By Fire and by Sword (21 page)

To have begun is half the job:

be bold and be sensible.

—Horace (65-8 BC), Roman poet.

Epistles (circa 20 B.C.)

K
enna’s return to Durness did nothing to stir any household emotions—neither bitterness nor its opposite. And in her mind, Kenna felt the staff received her with the typical Scottish stoicism that she had come to expect.

By the next afternoon, their numbers had grown considerably, due to Ewen’s determination to bring Durness back to life; the castle literally bustled with activity—there were servants cleaning and cooking, but also there were men scurrying about outside, although she had no clue what they were all doing.

It was enough to trust Ewen, as her grandfather had done and who knew more about Durness than anyone. It was a good feeling to know both she and Durness were in capable hands.

She thought about Colin, and how she had not seen him or Alejandro all day. She did know that Josette asked Ewen to saddle a horse for her, and had ridden down to the ship, while Kenna retired to her grand-father’s study to pore over years of papers and ledgers, in hope that she could gain some idea of how things were handled here, and what shape everything was in. She knew Durness belonged to her, but she had no real sense of just what it was, exactly, that she owned.

She was relieved to discover someone had been keeping extremely good account of the financial aspects connected with Durness, and she learned there was a large account with the bank in Inverness and another fairly large amount in Aberdeen’s bank. A herd of sheep still grazed the moors, and three fishing boats belonging to Durness were being managed and cared for by the MacKay clan members.

She also came across an account book for her grand-father’s now defunct distillery, and she made a mental note to find out where it was located, so she could see the status of it, and whether or not it could be put back into operation.

She put down her pen and stood to twist a few kinks out of her back. Her shoulder had been throbbing all day, and she hoped that was not a bad sign.

With her hands on her hips, she walked to the window and looked down into the courtyard, where Ewen and two young boys were washing several horses that looked to have good bloodlines and were well cared for.

She allowed her gaze to travel over the landscape
and caught sight of the sun riding the crest of a hill in the distance…so far away, and such a big world.

And Lord Walter was in it…somewhere. And he was looking for her.

She did not hear the door open or close and had no idea anyone had even come into the room until she felt the press of a warm kiss on her neck. “Mmm,” she moaned with an exhaled breath. “I have not seen you since early this morning, and I was beginning to think you decided to leave without saying goodbye.”

“Never. You know I wouldn’t do something like that. Not even when you were at your worst, which you came close to yesterday, by the way.”

She smiled. “I know. It wasn’t my best day.”

“An understatement, surely.”

She turned from the window and rested her palms on the stone ledge behind her. His hand came up to cup the side of her face. “Such loveliness to be shackled with such a burden.” His hand slipped lower to rest on her upper arm, near her injured shoulder. “How does your shoulder fare?”

“Sore as the devil, it is today.”

“Nothing more?”

She shrugged. “It throbs.”

A frown settled between his brows. “And is it still as red as yesterday?”

“I don’t know. I did not have time when I arose to look at it.”

“You should take better care of yourself.” His hand moved to the front of her dress and hovered lightly over
the buttons. “I better take a look. If you start to get red streaks in the wound, it is not good.”

“It will be fine.”

“So said the mouse in the lion’s mouth.”

She had to smile at that one. “I am sure it is fine. Truly, I am.”

“You don’t know that. You said yourself you had not looked at it.” He loosed the top button and her eyes flew to his and remained there, for he held her trapped like a wild and skittish animal in his gaze. He loosed the second button, and then the third.

He pushed the dress away from her shoulder and drew it halfway down her arm. He studied the abrasion and touched it in a place or two, causing her to grimace.

“This place here, where you have the worst cut…it is starting to crust over, but it needs to be cleaned out.”

“Why?”

“It festers.”

She was barely listening, for she had more important things to worry about. He must have sensed her disinterest, for he was determined not to let the subject drop. “Josette should be able to do it, but if not, I will, unless there is someone else here that can perform the task.”

“And what will happen if I leave it as it is?”

“The wound is infected already, and if you do nothing, the flesh will abscess, and, believe me, you do not want that.”

“I will see to it then.”

He started to pull her dress back in place, but his hand touched her skin, and rather than withdraw it, he
left it there. Without taking his eyes from her face, he began to caress her neck and the smooth curve that sloped down to her shoulder.

She swallowed at the sudden dryness in her mouth, and when his hand slipped downward to rest between the swell of her breasts, her breathing became heavy, the sound of her heartbeat loudly audible in her ears. He tucked his fingers inside her chemise and moved his hand back and forth along the line of it, his knuckles crossing over both breasts as he did so.

Her head lolled back to rest against the window and her eyes closed. Her breath was coming hard and fast, as he continued to stroke her with the same movement of his hand that followed the edge of her chemise.

And suddenly he stopped.

She was about to open her eyes, when she felt him push both shoulders of her dress down to her waist. She swallowed against the dryness a second time and began to breathe through her mouth as she felt him undo the buttons of her chemise, pushing it back to allow her breasts to spill free.

“Lord above! Your breasts are more beautiful than I imagined they would be. Perfectly shaped, firm, and so heavy in my hand.”

She could not speak, and she dared not open her eyes, but she did gasp with pleasure when she felt his thumbs circle her nipples, rubbing and teasing them to hard peaks. The next thing she knew, he put his hands round her waist and lifted her to sit on the stone ledge. He took her in his mouth and she could not stop her hands from threading through his dark hair to cup his
head and hold him to her. Her body thrilled to his touch again and again, while he kissed first one breast and then the other, as if he could not decide which one he liked the best. It was driving her over the edge of what she could bear, for the ecstasy of it, the exquisite feel of the warm, wet roughness of his tongue, teasing and biting until she writhed and felt him press his body against her, pushing her legs apart.

With a groan, he captured her mouth with his, and kissed her hard, deeply and with abandon, groaning and caressing her, telling her with his body what he could not say with words. She knew she should push him away, but she could not, nor did she want to.

She wanted his hot mouth on hers, and his warm hands to touch her at his leisure, wanted him to show her, to teach her all the things she had never put a name to. From their first kiss, he had awakened her in a way she never expected. It was as frightening as it was thrilling and she needed it enough to surrender to him, by allowing his hands and his mouth free rein.

Kenna, who had never before known wrenching desire, or felt herself in the throes of passion, was now imprisoned by the wants and the needs of both, but only with this man, who was now master of her body, to do with as he would. She not only cared for him more deeply than even she would admit, but she also trusted him, and that, she knew, was a very dangerous combination.

And one she would think about tomorrow.

She melted against him, unable to stop the little groans that came from deep in her throat, and she
learned that he did not want her to be quiet, for each time she moaned, it seemed to impassion him more, until she knew he was as tightly trapped in this coil of desire as she was. She was vaguely conscious of his hand sliding down her leg, and she felt a sudden draft of air as he pushed her skirts upward, his hand moving as if it knew where to go, until she felt the touch of his palm slide across her, and knew the feel of his naked skin against hers, and it left her wanting to push against him and open herself to him in a way that was so strong, it frightened her.

It was an instinctive recoil born of this fear that made her try to draw her legs together, but he must have known what she was about, for he deepened the kiss and brought his body closer, making it impossible for her to close her legs now, and dear Lord, she did not want to. Not really.

She gasped and her eyes flew open when she felt him touch her intimately and she heard him whisper, “Damn, I’ve never touched anything so close to heaven. How perfectly you are made, so warm and wet, and you feel like velvet.” He kissed her eyes and stroked her until she knew she was his to do whatever he desired.

He stroked her a few more times, then he groaned with a shudder, and the next thing she knew, he was pushing her skirts back down. His hands came up to cup her breasts. “So beautiful, so heavy, and all mine.”

He kissed each breast and then drew her chemise up and buttoned it. He followed that by raising the bodice and the shoulders of her dress, until all her clothes were back as they were before.

But, inside, she would never be the same. Everything had changed. New awareness blossomed now, next to the strong, almost overpowering craving for him to finish what he started. She knew it was hard for him to stop, and she doubted if she could have done what he did. Now the secrets of lovemaking were revealed and she had bathed in the exquisiteness of it, yet she yearned to feel his hands on her again, knowing that once would never be enough, just as she knew there was more to it, more to come, for she felt the knots of desire still writhing inside her, left unsatisfied.

He lifted her and brought her feet back to the floor. “I did not come in her with the intention of doing that, and if I offended you, you have only to tell me to go and I will hobble away on my crippled ship tomorrow.”

She put her arms around him and placed her head against his chest. “I don’t want you to go…ever, but I know this is not the time, if there is to be a time for us. I desire you, Colin Montgomery, more than I ever imagined a woman could desire a man. I loved to feel your hands on me. I was not shamed by it because it felt right and I cannot see the wrong in that.”

“Lord above, how was I so fortunate to find such a woman? Men would kill for a woman like you…beautiful, passionate, open, warm, loyal and graciously, honestly giving.”

He turned away from her and murmured an oath, running his fingers through his hair. “You pack a powerful punch, Lady Kenna, and I am still reeling from the impact of it.”

She laughed and he joined his laughter to hers.
When it died away, she felt the featherlight touch of his kiss upon her lips, and it traveled through her like fire, quick as a jagged flash of lightning.

“I find you adorable. Too adorable, and I am not certain what to do about it.”

“Then do nothing. If the feeling is true, it will remain, and if false, it will go, and there will be no need for explanation.”

“So much wisdom. How could so much beauty come with brains?”

She could have remained here with him for the rest of the day, all day, but the sun had gone down, and she was standing near the window, and the cooler evening was beginning to bring a chill to her backside. His beautiful blue eyes were mere inches away, watching her in a way that made her believe him when he said she was adorable.

She wanted to be adorable for him, always. And she would never tire of hearing him say she was so.

He kissed her softly. “I still adore you, even if you don’t believe me.”

Her heart believed him. It was her mind that was skeptical, but then it always was. Her heart and her mind…they were like identical twins that never agreed on anything. If one went right, the other wanted to go left. If one said yes, the other said no. If he said she was adorable, her mind scoffed, telling her he said that only to get what he wanted.

But, oh, her heart believed.

She could hear it saying so with each little beat: I am falling in love with you, Colin. I am… I am… She
could hear it thumping in her ears, and the words poured from the center of her heart, making her believe they were destined to be together since the beginning of time.

But her head said she was a fool to tell him such, and for once, she agreed. Not because she did not want to tell him, but this was neither the time, nor the place. She had a rendezvous with Lord Walter that would not wait, and she could not weaken her resolve with Colin and keep it strong for Lord Walter, for to do so would compromise her and leave her weakened, and that meant one thing: defeat.

She looked at the ledgers on her desk, and back at him. “My accounts await me, and you have a mistress dancing in the bay that needs your attention.”

He kissed her lips, not with passion but with understanding. “Sweet Kenna, do not fret so. I did not come here to upset your world any more than I think you intended to upset mine. We cannot change what has happened…what is happening between us, but we can control it. At least, Lord help us, I hope we can. I want to protect you and take you away from here, but I know that would only drive a stake through the beating heart of our affections for each other. I cannot have you, but I can be with you, and whenever you need me, you’ve only to send word.”

He left as quietly as he entered, making no sound as he closed the door behind him. Kenna stood in the same spot for some time, trying to deal with the flood of emotions that raced through her.

Later that evening, when she began to feel normal
again, she was in the great room when she looked up to see Colin enter. As soon as she saw him, an odd flare of warmth shot through her. After what had happened between them earlier, she was embarrassed to be caught smiling like a fool, so she turned her face away and gave a stray hair a tuck to get it back in place.