Calling for a Miracle [The Order of Vampyres 2] (Siren Publishing Classic) (7 page)

Eleazar slowed his steps and turned onto a street named Denbign. He stilled outside of a brick home and allowed the emotions of love to wash over him. A family lived beyond those four walls, a male and female with three young sons to be proud of. How foreign a concept such a life was to Eleazar. Five centuries old and he did not know what it felt like to be loved.

His life suddenly felt completely meaningless.

Chapter 4

Abilene watched the blue moon shadows fan out from a tiny crack in the window covering, and blossom into a pool of silver over her bed. She lay beneath the covering of her wedding quilt utterly still, waiting for her husband to come home to her. Jonas had been summoned by the Elder’s Council to answer questions about their daughter Larissa’s whereabouts. Abilene’s father, Thaddeus Christner, also an elder on the council, had assured her not to worry. No one knew where Larissa had fled or why. The council simply wanted to search under every stone, her father had said.

Supper had been quiet. Quiet seemed to be the state of things in their home since Adam’s wedding. While Gracie, their youngest of only twenty-one years, was still living under their roof, the rest had left the nest. It had all come about so suddenly that Abilene was still acclimating to the silence that filled her home. She was not sure she would ever come to terms with its suppressing presence. Homes were intended to be filled with children, laughter, and love. Her home was turning into nothing more than a hollow house.

She did not blame her children. They were her babies and she knew that to love them was to let them go. They needed to fly into the world and spread their own wings. She was confident in her maternal abilities. She had loved them with every breath she had and nurtured all four of her children well past adulthood. She had armed them with wisdom and morals and a respect for love and family that would surely extend well past her children’s children’s children. She had done her part. So why did she feel so helpless, so sad?

Abilene struggled with the pride she felt for her family. Pride was viewed as a character flaw among most Amish orders. It was an emotion she could never fully embrace without a twinge of guilt for her conceit, but she was proud of her children. Perhaps if she had more babes, she would not feel so alone. But God had not blessed her with children since Gracie.

She wondered if she would ever hold a babe with Jonas’s ice-blue eyes and her own straight nose in her arms again. Beyond the grace of God was the distance that had invaded her marriage. Did no one want her anymore? Had she served her purpose? She felt as if she was a jar of jam being set on a shelf for the winter. Perhaps she was entering the winter of her own life. The moments of vibrant life, blossoming in every corner, were gone. It seemed a frost was setting in and although Abilene was seventy-eight, she was not ready to simply sit back while the others lived on.

She was more than happy for Adam and Annalise. They were true mates and come spring they would be giving birth to her first grandbaby. Anna was a beautiful woman with an even more enchanting soul. She was good for her Adam. The way her son looked at his mate often reminded Abilene of the way Jonas had always looked at her. He saw her as a precious gift, one he would battle a thousand men to protect, one he would not be able to breathe without.

Jonas had often referred to Abilene as his breath and sometimes the music to his soul. How long had it been since he had said such sweet words to her? She knew she was not imagining this distance between them. It was growing into a great yawning void neither of them could seem to reach across.

Abilene felt chilled. Pulling her quilt up to her shoulders, she stared into the empty bedroom filled with silver puddles of moonlight and black fingers of shadows. The silence was choking her. She shut her eyes and fought her tears. She would not break. Whatever her husband was going through, she would stand by his side and be there for him when he was ready to accept her help. He was her one and only true love. She was his helpmate. She had given him sixty years of love, honor, trust, and obedience without a single moment of hesitating. He was a remarkable male. He loved her with every cell of his being. She had never doubted his devotion to her or his children, so why was she suddenly questioning it now?

An idle mind is the devil’s playground, she thought, ashamed of where her thoughts had taken her. It was this godforsaken silence! She thought about going to wake Gracie to get her mind off this morose path of thinking. Gracie was always a wonderful distraction with her naturally charming optimism, so different from her older daughter, Larissa.

Larissa was a woman of duty. When the elders approached Jonas on behalf of Silus Hostetler’s request to wed Larissa, they had been surprised. While Jonas and Abilene had married rather than wait for God’s call, it was not a common occurrence among their kind. And rarely did a marriage take place when both male and female did not seek it. Silus had never even courted Larissa. After Ezekiel told them of the young man’s request, Jonas had to point out Silus to their daughter at service that week. Larissa had watched the man, but made no expression to give away her emotions.

Her stoic daughter never voiced any objections. She had been raised to respect her elders and live obediently among The Order and had always done so without complaint. Their home had been a place of love and acceptance. If Larissa had objected to the union, Jonas would have demanded the elders rethink their edict. He had requested as much even without his daughter’s objections.

Jonas had told Abilene that Silus had used nepotism to gain the council’s permission to wed Larissa. While she and Jonas’s father both held positions on the elders’ bench, Silus had three family members on the bench. Majority had ruled in his favor, seven to two, and the union had taken place shortly after. Silus had become her son-in-law over a year ago, yet Abilene knew nothing of the man’s character. He was an incredibly private man and she found his presence in their life somewhat irritating. At the same time, she felt as if Annalise had been her daughter for years and she had only met the girl a couple of months ago.

Yes, Abilene always held a bit of pity for Larissa’s lot in life. She could not deny the spark of satisfaction she felt at knowing Larissa had finally made her objection loud and clear. While Abilene had raised her children to be obedient in all that was right in the eyes of God, she had also raised them to be shepherds rather than sheep. It pleased some indispensable feminine part of her to know that Larissa was perhaps finding her own way now.

The sound of the front door clicking shut had Abilene’s thoughts of her children scattering. Jonas was home. Would he come to her? Finally sleep in their bed beside her again? She turned as his shadow filled the door to their bedroom.

“You are awake.”

Abilene looked to her husband, still taken aback by his handsomeness at times. He was a large man, bold and strong, yet kind and always gentle. Like his father, he had long, dark hair, blacker than pitch, that managed to make his ice-blue eyes appear all the more piercing. His shoulders were broad and his muscled body was trim. She found his hands one of his most attractive traits. They showed his strength and stature, yet she had seen those hands cradle their children. Those hands held her through times of sadness, caressed her through moments of great passion, and supported her when she did not know how to move on. He was her everything.

“Yes, I waited for you. How was the meeting?”

He did not move to join her, only stood watching her from the door. Distance. “It was fine.” Silence. She made to sit up, but he halted her movements by saying, “Do not get up. I have other business to tend to.”

“Jonas?” She could not let him leave so quickly. Her marriage was becoming a scattered line of disjointed dismissals. He waited patiently for what she needed to ask him. What could she say? Why don’t you touch me anymore? Why does it seem to pain you to even look into my eyes? How are you surviving this ache between us? “I…I need to feed.”

“Did you not finish your glass at supper?”

She wanted to scream at him. She had finished her cup, but she ached for the intimacy of sharing her husband’s blood. She was growing starved for the warmth, the contact, the evidence that she still owned some part of him. In sixty years of marriage, never had he put her in the position to ask for his affection. It had always been freely given, yet now she feared she would have to beg for him to even hold her hand. “I feel my appetite is more than it usually is. I…I think I would sleep better if my belly was full.”

He hesitated on saying the words that caused his mouth to open slightly. He seemed to not even breathe as whatever argument he was having in his mind played with his emotions. “I…I will fetch you another glass,” he said and turned to leave before she could argue.

Abilene felt a tightness seize her chest that was becoming more and more familiar. Dismissed again. The unbearable pain of feeling unnecessary to her husband was becoming too much to bear in silence. Her fist clenched in the bedding as she fought a rage building inside of her. She wanted to pierce the silence with her own cries of injustice. This never-ending silence was suffocating her! She felt trapped in her head, screaming in the silence, yet her lips remained obediently closed. Perhaps Larissa was more like her mother than Abilene realized.

The sound of Jonas returning caused Abilene to shut her eyes. She would not turn to face him. Let him see her displeasure in his solution to her hunger, let him know that his disregard for her has gone too far, force him to face what his neglect has wrought and step past more than just their doorway, she thought angrily! He would see he had hurt her. Her Jonas would never abide her heartache. He would cross this distance stretching between them and repair the bridges that connect husband and wife.

She waited for him to approach and then apologize to her for hurting her so. She was not a jar of jam to be ignored on a shelf. She shut her eyes and waited for the press of his palm onto her back, the caress of his fingers across her cheek. She waited for any sign that he saw her. She had no doubt he could feel her sadness and pain rolling off of her in waves.

The sound of the pewter goblet clicking down on the nightstand interrupted the silence. He was right behind her. She could sense him watching her. He had seen she was upset. He would touch her now.

“I’ll see you in the morning.”

As if swallowing her whole, a wave of pain caused by his rejection washed over her so completely that with the sound of the front door closing her mouth gaped open in a soundless cry. The silence finally gave way to her gasping breath as she choked on the cold air tripping into her lungs. The pressure in her chest was too tight. There was no room for breath.

Turning into her fists still clenching the bedding, she pressed her face into the pillows and began to sob. Nothing should hurt this much. What had she done? Why was he punishing her with such indifference?

A dam had broken around her frayed emotions. She sobbed into her pillows until her cheeks grew chilled and damp from her tears. Sobbing to a point of hyperventilation and disillusion, until hours later, energy depleted, her cries waned into shuddering breaths paced perhaps only one every minute. She watched, body numb, eyes unblinking, as the silver reflections of the moon heated to shades of gold then pink as dawn peeked over the horizon.

He had not returned to her. The goblet remained untouched on her nightstand. She was exhausted, but knew she would not sleep. She heard Gracie emerge from the room down the hall, heard the sound of pots being heated over the stove. By the time the scent of sausage and eggs filtered up to the second floor of the house, Abilene decided she should rise for the day. However, that thought was followed by her treacherous mind’s snide question.
For what?
Would anyone really miss her if she did not attend breakfast?

Gracie had been spending her mornings tending to the baby calves in the barn. She would no doubt head that way as soon as breakfast was finished and the kitchen returned to sorts. Abilene waited.

Was Jonas eating beside his daughter? He seemed to barely touch his food anymore. Abilene thought of the months after her miscarriages and how her sadness had caused her appetite to lag. The idea that Jonas was perhaps that sad made her stomach clench with guilt. Was this her fault? Was he perhaps finally getting fed up with her inability to bear him more children? Inadequacy was now accompanying her insecurity and sorrow.

Once she heard Gracie leave for the morning, Abilene finally stood to dress. She meticulously pulled her shift on and pinned her apron extra tight, needing to feel as if something held her. She braided her hair until it pulled and pinched her scalp, hoping the pain would distract her from the ache in her heart. As she reached for her lace bonnet, she noticed her fingers were trembling. Shutting her eyes, she willed her body to settle. She would be a good wife and patiently wait for her husband to once again seek her company. If it took a century, she would abide the pain and loneliness because she had complete faith in Jonas’s love.