Candidate: A Love Story (17 page)

She had made a point not to look at Nick’s table again during her speech, apart from her initial familiar moment, but as Kate turned, something drew her attention. She sort of stumbled down the two stairs into the dark corner off stage. The entire room was eyes up to the senator, but Kate couldn’t look away.

She
was now touching Nick’s hand, and Kate saw it again.

She
was the cheater;
she
slept with another woman’s husband. Kate could tolerate them as a couple, Christ she had even told him to be with
her
during a much more together time in her mind. But . . . there was no way it seemed right that
she
was now going to be his wife.

Kate tried to breathe. Peering from the darkness, she checked again. The damn thing was on her left hand. It sparkled under the hotel chandeliers.
They were engaged? He
’
d asked her to spend his life, the same way he had asked her
 . . . Kate felt like she was going to pass out. She was definitely suffocating as she pushed the handle on the exit door and ran as fast as her high heels would take her. Kate needed her car, and if she wanted to keep what was currently her crappy job, it was time to leave. She ran past the reception area without a word and beat the doorman to the front door. Pushing through, she took a gulp of air as if her life depended on it. She looked up and everything was swimming. The stars were a swirl of light and she tried to focus. She needed to find her car and get home behind closed doors. She would not fall apart here. Maybe she wasn’t going to fall apart at all, but whatever was going to happen once the world stopped racing through her head was not going to happen here, it couldn’t. Tears began to creep into her eyes.
Walk, Kate!

“Kate.”
Oh, Dear God, could this get any worse?

Grady caught up with her and attempted to turn her toward him. She pulled her arm away and kept walking. Where was she walking to again? She couldn’t think straight.
Right, breathing
. Tears continued to threaten, and she would have given anything to just disappear.

“Kate, you can’t just walk . . . ”

She turned, so sick of listening to what she could and couldn’t do. He saw the look on her face and stopped.
Tears, apparently tears shut Grady up. Good to know.

“Please,” she held up her hands and kept backing toward the parked cars. “Please just leave me be. Just this once, please walk away. I don’t want to argue, I don’t want any of your witty banter, please . . . ” She turned, wiped her eyes, and attempted to find the guy in the red jacket that held the keys to her escape.

Bless his soul; the valet approached with a smile that faded when her face came into the light. He adopted a big brother look and ran to get her car. Kate sat on the bench, waiting and trying to keep herself together just five more minutes; the shelter of her car would be there so soon. Grady sat next to her and she shot him her very best warning look.

“No wit, and no arguing, I promise.”

Her head dropped back and she closed her eyes.

“Kate . . . ”

“Please stop saying my damn name,” she moaned.

“Fine, I promise I’ll be quiet, but I’d like to go with you. We could have some coffee, I’m a master of the French press.”

Kate glared at him.

“Right, sorry, no charm either. I’ll just sit like a eunuch, I swear.”

“I want to be alone, I just want to be left alone. I need a minute.” She dropped her head into her hands, leaning her elbows on her knees.

“I get that, and I’ll leave you alone soon enough, but it’s been my experience that it’s not good to be alone right when shitty things happen. I’m not sure what the hell happened back there, but the initial shock of shitty things, when experienced alone, only leads to trouble.”

Her car arrived. She took a deep breath, sent another warning look to Grady, and got in on the passenger side of her sensible Prius. Grady was quick enough to tip the valet, and slipped in to drive.

They drove in silence, as Kate rolled the window down and willed the wind to dry her tears and take her pain with them. Married, he was going to marry her. Kate felt like her chest was going to cave in.
She
would be his wife,
she
’
d
have his children,
she
’
d
be . . . Oh God,
she
would be enough.

“Pull over,” she said.

Grady immediately pulled to the side of the road. Kate opened the door and threw up. Twinkling black sparkly shoes, and there she was on the dusty, dirty, shoulder of the highway, bringing up stuffed mushrooms. Tears mixed with the gross taste in her mouth, and Grady handed her his handkerchief.
Who the hell still carried a handkerchief?
Next came a bottle of water he’d pulled from somewhere in the car.

“Rinse and repeat. If you need to blow your nose, go right ahead.”

She couldn’t look at him. He was the client. She was supposed to be keeping him together, making him look good, and here she was a total wreck. At that moment, Kate didn’t have the energy to care. He touched her head, pushed the hair off her face, and she looked up into eyes that held nothing but kindness and sympathy. The kindness was a surprise, and she hated the sympathy. She was fine.
Damn it, Kate. Be fine.

“I’m fine.”

“Yeah, you are. Sure you are.”

She put the lid on the water and swiveled back into the car. Grady closed the door and went back to the driver’s seat.

“You know what you need?”

“I am truly afraid to ask.”

“Will you just let me take care . . . Can I be in charge for a few hours?”

“I don’t think—”

“Trust me, there will be ice cream involved.” He smiled very gently. He was being so careful.

“Probably not a good idea to eat after I’ve just—”

“That was anguish throw up, not food related, so the food rule doesn’t apply.”

She almost smiled. “Excuse me? Did you just say anguish throw up?”

“I did. Falls under the reasons we throw up that have nothing to do with alcohol or bad eggs. Like when I found out Peter’s dad killed himself, or the day I came home early from school and found my father with some woman and they were both on the same side of the desk— anguish throw up. So much pain, the body can’t handle it, so it yells, ‘Everyone out!’”

Kate stared at him. There she was, sitting on the side of the road, feeling about as low as she had been in a while, and she could not take her eyes off of him. It had nothing to do with his looks. He was sharing himself, a piece of his own pain. It was so honest, and for a moment she forgot everything. The moments of light he was capable of, when the charm and bullshit slipped away, were brilliant.

Grady smiled. “So—me, in charge, just for tonight?”

She nodded. He touched her hand. She was not prepared and jumped a little.

“Rest, Kate. Just close your eyes. I’ve got this.”

She closed her eyes as they silently glided down the freeway. Kate could hear Grady’s muffled voice on his phone. She felt another wave of nausea, but took a deep breath and again willed herself into fine. The memories continued to crowd her mind. They were relentless and took her back to the last time Nick asked her to come home.

He had arrived at the office with flowers, of all things. It had been about three months since she had moved out. Three months since she had woken up in the middle of the night to find Nick sitting on the side of their bed with his face in his hands. Three months since he’d told her that he had slept with Rachelle, he’d been sleeping with her, he felt this weird attraction to her that he just felt awful about. Kate left that night in a flurry of disgust and then three short months later he was in front of her with the stupid flowers. It was over. If she was ever going to respect herself again, it had to be over. This wasn’t the first time Nick had slept with Rachelle, the year prior he’d slept with her in what he termed “a drunken stupor.” Kate bought it that time; they went to counseling and mended their marriage. They weren’t great, but they were better. The night before the hands-in-the-face routine, they had talked about maybe starting a family. That blew up with his pathetic confession.

The memory was still so fresh. The look on Nick’s face, his warm brown eyes, so sad, like a little boy caught covered in mud. And Kate remembered not caring. That was the beginning of her numb phase. Funny, she would kill to be numb right now, but the memory continued.

“There were other problems, Nick. It wasn’t just you.”

“How can you say that? It was me. I deceived you, that’s what you said. I broke your heart, I know.”

“You did. All I’m saying is, it’s over and we can’t go back. There were other issues in our marriage, and obviously I wasn’t enough for you. I need you to forgive yourself and let me go. Stop trying to make this work. You don’t want to be married to me. You want to feel better; you want the guilt to go away. I can’t help you with that, but somehow winning me back is not going to fix things. I love you. I still remember how you smell, your arms. I hope to God someday I stop loving you, but you will forever be a bruise on my heart. You need to listen to me.” Kate had actually taken his hands, she needed him to hear her. “This will not work. It’s broken. Please, please, let me go. Kiss me, wish me well, and find a way to like yourself again. If you love her, then go do that, be with her. I do not want to love you like this anymore. I want to move on.”

“Kate, you were enough. I just, aw shit, I don’t know. I have problems, it’s the job. She understands the—we’re the same. I know I hurt you, but I love you. I’ve always loved you.”

“Oh, Nick. You’re fooling yourself.”

“No, you’re wrong. We can get over this. I’ll transfer out of there; maybe I’ll take a desk job. I’ve changed. Please don’t throw this all away.”

“Changed? Nick, I know you think you love me, but that’s not enough. Have you slept with her since we separated?”

“Kate . . . I . . . ”

“That’s what I thought. Let it go, Nick. Please, for both our sakes, just stop.”

He never tried again after that day. It was for the best and it had been years. Most of the pain had healed or was buried. Kate told him to leave and create a life with
her
. She gave him permission, and he did. She honestly didn’t feel anything for him anymore, but something happened when she saw that ring, the permanence of it. It was like somehow, even though she never saw Nick anymore, unless by the occasional accident, he was alone and she was alone. They were both broken together. Now he was getting married, starting over. He was not broken anymore and she was. That’s how she felt looking at that ring. Kate was drowning in herself; it really had nothing to do with either one of them. It was her. Why was she still broken?

She wiped her eyes and noticed the car had stopped. Grady rolled the window down.

“Good evening, Mr. Malendar.”

“Hello, Spencer.”

“The suite is ready as requested sir, we will escort your guest up using the back elevator.”

“You’re a prince.” Grady smiled and handed the tall bald gentleman a hundred dollar bill. Grady rolled the window up and turned to Kate.

“These gentlemen will take you in.”

“What? What’s going on? Where are we?”

Grady touched her hand. “Kate, you promised, I’m in charge. Now you’re going to have to trust me here.”

Kate’s brows crinkled, but she was honestly too tired to argue. She exhaled. “Fine. What am I doing?”

As if on cue, the doorman opened the door.

“Ms. Galloway, welcome. Your bag has been brought up to your suite, if you’ll please follow me.”

Kate looked at Grady. He smiled, kissed the hand he was still holding, and handed her her purse from the backseat.

“Sleep. Relax, Kate. This place practically demands it. I’ll call you tomorrow and we can go over the rest of the weekend.”

Kate was out of the car when she turned. “Weekend? Wait a minute, I gave you control for an evening. No one said anything about the weekend.”

Grady laughed. “Rest, Kate. Your laptop is up there. I know there’s always work to be done, but this is called pampering. You’ll enjoy it, I promise.”

Kate shook her head. “This really isn’t necessary. Why are you still sitting in the car?”

“Now how would that look, Grady Malendar entering a hotel with the dazzling Katherine Galloway? I’m surprised at you. You’re slipping.”

“I thought I wasn’t a threat, remember? No one would ever think—”

“Yeah, well that was then and this is now. You can never be too careful. That’s what you’re always telling me.”

“I don’t think this is a good idea. I’m fine and I . . .”

Grady turned to the bald gentleman. “Spencer.”

“Sir.”

“Ms. Galloway is ready now. Sleep tight, Kate.” A bit stunned at being cut off, Kate gave up and followed the two men in deep burgundy suits through the back door of a beautiful historic-looking hotel she had never been to before, white stucco, awnings, and incredible dark green vines. An older, mustached gentleman who proudly introduced himself as the manager met her inside. Kate noticed he wore a tiny Virgin Mary pin on his lapel and smelled like her grandfather. Chaps cologne maybe? Whatever it was, he was warm and lovely. He personally escorted her down Saltillo tile corridors, under heavy adobe arches and past a massive fireplace. All the while he explained the history of the hotel and that it used to be a monastery. He then opened the door to her suite and Kate was certain her mouth fell open. Her mind registered that the room was a stunning combination of white, wood and tile. Thick white stone walls, with deep window alcoves and wood framed crank windows. The floor was the same tile and the entry had a little table with a bowl of fruit. The manager introduced her to Cecile and Gretta. They would be her “room attendants” during her stay.

“If you need anything, Ms. Galloway, please push this button, there’s another by your bed in the other room, and one of us will be right in,” the shorter of the two women said in a soft melodic voice that instantly relaxed Kate as she nodded to their instruction.