Camellia (42 page)

Camellia’s heart fell to her toes. She didn’t like to cause further worry when Thad had so much on his mind. “The doctors have begun to rely on Jane and me to take care of the cases that are not so desperate. Every day more soldiers are being brought in.” She put a hand on his arm. “If you could see them in such pain and fear.”

He covered her hand with his own. “Your tender heart is leading you astray, Camellia. I know you want to help, and I know you think that you are filling a need, but I want you to consider your health and your reputation, as well as Jane’s.” His gaze was sincere.

Camellia wanted to yield to him, but she couldn’t form the words to tell him so. “I cannot stop going.”

“Why? Why is this so important that you will risk my displeasure and my sister’s well-being?”

Camellia pulled her hand from underneath his. “If you would come by and see what we do, perhaps you could understand.”

“I don’t have time for sightseeing. I am doing all I can to keep the Confederacy together.” His voice hardened. “I don’t want to forbid you, Camellia. I’d much rather you stopped voluntarily.”

“Thad! You cannot mean what you’re saying. Camellia and I are not in any danger, nor are we risking our reputations.”

Jane’s interjection stopped Camellia from answering him directly. But he had chosen the wrong way to win her compliance. No matter what happened, she was determined to continue her work at the hospital. He had no power to force her compliance, and if he tried to stop her, she would simply remove her belongings to one of the hotels in town and continue her work. Her shoulders straightened.

Thad held up both hands. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. I suppose it’s just an effect of the strain I’m under.”

Camellia kept her hands relaxed in her lap. She would not let him see how angry he had made her. Over the past weeks, she had thought she might actually be falling in love with Thad Watkins. But she had been mistaken. She could never marry a man who did not think her work as important as his own. Nor could she be married to someone with such a strict notion of what was acceptable behavior for a lady.

It wasn’t as if she wanted to go dancing down the street in her nightclothes. She was trying to provide succor and support for wounded Southern soldiers. One day he might be wounded himself. While she did not wish such an eventuality on him, she thought if it happened, he might finally understand why she would not stop her work.

Jonah chewed on a piece of hardtack and wondered when the army would move again. They had forced the Confederates to retreat all along their route inland across central Mississippi. Some said they would be going south next, to Port Hudson, where they would join up with General Banks and overrun the stronghold before moving to Vicksburg with a force greater than that of the Confederates.

After spending more than a week bivouacked in the small village of Port Gibson, Jonah found himself agreeing with the ones who thought Grant would continue forward to Jackson, the capital city of Mississippi, and cut off the railroad supply lines running between there and Vicksburg. If he managed that, the city on the river would be cut off from all hope of success.

Cage, the man who had first befriended him when they fought side by side in Missouri, limped over to where he sat and lowered himself to the ground. “We’ll be on the march again before the end of day.”

“Where to?”

“Edwards Station.” Cage nodded to the north.

Satisfaction filled him. Grant was not going to wait for Banks. He was going with his bold plan to put a stranglehold on Vicksburg and force its capitulation. “I told you so.”

Cage bumped him with his elbow. “No one likes a smart aleck.”

“I can’t help it if I’m smarter than you.” Jonah laughed at his friend.

“And I can’t help it if someone knocks the stuffing out of you.”

Jonah sobered. “You’ve been a good friend, Cage. Your friendship is one of the few things I will treasure from this war.”

“You can try to flatter me all you want, but I’ve seen who you truly are. You’re nothing but a know-all and a pain, besides.” Cage’s grin took the bite out of his complaint. “But I guess I’ve invested this much time in saving your sorry hide, so I may as well continue watching your back for a little while longer.”

Shouts ended their conversation as the men around them began gathering their meager belongings and wrapping them into their bedrolls. It was time to march.

Tossing his hardtack into a knapsack, Jonah stood and looked out across the unplanted fields surrounding the army. He wondered what the people in Port Gibson would do for food next winter. How long could they continue fighting against a superior force? When would they realize that they could not, would not win? He hoped it would be soon.

“Have you gotten any letters from your lady love?” Cage fell in beside him.

Jonah rolled his eyes. “Just because I kissed a girl doesn’t mean I’m in love with her.”

“Oh, ho!” Cage’s eyes grew wide. “You kissed her? And she’s an innocent?”

“Of course she is. She’s a family friend. Her sister and my sister might be kin they are so close.”

“Then you must be serious about her.”

“I am not. She’s all wrong for me.” Jonah ran a finger under the collar of his uniform, wishing the wool didn’t sting. Or was that his conscience? Why had he kissed Camellia? And not just once, but two times. As Cage had pointed out, she was an innocent.

He could close his eyes and still feel the wonder of that first kiss—the way her lips had parted in surprise and the way she had felt in his arms. And when he’d left her in Jacksonport, he’d done it again. And again she had responded to his caress as though there was some connection between them.

Perhaps he should have kissed her again in Memphis. Maybe that would have halted the harsh words between them. But if he had, he might have lost all control over his senses. He might have asked her to marry him. And he didn’t want to find himself chained to some spoiled beauty for the rest of his life.

Cage was watching him, his gaze understanding. “Sometimes the heart knows what the head will not admit.”

“Her faith is nothing more than a sham. She has no ideas in her head except clothes and money and finding a husband. Camellia Anderson is definitely not the type of woman I should marry.”

“What you should do is not always the best thing.”

Jonah looked at him. “Would you stop spouting such nonsense? You are not even married yourself. What do you know about it?”

Cage looked out over the fields, his gaze vacant. Then he shook himself and looked toward Jonah. “I once fell in love with a girl, but I let her get away from me. I thought she was not good enough for me, not serious enough, too focused on worldly matters.”

It sounded to Jonah that the man must have met Camellia or someone very like her. “What happened?”

He shrugged. “She married another man and is a wonderful wife to him. I saw that what I had mistaken for materialism was nothing more than immaturity.”

Later that night when they bedded down, Jonah thought about Cage’s story. Was he making a mistake to resist Camellia? Or was he being careful not to become unequally yoked?

Jonah wasn’t sure, so he began to pray for an answer from the One who knew exactly what was in Camellia’s heart. He prayed for discernment and wisdom, and he prayed for the patience to wait for God’s answer.

T
he sound of marching feet brought Jane and Camellia out onto the front porch. Line after line of gray-coated soldiers passed the house, bayonets resting on their shoulders.

Jane pulled a handkerchief from the sleeve of her blouse and waved it at them. Grins and salutes answered her gesture. “Aren’t they handsome?”

Camellia felt sick to her stomach. Yes, these men were clean and well outfitted. They seemed spirited and eager to get to the battlefield. But she couldn’t help thinking about their destination. Fighting, killing, or perhaps meeting death itself. How many of the men now writhing in pain at the hospital across town had marched off in the same manner? “I wish I could tell them to turn back.”

Jane stopped waving at them and turned to look at Camellia. “What?”

“Don’t you see? Your own brother is amongst these soldiers. Aren’t you worried about him? How many of these handsome men will return to Vicksburg? How many of them will soon be nothing more than corpses lying on a blood-soaked field?”

“That’s not something you should be thinking about right now. Think about the victory they will win for us.”

Camellia shook her head. “Whether the army wins a victory or not, many of these men—perhaps even Thad—will come back to us with grievous wounds … if they return at all.”

“I knew it!” Jane grinned at her. “You’re in love with Thad.”

She couldn’t believe her friend had drawn that conclusion from her words. “I am not in love with your brother. I’m only worried about him like I am about all of these men.”

“I don’t care what you say. I know the truth.” Jane stuffed her handkerchief back into her sleeve. “You’re only angry with him because he doesn’t want us to continue going to the hospital. But don’t worry. You’ll soon change his mind.”

“I don’t want to change his mind because I’m not in love with him.” Camellia’s temper rose in reaction to Jane’s teasing and her concern about all of the soldiers. She clenched her jaw and pointed a finger at Jane. “And if you make comments like that to him, you’ll be leading him to believe something that is completely, absolutely, totally false.”

Jane lost her smile. “Are you trying to throw me off by denying your feelings?”

“No. I am telling you the truth.” Her irritation faded as she saw the hurt look in her friend’s eyes. “Look at me, Jane. You know me better than most. Do I look like I am lying to you?”

They locked gazes, and Camellia tried to communicate all of the frustration and sadness she felt. A part of her would like to fall in love with Thad, but that was the old Camellia, the girl who wanted nothing more than a pampered lifestyle as the privileged wife of a planter. Now she knew she wanted more from life. She wanted to make a difference. And being married to someone like Thad would prevent her from even trying to reach her goals.

Jane sniffed. “I suppose not.”

“Good. Then please respect my feelings.” Camellia put an arm around Jane’s waist. “I care for Thad like a brother, not as the man I want to marry.”

“Are you in love with someone else?”

The question caught her completely by surprise. All of a sudden she could see Jonah Thornton’s green eyes, auburn hair, and crooked grin. She could almost hear his distinct New Orleans drawl and feel his hand touching her cheek right before he kissed her. She tried to banish the memory and concentrate on answering Jane, but it was no use. Her cheeks flamed.

Jane’s gaze sharpened. She stepped back and frowned. “You are! Who is it? You cannot hide it from me. Is it one of the doctors at the hospital? Is that why you are so anxious to keep going there?” Her mouth dropped open. “Or is it one of our patients? It’s that tall, dark-haired, extremely handsome captain. What is his name …? Oh, Luke Talbot.”

Relieved that her friend had not discerned the truth, Camellia shook her head. “Of course not. He’s married. Didn’t you see the pretty girl who came to the hospital to visit him? I hope he doesn’t have to lose his leg.”

One of the passing soldiers called out to them, and Jane let the subject drop. As she waved to him, Camellia’s mind whirled. She suspected the interrogation was only postponed, and she would have to do a better job of guarding her heart if she was going to keep her feelings a secret. At least until she sorted them out for herself. She didn’t love Jonah Thornton, did she?

She couldn’t. It had to be a mistake. Maybe it was because he’d kissed her. That had to be the explanation. She felt connected to him because he’d taken advantage of her … twice. No longer seeing the waves of young men marching past them, Camellia rubbed the back of her hand across her mouth. She would eradicate whatever connection might have been forged between them. It couldn’t be love. Could not. The last time she’d seen Jonah, they had argued like a couple of children. She had barely thought of him since then.

As the parade of soldiers dwindled, she began to feel a little better. Jane turned back to the front door, and Camellia followed her inside. If her silly heart insisted on maintaining a connection to the wrong man, she would take one of the herbs in her bag for purging impurities. She had no other choice. Because no matter what her feelings might be toward Jonah Thornton, she was certain he felt nothing but disdain for her.