Captive Heart (3 page)

             
Saskia lay quivering on her bed in her Bronx studio apartment. She could not believe what she had done, or the thoughts she had entertained. Above her, the play had ended. The music had stopped, and whatever else was said she could not hear. She felt very alone now. She still did not fully understand what went on upstairs or who was behind it. Her confusion was her own fault for eavesdropping.

             
The worst part was that she already knew she was going to eavesdrop again as soon as the opportunity arose.

******

             
“To Azul, baby! WHOO!”

             
Suzy and Kayla were already on their second bottle of wine. They were young, albeit a few years older than Saskia. They were both a little heavier than she, but very curvy and beautiful. With their similar bodies and pixie haircuts they could have passed for sisters. In Saskia's neighborhood back in Iowa, they probably would have had to pretend to be. Rather than feel sadness, however, Saskia felt elation to be in a new community that was so eager to welcome her. She had only met Suzy and Kayla this afternoon. Ruby had taken it upon herself to throw Saskia a party and had invited the two girls from across the hall, introducing them to Saskia following her return from her meeting.

             
Getting into the city had turned out to be far harder than wowing the Azul reps had been. Saskia had made a mental note that she was going to have to dedicate at least a day to getting familiar with the public transit system. The meeting itself had turned out to be a formality, much as her friends and loved ones had predicted. The members of the advertising department had not been two lustful men and their swarthy, domineering boss. Instead, she had met with two charming women and the fellow from the IT department who would be her troubleshooter, in case anything with the coding for the ads did not go smoothly. It had taken half an hour. They came in ready to tie Saskia's business to their own. For Saskia, it was still overwhelming to believe.

             
The meeting room had been much as she had imagined it, though. That was more than a little distracting. She sat there the entire time with her ears burning over her fantasy from the night before.

             
“Saskia, I've been going through all your old entries ever since Ruby introduced me to your blog the other day,” Kayla was saying. “You've got some great stuff on there. I've looked at those beauty blogs before, and none of them have interested me. You've got what they don't. You've got looks
and
talent!”

             
Elderly Mr. Podolski sat diagonally across from Kayla. They were all gathered around Ruby's kitchen table. The boys, Jeremy and Kenny, were with Ruby's sister for the night. Mr. Podolski was another new acquaintance. He was well groomed and seemed very sweet and soft-spoken. He smiled at Kayla's gushing adulation, which Kayla did not miss.

             
“Aw, c'mon Leo,” she said to Mr. Podolski. “Lesbians use makeup too! We just don't make a fuss about it.”

             
“She's the lesbian that uses makeup,” Suzy said over her glass of wine. “I don't. I know I look good.”

             
“Nobody contradict her!” Kayla said to the table in a stage whisper. “I let her think it, so she'll feel good about herself!”

             
Everyone laughed. Mr. Podolski chuckled over his folded hands in a way that said he'd heard their banter many times before and found it funny every time. Saskia could hardly believe she felt so accepted by this little unit of apartment dwellers after so short a time. Then again, she could hardly believe she was a professional blogger with a major cosmetic company as a sponsor either. She didn't know if she was quite ready for the old cliché of loving New York, but she thought she might be in the beginnings of, at least, a mild infatuation.

             
Unfortunately, after last night, she thought she might be feeling the same thing toward the mysterious man upstairs. Given that he obviously had a woman he was on intimate terms with, that was not a good thing. Even blessed as she was with awesome new friends and a kick-ass party, she still couldn't get last night's illicit adventure out of her mind. She had hoped it would vanish with the new day, like a strange dream. Instead it was her success and her new friends that felt dreamlike by comparison. The man upstairs bore a solid reality all his own, and Saskia was now a part of it whether she had intended to be or not.

             
Walking back to the kitchen from the bathroom, Saskia happened to glimpse the digital clock in the boys' bedroom. Ten minutes until ten. She had been eating, drinking, and laughing with her friends for hours. If the mysterious unseen neighbor kept to his pattern, he would be entertaining company right about now. She could hear everyone in the kitchen laughing. Mr. Podolski was telling another story about his sister's family in Poland, with whom he had been reunited following the end of the Cold War. They were quite a hilarious bunch, it seemed. Saskia felt bad even having such illicit thoughts while surrounded by such warm-hearted mirth. No one was ready to go home yet, and it wouldn't look good to bow out early from her own party.

             
Then again, who said she had to bow out altogether?

             
Saskia was glad she had not yet opened that bottle of champagne her sister had given her as one of her going-away presents. She told Ruby and the gang she just now remembered having it. A few minutes later she was back in her apartment. As she predicted, and as she feared, the man upstairs and his equally mysterious friend were already going hot and heavy. They weren't using music this time, so she could hear things a lot better. It sounded every bit as kinky as it had the night before, but whatever the game was about was different. Or more accurately, there was not really a game this time. This was just hot and heavy sex: voice moaning in response to thrusts, the bed frame pounding against the wall.

             
There was another big difference. Saskia could not be completely sure, but it sounded like he was with a completely different woman than the night before. Saskia was repulsed and disgusted. She had no use for guys like that, and she would never let one into her life.

             
But he wasn't truly in her life, now was he? He was in Saskia's fantasy, his lusts and misdeeds pouring through the barrier that separated him from her. But he did not know it, only she knew. So, part of his reality, yes, but on a level hidden from his view. A flimsy rationalization, perhaps, but one that let her push her negative emotions to the back of her mind while she lay on her bed half naked, her dildo sliding into her flower; sped by her wetness, held tight by her strength...

             
Everyone was looking at her when she re-entered Ruby's apartment carrying the bottle.

             
“Damn, girl,” Suzy said, “You look like you just took a late-night run through Central Park.”

             
Saskia ran a hand through her disheveled hair before she could stop herself. “Took me a while to find the thing. I have so much shit still in boxes you wouldn't believe it. You'd be amazed how hard it can be to find something in a shoebox room like mine.”

             
“Well, in the time that took you could have just gone down to the liquor store and bought a bottle!” Suzy's comment got everyone laughing again and eased the awkward moment. Popping the cork and getting the liquor flowing again eased it further. A few more hours of toasts and laughter and they were all finally ready to call it a night. But Ruby took Saskia aside after the other three guests had gone out the door.

             
“Saskia, are you okay? You haven't seemed like yourself ever since you went upstairs. Is everything all right?”

             
“Oh, yeah. I'm fine. Guess I'm just not used to drinking that much.”

             
Raising two boys, Ruby had the “mom” look down to a science. “You drank half of what Kayla drank, and believe me, she was acting way more drunk than she actually was. What's going on? This is your big day. Nothing should be spoiling it.”

             
Saskia could tell that Ruby would see right through any excuse she made. Lying was not her forte, especially where friends were concerned. “The guy upstairs had something going on again. I got distracted listening, that's all. Not for very long.”

             
Ruby cocked her head, black curls bobbing in time with her disapproval. “Saskia, stay away from him, seriously. Forget about him. The guy is creepy, and he's got God-only-knows-what going on up there.”

             
“You don't even know him.”
             
“I've seen the guy, which is more than you can say.”

             
Damn. Ruby had a point. “I can hear him, Ruby. All the time. It's not like I can get away from it.”

             
“There's a Walgreens two blocks away that sells earplugs. I'd get some. In a few weeks, road work season will be in full swing, and you're going to want them then, anyway.”

             
Saskia could cock her head too. “Ruby, you said nothing should spoil my big day, which is kind of what you're doing. Maybe the guy and his friends are a little weird, but I can hear things through the ceiling pretty well; and it doesn't sound like he's doing anything criminal. I can't help it, Ruby. I love a mystery.”

             
Ruby's look said she wasn't convinced but also that she was wise enough to know when to let something go, at least for the time being. “Put the mystery novel on the back burner for now, Saskia. You've still got at least one more blog entry to do this week. You'd best get ready.”

             
“And get some sleep,” Saskia finished. “Yes ma'am. But if my entry goes up late tomorrow, I'm telling my public that it was you who kept me up all night.”

             
Saskia's joke smoothed out the tension. The two women embraced and said their goodbyes. However, Ruby caught her one last time before she shut the door for the night.

             
“I'm glad I've gotten to know you these last few days, Saskia. I'm proud of you. Be careful.”

             
Saskia could only nod. Ruby shut the door with a look that left much unspoken. She knew exactly what Ruby had been telling her to be careful of. Saskia thought it might already be too late for that.

             
When she re-entered here room the upstairs was quiet. In her rush to get back downstairs earlier she had left the dildo lying on her bed. Seeing it made her remember everything she had heard during that brief interlude upon her bed.

             
She lay down, naked again, in almost the exact same spot. It turned out that fresh memory on its own was more than enough.

******

             
Saskia's life grew rich in the days that followed. When she had moved to New York she assumed she would be working on her website pretty much non-stop. But even with hours of research and hours of experimenting with different looks, there was still plenty left to do with the day. Afternoons saw her having tea with Ruby and watching the boys while their mother ran errands. Suzy and Kayla loved cooking and company, and Saskia became a frequent dinner guest. Being retired, Mr. Podolski had plenty of hours to fill himself, and Saskia looked forward to her chances to go out with him as he showed her his favorite haunts in the city: parks, libraries, museums, and obscure little shops, the finding of which was half the fun.

             
She wasn't exactly earning a fortune, even with the benefit of Azul's ad traffic, and the lack of insurance was going to be a problem down the road. But Saskia had found the beginnings of both a career and a rich social life with incredible ease; she had not expected either for months or years. Both Stacey and her father assured her that she had earned these blessings. There was no reason to second-guess any of it. By the time the phone conversations ended, she usually believed them. Except that by that time of night, the noises from upstairs would start. And those were enough to make her second-guess her whole life.

             
Saskia loved her new friends and her new life. What would they think of her if they knew that her late night eavesdropping was the part of the day she looked forward to most of all? Nothing to do with any of them, but rather futile lusts played out alone to the half-heard conquests of an unseen stranger. As the weeks passed, Saskia found herself getting dangerously creative. Lying on her back while she used the dildo was not enough. She would fuck herself with it doggy style, or imagine the man upstairs laying her on her side, holding her leg up and entering her from behind. She varied it all in accordance to whatever game was played above her that night. Women came and went from upstairs, but they all liked variety. The man they came to see knew how to give it. Saskia listened and learned how to give it to herself.

             
Eventually Saskia learned how to give herself more than one orgasm in a session. So far, that was something that the various female visitors upstairs could not do.