Captain Wentworth's Persuasion (31 page)

“Dr. Laraby says we should be in port sometime between late tomorrow afternoon and early the next morning, depending on the weather.” Anne held her husband’s arm more for his sake than for him to give her support. She watched as he took each step, a tentative move followed by a solid planting of his foot. “I will be happy to have you on dry land again.” She squeezed his arm.“Will it not be nice to have some solitary time together?”

“I must admit that I look forward to resting in your arms.” Frederick’s words caressed her ear, just loud enough to bring a flush to Anne’s cheek.

“You, Sir,” she half-heartedly reprimanded, “might be beyond reform.”

“I am definitely beyond reform. And you love me that way,” he whispered softly—a wicked grin spreading across his face.“In fact, you love me very well. I am married to the most beautiful wife that a man could have.”

“Why do you tease me so?You know false platitudes work only with my father and sisters,”Anne argued.

Frederick pulled her hand in closer to his side, holding her tightly to him.“I apologize, my Love. I suppose I am a man hopelessly in love. Come,Anne, let us make another turn around the deck.”

They walked a third of the way on the starboard side before he said anything else, but again Frederick spoke only loud enough for his wife’s ear.“For you, my Dear, to think of yourself as not deserving of praise—of every declared compliment—would be a blasphemy against nature. Some others might think your sister Elizabeth the beauty in the family, for she truly has a handsome face, but one need spend only a minute in her company before one sees that there is nothing there but porcelain skin and striking features.” Frederick paused before finishing; he cupped her hand with his. “However, your face is pure beauty because your loveliness comes from an inner charm—a goodness of spirit. Look at how quickly James Benwick came under your spell. Not to mention your cousin Mr. Elliot, who obviously preferred you to your sister Elizabeth. You caught the man’s attention before he even knew who
you were.As much as I despise him for his deceit, I cannot fault his taste in women.”

Anne smiled and again they walked in silence; no words needed to be spoken. Finally,Anne lifted her chin and spoke:“I am surprised, my Love; you actually said something positive about my cousin.”

“Do not expect it to happen very often,” he warned.“From the moment I saw Mr. Elliot look at you in Lyme, I wanted to introduce him to a set of chains in a rat-infested cargo hold.”

Anne looked amused. “I appreciated your display of jealousy at the concert.The gratification was exquisite. My only concern was how to quiet such jealousy and how, in all the peculiar disadvantages of our respective situations, you would ever learn my real sentiments. It was misery to think of Mr. Elliot’s attentions.—Their evil was incalculable.”

“I have been reliving our romance since my injury. It began with the laudanum-induced sleep, but it has continued throughout my recovery.” Anne nodded, surprised by his words. “Last night I dreamed of finally winning your regard, but it was not how it actually happened. It was quite extraordinary, though. I am not sure I do not prefer it to the actual event.”

“How so?”

“For one thing, I was out of my misery the day after the concert instead of having to wait three more days to know my fate.” He smiled down at her.

“Tell me about your dream,” she demanded. “I would enjoy your version of how everything
should
have been resolved.”

“Only if you will lie in my arms again when we return to my quarters.” His voice became husky.

Anne nodded her agreement.

“I am becoming tired,” he said loud enough for those close by to hear. “If you do not mind, Mrs. Wentworth, we will retire to my quarters.”

—Edwin Muir,“The Confirmation”

 

The candle burned down, leaving distorted shadows dancing in every corner. Anne snuggled against her husband’s chest as he stroked the silkiness of her hair spread out across his arm.

“Now, my Love, I want to hear how things
should
have been between us.” She caressed Frederick’s jaw line with her fingertips.

He kissed her forehead as he pulled her closer to him. “You might find this amusing,” he cautioned.

“I will not scoff at or make light of what you say. Actually, I am most interested; I used to devise scenarios of how we would rediscover each other.”

“My Darling.” He raised her chin with his fingertips and kissed her gently.

“
Tell
me,” she demanded once he withdrew.

“Yes, Sweetling,” he said dutifully before settling her in his arms once more. “Well, if you recall, you visited Mrs. Smith at Westgate Building the morning after the concert. She kindly warned you about Mr. Elliot, but, of course, I had no idea that you had left her apartment altogether in a confusion of images and doubts—a perplexity, an agitation of which you could not see the end.”

Anne sighed audibly and snuggled in closer. She kissed the underside of his jaw line before leaning back to lightly stroke the muscles of his chest. Frederick held her tightly to him, unwilling to
release her closeness. “Oh, Anne,” he groaned as he tried to force the desire away.

“I am
waiting
,” she whispered.

Unwilling to control his need, Frederick rolled her to her back and repeatedly drank of Anne’s lips.“I love you.” His mouth rested just above hers.“You are everything to me.”

Anne nibbled on his lower lip.“I suppose I will never hear your story’s ending,” she joked.

“Oh, you will hear it,” he whispered in her ear, “but not for many minutes. I have a different story to tell you—one about a man who loves his wife beyond reason.”

Anne snaked her arms around his neck, lacing her fingers through his hair.“I believe I have heard this story before.” She giggled as he kissed the sensitive spot between her neck and shoulder. “But,” she gasped as his lips traced a line from her ear to the base of her neck,“I believe—it needs—retelling.”

Some time later, Anne sat tailor-style in the middle of the bed, her hair draped prettily over her shoulders. “So I knew about Mr. Elliot. But
you
did not know how I
felt
about him,” she prompted him.

Frederick leaned against the backboard; pillows propped up his upper body. He took Anne’s hand and pulled her into closer proximity, lacing their fingers together.
¹

“Here is my dream. While you were speaking to Mrs. Smith about Mr. Elliot, I heard another version of the story from my sister and the Admiral. The Admiral had heard from one of his cronies, who also attended the concert, that at the end, Mr. Elliot declared himself—and you accepted. I did not know what to believe; I could not accept the Admiral’s words as the truth, but I knew how Mr. Elliot touched you with a familiarity that I was no longer allowed.”

“I—I am sorry,”Anne stammered.

Frederick squeezed her hand. “It occurred to the Admiral that you and Mr. Elliot might want to return to Kellynch, and he and Sophia could speak of nothing else. My heart knew such pain, and my family did not recognize it. After I heard the story, I hid in the study, pretending to read, but envisioning the worst.

“Somehow, the Admiral and you met on the street.That part of the dream was not very clear. I suppose I just needed an excuse for your appearance at Gay Street. Anyway, I hid in the study, but—much to my horror—I heard Benjamin outside the door.

“‘I cannot stay’ said the Admiral,‘because I must go to the Central Office for Naval Affairs, but if you will only sit down for five minutes, I am sure Sophie will come.—You will find nobody to disturb you; there is nobody but Frederick here.’ The Admiral opened the door as he spoke.

“There was no time for recollection! For planning behavior or regulating manners!—There was only time to turn pale before you passed through the door and met my astonished eyes. I was sitting by the fire, pretending to read and prepared for no greater surprise than the Admiral’s hasty return from his errands. Equally unexpected was the meeting, on each side. There was nothing to be done, however, but to stifle feelings and be quietly polite.

“The Admiral wanted to know the truth of the rumors, so he began to question you. ‘Why, Miss Anne, we begin to hear strange things of you.’ Benjamin smiled nicely while I cringed, awaiting your response.‘But you have not much the look of it,’ the Admiral teased,‘as grave as a little judge.’ His words brought a blush to your face, which, to Benjamin, confirmed his suspicions. ‘Aye, aye, that will do. Now, it is right. I
thought
we were not mistaken.’ His words ripped a hole in my soul. ‘My Sophie will be very happy to see you. Mind—I will not swear that she has not something particular to say to you—but
that
will all come out in the right place. I give no hints. Please sit down, Miss Anne. Mrs. Croft will be down very soon.’You moved to one of the wing chairs and sat on the edge, obviously very nervous. I assumed from my observations that you
simply did not know how to tell me the truth. ‘I will go upstairs and give Sophie notice directly.’

“You sprang to your feet.‘Please,Admiral, do not interrupt Mrs. Croft. I will call another time.’

“‘I will not hear of it,’ the Admiral said in his best military tone, and, like every man who ever served under Benjamin, you followed orders and reseated yourself.Then the Admiral bowed and offered his excuses once again—taking his leave.You and I were to be left alone to deal with our quandary. However, at the door, he turned back to me and said,‘Frederick, a word with
you
, if you please.’”

“That sounds so like Benjamin,” she observed. “What happened next?”

“I had no choice but to attend him. As Benjamin might do, he began the conversation before we were out of your hearing. ‘As I am going to leave you together, it is but fair I should give you something to talk of.’ I managed to close the door, because I knew where Benjamin’s words would lead and because I did not wish to give you pain.

“Benjamin continued,‘I must know, so if you please, I need you to speak to Miss Anne.’

“I pleaded,‘I cannot do this, Sir. Please do not ask me.’

“However, the Admiral’s agitation could not be contained. ‘We have a lease for Kellynch, but Sir Walter has an option to end it on proper notice.’

“‘Have you not signed the lease?’ I asked.

“‘Yes—yes, of course, but I hate to be at an uncertainty.—I must know at once.—Sophie thinks the same. If Miss Anne is to marry, Sophie and I will remove to another property.’

“The thought of asking if you were to marry Mr. Elliot nearly brought me to my knees, but Benjamin was oblivious to my feelings. I begged to be excused from the task; however, the Admiral was determined. ‘Phoo, Phoo,’ he shamed me. ‘Now is the time. If
you
will not speak, I will stop and speak myself.’

“I agreed, although a firing squad would have been more welcome. I no more said, ‘Yes, Sir,’ than he opened the door leading
back to you. There we were—alone—trying to overcome the impossible. I knew you must have heard part, if not all, of my conversation with Benjamin. He spoke without any management of voice, although I tried to check him.”

“Poor Frederick,” she cooed. “You actually dreamed such an awful state of affairs for yourself?”

In feigned seriousness, he spoke,“I am a real trooper.”

Anne laughed lightly at his false bravado—a tender, romantic gesture.“You are a saint, my Husband.”

“Anyway,” he began again,“I walked immediately to a window, irresolute and embarrassed. I longed to be able to speak of the weather or the concert. I stood looking out at nothing for, at least, a half minute.Then I forced myself to walk to where you sat. In a voice of effort and constraint, I followed the Admiral’s orders.‘You must have heard too much already, Madam, to be in any doubt of my having promised Admiral Croft to speak to you on some particular subject—and this conviction determines me to do it—however repugnant to my—to all my senses of propriety, to be taking so great a liberty.—You will acquit me of impertinence, I trust, by considering me as speaking only for another, and speaking by necessity.—The Admiral is a man who can never be thought impertinent by one who knows him as you do.—His intentions are always the kindest and the best; and you will perceive he is actuated by none other, in the application, which I am now with—with very peculiar feelings—obliged to make.’

“I knew I made little sense—rambling on—but when you refused to look at me, I could barely think. I stopped—merely to recover my breath—not expecting an answer. I proceeded, with a forced alacrity. ‘The Admiral, Madam, was this morning confidently informed you were—upon my word I am quite at a loss—.’ Again I took a deep breath to settle my nerves and finished by speaking quickly. ‘The awkwardness of
giving
information of this sort to one of the parties—you can be at no loss to understand me.—It was very confidently said that Mr. Elliot—that everything was settled in the family for a union between Mr. Elliot—and
yourself. It was added that you were to live at Kellynch—Kellynch was to be given up.This, the Admiral knew, could not be correct.—But it occurred to him that it might be the wish of the parties—and my commission from him, Madam, is to say if the family wish is such, his lease of Kellynch shall be canceled, and he and my sister will provide themselves with another home, without imagining themselves to be doing anything which under similar circumstances would not be done for
them.
—This is all, Madam.—A very few words in reply from you will be sufficient.—That
I
should be the person commissioned on this subject is extraordinary!—And, believe me, Madam, it is no less painful.—A very few words, however, will put an end to the awkwardness and distress we may both be feeling.’”