Cam Jansen and the Joke House Mystery (2 page)

“Here are some more chicken jokes,” Cam said, with her eyes still closed. “The chicken crossed the playground to get to the other slide. It crossed the amusement park to get to the other ride. And the orange stopped in the middle of the road because it ran out of juice.”

“Hey! Those are the jokes I’m going to tell. How do you know them?” Aunt Molly asked.

Cam opened her eyes and said, “I looked at your joke book. I have pictures in my head of every page of that book.”

Cam has a photographic memory. It’s as if she has a camera in her head and pictures of everything she’s seen. Cam blinks her eyes and says,
“Click!”
when she wants to look at one of the pictures. Cam says,
“Click!”
is the sound her mental camera makes.

“Do you know this one?” Eric asked. “What do you call a chicken that crosses the road, rolls in some dirt, and then crosses back again?”

“That’s easy,” Cam said, and laughed. “That chicken is a dirty double-crosser.”

Cam’s real name is Jennifer. When she was young, some people called her “Red,” because she has red hair. Then they found out about her amazing memory and started calling her “The Camera.” Soon “The Camera” became just Cam.

“What would you like?” Kevin asked. He was standing by the table again.

“I’ll have a large glass of iced tea,” Aunt Molly said.

“I’ll have a cup of hot tea,” Mr. Jansen told Kevin.

“I want a glass of orange juice and some cookies, please,” Cam said.

“Me, too,” Eric told Kevin. “Juice and cookies, please.”

A man with a long mustache curled at each end walked to the center of the stage. He stood by the microphone.

“Welcome to the Joke House. I’m Gary Gold,” the man said. “Tonight one comedian will win a chance for fame and fortune. The winner will be invited to perform on my show,
The Gary Gold Comedy Hour.
The winner will also get a silver plate with the engraved message ‘Winner, Comedy Night at the Joke House.’ Your laughter and applause
will determine who wins. We’ll begin in just a few minutes.”

“Fame and fortune,” Aunt Molly said. “That’s what I want. I just have to remember my jokes.”

Molly took a tissue and pen from her purse. “Other side,” she wrote on the tissue, “other slide, other ride, ran out of juice,” and “dirty double-crosser.”

Kevin took two glasses of juice off his tray and gave them to Cam and Eric. He gave them each a large plate of cookies. He gave Mr. Jansen and Aunt Molly their teas. Then he asked, “Do you know why you don’t tell an egg chicken riddles?”

The lights dimmed. The show was about to begin.

“You don’t tell an egg chicken riddles because it might crack up,” Kevin said. “And do you know how to fit six elephants in a car? You have two sit in the front, three in the back, and one in the cup holder.”

Aunt Molly said, “But an elephant is too big to fit in a cup holder.”

“That’s the joke,” Cam explained.

“You can use that joke if you want,” Kevin told Molly. “I’m also a comedian. But Gary won’t let me enter the contest because I work here.”

“Thank you,” Molly said. “I will.”

“When elephants go on a car trip,” Molly wrote on her tissue, “the car has to have a cup holder.”

“Good evening,” Gary Gold said into the microphone. “It’s time to start the contest. It’s time to laugh!”

“I can’t eat all these cookies,” Eric said to Mr. Jansen and Aunt Molly. “You should have some.”

Mr. Jansen took a cookie. Molly took two.

“Now, let’s meet the people who will make you laugh,” Gary Gold said into the microphone. “First, we have Uncle Sid.”

A man with long, curly brown hair and a yellow baseball cap stood. He held up a large cloth bag.

“What’s in the bag?” Cam asked.

“He’s a prop comedian,” her father answered.

“What’s that?”

“You’ll see.”

“Next meet Granny Janie.”

A woman wearing a white wig and a large pair of eyeglasses stood. She waved a cane.

Eric whispered, “That’s not her real hair. She’s not really old. She’s pretending.”

“Now meet Molly Jansen.”

Aunt Molly stood and waved. She had a cookie in each hand.

“She’s waving oatmeal raisin cookies!” someone shouted.

Aunt Molly looked at her hands. She saw the cookies and laughed. She took a big bite out of one of the cookies and sat down.

“She’s funny,” someone at the next table said.

Gary Gold called the names of three more comedians. They each stood. Then he called for Uncle Sid to come onto the stage.

People applauded.

Uncle Sid carried his big cloth bag onto the stage. He opened the bag and looked into it. Then he looked at all the people sitting in the Joke House.

“Do you want to know what’s in my bag?” Uncle Sid shouted.

He held his hand to his ear.

“What’s in the bag?” people shouted back.

“I’m glad you asked,” Uncle Sid said.

He took a strange cardboard clock from his bag. The twelve numbers were bunched together at the bottom, and the clock had no hands.

“This is a clock for people who don’t care what time it is.”

Mr. Jansen and a few others laughed.

Uncle Sid dropped the clock on the floor of the stage and took out a coffee cup. He showed everyone the large hole in the bottom of the cup.

“This is for people who don’t like coffee.”

Cam, Eric, Mr. Jansen, and a lot of other people laughed. Even Aunt Molly laughed.

Uncle Sid took a large comb from his bag. The teeth of the comb were missing.

“This comb is for bald people.”

The laughter got louder.

Eric whispered, “Why would a bald person need a comb?”

“That’s the joke,” Mr. Jansen told him.

Molly took the tissue from her pocket. She studied the funny answers to her riddles.

“I really want to win and get on TV,” she whispered to Cam’s father.

“What about the silver plate?” he asked. “Don’t you want to win that?”

Cam looked at the small table at the edge of the stage. The green cloth was still on the table. There was nothing on top of the green cloth.

“What plate?” Cam asked. “The silver plate is gone.”

“Someone must have stolen it,” Eric said.

“How could anyone do that?” Mr. Jansen asked. “We’re all facing the stage and that table. How could someone take the plate without being seen?”