Camera Shy (30 page)

"I was going to call you that night, but first . . . ."

"But first
what
?"

She looked at him then, forcing her words out through gritted teeth. "I needed to see my daughter. I've been a shitty parent, and I needed to be with her. She's been through hell, she's been humiliated by me time and time again, and I owed it to her to be her parent for once. After that, I was going to call you
that night
and tell you everything." She put her hands up. "That's the honest truth, Jason." He watched her, his intense brown eyes burning with unreadable emotions. Simone ground her teeth. "I have nothing to offer you but my word. I know that isn't worth shit to you now, but it's all I have." She swallowed hard and wetted her lips.

"All I can do is hope you believe me when I tell you I wanted the whole world to know about you, about how I felt—and still feel—about you, but not like this. Not some

sleazy lie." She took a ragged breath.
Time to let the guard down. No more defenses, no more
walls. No turning back
. "And I just came here to tell you what I wanted the whole world to know. I want you to be the
first
to know. Not the last."

"And what is that?" His expression was cold, but the corner of his mouth twitched with a flicker of emotion as he watched her.

She exhaled. "That I am deeply, undeniably, in love with you. And I have been from the beginning. I was scared. I've never felt like this about anyone. I know I'm the last person in the world you'll believe, but I needed you to hear it from me. I love you, Jason."

His breath caught. It was an almost imperceptible reaction, but it was there. Please, Jason, please, she silently begged.
Please believe me
. Then his arms tightened across his chest. He still said nothing, but his expression hardened again. She cleared her throat. There was nothing more to say. "I just wanted you to know."

"Well," he said, his tone cold and flat. "Now I know." They looked at each other in silence for a long moment, until she couldn't stand the weight of his stare any longer. She turned to go, started for the car, hoping he would stop her, but knowing he wouldn't. She didn't look back as she got into the car and left.

Chapter Fifty-Five

After Simone had gone, Jason closed the front door and leaned against it. He rubbed his temples, trying in vain to get rid of the aching remains of last night's binge. It had been years since he'd drunk that much that fast.

Fat lot of good it did me
.

He wondered if Simone had done the same thing last night. It was impossible to tell if the red around her eyes had been from tears or booze. If the article he'd read was accurate, she was no stranger to the bottle.

Staring up at the ceiling with unfocused eyes, he thought back to the time they'd spent together. All told, she
might
have consumed two bottles of wine in his presence. She'd never had more than one or two glasses at a time, never enough to slur her words or compromise her balance. For someone with an alleged drinking problem, she never got carried away around him.

She never got carried away with the liquor, anyway. From the sound of it, alcohol wasn't her only addiction, or her most destructive. Grinding his teeth, he wondered how many other men were on her roster in between those incredible nights she'd shared with him.

He shook his head, reminding himself there was no sense dwelling on it. Time to move on, no matter how much it all pissed him off. And hurt him. And humiliated him. And—

Definitely
time to move on.

But moving on was easier said than done in this house. Just as it was last night, the cabin was alive with her memory. The thought of drowning those memories in Jack again was tempting, but the throbbing in his head made him think twice.
Well, if I can't get her out of my head, I can at least get out of the house for a while
. He grabbed his keys and headed into town.

* * * * *

Simone drove around for a while before going back into Tofino. The press was there, and she just couldn't face them. Not yet.

Her heart ached and her stomach was tied up in knots. All she could think of was the chill in Jason's voice, the anger in his eyes.

Well. Now I know
. The echo of his cold words brought tears to her eyes again. She deserved his contempt, all of it and more, but seeing it, hearing it, feeling it in the air, was unbearable.

Finally, she headed back into town. She turned the rental car from Campbell Street onto Main, in the heart of Tofino, and her blood turned to ice. The red Jeep. Parked in front of one of the shops. She thought about driving away then; she couldn't face him, not here, not out in public.

But then, up ahead, she saw reporters swarming the sidewalks, the street, the end of the marina. Anger boiled within her. She wanted to hate them for what they had done to her life, and it was true, without them, she might still have Jason, but the fact was she had done it to herself. She could blame Carolyn and the press and everything between here and Mars, but she alone had hurt him. She had lied to him. And if the media could broadcast her sins, perhaps they could also broadcast her apology.

She pulled into a parking space and put the car in park. She took a long, deep breath, and reached for the car door. Though there was no way to convince Jason how sorry she was, perhaps she could at least convince the rest of the world. She got out of the car and started toward the heart of the swarming mass of reporters. They instantly saw her. Every snap of a camera shutter, every probing question, tightened the knot in her stomach, but she steeled herself and faced them down. Her heart pounded like she was standing on the tracks facing a speeding freight train.

In an instant, they were all around her, circling like sharks. Dozens of lenses vied for a good look at her and a massive bouquet of microphones was thrust into her face. The questions buzzed around her, but she heard nothing.

"I want to say something," she said quietly.

Slowly, the crowd fell silent except for the occasional snap of a camera shutter. They watched her. Waited.

She took a long, deep breath. She couldn't remember ever feeling so vulnerable, so exposed. "I want to clear up the lies that have been fed to you by my sister." She waited for a barrage of questions to interrupt her, but when it didn't come, she

continued. "Not for my own benefit, but for the person who was most hurt and humiliated by all of this."

She looked around at the reporters. Every one of them stared at her, eyebrows raised in anticipation. Finally, she said, "It is true that I have been coming here to Tofino, and that I have been involved with someone here." She swallowed. "But contrary to what my sister may have told you, my relationship with him was not ‘just another fling', another 'notch in my bedpost'. For once in my life, I was not using someone." Emotion tightened her throat, but she forced herself to go on. "I made some mistakes in the past, and God knows I was self-destructing, completely falling apart, on a one-way ticket to rehab. But that has changed now. I've stopped drinking. I've stopped running around with any man I can find. The woman you see standing before you is not the Simone Farrell you're accustomed to."

"When will we meet this boyfriend?" a reporter interjected, pushing a microphone toward her face.

"Will he appear publicly?"

"How has he handled this latest scandal?"

Simone gestured for them to be quiet. She narrowed her eyes and forced herself to keep the anger out of her voice, but the venom seeped through her clenched teeth.

"There is no more relationship to
make
public." She took a breath. "I lied to him about who I was, about what my intentions were. Although I truly had fallen in love with him—and remain more in love than I've ever been with anyone in all my life . . . ." Her voice wavered, and she paused while she regained her composure. "He was the last to know. I waited too long to tell him. I waited too long, and he learned the truth about me through the photos and the articles that were published." She cleared her throat as tears threatened to fall. "I can only say that I am sorry. To him, to everyone. I have made a mess out of my life over the last few years and too many people have been hurt along the way. I only regret that this man, the one who was probably more responsible than anyone for getting me back on the right track, isn't likely to forgive me anytime soon."

"Where can we find him?"

"Will he be willing to comment?"

"What's his name, Simone?"

Vultures, she thought bitterly. Simone opened her mouth to answer, but a voice from behind the crowd spoke first.

"Jason Connor."

The reporters' heads turned as one and Simone craned her neck. The crowd parted, and a second later, Jason's face came into view as he moved toward her. His eyes were locked on her, but he spoke to the gathered reporters. "My name is Jason Connor."

"Jason," Simone whispered. His very presence sucked the breath out of her chest as he strode toward her. She couldn't read the intense expression on his face. It was somewhere between the icy fury she saw earlier and the feverish desire he'd had every time they made love. She couldn't breathe as he came closer, her knees trembling as she wondered what he'd come to say. She wanted to run to him and back away all at the same time.

She wetted her lips and started to speak, but his hand went to her hip and the other to her face, pulling her to him in a deep, passionate kiss. When he broke the kiss, her hand went to her mouth as emotions overwhelmed her.

"I'm so sorry, Jason," she said finally. "For everything."

"I know," he said. "I heard everything you said." He dropped his gaze for a moment. "I understand why you did it." Simone stared at him in disbelief, and he went on. "I was angry, but now I see why you did it." His eyes swept an angry arc across the gathered press. "I suppose if my life were spent under a microscope, I'd have done the same thing."

But
. . .
?
There had to be a
but
. There had to be. He swallowed hard, and when he looked at her, his eyes—his devilish, boyish eyes—were filled with emotion. "I forgive you," he said. "And I'm sorry I was such an ass to you over it. I hope
you
can forgive
me
."

Forcing the emotions back, Simone could only nod.

Jason's arm tightened around her waist, gently pulling her closer. "I love you, Simone."

The sound of his voice saying her name was almost more than she could bear.

"I love you, Jason." Tears overcame her and Jason held her close, kissing her lightly. She was vaguely aware of the snapping cameras and questioning reporters, but she didn't care. All she cared about was being back in Jason's arms. After a moment, they took their eyes off each other and turned their attention back to the press.

"What's next for you two?"

"Wedding bells?"

"Babies?"

Jason tensed beside her, but Simone just held up a hand and shook her head. "For once in my life," she said. "I think I'm just going to take this a day at a time and see where it goes."

Without another word, she clasped Jason's hand and led him out of the crowd. They ignored the questions and the cameras until they were in the Jeep. Away from the prying eyes and ears, Jason muttered, "I don't know how you stay sane around that."

Simone shrugged. "I don't know that I'd call much of what I've done in the last ten years ‘sane'."

He slid his hand onto her thigh. One of his "I just need to touch you" gestures, and damn it, it felt so good just to be touched by him again. Gooseflesh prickled her skin, a shiver running up her spine just like it did the first time he touched her out on the pier.

She rested her other hand on top of his. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. About everything."

"I know." He turned his hand over under hers and laced their fingers together.

"Let me ask you something, though."

She swallowed. "Go ahead."

He glanced at her before looking out through the windshield again. "Why were you here the day we met? I mean, what really brought you to Tofino."

"Honestly?"

"Yeah."

"Ironically," she said. "My agent sent me up here to sober up and get my head together."

He nodded once, slowly. "So, you were trying to straighten your life out?"

"Yes."

He said nothing for a moment. Then, "Did it work?"

"Well, sort of. I gave up the alcohol that day, but . . . ." Jason glanced at her again. "But?"

"She told me I was forbidden from alcohol and men." She paused. "So, technically I made it halfway."

Their eyes met. When Simone gave him an innocent smile and a shrug, they both laughed.

"So you did," he said, squeezing his hand as he chuckled. Simone's laughter faded and she chewed her lip. "To be serious, I really am sorry about all of this, Jason."

"So am I." He nodded and squeezed her leg gently. "I overreacted."

"No, you didn't. I think I would have done the same." After a moment, she whispered, "I meant everything I said last night. And today. I really do love you."

"I know." He smiled. "And I love you."

They drove in silence for a while. As Jason's house came into view, she turned to him. "So where
do
we go from here?"

He put the car in park and thought for a moment, chewing his thumbnail. "I don't know. I really don't." Then he grinned. "But I know where we can go right
now
." Simone raised an eyebrow. "Oh?"

He cocked his head and rubbed his chin, pretending to be deep in thought. "Well, except that I can't quite decide between the bed or the sofa . . . ." Simone laughed. "I'll race you."

He flashed her a devilish grin and they both leapt out of the Jeep. They didn't make it past the front porch.

About a year later . . . .

Los Angeles, California

The limousine stopped and started, inching along the limo-packed boulevard toward the red carpet. Simone looked out the tinted window at the throngs of fans and paparazzi swarming up ahead. Nerves tingled in the pit of her stomach. How many times she'd done this, she couldn't count, but this time was different. Beside her, Jason switched the phone from his right ear to his left. "Well, if that's what you want to do, then we will when you come up next weekend." He paused, listening. Then he chuckled. "Yes, yes, I promise. Cross my heart and hope to die." Another pause, another laugh. "Okay, kiddo, I should let you go. Here's your mom." He held the phone out to Simone. They exchanged smiles as she took it from him. She'd barely put the phone to her ear before Cecily said, "Did Jason tell you?