregnant, although her bump was neat and small, making her look rather serene and elegant. And she was very much in love with her companion.

“Carides. It is good to see that you’re unharmed.”

She could see by the relatively blank look on Leon’s face that he was not entirely certain of who he was speaking to.

“We haven’t met,” Rose interjected. “I’m Rose Tanner. I’m Leon’s wife.”

At that, the man’s beautiful companion blinked. “Nice to meet you,” she said. “I’m Charity. Charity Amari. This is my husband, Rocco.”

“Charmed,” Rocco said, reaching out and taking her hand, pressing his lips to her skin.

She could see something change in Leon’s expression. “The last time I saw you was just before my accident,” he said.

“Yes,” Rocco said. “I’m glad to see you weren’t killed. Though I did find myself a little bit irritated with you as you did such a good job of charming my wife.”

Rose looked at Charity, then down at the baby bump. Charity laughed. “That is definitely my husband’s doing,” she said. “Not yours. I was not as charmed as Rocco feared I might be. But since I was feeling rather uncharmed by him at the time, he had cause for concern.”

“My own fault,” Rocco said. “But all is well now. As it seems to be with the two of you.”

“Yes,” Leon said, taking a step toward Rose and wrapping his arm around her waist. “One thing my accident showed me was that I was taking my wife for granted. I will not do so anymore.”

Rose couldn’t help herself. She turned to look at her husband. “Why?”

He frowned. “Why what?”

“Why won’t you take me for granted?”

She knew what she wanted to hear. She didn’t know why she was pressing for it now. But it was too late to turn back.

“Because,
agape
. You’re very important to me.”

“Why?” she insisted.

“Oh, dear,” Charity said. “I do think you might be in a bit of trouble, Mr. Carides.”

“That is nothing new,” Leon said, his tone smooth. Clearly, he was no longer uncertain of how he knew the Amaris.

“Well, I suggest you find a way to fix it,” Rocco said. “I’m glad that I did.”

The two of them turned and walked away, and left Rose alone with Leon.

Jealousy was like a fire-breathing dragon inside of her. “Would you care to explain to me exactly how you know her?”

“Jealousy, Rose? You know perfectly well that I committed sins before my accident. That has been made abundantly clear. But if you suspect every woman we come into contact with—”

“I have every right to suspect her. We’ve been living in a dream world, Leon. Everything between us has been so easy. Because we’ve been here alone.”

“We have not been alone. If you will recall we had a visit from one of my former mistresses. And it has not been easy. As you will also remember she came to give me my child.”

“I have not forgotten.”

“You think so little of me that you think you have cause for concern just because other women are parading themselves in front of me?”

“When have you earned anything else?” She despised this small, mean part of her that was lashing out at him now. It was all of the insecurity. Roiling inside of her like a beast.

He shook his head. “I haven’t. But at some point, you will have to allow me to try without constant suspicion.”

“Just answer my question.”

“I met Charity at an event the night of my accident. She was firmly and fully besotted with the man she has now married. She had no interest in me.”

“But you tried to see if she might?”

“Mostly to make Rocco angry. I find him insufferable.”

“You remember him now.”

When Leon had a memory, it tended to come in waves. She wondered which other memories would be visiting them tonight. She should have known there would be new memories. After all, they would be encountering people he had interacted with in the life that extended beyond the one they had created here in the manor. This truly had been a cosseted existence, one she hadn’t fully appreciated until now.

Now she was sharing him with the world. This man who had become so essential to her. She had always cared for him, but now that they had become intimate it was different. Now he felt like he was a part of her. And allowing other women to look at him, allowing them to get anywhere near him... It was much more difficult than she had anticipated it might be.

There were women here who would remember what it was like to be with him. Who would remember what he looked like naked. And he would have similar memories of them.

She really hadn’t appreciated how hard that might be.

“Do you remember anyone else?”

“Is that a rather snappish way of asking if I have ex-lovers here?”

“Yes,” she said, her voice near to a hiss.

“You have certainly changed, Rose. You used to be much more biddable.”

“New things you’re starting to remember?”

“Yes.”

“Who knew this party would be such a treasure trove.”

He grabbed hold of her arm, stopping her from walking away, turning her toward him. Then he reached out, gripping her chin between his thumb and forefinger. “What we have has been good. Do not ruin this.”

“How can you accuse me of being in any danger of ruining it? I’m not the one who took lovers during our marriage.”

“No. That was me. I am the one who took lovers during our marriage. I did not hide it. I am ashamed of it. I am also the one who cannot change the past. And so,
agape
, I would ask that if you wish to be in a marriage with me you allow me to move on from the mistakes that I have made. For if you never allow me to be more than that, then how will I ever transcend it?”

“It’s on me now?” she asked, her tone icy.

“If you want to be with me,” he responded. “If I can never be anything to you but the man who betrayed you then I don’t see how we can move forward.”

His words hit her square in the heart. “I’m sorry.”

She had been nervous from the moment they had arrived down here at the party. She wasn’t acting like herself. And it wasn’t fair to him.

“Can you tell me what the problem is?” His voice was tender, his eyes soft. It made her feel terrible.

“We don’t need to have this discussion now.”

“I fear that we might. Especially as you seem so very upset with me.”

“I’m not upset with you. But... I can’t forget the fact that you were happy to sleep with every woman in this room except me for the past two years. And yes, that makes me a little bit insecure. And it’s much easier to be angry at you than it is to feel that insecurity.”

“You are exaggerating. I did not sleep with every woman in this room.”

“Oh, really?”

“A third of them. Maybe. And that’s being generous.”

She laughed, in spite of herself. “All right. So maybe I’m being a little bit overdramatic. It’s just... It’s hard for me to believe this is real. Everything has changed so much. You’ve changed so much. And I suppose I’m afraid that you’ll wake up and everything will change back.”

He tipped his head to the side, his dark eyes glittering with intensity. “I’m not asleep, Rose. I’m not going to wake up from anything.”

She nodded slowly. “Okay. I think I understand that. But it isn’t as though there is a guideline for dealing with things like this.”

“Yes. Sadly, the
So Your Spouse Has Amnesia
handbook has been out of print for quite some time.”

“It really is a shame. Women like me could use some guidance.”

“Well, I’m all out of guidance. Why don’t we dance?”

He took her hand and led her out into the middle of the dance floor. Rose allowed herself to be swept into his arms. For a moment, she felt like she was lost in one of her childhood dreams. The ballroom was ornately decorated, the music swirled around them. Her husband, so strong, so impossibly handsome held her close. And when he turned her, she could see straight through the ballroom doors, up to the top of the stairs where she used to sit, crouched and watching as her parents did the very same thing.

Finally, she was a part of this life that she had dreamed of for so long. She felt like she was standing in a dream. And she knew there was only one thing that would make it even more perfect. The one thing that was causing the trouble tonight.

It was a risk. She knew it was. But she was ready to take it. Here, lost in this beautiful moment that seem to be comprised almost entirely of stars, she felt as though she could never fall down to the ground. And if she did, surely he would catch her.

“Love,” she said, her voice soft. “It’s the lack of love that’s concerning me. I love you. I love you so much, Leon, and I want very much for you to love me, too. That’s what I need to be certain. That’s what I need to trust. Love.”

He went stiff beneath her touch, his black eyes taking on a hollow quality.

The world as she knew it fell away, the stars burning out. And Rose fell down to earth.