Can't Let Go (5 page)

SNEAKING THE ALCOHOL from the half-filled cups the guests left behind, my friends and I hide behind the bushes next to the garage. Tori won’t leave the dance floor with Bree, which allows me to have fun with my friends. I’m about to leave the safe and hidden confines behind the garage when I hear my mom calling me.

“Dexter,” she calls out into the darkness.

“Yeah, Mom,” I answer her, and she seems relieved when I reveal myself.

“Come here.” She motions her finger toward her and from her raised eyebrows I know I’ve been caught. When I approach, I purposely stand five steps back, keeping a safe distance between us. I should have known she’d just close that gap. Reaching up on her tiptoes, she inhales and then her lips turn down. “I’m disappointed in you.”

“Sorry,” I apologize, rubbing the back of my neck with my palm.

“The rest of you come out here,” she hollers behind me and all my friends file out from our secret hideaway. “You boys know better. I’m tempted to call your mothers, but just go and join the party. NO MORE drinking. Do you hear me?” For only being five-foot-three, her voice carries a lot of menace. All my friends grumble their apologies and begin to walk past her with their heads hanging low. “Give me all your keys. You’ll be spending the night here tonight.” She holds out her small hand and each one digs in their pockets, fishing out their keys and placing them in her palm.

Once they’re far enough way, she turns to me. “I’m not quite sure what you were thinking. I’m going to chalk this up to some attention stunt, but Dexter, don’t make me second guess my decision on letting you off the hook for this.”

“You won’t, I promise.” I shake my head feverishly. She’s always had to take on the bad cop role between my parents. Suddenly, guilt that she’s had to take time from her special day to parent me rises. “I’m sorry,” I say sincerely.

A long stream of breath flows out of her mouth. “Now, it’s time for you to dance with your mother.” She hooks her arm though my mine, and I escort her toward the wooden dance floor that is illuminated from the twinkling lights.

“I’m not a very good dancer,” I softly say, not about to push my luck by flat out denying to do it.

“You’ll be fine,” she encourages, tapping my hand with hers.

When we enter the wedding again, guests begin to clear the floor and the DJ announces us. Great, not only is this humiliating enough, but everyone is going to be witness to my mom’s feet’s catastrophic death.

“Everything” by Michael Bublé begins to play, and I hold my mom in my right arm while gripping her left hand just like we practiced every night this week. My feet grant me permission to start moving my mom around the makeshift dance floor. The smile across my mom’s face is enough to keep me going. “You’re doing fantastic, Dex,” she compliments, and I smile back, knowing she deserves this moment. Eventually I stop box stepping and change it up. Although I don’t want to see the video, in my head we’re elegantly gliding across this floor. At the end, I actually dip her small figure just like we rehearsed in the living room. Her proud delight that I actually completed something she worked so hard on is written all over her face. Her two hands come up and rest on either side of my face. “I love you, Dex.” Then her arms move down and she hugs me.

“I love you too, Mom.”

Applause abounds through all the guests, and we playfully bow. Well, Mom does, I nod my head instead. As we wander off the makeshift dance floor, Tori runs up to me, grabbing my hand to drag me back out to the floor when the DJ begins playing something more upbeat, but I shrug her off. Her shoulders fall, and she tilts her head in disappointment. Reluctantly, she continues on to her goal with Bree two steps behind. I don’t even give a second glance to watch her body most likely bending and twisting to the rhythm. It’s another girl that captures my sole attention. My heart picks up a beat faster watching her laughing with my cousin. I admire her confidence and assurance that I wish I had an ounce of. My teeth bite my lower lip as I hesitantly walk up to her. As usual, she senses me before I say her name, turning my way, bearing a smile that makes me have to inhale a deep breath to stabilize my hormones.

“That was beautiful,” Chrissy says, wiping a lone tear lingering from her observation of the dance with my mom. My cousin Karen nods her head in agreement next to her. The two of them attend the same school, so Karen said Chrissy would be her date for the night. Bonus for me.

“I’ll be right back,” Karen says, placing her hand on Chrissy’s arm before retreating away from us.

“Yeah, well—it was very rehearsed.” I attempt to act indifferent when truth is, I enjoyed dancing with my mom. There aren’t many times it’s just the two of us anymore. I like Ted, and I’m happy for my mom, but before him I was her number one guy—the center of her world.

“It showed with how well you did.” She stands there, her eyes on me while mine are on her newly developed chest. “So, is that your girlfriend?” she asks, nodding her head toward Tori.

Following her vision, I take a glance at Tori and Bree laughing and smiling while dancing around the small square. “Yeah,” I answer.

“She’s really pretty.” I wish I could tell Chrissy she’s pretty, but I bite the inside of my cheek instead.

“Um … thanks,” I accept, unsure of what to say next. It feels awkward and uncomfortable standing by her. It’s been too long since we’ve seen each other, leaving us in that get to know each other area before things become casual again. “How have you been?” I ask, and her eyes dart to the crowd of people at the bar and then come back to me.

“Same.” She shifts her stance, and I hate it that I have this life and she has hers. It’s so unfair that I’m allowed to distance myself from our dads’ fucked-up mess when she’s stuck living in it day after day. “Only a few more years, and I’ll be gone.” She smiles, almost as if she’s currently envisioning herself walking away with her suitcase in hand.

I’m about to ask her if she has a boyfriend when my friend Gavin stumbles over. Obviously, my mom’s authoritative voice doesn’t have the same effect on him as it does me. Bumping into me, the drink spills a little onto the grass and Chrissy steps back, eyeing him wearily. “Who’s this, man?” He doesn’t address Chrissy, but only me.

“Gavin, this is Chrissy. Chrissy, this is my friend, Gavin.” I introduce them and Chrissy politely puts her hand out while Gavin exaggeratedly shakes it up and down.

“Where have you been hiding this one?” He steps forward and stands between us. Chrissy’s eyes look past him to me, scrunching her forehead.

“It was nice meeting you, Gavin. Dex, I’m sure I’ll see you around.” She begins to walk away, and I place my hand on Gavin’s shoulder, pressing him down into a chair, which he happily does willingly before his head flops on the table.

“Chrissy, wait!” I holler, jogging to catch up to her.

By the time I reach her, she’s halfway across the dance floor. I grab her wrist and she turns, looking at my hand holding onto hers before her vision reaches my eyes. “Yeah?” she asks.

Unsure of what to say, except I don’t want her to leave. I don’t even know if she is leaving, but for some reason, I want to spend more time with her. “Dance?” I ask, and she cocks her head.

“You want to dance?” Her lips turn up and a small giggle escapes. “I’ve witnessed you dodging your girlfriend’s attempts all night, Dex.” I like it that she’s been watching me.

Tugging her toward me, I surprise myself with my dominating actions when her hands land on my chest to stay upright. “I asked
you
,” I say, and she bites her lip.

“Okay,” she agrees softly.

Just then the song changes from fast to slow. “The One” by Static Cycle begins playing from the speakers, and I place her in my arms, similar to how I held my mom only a few minutes prior. At first we’re stiff, keeping our personal space in check as though there’s a balloon in between us. As the lyrics start resonating between us, our walls seem to crumble down with the meaning of the words. She closes her eyes and opens them, wetness surrounding her hazel irises. Without thinking of any consequences, I move my hand up from the small of her back to her hairline. Nudging her my way, she willingly sways into me and places her head on my chest. Her arms move to wrap around my waist while mine encase her body. One hand splayed in her hair and the other on her hip.

Our feet shuffle back and forth, never truly leaving one spot—our spot. Her breathing seems to match mine in a slow and steady stream similar to our feet. I forgot how good I feel with her by me. How she brings out such a different Dex than others see. I’ve never put anyone in front of my own needs or wants … except for Chrissy. She’s the one who I’d give my last piece of food or clothing to if she needed it. But she’s so alone, and I’ve been such a shitty friend. Now that we’ve gotten older, we don’t have to go to the Saturday betting. Sports, school, and my friends have taken up all my time. As the word
one
continues to flow from the speakers, I can’t help but think Chrissy’s mine—my one.

When the song begins to fade, her head comes back and we’re forced back to reality.. Staring down at Chrissy, I wish I had the guts to tell her everything I just felt. If we could only stay in this moment forever. Her eyes peer up at me proclaiming the same thought. Then my arm is torn away from her and the last thing I see is her eyes widen in fear.

“Dex!” Tori screams, and I close my own eyes, wishing I would have remembered she was here, or, better yet, never had invited her. “What the hell?”

“Tori,” I address her, hoping like hell I can think of something. Chrissy could be my cousin, maybe that will work.

Tori’s eyes narrow at Chrissy, who begins to step back from the escalating situation. Shit, Tori is known to be the meanest bitch at the school, and I fear she’ll unleash a stream of venom on Chrissy if I don’t diffuse this immediately. When Bree comes over and stands next to her best friend, her eyes now focused on Chrissy as well, she’s no doubt ready to join in the cat fight if she needs to.

Glancing back, I find Chrissy’s widened eyes and her teeth biting into her lip. Clearly, she’s getting ready to bolt. Wondering if it would be better for everyone if she did, I contemplate the cousin thing again, but I’m not sure that will fly.

“Well … DEX!” Tori demands again, her heel slamming into the floor.

“This is Chrissy.” I reach back and grab her hand. She stumbles forward, but when Tori’s eye’s land on our entwined fingers, she pulls it back. “My friend.” Didn’t Mom always say honesty is best?

“Friends?” Tori questions, cocking her head to the side.

“Yes, friends,” I answer, and Chrissy remains silent.

“Are you guys really just friends?” she asks Chrissy directly, and Chrissy nods.

“Yes, I’ve known him since we were young,” she adds. I’m pretty certain we both know whatever anyone witnessed did not resemble friends.

“All right then.” Tori looks around the room. “Leo!” she screams to my friend and teammate. The big, burly guy comes over, unsure what exactly is going on.

Tori grabs him and smacks her lips against his. Leo is shocked and confused, his bulging eyes peer my way while Tori tries to entice him to deepen the kiss. Eventually, not getting anywhere, she backs away. “Is that friendship?” Tori sarcastically asks, and I wish there was one ounce of jealousy from that act. Maybe then it would mean I’d feel guilt over what I did with Chrissy.

“You think kissing my friend is going to prove some point? I don’t play games, Tori,” I seethe, stepping up, grabbing Chrissy’s hand again. “We are friends, I’m not lying. If we were more, you would have seen something more like this.” I grab Chrissy and my lips land on hers. Holding her up, she’s rigid as a board at first, but the more my lips remain on hers, she slowly eases and eventually joins the kiss. Our lips stay on the other’s for a few seconds while my stomach inflates with butterflies and my dick hardens. Once we separate from our own bubble, Chrissy inhales a deep breath, and I snap back to the reason I kissed Chrissy in the first place. “Don’t play games you can’t win,” I remark, and she runs off the floor and around the side of the house with Bree right behind her.

Chrissy gasps, and my vision leaves the departing Tori to a displeased Chrissy. “Don’t you think that was kind of cruel?” she asks.

“No, she fucking kissed my friend.”

“Yeah, but—”

“I was done with her anyway,” I inform Chrissy, but she only steps back.

“Was I just a pawn in your game?” she asks, and I can’t believe I’m hearing those words. Didn’t she feel what I did during that dance?

“No,” I honestly tell her, and she stands there, her eyes peering around the room.

“That’s not what it felt like, Dex.” She begins to turn around.

“Don’t you dare leave,” I demand, and she whips her head around.

“Do you think you have any control over what I do?” she asks, her high heels click and stop when the toes touch mine. “Just because you think you’re better than me for some reason. Money doesn’t make someone better.”

“You know I don’t feel that way,” I counter, knowing what she’s insinuating.