Call to Arms (War of the Fae: Book 2) (29 page)

He nodded furiously and held up two tiny fingers.
 
I could barely see them.

“First, you have to promise on your fae life ... and the life of ... all your pixie family lives, that you will not pixie anyone or charm anyone or send anyone into your happy, happy place.
 
Got it?”

He nodded.
 
First he skipped around all super excited,
then
he slapped his wrist and looked majorly sad.

“Exactly.
 
No happy time for anyone here in the Green Forest.”
 
I held up two fingers and pointed to the second one.
 
“Second, you have to stay with me for a while.”

He looked at me confused.

I shrugged my shoulders.
 
I wasn’t sure why I wanted him to stay, just that I did.
 
I’d never known a pixie before and I was willing to bet he had all kinds of crazy shit to tell me.
 
Plus, how cool would it be to have a pixie for a friend?
 
He’d probably make a great spy.
 
The possibilities were endless.

“I want us to be friends.
 
I thought maybe you could hang out for a while.”

He was even more confused now.
 
He pointed to himself and then he pointed
to me and then back to himself
.
 

“Yeah.
 
You and me.
 
Friends.”

He started skipping around and laughing inside his jar.
 
Then he stopped and looked at me questioningly.

I shook my head no.
 
“No, I don’t want to go to crazytown.
 
I just want to be my regular self.”
 
I made a serious face.

Pixieman
shrugged, as if to say, ‘Whatever floats your boat.’

I could work with this.
 
“We have deal?”
 
I held out my giant hand towards the glass wall, acting as if I was shaking his hand.

He held his tiny hand out towards the glass as if shaking mine.
 

We both moved our hands up and down.

“You better not be fucking me over.
 
I’ll squash you like a bug if you do.”

He put his hand on his heart and shook his head.
 

“Okay.
 
Here it goes ... ”

I put my hand on the top of the bell jar.
 
I grasped the glass bulb handle and started lifting.
 

Pixieman’s face lit up like a tiny little ray of sun.
 
He started hopping from one foot to the other, clapping his hands and spinning around with glee.
 
I tried not to be nervous about it.
 
He looked a liiiiitle too happy.

As the glass lifted up high enough for him to get out, the door to the room flew open, slamming against the wall behind it.
 
Dardennes and Céline were standing in the doorway – Ivar, Niles and the old man from the amphitheater behind them in the hallway.
 
All of their eyes opened as wide as saucers when they saw what I was doing.

“Don’t!!!”
thundered Dardennes at the same time Céline screamed
“Nooooo!!!!”

But it was too late.
 
Pixieman flew out of the jar, buzzed around the desk, and then headed straight for my face.

I screamed, not because the pixie had scared me, but because everyone else freaking out sent me into a panic.
 
Plus the pixie
kinda
looked like a giant bug coming right at me, so that didn’t help.

Luckily I had the presence of mind not to swat at him, even though I could feel my left hand twitching like it wanted to.
 
I would have felt terrible if I had smashed him one – poor little guy.

Everyone was shouting and ducking and generally acting like a bunch of crazy fools.
 
I had ducked too, an involuntary reflex.
 
I felt something on my shoulder and realized after about two seconds of being stunned and confused that it had to be Pixieman.
 
So far I didn’t feel like dancing and laughing, so I had to assume he hadn’t pixied my ass yet.

I stood quickly because I saw that Ivar was on his way over to us.
 
I could hear the clump, clump, clumping of his heavy moccasins on the floor.
 
I wondered how he could make them sound so loud when everyone else’s moccasins were silent on these floors.

“Stop!” I yelled, before he could get too close.

I heard a tiny buzzing near my ear.
 
What the hell?

Céline and Dardennes were shouting at each other, Ivar and to the fae that had gathered in the hallway.

“Will everyone please shut the hell up
?!
”
 
I yelled as loud as I could.

The place got instantly quiet.
 
You could have heard a pin drop.

I continued in a calmer, quieter voice.
 
“You were saying, Pixieman?”

Then I could hear him.
 
A tiny voice in my left ear.
 
“My name is
Tim
, not
Pixieman!”

I started laughing loudly.
 
I couldn’t help myself.
 
It wasn’t a pixie charm, though; it was the fact that this guy’s name was Tim.
 
As in Tiny Tim.
 
It was too damn much.
 
I was leaning over, grasping my stomach, laughing hysterically.

I looked up, ready to share my joke with the other fae, but didn’t see the reaction I’d expected.
 
There were no smiles.
 
No looks of ‘Gee, I wonder what’s so funny ... ’.
 
No – the only thing I saw was fear mingled with sadness.

Céline had her hand to her mouth, tears in her eyes.
 
Dardennes’ head was hanging, slowly shaking from side to side.
 
The old wizard man looked sad, a frown on his face.
 
Niles just looked pissed.
 
That was normal for him though.
 

I looked over at Ivar, still chuckling a little.
 
He looked scared to death.
 
He had his eyes glued to my shoulder.
 
I was thinking as I looked at him that if I yelled ‘Boo!’ right then, he’d probably scream like a little bitch and run for his life.
 
What was everyone’s problem?

I stopped laughing because of their total downer attitudes.
 
“What the hell is wrong with you guys?
 
Did somebody just die or something?”

Céline swiveled her head to look at Dardennes and the old man.
 
Niles jerked his head back to me, suddenly looking confused.
 
Ivar took a slow step backwards.
 
Dardennes lifted his head and started talking.

“Jayne?”

I looked at him like he was an idiot.
 
“Yeeesss?”

“Why aren’t you laughing anymore?”

“Maybe because you guys are a bunch of killjoys ... wet blankets ... sticks in the mud.
 
Duh.
 
Why is everyone so serious around here all the time?
 
No wonder the pixies are always pixying your asses.”

Céline dropped her hand from her mouth.
 
“Do you mean ... you’re not pixied right now?”

“No, don’t be ridiculous.
 
Do you see me jumping around in circles singing show tunes?”

“Well ... no ... not right now.
 
But you were.
 
Laughing uncontrollably anyway.”

“That’s because Tim said something funny.
 
Call me crazy, but I laugh at funny shit.”

She looked confused.
 
So did all the other faces in front of me.
 
Then I heard the old man say, “She’s hallucinating.
 
This is one of the end stages.
 
It’s come early for her.
 
It must be because she’s an elemental.”

I looked at them with disgust.
 
“Don’t be stupid, old man, I’m not hallucinating.
 
Tim is the pixie.
 
He had just told me his name and I found it pretty hilarious that a pixie would be named Tim.
 
That’s not crazy, that’s
normal
.”
 
I looked at them but they were obviously still confused.
 
“Don’t you get it?”

They all shook their heads.

“My god, where the hell have you been for the last hundred years?
 
Tiny Tim
.
 
Get it?
 
Tiny Tim?”

They looked at each other, seeing if any of their friends knew what the hell I was talking about.

“Never mind.
 
If you knew my human history, you’d be laughing your
asses
off too.”
 
I heard the buzzing again near my ear, so I held my finger up to the fae at the door, signaling them to be quiet.
 
“Say that again, Tim
... ?
”

I listened closely and the buzzing became words.
 
“Tell them I don’t want to go in that glass prison again!”

“Listen guys, Tim says he doesn’t want to go in the jar again.”

Ivar had been slowly backing up this whole time and had now reached the others.
 
“What do you want me to do, Sir?” he asked Dardennes quietly.

For the first time since I’d met him, Dardennes was speechless.
 
He just stood there, looking at me, slowly moving his head side to side.
 
I decided not to wait for his decision.

“Let me make this easy for you guys, okay?
 
No one’s putting anyone or anyfae in any jars.
 
Got it?
 
Tim is with me now.
 
He and I have a deal.
 
I took him out of the jar in exchange for a promise that he wouldn’t pixie anyone in the Green Forest.
 
So you can all relax and stop getting your panties in a bunch.
 
You don’t have to worry – you can stay your unhappy, serious selves.
 
He’s not going to pixie you.”

Niles shouted back.
 
“You stupid changeling!
 
Do you have any idea how dangerous it is to make deals with the smaller fae
?!
”

That little turd pissed me off so much in that instant, I can’t even describe it.
 
I lost my cool all over his ass.
 
I started advancing from behind the desk.
 

“No!
 
As a matter of fact, I don’t!
 
You
wanna
know why?
 
Because nobody, including
you
, you friggin’ dwarf asshole, has bothered to tell me!
 
You just treat me like I’m some sort of
experiment
, setting me loose in the Green Forest to hurt people because I have no idea what I’m doing – you gave me a fucking enchanted dragon tooth as a weapon and probably had a big laugh at me when I kept calling it a sharp stick!” At that I saw Dardennes and Céline look at each other, and if I’m not mistaken, guiltily, “ ... Oh yeah, and no one bothers to mention that there are Dark Fae out there just kind of hanging around, trying to get a bead on me and maybe take a shot at me so I can take a nice, long dirt nap.
 
I’m starting to get the impression that this place could use a more organized leadership team.
 
And that includes
you
, you commando dwarf
asshole
... who I happen to know is not the badass he thinks he is, considering
this
stupid girl was able to string him up like a Thanksgiving turkey by his short, fat, ugly ankles before she was even fae!!”

I took five long strides until I was standing in front of them.
 
I pulled Blackie out and held it in front of me.
 
“Now, get out of my way.
 
Tim and I are going to go check my email.”

They reluctantly parted so that I could pass, Dardennes reaching out to me before I started to walk.

“Jayne, please don’t go.
 
You have a right to be angry.
 
Let’s talk about this.
 
I’m ... not sure that taking the pixie out of this office is such a good idea.”

I shot him my angriest look ever.
 
“His
name
.
 
Is
Tim.
”

I pushed past, glaring at Niles as I left.
 
Arrogant little shit.

I imagined the computer room in my mind and in less than a minute I was in front of the door.
 
I walked in and slammed the door behind me.
 
I sat at the computer farthest from the door, still fuming.