Authors: Bella Love-Wins
ANDREW got up to answer a call on his landline phone. It was the emergency chopper service. The paramedic who tended to John phoned to let them know John would be released in a day or two. He thanked him for the information and hung up. Andrew wasn’t sure whether he could make a visit to the hospital to see them. He had Trina’s number, so he decided to phone.
He dialed her number, and Trina answered after a couple of rings.
“Hello?”
“Hello is this Trina?”
“Yes. Andrew?”
“Hi. Yes. I heard the news about John. How’s he doing?”
“We’re doing great. So you heard? John’s coming home tomorrow!”
“Yes. The paramedic has been checking in on John’s status for me. I’m very happy for you two.
“Yeah were both really relieved.”
“Great. And is everything arranged with rehabilitation for the arm?”
“Yes it’s all been set up for us. We’ll be back home in Reno. The physio center’s close to where I live, so going regularly will be easy. And it’s all covered by his parents’ health insurance, so I think we’ll be fine.”
“That’s excellent. Tell John hello for me. I’m going to go now. And if there’s anything either of you need, you be sure to let me know, okay?”
“You’ve done so much for us. We can’t begin to thank you for everything, Andrew.”
“It was nothing. I was happy to help. Glad things are going well.”
“Andrew?” Trina called out to him. She was changing the subject. He hoped she wouldn’t bring up Abby.
“Yes?”
“Are you okay?”
“Yes, I’m fine.”
“I don’t want to meddle in your affairs, but I spoke to Abby. She’s confused. She misses you. I could tell from her voice before she told me anything. The same way I can tell from yours that something’s wrong now. And I won’t claim to give you any advice. I just hope you two can work it out. You’re both very special people. I’d love to see you both happy one day. Okay, that’s all I’m going to say. Thank you for listening, and thanks for everything, Andrew.”
“I appreciate that, Trina. You take care of yourself. Have a good night.”
Andrew hung up. He was happy for them. He was also relieved she cut it off and didn’t intrude into his private life any further. He knew she meant well. His mind shifted to Abby again. He wondered what she was doing right now. It was Friday. She was probably relaxing at home, or maybe she was out for a run. Or cooking. Or on a date. He let out a sigh and went back to finishing up some work in the office.
***
Andrew paced around the table in his office. He had some of his team members on speakerphone while they brainstormed on an upcoming promotion strategy. He listened more than he talked. He only interjected from time to time, adding his input where he felt the need. As he paced, he grabbed sheets of paper from his desk and crumpled them up. It was a nervous, subconscious action more than anything else.
He turned toward the trash can at the other corner of his office. He closed an eye and aimed for it as he listened. He shot it across the room and it landed in the can. He was clearly not engaged in this meeting. Abby was on his mind again. He wished things had been simpler. After another twenty minutes on the phone, he told his team to continue without him, and hung up. They were on the right track. These were highly skilled strategists, marketers, research analysts, retail analysts and business consultants. They really didn’t need him, and his mind wasn’t there.
He left the office and went out to sit on the back porch. He thought about what he could have done differently. He wished things had done more. He was mostly disappointed in himself. A mild resentment of Abby lingered as he thought about how she took steps to look into his past. Not that she was wrong in any way. He couldn’t hold that against her. He had not told her anything. It still bothered him, but not as much as it did when he charged out of her apartment that night. That was his responsibility. He was wrong. He wished he could fix things.
Deep down, though, it all seemed futile. Why would Abby want him now? Why would any woman want him now? He was damaged goods, with too many flaws and hang-ups. Holding on the hope that Abby could still want him, in spite of everything she had found online—well, it made no sense. Hope was useless.
He sat out on the porch, looking out until the sun went down. At least he had the sunsets.
ABBY had given up. Another week went by and she had not heard from Andrew. It had been three weeks since she had seen him. She was tired of checking her phone, tired of the wasted anticipation, tired of wishing he would call. She was sick of the way her heart pounded when she stood at her doorway or window, hoping he would magically show up and pick up where they left off. She was exhausted from crying so many useless tears.
She got out of bed that morning to get ready for work, and decided it was time to let go of whatever hope she held on to. He was not going to coming around. It was no use. It was over. When she got to the hospital that morning, Paul was leaving as she walked in through the staff entrance.
“Hi Abby,” he called to her. “Just starting your shift?”
“Hi. Yes. How were things overnight?”
“Not much worse than the last time you worked overtime.”
She nodded. “Well, busy can be good.”
“True,” he answered thoughtfully. “About that rain check, think I can trade it in for dinner?”
Abby was ready to let go of Andrew, but wasn’t sure she could embrace the thought of seeing someone new. Not yet. Paul seemed like a decent guy. He was handsome, fit, perhaps three or four years older than she was, and frequently the subject of several conversations among the female nurses since she started her placement.
Even so, she couldn’t deny it—her heart wasn’t in it. As attractive as Paul was, she was still numb. She couldn’t bring herself to tell him yes and then cancel—or worse, to go out with him and not enjoy herself. She looked up at him. It seemed like her hesitation was telling.
“Maybe I was a little forward…” Paul started, shifting his stance and looking away.
“No, not at all, Paul.” Abby stopped him. “I’m actually flattered you asked. I…I can’t say I have a better answer for you this time, though.”
“It’s alright,” he answered. “I get the sense there’s someone else.”
“Not exactly, but sort of.”
“Ahhhh, one of those ‘it’s complicated’ statuses, right?”
“Yes. Something like that. I’m sorry, Paul.”
“How about we leave it open? Maybe down the road, you’ll have worked out the complications, and it would just be a matter of a simple yes or no. I don’t mind waiting. And no matter what you choose, you should still come out with us on staff night.” He relaxed a little, and smiled. “It can be quite entertaining, watching your colleagues kill it on karaoke night.”
Abby smiled at the thought. “I won’t promise you yet, but it sounds like fun. I’ll try to come out with the group, one of these days. Thanks for understanding, Paul.”
“We’ve all been there. It’s no problem.”
“Thanks. Well, duty calls inside. Enjoy your time off.”
“Later, Abby.”
Abby turned and headed inside. Moving on. She had to do it sometime sooner or later. Before Andrew, she had not been in a relationship for well over a year. Yet she was happy. She would try to get back to feeling like herself again before going out with Paul, or anyone else for that matter. Right now, she could barely work up an appetite to eat, and she loved food. Her heart still had a gaping hole in the middle. Trying to feel something for someone new, it would be just that—trying. The effort sounded heavy, ominous and worrisome.
Maybe what she needed to do was send a goodbye text to Andrew. Maybe closure would help close the wound that sank to her gut whenever she thought about him. She could cry again, but she was at work. She had to put on a brave face and a good show. People needed her here, unlike Andrew. She resolved to send him a message when she got home after her shift.
As usual, the day flew by, and that night, when she settled into bed, she started crafting a short ‘it was great while it lasted’ message to Andrew. She felt good about it. It was short enough, honest enough, and not at all hateful. After all, she and her friends owed Andrew their lives. He was still the man who carried her through the blizzard, opened up his home to them, saved John, and even helped them get back to Reno.
He was the only man who had looked at her the way every woman wants to be looked at. She couldn’t turn him into some jerk that mistreated her, not even if she tried. That was probably why it hurt so much. Andrew had cut off all communication, with no explanation. He hadn’t actually
done
anything to her. All the confusion surfaced again at the thought. It would be so much easier if he had just been an asshole.
As she was about to hit the send button, her phone rang. The timing couldn’t be worse.
“Becky?” She answered. “I didn’t expect you to call.”
“Hi Abby. How are you feeling?”
“I’m alright. You?” she said politely.
“Good…how did things go?”
“With what?”
“You know what I’m talking about, Abbs. Andrew Carrington.”
“I’m not in the mood to talk about it.”
“Come on. You sound down. I’m your best friend, remember?”
“A convenient best friend, maybe.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“Seriously, Becky? I’ve heard from you three times in the last year. We may have been best friends a long time ago. And I won’t ever forget how close we were, but we’re barely friends now.”
“Are you mad because of those articles I sent you?”
“You aren’t listening. You were out of line for sending those articles, but this conversation is not about Andrew. It’s about us. You and me.”
“How can you say I was out of line? I sent them to you to help.”
“It doesn’t matter, Becky. I haven’t read them. And they didn’t help. But can we get back to talking about you and me?”
“So what are you saying?” Rebecca persisted. “You prefer to be ignorant about the man you’re seeing?”
“Look, I’m not talking about Andrew with you right now, okay? I’m not seeing him, and that isn’t relevant to this conversation.”
“I’m glad you came to your senses. A man like that couldn’t be good for you.”
Abby pulled the phone from her ear for a moment, and looked at it to see if it was broken or had some kind of Andrew-only filter on it. “Rebecca. Are you even listening to me? What happened to our friendship? Was it the distance? Did school just get too busy? Or did I do something to upset you?”
The other end of the line became eerily silent. She waited. Rebecca did not answer.
“It’s not you, Abby. I’ve had some…there are some things I’ve been dealing with here in Washington.”
“Want to talk about it?”
“I’m not sure where to start.”
“Wherever you feel comfortable, Becky.”
Abby heard her let out a long breath. It sounded serious. “I dropped out of my master’s program.”
“What? When?”
“Last spring. And actually, to be more precise, I was kicked out. I couldn’t handle the demands of the program. I think I was homesick too. I ended up failing two of the required courses, and that was it…”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I was… embarrassed, I guess. I still am. Mom and Dad still don’t know.”
“What?” I shouted through the phone. “Don’t you think they’d want to know?”
“I thought I could find a decent job out here first, you know? Soften the blow. I have my college degree. I know I can find something.”
“So what have you been doing since last Spring?”
“Waitressing,” she managed to get out in a soft voice. “Four nights a week covers my expenses. I wanted to keep my days free to keep interviewing for policy jobs. There’s just so few of them right now. And they all want experience or a Master’s degree, or for me to do a free internship. It’s been pretty depressing…”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I don’t know. I wanted to, but I didn’t know how. At first, I didn’t want you to worry. You had enough on your plate with your studies and clinicals. After a while, I was ashamed to call. Things have been going so well for you, and I’m really proud of you, Abby. Maybe I was a little jealous too.”
“I’m sorry you went through that alone, Becky. You know I would have done anything I could, to be there for you.”
“Yeah. I know.”
“I wish you had told me. You…you were my strength when mom died. I couldn’t have gotten through it without you and Dad.”
Abby heard Rebecca crying softly on the other end. “Awww, honey. I’m so sorry.”
The crying turned to full blown sobs. “I don’t know what I’m gonna do…” she bawled.
Abby waited and listened. It was hard to help her with the distance between them, but she was sure listening and being there for her was better than letting her face it alone. Eventually, Rebecca’s sobs dissipated to soft whimpers.
“I’m afraid to go home, Abby. I can’t face Mom and Dad.”
“Does Rob know?”
“Yes. I made him swear he wouldn’t tell a soul. You know he’s a vault.”
“Yeah, I remember. So how can I help?”
“I don’t know…”
“Maybe I can come home when you’re ready to tell your parents. I think they’ll be a lot more understanding than you think.”
“I don’t know about them being understanding, but I appreciate your offer to be there for me.”
“Think about it. I can drive home over spring break, if you want. Or any weekend after March. I can’t risk driving during a blizzard again.”
“I’d bet. That must have been awful.”
“Yes…There was only one silver lining.”
“What’s that?”
It was Abby’s turn to break down crying. She cried and cried, and sobbed before she recovered enough to tell Rebecca everything about what had happened with Andrew.
“I feel like such a fool,” Abby said softly. “I thought it was real. I thought he meant everything he said to me.”
“I’m sorry, hun. And now I feel horrible for sending you those articles. I was out of line. I hope they didn’t make things worse between you.”
“It’s okay. They didn’t. I told you. I haven’t read any of them.”
“Why not?”
“I wanted him to tell me. In his own words, you know? The media isn’t always factual or objective.”
“You haven’t changed a bit, Abby. I’m still sorry.”
“I miss him,” Abby said, and a new flood of tears came from out of nowhere. “I can’t get his smile out of my head. Or his touch. Or how he held me. Oh God, I feel so broken now, like I won’t be okay for a really long time.”
“It’ll be okay, hun. Maybe he’ll call.”
“I don’t think so.”
“Men are weird. Sometimes it takes them a while to smarten up.”
Rebecca was back to her old self again. She apologized again for sending over the damning articles about Andrew. Abby forgave her. They agreed to go home for spring break, to tell Rebecca’s parent her news and hang out like old times. Abby felt a smidgen closer to getting over Andrew. And Rebecca seemed more at peace that her issue with school wasn’t the end of the world. By the end of the call, Abby had her best friend back. She didn’t bother sending the goodbye text to Andrew. Life would go on.