Calm, Cool, and Adjusted (32 page)

“Poppy, what are you doing lollygagging?”

“I was just thinking about something. Do you think anyone’s ever been murdered here?” I hop quickly to catch up to him, and he looks at me strangely and gets to the number Simon has marked. He opens the door, and whew, talk about smells! “Oh, Dad! What died in here?”

“I think it’s the sofa. It was out in the rain.” He shrugs. “I should have taken it to the dump, but I guess Simon didn’t know to throw it out.”

The good news is Simon values used items. The bad news is he may be a pack rat like my father.

Dad starts to pull out the items. My mom’s old sewing box. “Oh, Dad, I want that.”

He nods. “Everything in here is yours. There’s only one thing I came back for. I used to keep it hidden from Sharon. It made her feel bad.”

“You kept something hidden from Sharon?” This intrigues me.

He pulls out a wooden frame with the family picture in it. My eyes well up seeing the photograph of me at nine beside my father, and baby Aura in my mom’s arms. “Sharon thinks it’s morbid to have this around since half our family is gone, but it makes me happy to remember what we were.” He holds up the frame. “Do you remember when we took this?”

“I fought over the green dress. You wanted me to get the pink one.”

He laughs. “That’s right. Your mother wanted to sew matching dresses for you and Aura, but you said you were too old to dress like a baby.”

“Where are you going to hide it now in Arizona?”

“I’m not going to hide it anymore, Poppy. This is my first family. Yeah, we’re not the same and we’ve added Sharon to our mix, but it doesn’t make your mother or Aura obsolete.” He dusts off the photo. “You know why I’m here?”

“I haven’t a clue.” But I feel my tears at the sight of all my mother’s things. There’s not a day goes by that I don’t think of her. You never forget. You just never forget what it feels like when your heart has been broken.

“We’re going to do foster care for Sharon’s nieces and nephews. I told you that, right?”

“You did.”

“God really nudged me the other night that I hadn’t finished my first job as a father. I left you with this house and all it entails, and even though that man Simon helped you, it wasn’t his place to do so.” My dad looks down at the photo in his hands. “That Simon’s a good man, Poppy. I still think he’s not for you, but what father ever thinks a man is good enough for his daughter?”

“Daddy, I love you, but I want you to know, I’m strong enough to do this alone. I want to take my time and go through everything methodically.”

“I know you are, Poppy. You always were. But sometimes it’s about not having to be strong enough. Sometimes, it’s about knowing that you can be weak and someone else will pick up the slack. That’s been you far more than it’s been me.”

“Dad, you’re a good father. We just got dealt a raw deal, and we didn’t handle it all that well.”

“I wanted to be the best father. I think I was better before Aura came along. I suppose that’s a cop-out, but somehow everything fell apart after that. Once your mom lost her, nothing was ever the same. She ate her pain, and the rest of us suffered right along with her.”

“You’ve got a new life now, Dad. Someone else will benefit from the lessons learned.” I hug him and realize how grateful I am for all he is—and, really, all Sharon is too. She really walked into no bargain, and I’ve forgotten that. All this time I acted like my father and I were the prize, the reward for a life well lived.
Hello?
No wonder Sharon thought I was nuts.

No, my father’s never been the kind of dad who made sure my shoes didn’t have holes in them. But more important, he was the kind who supported me in whatever I wanted. Even when that meant dropping out of medical school. “Yeah, Dad. God broke the mold with you. You’re the perfect daddy.”

“And you’re the perfect daughter.”

We continue to sort through the many things in the storage unit, and there are quite a few more gauze skirts. I’ll have fun with those this weekend. Lilly will completely lose it, and just the thought of it makes me laugh out loud.

One thing about death: the memories go on forever, and it’s a choice to remember the good ones.

chapter 24

Miles walked: 3

Weights lifted: 60 minutes

Desperation scale: 4

S
pa Del Mar has been such an important part of my history. Our history as friends. The Spa Girls started coming here during college—to get away, to study and have the quiet necessary to escape our stressful collegiate lives. Morgan tried to escape an overbearing father who choreographed her every move and saw her future as an investment. Lilly tried to escape her finance major and the life she architected for her Nana’s approval. Back then, I thought I was escaping nothing more than my routine, that I was just along for the ride to help my friends.

I was escaping more than either of them. I just had buried it so deep that I didn’t know it. As I come back to Spa Del Mar for this final soiree, I’ve emerged a new person from my carefully constructed cocoon, so light I feel like I could fly.

We get into the room with its familiar faded green walls— which get more and more faded with each trip—and it dawns on me that we’ve outgrown this place.
It’s a dump.
I suppose it always was, but it held so much comfort for each of us no one wanted to be the one to say out loud what we all thought. I toss my tapestry bag on the floor, and I open a brand-new Samsonite suitcase with the fancy, twirling wheels.

“Poppy, you bought something new?” Morgan asks.

I nod. “It’s for my trip to Hawaii.”

“About that trip.” Morgan and Lilly look at one another. “We think you should postpone it. Hawaii is always having triathlons. You’re not going to be able to run this one now, and we’re worried you’re going to push it. And about this Simon character—”

I shake my head. “I’m not going for the run. I haven’t run since I put this cast on. I’ve been doing weights at the gym at work. Simon will work out fine.”

“Really?” Lilly says.

“We’re not concerned about the exercise. Even if it is extreme, you’ve always been extreme, so it’s not like the obsessive-compulsive thing worries us. Poppy, we’re worried about this guy Simon. You can have any guy you want. Why do you want to chase someone?” Morgan extends her French-manicured hands to her suitcase filled with expensive couture relaxation outfits and unpacks as gracefully as possible in a plastic dresser.

“I don’t really
want
to chase Simon,” I say. “But if training has taught me anything, it’s that I can outrun him. Probably even in the cast. Which is coming off next Thursday for a removable one. That should make you happy, Morgan.”

“Men like to be the pursuers,” Morgan says like the star of the fairy tale she is.

“Do you remember that song
More than Words
by Extreme?” I ask.

Again, they look at each other, wondering what I’m really asking and not quite sure how to proceed.

“It’s not a trick question. I’m going to assume you remember it. Well, with Simon there’s more than words. I can’t explain it. When I’m near him, I just feel alive. He’s like this great energy source, almost like I’m plugged in! He’s the water to my houseplant.”

“Honey,” Lilly says. “That’s lust.”

“No,” I shake my head. “Dr. Jeff was lust. He’s hot and I can’t deny I thought he was completely attractive and I almost lost my head to lust. But no, Simon is different. I even learned to appreciate Jeff’s zeal for plastic surgery. But that’s different from what I feel for Simon.”

The two of them back away from the bed, as if to show me it’s again mine. They obviously feel my life is the most pathetic at the moment. Which I understand. After all, Lilly is married to a multi-millionaire living on an expensive knoll in San Francisco’s Marina District. Morgan is marrying a top tax attorney in San Francisco and becoming an instant mother to his child, Georgie, who sees in her genteel nature the mother he always needed. Likewise, Morgan sees the ready-made family she always craved. So it’s not like there’s any real competition for pathetic, but I’m glad they recognize it just the same.

I’m fixing up a decrepit house, trying to find a new office building, paying an escort for his services to the wedding (with my pledge of office space, but still), and I’m chasing a man who left me for the Aloha Spirit and golf. So I can see why they think my life is bad energy personified. But they’re wrong. Simon loves me. We just have a few kinks to work out.

“Poppy, we just want you to be happy,” Morgan says.

“And bring a decent date to your wedding. I’ve taken care of that. Simon is a little boisterous for your tastes, I’m sure, but Jeff will be fine.”

Morgan shakes her head. “If you want Simon to come to the wedding, I’ll pay his way, Poppy. Lilly and I are sorry. We gave you the wrong impression—that we wanted you to act a certain way—and the fact is we love you for all your foibles and spirit. You’re like Pollyanna. You see everything from the good, and maybe we were just jealous.”

“True,” Lilly says. “But at the same time, we still don’t want you discussing leaky-gut syndrome at the table.”

They both start to laugh, and in a sudden awakening of the rational, I do see their point. “I’m still going to Hawaii after the wedding.”

“Then let us help you,” Lilly says.

By this, I can only assume she means “Let us dress you. Let us swathe you with makeup.”

I hold up a finger. “I’m already going to do that—let you help me.” I open the brand-new Samsonite hard suitcase that’s fresh out of a catalog. I’m sure it’s not recyclable, and I did have trouble with that, but in an act of faith, I purchased it anyway, knowing that it was time to invest in new baggage— and not of the mental type. I lift the lid, and there’s about six of my mother’s skirts. They smell from being in the storage unit, and I see Lilly reach for her Lysol. Which I thought she’d given up with pregnancy. But there she is, in
Charlie’s Angels
pose, pointing a spray can at me.

“What are you doing with those?” Lilly asks after she’s sprayed the collection.

“I’m giving them to you, Lilly. If you want to burn them, you’re free to do so.”

Lilly’s expression is that of a fiendish cartoon character when she realizes what I’m saying.

“Really?” Lilly drops the Lysol and reaches for the skirts. She wrinkles her nose as she does so. “This Simon must be something special if you’re able to get rid of this garbage. I’m going to find a match to light these.” She gathers the skirts up in her arms. “I don’t want you to change your mind.”

“It’s not Simon, the reason I’m burning those.” I point to my temple. “It’s that my memories are right here. I don’t need to wear them anymore.”

Morgan comes to the bed and sits beside me. “We let you down, Poppy. You’ve supported us through everything, and we haven’t returned the favor. You’re sure this is
him
?”

I nod.

“So what about the doctor at the wedding? I’m sort of excited if you’re leading someone on.”

“I’m finding new work digs. Don’t worry, he’s getting what he wants out of it.”

“You know, I don’t think I’m like a normal bride. I just want my wedding day over with. I want to be married. I want to stay with my family all night. I’m sick of acting like a high school girl going home to my empty apartment. Shouldn’t I be more excited about being the princess?”

“You’ve spent your life being a princess,” Lilly says. “It’s no wonder. Besides, you’re ready to sleep with your man. How surprising is that? You’re a normal, healthy woman.”

“Lilly, do you have to take everything to the gutter?” I ask.

“Sleeping with your husband is not going to the gutter, Poppy. Or don’t they teach you about those endorphins in chiropractic school?”

“Lilly, would you leave her alone?” Morgan says.

“Fine. I’m going to burn these before my facial.” Lilly exits the room and leaves Morgan and her tender concern alone with me.

“I’m sorry about that. You know how Lilly can be. The pregnancy hormones aren’t helping her any.”

“She’s Max’s problem now,” I laugh.

“So listen, about the wedding—”

“Jeff’s all set to come. You liked him, right?”

“He’s a great guy, Poppy. Smart, bright, good-looking. You’re sure there’s nothing between you?” Morgan asks hopefully.

I shake my head. “Jeff’s a great friend, but that’s it. I’m sorry to disappoint you.”
And him.

“I know you said you and your dad had a great time together last weekend, and you worked out a lot of the issues surrounding your mother and baby sister. But Poppy, we don’t know about this Simon deal. You’re just all of a sudden up and in love with someone? And you’re going to fly to another state to track him down? Poppy, you have never even talked about a man with a serious commitment in mind. We just think you might be confusing your childhood issues with this.”

Morgan is all tact. Translation for us common folk: “Poppy, we think you’ve actually lost it this time. Go for the doctor!”

I stand up and walk towards the sliding door and out onto the patio. I can smell the eucalyptus trees in the distance and feel the cool prick of ocean air. “I love California.”

“So why would you be thinking of Hawaii?”

I’ll admit, her question stops me. I never thought about that. I never thought about being away from the eucalyptus and the redwoods. Sure, there’s plenty of Pacific Ocean in Hawaii, and there’s Simon. But is that enough? “Simon said it would be a good place to offer a health spa where I could help people get better in a vacation environment. But I don’t know that this is my future. I just know I have to try, Morgan. I don’t want to live anymore in my cocoon.”

“Is that what you want to do? A spa of your own?”

I look at her in her silky, pressed slacks, while she smoothes her sleek blonde hair. “I don’t think so.”

“It sounds like you don’t have all the answers you think you do, Poppy.”

I kick my shoes off and look at my wheat-colored toenails from our pedicures. Lilly always tells me that’s not actually a color, but I like it. It’s as natural as you can get with painting toxins on your toenails. “So what’s with you, Morgan? Why do you all of a sudden trust me to come to the wedding and not tell everyone how to have better organ function?”