Can't Let Go (29 page)

After hours of me checking my phone for the time, Rob’s snide remarks, and a case of beer between us, the car pulls up. The quiet purr of his engine turning into the driveway and stopping by the walkway, where he turns off the car. Crap, he’s actually going to walk her to the door.

“Who’s this?” Rob walks to the edge of the garage, his arms stretched above, gripping the frame.

I keep the answer to myself, because the sentence can’t escape my lips without a stutter. Ryland Davis exits the confines of his car with a wave to us. My eyes fixate on Chrissy’s troubled hazel gaze staring right back at me through the window of the passenger side. Crossing my arms over my body, I watch another man open her door, offer her his hand, and her accept. All the while, my heart aches with the impact of the weight piling onto it, and I fight every impulse to run and capture her.

“Date?” Rob questions, not really looking for an answer. He turns around and busies himself with the car.

Standing there, I look out to the driveway finding all of our friends’ cars along with the guy who will steal her from my grasp if I don’t do something. The torment of letting her live the dream life she’s always wanted: the caring husband with three kids in a nice neighborhood and good schools; never a care for money or want for anything; a guy who can allow her to forget her past and her upbringing, instead of the constant reminder I would be for her.

“Will you fucking just go?” Rob nudges me forward like the good friend he’s shockingly been this whole time.

“I’m not sure I can.” My feet remain planted on the cement. When Ryland doesn’t return to his car a minute later, my fists clench with the thought that his lips are on her beautiful mouth. That he’s requesting access to her, and she’s allowing him in.

“When did you become such a pussy?” Rob asks me, lighting a cigarette. I watch the slow stream of smoke flow out of his mouth, wondering the same thing. “You’re just going to sit here and let that douchebag,” he tilts his head to a smug Ryland pulling out of the driveway, “take what’s yours?”

“She’s not mine,” I say, and he shrugs.

“She sure as shit isn’t his. How’s the saving the friendship thing going for you?” he asks, and the answer would be shitty, crappy, and lately non-existent.

Rubbing my head with my hand, I drag it down my face with the hope some sense surfaces in the next few minutes because my feet are already gearing up. I’m losing the battle within myself to stay away.

“She deserves so much better,” I finally admit to someone other than myself. “I can’t make sure she gets that life when her happiness is dependent on me.”

“You’re getting a little deep now, don’t you think? Do you love her?” he asks, tossing his cigarette down and smashing it with his boot. When I shrug, he asks again. “Do you love her, Hulk?”

“Yeah.” A huge relief emerges with the admission.

“Do you want other girls?” My head bolts up, barely able to swallow the thought because I haven’t even been with anyone since she came into town.

My face must amuse Rob, because he roars with laughter. “Sam?” he clarifies.

“No, you know that was casual, and it was over the minute Chrissy reappeared.” I shake my head, not only for Rob but also because I was so stupid to ever bring Sam back to the house that night.

“Took you long enough to realize it though.” He cranks the wrench while throwing a proverbial dart right at my chest.

“I don’t want to hurt her.” I plop down on the lawn chair next to the cooler, revealing my biggest obstacle in this whole mess, to my only friend who hasn’t found the girl of his dreams.

“Aren’t you just hurting both of you right now?” he says, lifting his head up to glue me with his eyes. I can’t believe Rob, of all people, just singed my feelings together.

“Maybe now, but it will be better in the long run,” I counter again, standing up while he shakes his head in annoyance. Walking over to the edge of the garage, I hang my arms from the top and stare over to the house.

“You are driving me fucking bat-shit crazy. Get your ass up to that room and nail the woman you love.” He points to the house. “Seriously, Dex, get the fuck out of here,” he demands, and I laugh, but Rob doesn’t.

Waving my hand above my head, my feet jog to the back door. Passing Sadie and Brady in the kitchen, I continue to my goal. My heart races with every footstep on the stairs, and when I throw open the door and find her lying on the bed, everything rights in my head.

She props up on her elbows, peering over at me, layers of make-up covering up her beautiful face. Not being able to look at her like that, as though that’s the version of Chrissy for Ryland Davis, I walk over and tug her hand. Yanking her to her feet, her hands steady on my chest, shock on her face. My fingers immediately find the button of her jeans.

“Dex,” she sighs, but doesn’t back away, even with the hesitation in her eyes.

“Please,” I beg, and she appears satisfied with that, allowing me to disrobe her. My fingers grip the edge of her shirt and pull it over her head, satisfyingly messing the overdone curls in the process. Another fakeness for Ryland, she doesn’t need all this, she’s beautiful the way she is. Unzipping her pants, I bend down on my knees and pull them from her perfect hips down her sleek legs, waiting for her step out of them. God, she’s so gorgeous and I could stab myself for not doing this sooner. My hands travel on either side of her legs, over her ass and I smile when I feel goosebumps on her skin from my touch. Pushing my fingers under the lacy edge of her panties, I mold her ass cheeks in my hand, not wanting to pull away. Then I turn my hands to grab the fabric and wrench them down, disposing her of them and almost lose my breath from admiring her there, half-naked in front of me. All of those visions, all of those dreams, and I have to take a moment to realize it’s real— this is real. My heart rate steadily climbs with the thoughts that Chrissy will be mine tonight.

It takes all my willpower to deny myself the opportunity to rain kisses up her stomach while I rise to my feet. She shivers when my fingertips brush her shoulders, down her arms, bringing the straps of her bra down with them. I stare into her eyes as she helps me by sliding her arms out and the swell of her breasts overfill her matching satin and lace bra. Pulling her close, our chests touch and the mere brush of our skins meeting almost breaks that wall of willpower down. Reaching behind her, my fingers shake as I unhook her bra, revealing her naked body for my viewing. I’m barely able to hold my shit together, because my mind is screaming to throw her on this bed and take her now. But she needs more from me, deserves more from me.

“Your turn,” she quietly says, not knowing what I have in mind. I yank my shirt off, unable to wait much longer before I can feel her body under me. Her fingers tremble as they unbutton my jeans. The hold out straining, my hand splays on her back, and I push her body against mine. Her peaked nipples creating tantalizing shivers across my chest. Unzipping my pants, they fall to the floor, and I take over, pushing my boxers to the pile of clothes. Grabbing her ass, I thrust her into my arms, allowing her to wrap her legs around my waist. I kick off my shoes, stepping out of my pants and boxers and walk us into the shower. Her hands cradle my cheeks and, as we get to the bathroom door, she raises them up my face, and pushes my hat off of my head.

I turn the water on and step in, keeping her against the opposite wall until the water warms. I refuse to give in to my impulses and kiss her. When the warm water streams across my back, I carry us into the cascading showers, allowing the pellets to rain down on our entwined bodies. Grabbing her washcloth, I let her go, and her feet find the slippery shower floor. Not being able to stare at this faux Chrissy any longer, I take ahold of the washcloth. “This isn’t the Chrissy I love.” I drag the washcloth down her cheek, slowly wiping off her makeup. Streaks of black, red, brown, and pink combine with the water to run down her face and body, leaving residue of false beauty on the washcloth, beauty she doesn’t need. She stands there, allowing me to free her of the cosmetic shell surrounding her, revealing the beautiful pearl she is. Once I have every trace gone, I toss the washcloth in the corner and caress my hands across her face and up over her hair. With my hand resting on her neck, I intently gaze into her eyes. “This is the Chrissy I love,” I proclaim.

Tears build up in her eyes, and she peers up at me in disbelief. “Dex,” she whispers.

Placing my finger to her lips, I quiet her. “I’m sorry, Chrissy. I shouldn’t have denied us this.” I beg her forgiveness, and my heart shatters watching tears escape her eyes. I’ve put her through so much crap, I try to excuse my behavior. “I was so worried about keeping our friendship intact, to be there for you in any capacity, I couldn’t see that I was just hurting both of us. That regardless, I’m your family and you’re mine.” She says nothing, staring at me and then eyes the ground. Panic quickly rises in me that I ruined this. That she won’t accept my apology and I’m too late to claim what’s supposed to be mine. “Please, say something.”

“I need to ask you one thing.” She takes a deep breath and continues to fixate on our feet.

“Why now?” she softly asks, and my stomach twists in knots that she’s not one hundred percent sure how much I love her and want her in my future.

“I thought I could remove you from my mind, but when it came down to it, I couldn’t. Seeing you with another man, thinking of him escorting you through life tore me to shreds.” I grip her arms with my hands, wanting to shake the doubt from her, but her eyes remain down. “Chrissy,” I plea, my voice angrier than I’d prefer, but fear that I took too long or that she won’t give me a chance grows with every passing second she doesn’t look up to my eyes that I’m certain are portraying how much I love her in them.

“Okay,” she says.

“Okay, what?” I bend down to look into her eyes, seeing every bit of emotion that she feels but that I never allowed her to express. Picking up her head, those hazel eyes I love meet mine. Placing her hands on my cheeks, she pulls me down to her. “You are mine now. You got that?” She smiles, and I pull her toward me.

Releasing a huge breath while the fear slowly leaves my body. “I think I’ve always been yours,” I chuckle, “ever since you stole my Game Boy.”

“Kiss me,” she demands, and I gingerly bring her head in my hands.

Drawing her in, I close my eyes and plunge into the one thing I’ve denied myself from being all mine—the sweetness of Chrissy. Our lips brush a few times, and I hear her breath hitch as I press a little firmer. I deepen the kiss and my tongue dives into her welcoming mouth. She meets my thrusting tongue immediately, quickly increasing to a feverish pace. Unable to hold my urges back, my hand fists a chunk of her hair, holding her firm for me to devour the one temptation I’ve desperately craved.

She pushes her body flush against mine, close enough for me to feel the pounding of her heartbeat. Tilting her head back, I allow my lips to travel down her jaw until I reach the neck that beckons me each time her hair is pulled back. I lick the soft skin, just as delicious as I imagined, all the way up to her ear lobe. “I need you tonight,” I whisper to her, and her body shivers in my arms. I pull back and look into her eyes, but there’s no apprehension, just pure love and want.

I turn off the water and grab her ass so she climbs into my arms again. She giggles, and I stop to kiss her one more time. I’m not sure I’ll ever have enough from her. “Take me to your bed, Dex,” she demands, and I step out of the shower with her in my arms, water dripping off our bodies onto the tile floor. “Don’t slip,” she says, her hands behind my head, gripping me tightly.

Opening my door, I walk us over and lay her down on my bed. My whole body at peace with her there. The feeling of rightness in the moment can’t be denied. Half kicking myself for denying the two of us this for so long, I use the other half to make it up to her. “You’re so damn beautiful,” I say, crawling my way up her body. I lean down to her, and she whimpers, arching her back to me, and I draw her red, pebbled nipple into my mouth, sucking and licking. Her consistent moans, causing me to become harder. “Don’t stop,” she tells me in a low wispy voice, and it’s all I can do not to flip her over and take her quick and fast. But I’ve made us wait so long, I need to make this the moment she always remembers, because I know I’ll never forget it. My goal is to erase our drunken moment from weeks ago and instill this memory as our first time together. The time we came together, putting trust in the other to hold our future within their hands.

Moving over the valley of her breasts, I twirl my tongue over her nipple, swirling like licking an ice cream cone, before sucking it deep into my mouth, enticing her hands to grasps at the hair at my neckline, holding me close. “I need you inside of me,” she pleads, and I look up at her through my eyelashes, a teasing smirk splashed across my face that she wants me just as bad as my body is desperate for hers.

My body creeps up hers, the now pebbled nubs rubbing against my bare chest as I stretch out on top of her. “I need to see you move,” I instruct her, grabbing her hips and flipping us both over on the bed. She squeals and presses her hands on my chest, gaining her balance quickly.

“Condoms?” she questions.

“In the drawer,” I tell her, and she bends over to grab one while my hands slowly explore the curves I had imagined feeling all those years. She turns back, the foil packet already opened, and the ring of latex in her hands. Scooting down, she takes my tip and I buck when her fingers gingerly touch my cock in order to cover it.

She bites her lip and looks down at me. It’s the most beautiful sight I’ve beheld. Her on top of me. Rising a little, my heart picks up a beat and my stomach clenches with the longing to be inside of her. Feeling her wetness from wanting me.

She sinks down on top of me, taking all of me in one push, and stills her hands pressed to my chest. My fingers dig into her hips, rocking her a little to gain the momentum, because I need to feel all of her and hear those sounds that she releases, revealing how much she loves what I do to her.