Cadha's Rogue (The Highland Renegades Book 5) (12 page)

“I am more like the Bastard of Balfour than I am like your father.” He couldn’t keep the sad note from his voice, and she reflected his sour turn in her drawn gaze. “If you’re asking whether or not I love you, you know the answer to that. But the other parts of my life and my past… they are not pretty. Some are dark. They are not like anything you have known before.”

“I don’t need to know anything more about you to know that I could love you,” she whispered before kissing him.

Valc was surprised at her boldness, but reveled in the feel of her lips on his. He stole his arms around her and pulled her into his body. In the face of Cadha’s building affection, all the hard years of his past faded into oblivion.

Chapter Thirteen

Cadha woke from the middle of her deep sleep feeling the panic of the blindfold. She scratched at her face before she realized the dark was natural.

Valc’s arms were around her before she could crawl away and he shushed her, held her. Her heartbeat thundered in her ears and Valc’s hand on her back provided a rhythm for her to breathe to.

“It’s just a night terror,” he whispered. “You’re here and you’re safe.”

She closed her eyes against the dark of the room. Valc had blown out the candle, or it had gone out on its own, but the unfamiliar black expanse unnerved her.

“I can’t see anything.”

Valc reached behind him. “Let me find the flint and I’ll light the candle.”

“No, it’s fine.” She put her ear against his chest. “If you stroke my back again, I think it will help. The rhythm. It’s how my mother put me to sleep as a child.”

A tight laugh bubbled up from inside him and she heard it echo through his chest. “I’m not sure I like the idea of you thinking of your mother while we’re sharing a bed.”

She swatted at him. “We’re not sharing a bed, Valcymer.”

“So this isn’t a bed we’re on? And we’re not lying down together? And you’re not holding on to me? And you weren’t just sleeping?”

This time, she laughed. She appreciated his attempts to lighten her mood. Now that it was night and she’d been asleep, she’d almost been able to forget the last several days.

Part of her wanted to leave it all behind. The emotions she felt when she laid in Valc’s arms… she’d never felt these things before. Not with any boy before him. And her need to see Maas was now a need to confirm that her sister had been right. That Maas was intending to begin a new life in Scotland.

If he had truly designed to start his new life and leave his old behind, it wouldn’t be so bad for Cadha to have fallen in love on her way to find him. She might never stop feeling guilty about the emotions blossoming in her heart until she could hear why Maas hadn’t returned to Hoorn. Until then, every moment with Valc seemed illicit and clandestine.

“We’re not sharing a bed in
that
sense,” she said. “I know you mean to entice me into some sort of witty banter, but I’m not feeling up to it at the moment.”

Valc laid his hand on her back. “I mean to entice you into more than banter, but your virtue demands my restraint.”

Cadha laughed. “My virtue demands nothing; it’s my nerves that are worn.”

“I will wait. As long as you require.”

His earnest, deep tone told her he would rather not wait and she knew he deserved to hear the truth. Valc was a good man. She should be honest with him.

“Where is the monk?” she asked.

“Auden? He’s sleeping belowdeck with the rest of the men. They think we’re married, remember?”

“Valc, I need to tell you something, and it’s going to hurt you.” She traced the edge of his open tunic.

He grabbed her hand and kissed it. “You are distractingly beautiful, you know.”

The kissing of her fingers extended to her palm, and then to her arm, missing the tender flesh of her wrist. Cadha pulled her hand from his grip. “Valc.”

His dark eyes met hers and the breath stuck in her throat. She didn’t want him to stop kissing her, but she couldn’t continue one more moment in a lie.

“I’m promised to someone.”

Valc’s lips parted and his tongue darted between his teeth. He didn’t speak or look at her for several breaths. “Come again?” he asked.

“The man I was going to Wick to seek out. He was my intended.”

Valc pulled back and scooted to the edge of the bed. “Someone other than this brother you spoke of?”

“I never called him my brother,” she said. “He was like my brother.”

“Ahhh.” He let out a bitter laugh and leaned back against the wooden wall. “So that’s how you got around lying to Acheson.”

“I didn’t lie to him.”

“You’re right.” Valc rolled his tongue and looked into the empty dark of the room. “You didn’t lie. You never said he wasn’t your betrothed.”

“Valc.” She reached for him, but he was off the bed before she could lay skin on skin.

“You didn’t lie.” He walked across the room, pulling his shirt closed. “I was in love with you, and the truth-spotter knew it before I did.”

“Valc. Please.” Cadha scooted across the bed and sat on the edge. “Please, I need to tell you. I’m going to end my understanding with Maas.”

“You don’t need to do that.”

She expected venom. Anger. But the resignation in his tone tugged at her heart. She could barely see the outline of him in the dark, as he tied the top of his tunic.

“I just need to stop at Wick. We can go see Maas together and I will end our understanding.”

“Were you counting on him to help me retrieve the ship from Balfour?” Valc edged toward the desk and sat. “Because he’s not likely to help me after you’ve broken his heart.”

Cadha’s shoulders drooped. “What if I…”

Valc held up his hand. “Don’t worry about me, Cadha. You are well-shot of me, honestly. Auden and I will retrieve the ship. I’ll see you safely to your betrothed, and we can part ways.”

Tears burned their way up her throat. “That’s not what I want, Valc. Please. Just let me think about this. I’m sure there’s a way I can speak with Maas that will…”

“No. It’s best if you go with your intended and I go with the monk. We can part ways at Wick.” He stood. “I obviously care more for you than you do for me.”

Cadha tried to steady her breathing. She couldn’t make the right words come out of her mouth. Everything she said, he took the wrong way.

“I’m going to get some air. The night is calm.” He stepped through the door before she had a chance to stop him.

The small, dark room seemed to close around her. She hadn’t meant to send him away. Why hadn’t she thought more before she explained about Maas? Why did it seem so simple in her head, but when she opened her mouth, she couldn’t make him see why it would be all right?

Tears flooded her eyes. She wanted nothing more than for him to hold her at that moment. And by God, she wouldn’t let him walk out on her.

Valc reeled on the deck, but not from the wind. He hadn’t expected the admission she’d let loose in the captain’s bed. These last days had been more tumultuous than he had ever expected when he took on a beautiful blonde passenger.

He wished he could say it had all been worth it, that knowing Cadha was worth the heartache, but he couldn’t. He’d never had his heart broken before—never cared enough to let a woman mean something to him—and in the short time since he’d known Cadha, she had brought the hurricane of emotion he’d never seen coming.

It would be just his luck that the first woman he fell in love with would belong to another man.

Valc walked out below the mizzenmast and was about to grab the bulkhead for support when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He didn’t want Cadha to try to speak to him in that moment, and he recoiled.

She took one step past him, hauled back, and knocked him in the jaw. Valc teetered on one foot and righted himself.

“Good Lord, woman.” He held his aching face and glared at her. “I should have known to question the depth of your affection. You punch me more than you kiss me.”

Cadha wrinkled up her adorable nose and lunged at him. Her lips connected with his in such violence, he staggered back against the masthead. Valc eased his arms around her, if only for stability, and found his footing.

He set her away from him on the deck, his breath coming fast, both from the shock of her punch to his face, and from his blood’s response to her proximity. Valc bent over and rested his hands on his legs. He needed his wits about him before he engaged.

But as soon as he stood again, Cadha jumped on him once more and assaulted him with kisses. He peeled her off and placed her on her feet.

“Stop,” he said.

“But, Valc…”

“No. Stop.”

She leaned back on her heels and for the first time, he noticed that she was stripped down to her shift, and her hips and breasts and shoulders were visible to God and everyone through the thin fabric.

Valc scooped her up and carried her back into the captain’s cabin. He threw her down on the bed and backed away.

“Can you just sit still for a minute while I think?”

“What do you need to think about?” She crawled toward him and he could see hints of her skin peeking out from under her shift, even in the dark of the cabin.

“Your… confession.” He held up his hands. “You just stay there, and I’ll stay here, and we can both think.”

“I don’t need to think,” she said. “I’m done thinking.”

He took another step toward the door. “You do need to think, even though you don’t know it.”

“I’ve been thinking my whole life, Valc.” She shook her head and sat back on her heels. “I spent so much time alone, waiting and thinking and hoping. I need to act.”

Valc chuckled to himself. “You may not need to think, Cadha, but I do. We have been in life-and-death situations for the last three days, and that can play with a person’s mind.”

She climbed off the bed, but he took another step toward the door.

“I don’t even know if I love Maas anymore. He’s been like my brother most of my life. He hasn’t even kissed me yet.”

Valc shook his head. “None of that matters.”

“You’re angry that I lied to you?”

The air hung heavy between them. He could hear Cadha breathing and making small protesting sighs, but she didn’t speak, and it was best she didn’t.

“You’ve been through a harrowing journey. You should sleep.” He settled her onto her back. Without a candle, he couldn’t see the look on her face, but he could imagine exactly the guilt-laden glare she was passing along in the dark.

His face still hurt from her punch, and his lips were raw from her violent kisses. He sat on the edge of the bed and found her hand.

“Cadha, you are just learning about life. You are barely old enough to be properly wed, and you ventured out on your own to chase after a boy you thought you were going to marry. Instead, you found a man who fell in love with you, and he is not going to take advantage of the situation.”

When he tried to rise, she held tight to his hand.

“I don’t think I can sleep without you here.” The petulant note in her voice drove his blood in a breakneck race through every inch of him.

He covered her with the blanket and then laid down beside her, on top of the itchy thing. Valc laced his fingers behind his head. “Get some sleep,” he said. “You’ll need your strength for tomorrow.”

She yanked her arms out from underneath the cocoon and slipped them around his waist. He did not protest when she laid her head on his chest. Her body heat would keep him warm. And her touch would set his blood to heat the rest of him.

“I don’t even know if I love him,” she whispered.

He sighed. “You don’t know if you love me, either.” He kissed the top of her head and closed his eyes. “Go to sleep, Cadha.”

Her breath was steady in a few short minutes. Valc, however, wouldn’t be able to sleep, not with her hands on him. He hadn’t slept since he found her again, and even though his heart told him it was the right thing to do, he wasn’t sure how he would ever let her go.

Chapter Fourteen

Valc managed to ignore her in all their waking hours. He convinced Brother Auden to translate his wishes to the captain and ended up working the rigging on the topsail most of the morning. One of the center rigs had come loose during a previous storm, the old Scot said, and no one wanted to finish the work because it required hanging upside-down from the mast.

But Valc didn’t mind hanging from his knees above the deck for a few hours. And those few hours had turned into sitting on the topmast, looking out across the sea, wondering if he and Auden would be able to find Balfour and if his ship would be there.

Even if he could sneak onto the ship and retrieve the box—assuming they hadn’t found it—he would be able to ease his anxiety. He owed Greta that much.

They hadn’t told the trader about their eventual trek to Balfour. It was best if no one knew of their plans. Valc didn’t even plan to tell Cadha. Once he’d deposited her with her betrothed and his family, he and Auden would work on the rest of the plan.

He owed it to Cadha to see her as far as the door of her intended.

When they came in sight of a large fortress in the late afternoon and the captain began to bark orders, Valc’s ears perked up. Auden called up to him. “Come down, brother.”

Valc swung down to find Cadha standing with the monk. He tried his best to ignore her.

The crew loosed the small boat that sat alongside the quarterdeck. Men crowded around the ropes and heaved the boat into the air until they could rig it.

The captain pointed to Auden and said something. Both Cadha and the monk nodded.

Valc leaned in to Auden’s side. “What are they saying?”

“That’s Castle St. Claire,” the monk said in low tones. “They were asking if this was the place where her brother had been taken.”

Valc sneered. “Yes. Her brother was taken there.”

“They offered to take us ashore instead of going all the way to Wick, where we would have to register with the dock agent.” Auden pointed toward the open sea.

The grey stone castle rose out of the sheer cliffs, with only a short, empty beach below and a road winding up the side of one craggy hill. The crew had lowered the boat and two of them climbed down to it.