Caitlin's Choice (5 page)

THREE

Caitlin sat next to Tyler in the backseat of the Mercedes and fumed. She was perfectly capable of finding her way to Andrew’s house, but the Lord and Master had insisted on driving her and having her own car delivered later. Her stomach muscles contracted.

Why had she allowed him to scare her into this baby bargain? A judge wouldn’t really give custody of a nursing infant to the father, no matter what the mother’s past. Would he? She sighed. She couldn’t afford to fight Andrew, and she wouldn’t take the chance that she might lose.

She leaned back into the supple leather seat and gazed out the window. The murky waters of the Hudson River were a perfect foil for her melancholy mood. Nine months. Surely she could put up with anything as long as she knew the situation was temporary.

Several times she noticed Andrew watching her in the rearview mirror. His narrowed eyes reflected a strange sadness. Was he questioning the wisdom of his actions? Was there any chance she could get him to back down?

“Would you like to stop somewhere to eat?” he asked.

She glanced at Tyler. He was awake and fidgeting in the seat. Any minute his tiny lungs would open up at full volume to demand lunch.

“I have to feed Tyler. Can you stop at a rest area?”

“You need to make a bottle?”

“No, he breast feeds. I can’t take him out of the seat while the car is moving.”

She looked up and caught his reflection in the mirror. He was actually blushing!
“What did you think I meant when I told you he was nursing?”

“I didn’t think about it. I thought you were making excuses, so I didn’t really listen.”

Resentment burned through her like a fever. How typical of him to listen to no one and hear only what he wanted to hear. “We’d better get something straight. When I say something concerning my son, listen. If that’s too difficult, then take me back to my apartment.”

“Caitlin . . .”

“I’m not finished. Biologically, you are Tyler’s father, so maybe that gives you some say in his life. But I will take care of my son any way I see fit. Is that clear?”

“You act as if I’m trying to crucify you. You know as well as I do that a year from now will be too late to form a bond with him. I know it’s asking a lot for you to change your life to suit mine, but it’s only for a short time. I don’t mean to trivialize your job, but you can work from anywhere.”

“I’m not talking about my work. I have to maintain some control over my own life.”

He expelled an exasperated grunt.
“I told you, you’re free to come and go as you please.”

“I’m talking about while I’m in your house.”

“When it comes to Tyler, you call all the shots. Does that make you feel better?”

“Yes. Now find a place to pull over before Tyler starts screaming. He can be very distracting if you’re trying to drive.”

Andrew pulled the car off the highway into a rest area. On Caitlin’s instructions, he chose the far end of the parking lot.

“Are you going to do it in the car?”

“Do it? I’m not having sex in the backseat, I’m nursing a baby.”

She shook her head. The idea of breast-feeding in a public place didn’t thrill her, either, but she had no choice. Already Tyler had begun to cry, and the piercing sound shot a pain to her breast.

Andrew got out of the car, looking embarrassed and uncomfortable.

Caitlin moved to the front seat, which had more room. She ran a sweeping gaze over the area, then opened her blouse and bra and shifted Tyler into position. Once he started to suckle, she closed her eyes and relaxed into the bucket seat.

She was almost asleep when she felt a feather light stroke on her breast. Her eyes flew open and she gasped. Andrew had reached through the window to run his hand along Tyler’s cheek.

“What are you doing?” she muttered.

“Does it bother you if I watch?” he asked softly.

She lowered her head. “No . . . yes ... I don’t know.”

His desire to watch didn’t unnerve her nearly as much as her lack of embarrassment. It felt right to share this kind of moment with him.

How could she indulge herself in these warm feelings toward Andrew? He had blackmailed her into living in his house, and he could change the terms when he wanted. Keeping her guard up was going to be difficult when the man could fluster her with just a touch.

“If that’s a multiple choice, I take no.” Andrew crouched down next to the car door and observed the simple ritual of life with curious fascination. For a fleeting moment, he felt a twinge of jealousy toward his son, but the feeling was quickly replaced by one of awe. Tyler was a part of him. Perhaps the only good part of him.

“How often do you feed him?”

“About every three hours, but he goes longer at night. If I’m lucky, he even sleeps through the night feeding. If not, I get up at around two or three a.m.”

“I guess having Tyler around will force me to change my routine,” he said.

“Having a baby is a lifestyle change, not just a change of routine.”

“I realize that.”

She shook her head as if she didn’t believe him. “I’ll give you credit. You had dead aim. Not everyone gets so lucky on their first try.”

* * * *

He accepted the personal attack silently. The things that came out of her mouth! Like a porcupine, she raised her quills when he got too close. Still, she didn’t seem to have any regrets about Tyler or the lifestyle change it meant for her.

“Do you want to burp him?” she asked.

She must have expected him to refuse, because her eyes widened in surprise when he opened the car door to take the baby from her. Tyler was reluctant to let go so soon. He let out a small cry before Andrew cuddled him closer.

“I don’t blame you, kid,” he whispered to his son.

Caitlin flushed scarlet. Awkwardly, she fumbled to straighten her clothing.

“Just for the record, Caitlin, how do you know it was the first try? If memory serves me correctly, there was more than one shot.”

She coughed and turned her head away. She could ignore the question, but she couldn’t hide her reaction. Every inch of her exposed skin had reddened. So she did remember the night clearly, despite the champagne. He was beginning to wonder if she had any good memories of him.

What he’d done was wrong, but he could no more have stopped himself than he could have stopped breathing. She was so passionate and uninhibited that one year later he still remembered every second of their time together and every curve of her body that had filled out perfectly with the birth of their son.

She had every reason to hate him, yet here she was. The fact that she agreed to his demands meant she wasn’t indifferent to him. Certainly she couldn’t have been afraid of a custody suit. He had no grounds to take Tyler away. She was a gentle and loving mother.

Andrew returned Tyler to his car seat. When he came around to the front, he was pleasantly surprised that Caitlin didn’t move into the back. Instead, she closed her eyes and sank into the seat. 

“Are you all right?”

“Just tired.”

“I guess getting up at two a.m. will do that to you.”

“Packing and unpacking three times in two weeks will do it, too.”

“Look at the bright side.”

She raised her brow in a skeptical arch. “You mean there is one?”

“You’ll be able to settle in for a long while.”

“What a comforting thought.”

He wasn’t sure if she was serious or sarcastic, but he didn’t ask. He had to handle her carefully. She still had the option to leave whenever she wanted. In the best of circumstances, he had a long, uphill battle winning back her trust. The living conditions he offered might be considerably more affluent than she could afford, but Caitlin wasn’t a woman swayed by material possessions. So what did it take to reach her? He spent the silent, forty-five-minute ride to the house pondering the question.

* * * *

Caitlin surveyed the landscape in numbed shock. What had she gotten herself into? Although her sister had described the enormous contemporary house, Caitlin was still unprepared for the vast estate. The plush, green, manicured lawns were edged by magnificent flower beds. Their sweet fragrance hung in the air. A babbling brook ran along the west end, a wooden foot bridge spanning its width.

She was impressed, and she hadn’t stepped inside yet. With Tyler in her lap, she sat on the grass and inhaled the scent of the peonies in full bloom. The kaleidoscope of vibrant colors caught Tyler’s attention, and he reached out for a large blossom.

“Shall we go in?” Andrew asked.

“In a minute.” She was stalling for time. Once she stepped inside, she was committed to go through with the deal. Her stomach muscles clenched painfully. She hadn’t felt this apprehensive since she’d found out she was pregnant and alone in a foreign country.

He crouched down next to her. “What are you afraid of?”

“Have you ever lived alone, Andrew?”

“Briefly, after college.”

“Well, I’ve been on my own for the last ten years. I didn’t have to worry if I offended anyone because there was no one to offend. Now I have to contend with your mother, your sister, and a full house staff.”

He grinned. “You forgot about me.”

She tried to ignore the warming sensation his smile caused. “I don’t care if I offend you.”

Andrew chuckled. “I asked for that.”

She looked away, focusing her gaze on the pink and white flowers as she spoke softly. “Put yourself in my place. Do you think it’s easy to walk in there under these circumstances?”

“I don’t imagine it is. But the hardest part is walking through the door. It can only get easier after that.”

With a shake of her head, Caitlin rose and walked with him to the house. “I never would have figured you for a closet optimist.”

Andrew pushed open the massive oak doors. She cuddled Tyler against her body for comfort while fighting the compelling desire to turn and run. Her sandals clapped along the highly polished wood floors. Shimmering beams filtered through the skylights, casting geometric patterns on the central staircase.

She glanced down at her simple brown slacks and cream-colored blouse, feeling underdressed. Andrew’s house would never feel like home to her. She found little consolation in the fact that he didn’t look at ease, either. Was he having second thoughts? Perhaps for all his brave talk, he, too, questioned the wisdom of this arrangement.

She followed him down a long hallway to the family room. It was so beautifully decorated, she felt she was in a museum rather than a home. Thankfully, she and Tyler would be gone before her son began to walk. She would never be able to baby- proof a house like this.

The far wall of floor-to-ceiling windows overlooked an Olympic-sized swimming pool. A small gathering of men and women lounged around the redwood deck, drinking and laughing loudly.

“We’ve arrived at a bad time,” she said, waving her hand in the direction of the party.

“That’s Leslie and a few of her friends. They hang around here often during the summer. I’m sure you’ll get along famously.”

Not in this lifetime. She knew from Maggie that Andrew’s younger sister was a willful, spoiled princess who had never worked a day in her life. Leslie and her friends had taken a fiendish delight in mocking Maggie’s accent and expressions until she had felt so out of place she had considered going to a voice coach.

“Caitlin?”

She shook her head. “I’m sorry. Did you say something?” Her arms had begun to tire, so she shifted Tyler to her hip.

Andrew came over and relieved her of the baby. His fingers brushed over her arm, sending a current of heat through her. Startled by her reaction, she took a step back.

“Would you like to see the house?” he asked.

“My room and Tyler’s, please.”

He shrugged apologetically. “Ah, I have to do a bit of rearranging first. I didn’t realize you had to get up in the middle of the night to feed him. The nursery is on the opposite end of the floor from your room.”

“Who has the room next to the nursery?”

“It was the nanny’s room.”

“That will do fine.”

“It’s very small.”

She lifted her shoulders, unconcerned. “I’m only going to sleep there.”

He frowned as though he would refuse, and then nodded. “I’ll speak to the maid about having it prepared.”

“When will my car be delivered?”

“It’s already here.”

Caitlin made a face. “That’s impossible. We left it at the apartment.”

“That was a rented car. I had the rental company pick it up and I leased another car for you to use while you’re here.”

“Without asking me?” she yelled, and then lowered her voice when she saw Tyler squirm in his father’s arms. “This is precisely what I meant about keeping control over my own life. You had no right.”