Captivated: Letting Go\Seize the Night (Cosmo Red-Hot Reads from Harlequin) (7 page)

Chapter Eight

“You’re in a good mood,” Diane observed, lifting an eyebrow. A familiar expression. She’d known Jesse for so long, yet seemed continuously capable of being surprised by the things he did.

He waited until Laila disappeared up the steps into his apartment before answering. “Had a good night.”

Diane, to give her credit, did not roll her eyes. She looked past him to make sure their daughter was out of hearing range, too. “What’s her name?”

“Can’t hide anything from my girls, can I?” Jesse reached to poke her arm, but Diane danced out of the way.

She frowned. Shit, she was upset? She never got jealous about his dates.

“I’m not your girl, obviously. So it
is
a woman. Laila said you had a new girlfriend.”

“I don’t. Yet.” Jesse eyed her, wondering how his daughter had figured it out and chalking it up to the fact she was genius-level smart. “But maybe I will, if I’m lucky.”

What’s it to you?
was the unspoken question that would remain unsaid, because to put it into words would sound belligerent. It would prompt a fight, and he didn’t want that. Jesse shivered in the cold air, too aware of his bare feet and chest. He’d come down to answer the door in only a pair of jeans. He’d barely made it home in time to shower before it was time for Diane to drop off Laila, and by the way she was looking him over, he was guessing she’d figured that out.

“Edward and I are having some trouble,” Diane said. “That’s all.”

Jesse frowned. “Oh. Sorry to hear that.”

“Laila is going to take it hard if we break up, Jesse.”

“That bad, huh?” He meant the breakup, not his daughter’s reaction to it. He had an idea that Laila would be better about it than Diane expected.

“She needs stability.” Diane shot another glance over his shoulder. “Consistency. I’m just saying now might not be the best time for you to bring in someone new.”

It was his turn for an eyebrow lift. In the beginning, when they’d been kids trying to figure out how to be parents, he and Diane had argued a lot over stupid things. When they’d finally parted as a couple, agreeing it was better to be friends who raised a child together than enemies who ruined one, they’d still argued, but it had been about different stupid stuff. They’d never, however, argued about who they were dating. Or when to date someone.

“It’s still early. You know I don’t bring just anyone around, Diane.”

“Well, you’re obviously fucking this new woman, whoever she is.”

Jesse bit back a retort and made sure to keep his voice calm. “And?”

“Nothing.” Diane drew in a deep breath and gave him an insincere smile. “I’m sure you’ll do the right thing.”

Annoyed now, Jesse stepped back into the foyer to get out of the cold. “You make that sound like a question.”

“I’m upset. Forget it. Sorry. I know you’ll take our daughter’s best interests into account when you decide what’s more important, her welfare or your dick.”

“Wow,” Jesse said after those words had hung in the air between them for a few seconds. “Well, then, you have a great day.”

She gave him a bitter, brittle smile and left him standing there in the cold.

* * *

“I’ve never seen it.” Colleen cradled her phone to her ear as she stirred the pot of noodles and got ready to drain them. “I’ve seen most of the others, but not the newer ones.”

“We have the whole Disney collection. A bunch of VHS tapes, even. Totally old-school.” Jesse’s voice was pitched low because he was with his daughter watching
The Fox and the Hound
.

Colleen had told him to enjoy the time with Laila, that he didn’t have to be on the phone with her, but she was still blushingly pleased that he wanted to talk to her badly enough to make it a priority even when he had other stuff going on. “Wow. I don’t even have a VCR anymore.”

“I pick them up at yard sales and thrift stores. You know, some of them can be worth a lot of money, actually. Not that I’m buying them to sell. Just to enjoy.”

She heard a shuffling, and the sound of the movie got far away. Then all she heard was the soft in-out huff of his breathing. “What’s going on?”

“Came into my bedroom to talk to you in private.”

Colleen pressed the phone to her ear and closed her eyes for a moment, unable to stop her grin. Why did something so simple make her so happy? She wanted to shake it off, but let herself indulge in the glow a little longer. He wanted to talk to her. He wanted her.

Still... “I should let you go.”

“No, no, it’s fine. She’s totally into the movie. It’s our Friday night thing. Disney and Chinese food.” Jesse sounded like he was smiling, too. “We’ve got a good one coming up,
The Sword in the Stone
. Mad Madam Mim. You’d like it.”

They’d talked every day, sometimes only a few texts, sometimes a few hours of conversation. She’d sent him a list of commands, intrigued to see what he’d do with them, and had been sent spiraling into heady, giddy arousal when he’d returned her text with detailed descriptions, including photos, of exactly how he’d fulfilled her demands. They’d been in near-constant communication, yet she hadn’t actually seen him since last week.

She’d suggested dinner on his night off, but he’d had his daughter with him. And though she could’ve gone in to see him at The Fallen Angel during his shift, Colleen didn’t want to be that woman, the one who hung around all starry-eyed about her lover while he tried to do his job. And because he slept during the day and she worked outside the city, lunch had been out of the question.

“I miss you,” she said impulsively. “I wish I could see you tonight.”

“Yeah... Me, too. But I have Laila.”

It was too soon for her to meet his child, even for something as casual as Disney and Chinese. She knew that. And frankly, the idea of meeting Jesse’s daughter was more than a little intimidating. It was a bigger step toward something Colleen was still trying to convince herself wasn’t going to happen. Yet it had been almost a week since she’d seen him. Touched him.

“Right. I didn’t mean I expected to. I just meant I wanted to, Jesse.”

Her voice dipped, going raspy and low. They’d had phone sex two nights before, a first for her, and he’d told her afterward that it had been the way she said his name that had finally tipped him over the edge. She couldn’t hear herself say it now without remembering that.

Before he could answer, her phone beeped. She looked at the number, wincing when she saw it was Steve. If she didn’t answer she’d only have to call him back.

“I’m getting a call,” she told Jesse. “Can I call you back when I’m done?”

He hesitated. “Yeah...I mean, I might be busy. But sure.”

Colleen hesitated, too, cursing Steve’s timing. “I know you’re with your daughter, Jesse. If you don’t want me to call you—”

“No. It’s okay. It’s fine. Call me back.”

Something was off in his tone, but she disconnected the call anyway. It was too late to catch Steve, so she dialed him back without listening to his voice mail. Consequently, when he answered brusquely, she was instantly wary and wishing she’d warned herself.

“What are you, a moron?” Steve said.

Colleen bit back a caustic reply. “Nice.”

“It’s not that hard, you know,” Steve told her. “To make sure someone’s at the house to handle deliveries and repairs. That’s a necessary thing, Colleen, about having a property you don’t live in. Someone to take care of it.”

She had someone who looked after the property, and Steve knew it, but she didn’t point it out. Arguing with him was pointless, because nobody won against Steve. Steve was never wrong. Steve was never sorry. Steve was never responsible.

Steve, Colleen thought, could go fuck himself.

“What were you having delivered?”

“Some things for the house,” he said impatiently. “Obviously.”

Though she’d trained herself to listen for the sound of slurring in his voice that meant he’d been drinking, she also knew he’d been on the wagon for a year now. It hadn’t done much for his temperament. He’d been easier to please when he was drunk, and being dry had only made him more self-righteous and cranky.

“What things? Also, Steve, you know Joe takes care of the house in the winter. You could’ve called him yourself.”

“How was I supposed to know?”

She grimaced. “Because he’s done it for years? Who did you think would be there to take your delivery? I mean, nobody lives there, Steve. Did you imagine somehow it might magically happen on its own? And what repairs are you talking about?”

“I broke a window the last time I was down.”

At this, she paused, choosing her words carefully. “How did that happen?”

“I was locked out. I was trying to get in.” Same old Steve, sounding stubborn. “You didn’t leave the key in the right place the last time you were there.”

She hadn’t been there in months, too busy with work and the bad weather to think about getting away for a weekend, though she loved the beach in winter, maybe even more than during the summer. Steve’s casual blame rubbed her like sandpaper. “I absolutely did. And I haven’t been there since October.”

It didn’t matter what she said. Whatever had happened was her fault. It always was, and she was sick of it.

“Don’t expect me to pay for the window,” she told him briskly. “Or for whatever it was you ordered for the house. You know we’re supposed to agree on everything before we do it. Like we’re supposed to consult each other on scheduling visits.”

“Right. Because you just have to have your say.” His voice dripped with derision that once would’ve had her hot with guilt. “Have to be in charge, right? In control of everything.”

“Fuck you, Steve.”

He made a startled noise but recovered quickly. “No, thanks, sweetheart... Your cunt has teeth.”

Colleen disconnected before he could continue with what she knew would be something harsh and crude. When he called back, she sent him directly to voice mail. Breathing hard, her world spun. She paced, fury fisting her hands hard enough for her fingernails to cut into her palms.

She was done letting him make her feel bad, she told herself. Steve was not her lover. Not a friend. He was an arrogant, pathetic tyrant who’d never learned the art of getting along with other people.

And once, long ago, she had loved him.

Colleen’s knees gave out, and she sank onto the couch to put her head in her hands. Steve, when they met, had been charming and affable and considerate. He’d been funny. He’d made her feel pretty and wanted and important, at least for a time, until the years had passed and things had changed. She’d never really been sure exactly why or how, or what she’d done to cause it, or how she might’ve prevented it. Remembering how she’d felt about him in the beginning only made her feel so much worse about how much she disliked him now.

Her phone buzzed again with another call from him. Again, she sent it to voice mail. He could berate her until his heart’s content and she could delete the message without listening to it. She could delete his texts unread. She didn’t need to tolerate his abuse any longer, not even for the sake of once having been in love.

Still, her heart pounded and her palms hurt. Her jaw ached from clenching it. Her face felt hot. She picked up her phone and dialed a number that had become familiar.

“Jesse,” she said. “I need you.”

Chapter Nine

“Laila’s asleep.” Jesse scooted the popcorn bowl out of the way so he could sit a little closer to Colleen on the couch.

He couldn’t stop himself from brushing away the heavy length of her hair that had fallen over her shoulder. Mindful of what Diane had said, he hadn’t intended to invite Colleen over. He’d been trying to keep at least a little bit of distance this week for Laila’s sake. The kid hadn’t even mentioned Diane’s split with Edward, and when he’d tried to gently bring up the subject, she’d given him a blank sort of look and a shrug. Colleen wouldn’t have been the first girlfriend Jesse had ever brought around, though it had been a couple years since there’d been anyone special enough to introduce to his kid. It had made sense to take a step back to consider what Diane had said, but clearly it wasn’t an issue.

And Colleen had said she needed him.

He’d been lost to her, then. Her need, an aphrodisiac. His desire to please her, undeniable.

Colleen put her head on his shoulder and nuzzled into him. It had only been a little over a month since the weekend of the snowstorm, but everything about her felt as though he’d known her forever. Her hair tickled his nose, but he didn’t move until he felt the whisper of her lips on his throat. Then he couldn’t stop himself from twitching.

She laughed against him. “Stay still.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

He felt a moment of tension in her, but it faded immediately. She spoke against his skin, letting her teeth press him now and then. “I like it when you say that. Too much.”

“Why too much?” His hands roamed her back, stopping just above the sweet curve of her ass. Waiting for her to urge him with her body to touch her there.

“All of this is too much,” he thought she said, but her voice had dipped so low he couldn’t be sure of her words.

When she moved against him, pushing his shoulders to the back of the couch so she could straddle him, then take his face in her hands, Jesse’s head tipped back. Colleen nudged his chin to tip it farther, exposing the line of his throat to her hungry, nibbling mouth. She rocked on his lap, and he was rock-hard in seconds. That was what she did to him. A word, a look, a touch, and he was aching for her.

It was more than the sex. It was her laughter when he teased her. The softness of her breathing when she fell asleep curled inside the circle of his arms. How she looked in the morning, rumpled from sleep, so sexy and sweet and delicious.

He was falling for her in a big way, and nothing had made that more evident than how he’d felt this entire week without seeing her...and how he’d felt the moment he saw her tonight.

She kissed his mouth, hard and bruising, and caught his lower lip between her teeth, tugging. She stopped before it really hurt, then used the sweetness of her tongue to lick away the ache. She ground herself against him, her soft, heavy tits crushing to his chest until he wanted to thrust hard against her. But he didn’t.

Because she hadn’t said for him to move.

Jesse’d known for a long time what flipped his switch. He’d dated a girl who’d been really into camping. Tying knots. She’d had her own collection of ropes for climbing, and though he’d never taken up the sport, he’d gained a true appreciation for all the uses of carabiner clips and smooth nylon cord. It had never occurred to him that what he liked was submission, though later internet porn had taught him some kinky new terms to describe what got him off.

“Open,” she demanded of his mouth, and he gave it to her. Her tongue stroked his. Then she sucked his gently before breaking the kiss to breathe. “You taste so good.”

His fingers tightened on her hips. He wanted to slide his hands beneath her shirt, but kept himself from it. She must’ve seen it in his face, though, because she gave him a curious half-tilting smile.

“You want to touch me.”

“Oh, yeah. Yes.” He tried, teasing the hem of her shirt upward to get at the smooth heat of her skin, judging to see if she was going to let him...or if she’d get stern. Either was a win, as far as he was concerned.

“Tell me, Jesse, what you want to do to me?”

That stumped him for a moment. “You want me to talk dirty?”

“I want you to tell me what you want to do to me,” Colleen said into his ear before taking his lobe in her teeth and biting. When he reacted with a groan, her low and throaty laugh tickled his ear and sent another surge of arousal straight to his skyward-pointing cock. “And how it makes you feel. Describe it to me.”

Shit
. He wasn’t that great with words. But she hadn’t asked, she’d commanded, and there was no way he was going to disappoint her if he could help it.

“I want to touch your tits,” he breathed, arching his back when she ground harder onto his dick. “Take them in my hands and flick your nipples tight and hard, and I want to put my mouth on them. Suck them until I hear you moan my name. Just keep sucking and licking them until they’re swollen and hard and you can’t stop yourself from moving against me.”

Colleen’s lips moved on his ear, but the rest of her had gone still. “More.”

“I want to move down your body, between your legs, and settle in there. My mouth on you, making you moan my name.”

She did when he said that, whispering it low. Jesse arched, thrusting upward, helpless not to move at the sound of her voice. Colleen cupped his face, looking into his eyes. Then slowly, deliberately, she slid back a little on his thighs to unbuckle his jeans. She freed him with some struggle, but in a minute his cock was in her mouth, her hand at the base of it and stroking in tandem with the movement of her lips on his shaft.

It was his turn to mutter her name. His turn to dig his fingers into the fall of her hair. She felt so good, he couldn’t do anything but let her have her wicked way with him.

Her stroking fingers moved to caress his balls, then a little lower. Jesse arched again, trying desperately not to thrust too hard, trying to wait for her commands. At the sound of her low chuckle, heat flooded him, but he couldn’t keep himself from rolling his hips to get himself deeper into her mouth.

He looked down at her to see her meeting his gaze. “Colleen, I’m close.”

“Good.” She bent back to him, sucking and licking, flicking her tongue along the underside of his cock until he thought he might die from it.

Over and over again she teased him to the edge and then slowed or stopped entirely while her hand kept a firm grip around him. He lost himself in the sight of her and in the pleasure building, building. Until at last he couldn’t stand it anymore.

“I’m gonna—”

“Yes” was all she said, then bent back to him.

Jesse came hard enough to see stars. When he was able to open his eyes, he found Colleen giving him a very self-satisfied grin. She climbed onto his lap again to kiss him.

“Wow,” he said.

“Hot,” she answered.

They sat that way in silence for a few seconds. The pattern of their breathing aligned. So did the thump of their hearts. He pressed his face to the sweetness of her neck.

“Stay with me.”

She nuzzled against him before pulling away. “I’m not sure I feel right having a sleepover with Laila here.”

“She’s okay with it,” Jesse said. “Despite what her mother thinks.”

Ah, shit, he’d screwed up again.

Colleen got off him to sit next to him on the couch, buttoning her jeans, which he hadn’t noticed were undone. “What does her mother think?”

He reached for her hand. She let him take it but didn’t squeeze when he did. “Just that since she’s dumping her boyfriend, I shouldn’t be getting a new girlfriend because it’ll be disruptive to Laila. Which is just bullshit.”

Colleen was silent. Her fingers untangled from his. She tucked her hands in her lap.

“Is that what I am? Your girlfriend?”

Jesse ran a fingertip down her arm, stopping at her wrist and letting his hand rest on his own thigh when she made no move to take it. “Do you want to be?”

She didn’t answer him.

“Look, my kid’s the most important thing in the world to me. I don’t do stuff that I know will hurt her.” Jesse frowned, watching Colleen’s neutral expression. “But you know it’s important for her to see that her parents have lives. And more important, that I can have a relationship that works and doesn’t take anything away from my relationship with her. I don’t want her to grow up thinking that the only way to love someone is by giving up everything else.”

“Let me ask you something. Were you avoiding me this week? Seeing me, I mean.”

“A little. Yes. I thought it was the right thing to do. But I was wrong!” he added hastily at the sight of her face. “Colleen, wait. I was wrong.”

“When did you figure that out?”

“The minute you walked in the door tonight, and I realized that I’d been missing you all week like a part of me was gone,” he told her honestly.

“But you weren’t going to invite me over tonight.”

He shook his head, hating the way this conversation was going. “No. I wasn’t.”

“What changed your mind?” she asked, looking into his eyes, her own bright. Her cheeks were flushed.

He had to tell her the truth; there was nothing else to say. “You told me you needed me.”

Colleen got off the couch. “I’m going to go.”

“Wait, what? No.” Jesse got up, too, tucking himself quickly into his jeans and zippering them. “Colleen, don’t go.”

“I think it’s better if I do. I’m not comfortable spending the night with your kid here.” She didn’t meet his gaze.

Jesse snagged her sleeve as she tried to duck away from him, but when she yanked herself from his grip, her eyes wide and mouth grim, he stepped back with his hands in the air. “Sorry.”

“I had fun with you. But that’s all it is. Fun.” Colleen found her coat on the back of the chair and shrugged into it. “Your kid seems great, but maybe her mother is right. Maybe this isn’t the right time for you to have a girlfriend.”

“Or maybe you’re just not the right girlfriend. Is that it?” He regretted the words as soon as he said them, but he knew at once by the way she looked at him that he’d hit the nail on the head.

Colleen tucked her scarf into her collar and put on her gloves. “Yes. Maybe that’s it.”

“Don’t go,” Jesse said to her when she was at the door leading to the stairs down to the street. “Please, Colleen. At least, not like this.”

“Like what?” she asked without turning. “Look. I never made you any promises. I never tried to make you think...”

“Think what? That you liked me?”

Her shoulders squared, but she still wouldn’t look back. “This was a mistake. I don’t want to miss you when we aren’t together. I don’t want to need you.”

“But you do,” he said without trying to hide the bitterness in his voice.

She left, closing the door quietly behind her.