Calling for a Miracle [The Order of Vampyres 2] (Siren Publishing Classic) (42 page)

He sat up and looked at her. She didn’t even seem to notice he had stopped touching her.

“Larissa,” he called, trying to get her attention. When she looked at him he asked, “Would you like me to stop?” When she did not answer, only stared up at him with a blank expression, he raised an eyebrow at her.

“I—no, you may continue, Bishop.”

Bishop. Again with the bishop. He ran the backs of his fingers softly over the soft hair at the junction of her thighs and continued to watch her. She turned her head to the side and began to stare out the window. Why was she acting so despondent? Did she not miss him at all? Growing frustrated, he yanked his hand away and huffed. “Perhaps you would not mind looking at me when I am trying to make love to you. Or would you rather I leave you to your musings as you gaze upon the moon?”

She turned her head and gazed up at him. He should have let her continue to look to the window. Her diamond eyes seemed to burn through him with an emotion he was not quite sure how to perceive. As she continued to watch him, he grew frustrated and turned away from her steady gaze. Climbing out from between her legs he stood and began to pace.

“What is going on here, Larissa? Clearly you do not wish to be intimate with me. Is this about last night? About your father? I will have you know that, as soon as you stormed off, I released him. He was here of his own volition and I told him I would have no part of his irrational plans. You would have realized that if you would have waited up for me last night rather than running away to hide.”

She sat up in the bed and cast her eyes to the floor. “I’m sorry.”

He sighed. “I am sorry, too. Now, do you think we can put this behind us and you could kiss me as if you actually missed me today?”

She hesitated a moment and then stood. She walked the short distance to him, her pale skin appearing blue under the pastel pools of moonlight flowing through the window. When she was standing before him, she leaned up on her toes and pressed her lips softly to his.

Eleazar wrapped Larissa in his arms and kissed her soundly. When they pulled apart he was heavily aroused and in need of his mate. “Come. Let us return to bed.”

Larissa walked over to the bed and began to climb up, providing Eleazar with a stunning view. He turned and pulled the curtain down then turned back to the bed and froze. Much like the first night he had taken her, Larissa lay on her back, arms firmly pressed to her sides, and her legs together. He frowned as he watched her stare up at the ceiling. “Larissa,” he snapped and she jumped up and looked at him. “What are you doing?”

“I’m…I’m waiting for you.”

“Waiting for me to what? You look as though you are waiting for the guillotine to come down upon you.”

She gaped at him, clearly not liking his comparison. “How would you prefer I wait?” she asked accusingly.

“What is wrong with you tonight?” He honestly could not figure her out.

“Nothing. I am trying to make myself available to you so that I can get to sleep.”

He reared back as if she had slapped him. He then turned and faced the window, counting to ten and praying for patience. When he turned back to her, he quietly said, “By all means, if you are too tired for your mate, go to sleep.”

“I know you want fulfillment. Please just take what you need. It is not my intention to upset you or deny you.”

That was it. “God damn it, Larissa!” She flinched. “What kind of beast do you take me for? I am not some bull in the field content to simply rut on anything I can fit my cock in! I wanted to make love to my mate. To you! But your stubbornness and inability to talk to me about what is truly bothering you leaves you…” He refused to use the same word he knew Silus had hurt her with. “I would hurt you if I took you now. Would you rather that than to speak to me? I am not a male who could ever hurt you. I would suffer an eternity without intimacy than ever take even a minute of your touch against your will.”

“I’m sorry,” she blurted as a tear rolled down her cheek. “I don’t know what you want. You certainly didn’t want me around you today. You just left me here. I didn’t even have the proper attire to go downstairs.”

“What? You can go downstairs however you please. This is your home now.”

“There were people here! I had no shoes, no bonnet. I haven’t even eaten since we arrived.”

Eleazar felt his eyes open wide. Dear God, she had not left the room all day. “Why didn’t you come get me? I would have made sure you were brought what you needed.”

She shook her head. “How was I to know that? Yesterday you accused me of being selfish and childish for demanding your attention while you were preoccupied with Order business. Then you were upset that I did not follow your orders and stay in your office last night. You also told your man at the door that no one was to know I had returned until you informed the others. I have no way of knowing who you have or haven’t discussed my return with because you have not even spoken to me since last night. You just left me up here, alone, in this horrible house where males wander freely about like arrogant peacocks, jesting over how superior they are to the rest of us while their comrades arouse their egos all the more.”

She had said the last part of her tirade in a high-pitched sob and then dropped her face to her hands and began to cry in earnest. Eleazar was not quite sure what to do with a female so distraught. He moved to the bed, almost afraid to touch her. He reached slowly for her shoulder, but she yanked away from him the moment she felt the contact of his fingers.

“Larissa, this cannot be all due to the fact that you had no bonnet. Please, tell me why you are so upset.”

She sniffled and wiped her tears with the soft side of her wrist. “I want to go home.”

“You are home.”

“No, I want to go back to my apartment. I do not want to be here anymore.”

“Why? I know I have been busy, but it is only because I have been away for so long and there are some urgent issues I must deal with. Once I have things settled, I can delegate responsibilities to the others and we can carry on as things should be.”

“I hate it here.”

“You don’t mean that. This is your home.”

“This is not my home. I am as displaced as an orphan. I find this house cold and empty. There are visitors in and out all day and none of them are female. I wanted to leave today, but I couldn’t. I have nowhere to go.”

How could she feel that way? “Larissa, you have people all around you that love you. I am sorry you are not yet at home here. That is my fault. I will make sure you have everything you need in the morning. If you want to visit with your family, you may. I do not wish to have a biddable puppet for a mate. I want you to feel free to be yourself. I want you to be happy here. Happy with me.”

She rubbed her eyes again and then seemed to drain of energy right before his eyes. She was so incredibly upset. It was as if something had frightened her. It broke his heart to see her this way. Whatever she needed to make her feel at home, Eleazar would make certain she had it.

He reached for the blanket when he saw her shiver. “Come. Let me cover you and then I will go to the kitchen and fix you something to eat.” He wrapped her in the blanket and carefully laid her down. She sniffled and turned away from him, again staring out the window. “Is there anything else you would like?”

“I want to know where my brother is. I would like to have a letter given to Annalise asking her to send for him.”

“Why wouldn’t you simply send for Adam yourself rather than go through his mate?”

“Not Adam, Cain.”

Eleazar pressed his lips together. Cain was trouble. Nothing like his twin. Adam was an honorable male who lived by a code of ethics, where Cain flouted their traditions and did as he pleased most of the time. He was not the best influence for Larissa. “Last I heard, Cain was no longer on the farm. I am told he is on
Rumspringa.
”

“Annalise will find him for me.”

“I do not see how. She is with child. Surely your brother, Adam, would have issue with her seeking Cain when he is not on the farm.”

Larissa’s voice had gone very quiet. She sounded drowsed when she said, “She will call him for me and he will come. It is what I want.”

Rather than argue with her, he put the topic aside until tomorrow and went to go fix her something to eat. She was sound asleep when he returned.

Chapter 28

There was still a little over an hour before dawn would crest the horizon and break the night, sending stars skittering into their hiding places and burning away the dark until it was nothing but shadows hiding from the hot rays of sun. Jonas found himself in a place he knew well, yet had never allowed himself to visit. He had fought it, fought so hard not to come to this place, knowing that once he came he was surrendering a piece of his heart and soul that would never be put back to right.

He stood not thirty feet from her door. He waited in the blustery wind under the graying black sky, knowing she was within those walls. His body quaked, not from the cold November winds slicing through his clothes, but from his need. His beast knew where he was and was demanding his surrender. His soul was raging for him to take what was his. Yet there was still some part of him that knew he could not. There was a part that belonged not to himself or his beast, but to his Abilene and he could not forsake his vows to his wife.

His ears prickled as he heard a slight movement inside the dwelling. Wind chimes danced and tinkled as coils of cold gusts weaved throughout the cluttered yard and broke into the trees in the distance. Winter was coming.

Jonas bit down, forcing his jaw to lock as his beast purred at her nearness. He was being sawed in two and he was losing strength with every passing day. His mind seemed to become more and more of a memory. This thing that possessed him was his enemy. It was bigger than him and swallowing him whole.

The dim set of the house showed before the graying horizon and Jonas stopped his breath as a light flickered on inside the dwelling. His keen hearing found the sounds coming from within soothing and enticing. He had taken three steps forward before he became aware of his movement. As if being pulled by a thousand lead balloons in that direction, he fought to keep his feet rooted and hold onto his honor.

He faltered in his determination and found himself now a mere ten feet from the front door of the home. His mind screamed in objection yet his soul rejoiced at the relief each step closer to her brought. No! He would move no further. He would leave. His knees ached to bend with another step. His hand reached and gripped the cool railing trimming the porch steps. His mind fought for composure and he tried so hard to remember his wife, recall her beautiful face.

What he saw was Abilene forsaking him, Abilene’s fear, Abilene’s heartache and sadness and confusion. He had done that to his sweet, beautiful Abilene and there would be no undoing it. He could only undo such devastation in death, a death he had been denied when he sought the mercy of his bishop.

His back arched as if his heart planned to rip from his chest and find his mate. He moaned and fought his instincts with his last remaining shred of humanity. As if physically warring with himself, he watched as one foot stepped forward onto that rickety old porch and his other pulled back. His breath beat at him from deep within his lungs, causing a cloud of fog before his face. He panted as sweat trickled down his spine. There was a fine moment where the fleeting thought of triumph was smothered by the overwhelming grace of surrender and he knew he had lost this battle. He had lost his will and in turn would lose everything that made this life his own.