Cabin Fever (24 page)

“The important thing to keep in mind is that you’re going to get better really soon, and then things can go back to normal.”

“Normal,” I scoff. “What’s normal anymore? I have no idea.”

“You can stay with me while you heal.” He sits down on the side of the bed and takes my hand into his lap. I try to pull away, but he won’t let me.

“I can’t ask you to do that,” I mumble, feeling massively sorry for myself.

“You didn’t ask. And it’s a done deal, so don’t argue with me.”

I sigh, trying to think of how to turn him down. I can’t let him do this. He’s already vulnerable enough. Taking care of an invalid will send him back to the drugs to escape.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“Why not?”

“Because. It’s a lot of work taking care of a sick person.”

“I know that. I’ve been around sick people before, you know.” He sounds like he’s laughing at me.

“Not someone who can’t see.”

His arm moves, and I take that as a shrug. “How hard can it be? I’ll get you a cane and you can bang around the house to find your way.”

I can’t help but smile. His style of caregiving sounds a lot like me fending for myself. For some reason, it makes me happier. “Nice. What if I fall down your stairs?”

“I’ll nail boards across them or put up a baby gate.”

I laugh. “Can you see me flipping over the top of that gate and falling down the stairs? I can.”

He rubs my arm and lowers his voice. “I’ll take good care of you. I promise.”

“Do you even have a place to live?”

“I do, as a matter of fact. I just have to talk to my sister Jana about it.”

“Why?”

“No reason. Just want her to be able to clean it up for us first.”

“Great. She’ll love having to be my cleaning lady.” This just keeps getting worse.

“She wouldn’t think about it like that, I promise.”

We run out of things to say, and the noises of the emergency room intrude on our little space. A nurse comes in and starts asking me questions that I try to answer from memory. Jeremy fills in the missing information from stuff in my wallet.

“You ready to prep for surgery?” a new voice says. This guys smells like lemons.

“Already?” My blood goes ice-cold, and I start to tremble again. Someone puts a warm blanket over my legs.

“Babe, you’re going to be fine.” It’s Jeremy again. Calling me babe. It makes me want to cheer and weep at the same time. He gets up and lets my hand go. Weeping wins out when I realize him leaving makes me feel more alone than ever.

“She
is
going to be fine,” assures a woman. “She’ll be done in a few hours, so you can wait in the post-op waiting room. Second floor, room two-ten. Sign in at the nurses’s station so they know who you are and what patient you’re there for. With the patient’s permission, they’ll update you on her condition.”

I feel a pen pushed into my hand. “Sign here. I’ll put the pen down on the paper and you just need to do your best with the signature part.”

“What am I signing?”

“I’m going to read the whole thing out to you right now. Are you ready?”

I nod, numbly letting her words wash over me. Details about my surgery, the risks, and the condition I have.

Ready or not, Operating Room, here I come.

Chapter Thirty-Five

“ARE YOU COMFORTABLE?”

IT’S JEREMY again. Being a mother hen. He hasn’t stopped since I was discharged yesterday. Three days together in the hospital, and he’s hardly left my side. The nurses all commented on how he slept in the chair next to me each night. None of them had the heart to tell him to leave. I think the fact that he’s so adorable worked in his favor there. Rules were bent and broken.

Now we’re in his home in Brooklyn, the place where he and his wife lived for a year before she died. Jaws too. He even has a little puppy bed in the corner of my bedroom where I sleep alone. Jeremy is right next door, though, should I need anything. He even gave me a bell to ring.

Maybe it should feel weird being here in Laura’s home, but it doesn’t. I feel like she’s my friend. It’s probably the painkillers talking, but part of me believes she’s orchestrating my life right now, making sure Jeremy stays in it. I’m not complaining. He is pretty amazing.

“I smell baby powder and diapers,” I say, sniffing the air around the couch where I’m sitting. I have eye patches on both eyes to shield them from the harsh light. I can take them off and open my eyes now and see, but sometimes I just need the break the darkness gives me.

“Uh-huh.”

Jeremy’s evasive answer instantly makes me suspicious.

“Why do I smell these things?” I stroke Jaws’s wiry fur as I test the air some more.

“I don’t know. Cassie was here, maybe?”

“Maybe? Here, as in
visiting
you?”

He sighs loudly, pretending to be annoyed. “Can I just get you all set up in here before you give me the third degree?”

I sit back deeply into the sofa cushions and pout. “Fine. I can wait. But don’t think I’ll forget to ask.”

“Oh, trust me, I know better than to hope for that.” I can tell he’s smiling. It makes me grin. I guess my natural inclination to conduct interrogations until I’m satisfied with all the answers hasn’t scared him off yet. I found out so much about him while I was in the hospital and he was at my bedside. I feel like I’ve known him for years now. And he’s seen me at my worst. Catheter? Hospital gown with the opening in the back that
never
stayed closed? Puffy, gooey, demon eyes? Yep. He stuck with me through all of it. The works. And yet here his is and here I am, living together in his house.

I peek out from under one of my patches and see him straightening up the room. He pulls a stuffed duck out from under a chair and hides it in his armpit.

“What’s that?”

He spins around, all innocence. “What’s what?”

“That yellow thing under your arm.”

He pulls it out. “What? This?”

Jaws runs over and sits under him, begging him silently to let it drop to the floor.

I sigh and stare Jeremy down with my one, swollen, blood-red demon eye. “Don’t piss me off, Jeremy. I’m a sick person.”

“You sure look like one with that crazy eyeball, let me tell you.” He fakes a shudder.

I let the patch fall back into place. “You’re so mean!”

He laughs and soon sits down next to me on the couch. “I’m sorry. I couldn’t resist.”

I shove him. “Go away. You know I’m not supposed to be bounced around.”

“I’m not bouncing, I’m sitting.”

“Go sit somewhere else.” I shove him again.

He catches my hands. “Hey. No moving things around. You heard what the doctor said. You don’t lift, you don’t push, you don’t do anything but sit there and look pretty.”

I snort. “Please. You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“What? You are pretty.” He reaches up and pets the back of my greasy, stringy hair.

“I think your retinas just detached,” I say grumpily. “You’re obviously visually impaired.”

He barks out a really loud laugh. “Hey! That’s not funny. Don’t joke about that.” His voice goes softer. “You really scared me, you know.”

“Scared you? I scared myself.” I breathe a heavy sigh of relief as the doctor’s last words echo in my head.
You’re going to be fine. You might need glasses for some near-sightedness, but my guess is you had that before the retinas detached, so it’s a great prognosis.

I will be able to paint again, if I ever feel inspired, that is. As Jeremy strokes my hand, I think that it’s quite possible I’ll be painting very soon, living with him here in this house as I recuperate. He said I could stay as long as I needed to.

“So, why do I smell babies everywhere?” I ask.

Jeremy sighs. “I really would rather not talk about this now.”

“Which means I want to talk about it more than anything in the world,” I say, grinning big. “Talk or I’m not sure I can stay here with you.”

“Why not?”

“Because. No secrets, remember? You promised.”

“That was back in the cabin, and we were talking about snowcones."

“No, it was for everything. Between us, there are no secrets. Not anymore. I admitted I saw Laura’s ghost and now you have to tell me your secrets.”

“The doctor said it was your retina detaching that caused those lights and shadows.”

“Oh yeah? And did my retinas tell me to call you and interrupt your dealer trying to talk you into doing more drugs too? I don’t think so.” I tap my foot on the edge of the coffee table. “I’m waaaiiitingggg…”

“All right, all right, I’ll tell you. But before I do, you have to promise not to freak out. I don’t want your eyeballs exploding on my carpet.”

I shake my head at him. “You will be in so much trouble when my eyes are better. That’s all I’m going to say.”

He leans in and kisses me quickly on the cheek. “Can’t wait.”

I reach out to slap him, but he’s already out of reach.

“Tell me. Now,” I insist.

“Fine. Up until yesterday, Jana was living here with Cassie. But when I told her I was coming back with you, and she knew you had just had surgery, she offered to move back to her place.”

“What?! You kicked your sister out of her house! And the baby too?! That’s terrible, Jeremy, why did you do that?! It’s almost Christmas!”

“No, no, no! I didn’t kick them out. She offered, and I agreed it was the best thing to do. Cassie’s completely fine, I promise. I helped move all her Christmas decorations to her place. It’s totally fine.”

“I can’t believe Jana’s fine with that. Dammit, Jeremy, why’d you do that?”

“Would you rather we stayed at a hotel?”

It takes me a few seconds to answer. I don’t want to say it, but I do. “No.” I try to imagine where I’d be right now if not here. The cabin? No, that would never work. The hospital is too far away if something goes wrong. Leah’s? No way. I couldn’t put that burden on her. She’s pregnant and she’d go nuts trying to take care of me. And a hotel would have been really expensive.

“But what about your other place? Where you were with that guy when I called?”

“It’s full of vermin, it’s got holes in the walls, no heating, and everything else. I told you, it’s in the middle of an abandoned renovation.”

“Are you going to finish it?”

“Maybe. If I have help.”

I chew on that for a while, wondering what I should say next. I can see why he wanted to bring me here, but I still feel bad about kicking a woman and a baby out. Especially during this time of year. Talk about a Scrooge move.

“Did you see Cassie?”

“I did. I drove over to see them when you were there at the hospital all knocked out. I saw everyone for about an hour before I went back to be with you.”

“And?”

His voice loses some of its steam. “And, it went as well as you could expect.”

“Which means…?”

“Which means they are cautiously optimistic about my recovery and seriousness.”

“Hmmm. I’m not sure what that means. Were they happy for you?”

“Yes and no.” He sighs, his voice dropping. “I have a lot of amends to make. I’m not expecting anyone to trust me right off the bat or want to help me out.”

“They’re your family, Jeremy. They love you.”

His hand strokes my cheek. “I know they do. They just need some time. And so do I. This real-life thing is hard work.”

I smile, holding his palm against my face. “I’ll help you.”

“I know you will. I’ll help you and you’ll help me, and somewhere in the middle, we’ll find healing and hope.”

“I already have hope,” I say, grinning like a fool. For the first time in a long time I’m being honest about that and not just saying what I wish were true.

“Me too. Being with you gives me strength. It gives me a reason to keep being
me
, who I really am. The person Laura knew.”

I’m not jealous this time when her name comes up. I’m starting to think I understand why I lost my sight. “I’m happy for you, Jeremy.”

“I’m happy for me too. And I feel really lucky that I get to do this with you by my side. I hope you’ll stay for a while.”

“I have no plans to be anywhere else.”

“Good,” he says, his hand sliding away. “Because I have a surprise for you.”

“You do?”

“Yep. And when you’re ready to climb the stairs, you let me know and I’ll show you what it is.”

The idea of jiggling my sensitive eyes around as I pound up stairs is not appealing at the moment, but soon… soon I’ll see what he has to show me.

“Deal,” I say.

“Oh, and by the way, I rented a special table bed thingy so you can spend some time sleeping face-down the way the doctor said you should.

My mood deflates. “Oh goody.”

“Hey, no complaining. I’m going to get you better so we can start living our new lives, if it’s the last thing I do.”

My heart skips a few beats at him saying ‘our new lives’. Did he mean it the way it sounded? Do I want him to mean it that way? Yes. I do. I really, really,
really
do. He wants to be with me, even though it looks like someone hit me in both eyes with a baseball bat and I need a shower in the worst way. That has to mean something.

“No pressure or anything,” he adds, sounding nervous. “You don’t have to commit to anything that makes you uncomfortable.”

I take a deep breath in and smile, letting any residual stress I have out with my exhale. “I’m not uncomfortable about anything. Don’t worry. This feels…right.”

Jeremy leans back in the couch and pulls me over to lean on him. “Do you mind if I hang out here with you for awhile?” he asks, kissing the top of my head.

“Not at all.” I lean on him and rest my hand on his chest. Jaws settles in next to my leg. I could stay like this forever, here with him and my puppy in his house, the smell of babies around us. I wonder what he’s going to do about Cassie, but I don’t ask. Not yet. Today is not the day for that, but that day will come, and it will come soon. I’m not going to leave Jeremy’s life until I have it all put back together the way it should be, just like he’s promised to do for me.

Chapter Thirty-Six

TWO WEEKS HAVE GONE BY, and Jeremy’s finally letting me see people. I can’t blame him for his caution. My eyes were seriously scary. There’s still lots of bruising and weird stuff going on, so for our family-style spaghetti dinner tonight, I’m going to be wearing very dark sunglasses. I’m so nervous, I have a stomach ache.