Cancel the Wedding (37 page)

“You squeezed in a meeting?” That was actually funny to me for some reason but I knew I couldn't make light of it or laugh at him about it. There was a fragile truce brewing.

He kept talking as if I hadn't interrupted. “I couldn't get a flight back to DC and at some point I just decided to drive back home. I was a few hours away from here when William called and told me about this”—Leo motioned toward the grave—“and what you were planning to do. It sounded so crazy. I wondered if I had driven you to do something dangerous or at least ill-advised. I felt sort of responsible.”

“Please don't, don't feel responsible for any of this.” The absurdity of the situation was making this conversation difficult. It was too dark to really see Leo's face so I couldn't read him at all and I was covered in dirt and sweat. I motioned to the open grave. “You didn't drive me insane and make me a grave robber or anything. I know this is nuts, but we just had to try.” Taking a small step closer I said, “And everything else, everything with us, that wasn't your fault at all. It was mine.”

I could tell he was shaking his head but in the dark I couldn't see more than that. “Livie, it was both of us. Look, I'm sorry for the way I acted, those things I said. I didn't mean it. And I couldn't leave things like that with us; we never fight like that. When William called me and told me what you were doing, what you had found—I know this must be hard for you. Hard to deal with this part of Janie's life. And then he said you were planning to dig it up . . . I don't know. It was the middle of the night and I was driving home on some highway and something in me just made me turn around. I wanted to come help you with this. Help you finally put your mother to rest. A proper good-bye. For us and for her.”

“I don't know what to say.” I was fully crying now and there wasn't a clean spot on any part of me to use to wipe my own eyes. I was crying out of sadness and relief and exhaustion. “I'm so glad you're here. I know it wasn't easy for you to come back, but I'm so glad you did. You know I never meant for this to happen to us.”

“I know. I can't blame it all on you, even though I really want to. Obviously. I shouldn't have said some of those things.” I didn't want to revisit that conversation. He continued, “I had hoped to handle this differently. I mean when I decided to come down here and talk to you I had a whole speech prepared.”

Georgia and Logan went back to digging and I led Leo to a marble bench where we sat down. There was an opening in the clouds and the moonlight chased away some of the shadows. I asked, “What were you going to say?”

“It doesn't matter.

“Of course it does.”

I could see him abbreviating it in his mind, cutting to the chase. “It was just . . . You were right. I've been feeling like we weren't in a good place for a while too. It was poor judgment to think that a wedding might fix everything.”

I nodded in agreement. “A wedding wouldn't have fixed it. But I didn't know how to say it to myself let alone to you. I think that's why I ran.”

“Well, it's obvious you didn't know how. That was partially my fault. I would never let you talk.” I started to say something but he put his hand up, stopping me. Sort of making his point about not letting me talk. “I need to say what I really came down here to say. Olivia, we've been together a long time. We've been through a lot. But I can see now that it's not enough. We don't have, what? That fire? I don't know. I can't remember how I was going to phrase it, but we don't have it. I don't know if we ever did. I was okay with that because we had something different. We complemented each other. But now, I think maybe it's not fair for either one of us to settle. Not when we're talking about marriage.” I kept opening my mouth to interrupt and he kept holding up his hand. “I realize that it may not have worked out for us, but all I really want is for you to be happy. And I want for me to be happy.”

He had come to the same conclusion that I had. I said, “You don't think we make each other happy?”

He looked at me with no malice and no anger, finally. “I don't think we make each other
unhappy
. But that's not the same thing.”

I put my dirty arms around his neck and pulled him in for a familiar hug. “Thank you.”

He squeezed me back and nodded.

I had gotten dirt all over the front of his shirt, and trying to wipe it away only made it worse. “I still can't believe you came out here.”

Leo took my hands and smiled down at the mess I had made of his clothing, letting me know I didn't need to worry about it. “I came because you and I needed to have a better good-bye.”

Logan was eavesdropping and shouted up from the hole. “But you'll help us dig, right? Since you're here anyway?”

Leo was always a little too aware of what it would mean to break the law. I didn't want to ask him to do something he was uncomfortable with. “Do you know what we're doing here, exactly?” I motioned to the grave.

Leo looked like a thousand pounds of rocks had been lifted from his shoulders by just being able to have a regular conversation again. Well, as regular as it can be when you're talking about digging up a coffin.

He stood up and pulled me to my feet. We walked to the hole and he jumped in, taking the shovel from Logan. He said, “I know enough to know that I don't want to know any more. Plausible deniability.”

Leo and I went to work while Georgia chattered away, trying to break a tension that was already dissipating, and Logan held the flashlight. Somehow, after everything, it felt right to have Leo here with us helping to finally put all of the pieces of my family's past to rest. He had known both of my parents and had had to watch them pass away. Having him here for this peculiar last bit of family business seemed like the only way for him and me to really end, to really say good-bye.

Graham eventually pulled up in a huge truck. A dually with spotlights on the top and an enormous winch on the front. He looked like he had just been dragged out of bed.

Logan introduced him to her mother. Georgia was making a point to try to brush the dirt off her face and out of her hair before saying hello. Some people have Sunday dinners to get to know each other; we meet the new boyfriend in the middle of the night while covered in dirt.

After a cursory handshake and a quick introduction, Graham and Leo were digging together in the hole. They were easily doubling the pace we had been able to maintain mere moments ago.

Graham and Leo spoke in that easy lighthearted way that men are able to, no matter the awkwardness of the situation. Their banter stood in stark contrast to the events that were unfolding and to our particular environment at the moment.

I also noticed that more than a few of the questions Graham was asking were related to Leo and me. More to the point, where our relationship stood and where he saw it going.
So when are you and Olivia heading back to Maryland?
Things like that. Graham was on a fact-finding mission. I knew that Elliott would never have asked him to do that. I looked over at Logan.

“Lo, will you come to the water with me and help me for a sec?”

Before I had a chance to say anything she was defending herself. “I just asked Graham to, you know, see for himself that like the wedding is canceled and everything.”

“This isn't your place. It isn't any of your business.” I squatted down on the bank and rubbed my hands in the lake. The cool water burned my blistered palms.

“Don't be mad at me, Aunt Liv. Anyone can see that you and Elliott belong together. I know it's a total mess right now, but he'll come around. Graham can help. You just have to make him understand.”

“I don't think so, Logan. It's really bad. What I did to him? Lying to him like that? Look, I get what you're trying to do, but really just stay out of it.” She looked like a wounded puppy. Why was I taking this out on her? “I'm sorry. I'm just a mess right now. I don't mean to be such a bitch.”

She gave me a hug and said in my ear, “It'll be okay, Aunt Liv.”

Hearing her little voice say that made something inside me shatter. She really thought everything with Elliott could somehow work out. I wanted to believe her, but every instinct I had told me she was wrong. I held her tighter. “I'm so glad you came down here with me.”

“Me too.” Logan left to go back up to the cemetery as Georgia made her way down to me.

Georgia sat next to me quietly rinsing her hands off. Then the clouds broke again and you could just make out the far shore of the lake. She said, “It's really beautiful here. I would love to see it in the daytime.”

“When you're not busy with a grave robbery?”

She laughed. “Yeah.”

I stood up and stretched my sore back, which creaked and popped with every movement. Georgia stood up next to me and put her hand on my shoulder. “It's kind of amazing what Elliott was able to figure out. We owe him a lot.”

“I can't talk about him, Georgia.”

She nodded. “Well, when you're ready.”

It was almost four in the morning when Leo's shovel hit something hard. We all four jumped, startled that we had actually found something. It took another half hour to dig around the edges enough to uncover the full lid of the vault.

The vault was constructed of concrete and had two loops on the top made out of steel rebar that were used as handles. Graham and Leo debated attaching a pulley to one of the tree limbs to use as leverage to lift the lid but then decided that they ran the risk of pulling the whole tree limb down. In the end they decided to attach the loops of the vault lid directly to the winch on the front of the truck and try to raise it up enough for us to get the coffin out. We had no idea if it would work but we were running out of time.

We ran a large chain through the two loops on the lid and then attached that to the hook on the truck's winch. We all moved away from the edge of the grave and then started the winch.

The first grinding sounds of stone on stone echoed up as the concrete lid began to drag slightly across the concrete vault. The lid was not actually lifting up, but rather was being pulled askew and rotating up slightly as if hinged on the side. We were shouting at each other over the rumbling motor of the winch trying to decide the best way to get the casket out. It seemed as if the capacity of the winch's motor was reaching its limit. When the lid was finally lifted enough for us to peek inside we stopped the winch and locked it in place.

We all peered down into the small opening of the vault and shone our flashlights in to get a glimpse of what was waiting inside.

We spotted a wooden box. It was heartbreakingly small.

Lying on my stomach in the dirt, shining our light onto this tiny coffin, it finally occurred to me that this little boy, little Oliver Jones, was our half brother. And I felt an even larger sense of obligation to his welfare.

Leo and Georgia were debating moving the chains to try to get under the whole lid and lift it up. Leo said there was no way the motor had enough torque to lift it all the way off the vault. I didn't think it would work either and as the sky in the east started to glow a faint yellow color, I knew we didn't have time.

The wedge of opening between the lid and the edge of the vault was about twenty-four inches. I thought we could squeeze the casket out. You could tell that it wasn't one of those enormous, elaborate coffins with a curved lid. It was a simple flat wooden box, the lid nailed shut. Unadorned and so very small. I thought it would fit.

It had to fit.

“We can pull it out. We'll just stand on the very edge of the vault and lift the casket out. I'm pretty sure it can squeeze through.”

Leo and Georgia were both starting to disagree with me but I didn't think we had time for a debate. I was already climbing carefully down into the hole and Logan was following my lead on the other side.

I reached my arm in and managed to get my fingers underneath the bottom of the casket. Logan did the same on her side. We worked it over toward the edge of the vault and then were able to get our other hand in to help lift. We managed to lift it up but we needed just a tiny bit more space to pull it through.

Graham saw that we were struggling and rushed over to the winch. The motor started up and the cable pinged as the winch pulled it taut. I wasn't sure if the motor would be able to lift any more. Or if the whole thing would snap bringing the concrete lid down on our arms.

Leo yelled over the sound of the motor, “Not too fast! The lid could shift and crush their hands!”

Logan and I both looked at each other with a quick terrified glance. Crush our hands? We made one last heave and the side of the casket was freed. Leo and Georgia both reached down to help.

Leo screamed, “We've got it! Climb out of there!”

Georgia and Leo pulled the small box up to ground level as I scrambled out of the grave, which was getting more and more difficult as the hole had gotten so deep. Logan was still in the hole. She shouted up, “Hang on! I see something else.”

Georgia dropped back down to her stomach yelling at Logan to get her hands out of the vault before the winch gave way.

Logan had her entire left arm inside the vault, straining to reach whatever she had seen in the dark recesses of the box. I could tell by the way she was grunting that it was heavy. When she got it out of the gap between the edge and the lid of the vault she caught her breath for a second and then handed it up to Georgia.

Georgia put the metal box to the side quickly and then helped Logan out of the hole.

When we were all back up on the ground we moved away from the edge and signaled to Graham to reverse the winch. It moaned and creaked as it went to a full stop and then slowly started in the other direction, lowering the lid back onto the vault. It sealed back up with a deep thud and we all closed our eyes with a simultaneous sigh of relief.