By Degrees (9 page)

Tarin leans over and grabs the orange juice, gulping it down.
 
His gaze never leaves my face.
 
When he finishes, he leans back, using the back of his hand to wipe the orange juice mustache off his upper lip. “So what’s that mean, exactly?
 
Like what is it you want to do?
 
Are you the fucking ghost of Christmas past or something?
 
Are we getting lawyers involved?”

His abrupt change of attitude makes this situation completely different than the ones I experienced with my other clients. I hadn’t expected it to go this smoothly, so I’m temporarily at a loss for words. My silence seems to make him nervous, so I throw something out there until I can collect my thoughts. “Lawyers?” is all I can manage.

He gets a burst of energy and starts gesturing with his free hand while he talks.
 
“You know, shit happens with people, right?
 
I mean, you go out and you party it up … and shit happens.
 
You have no idea when you’re about to go too far.
 
You do one more hit or drink one more shot.
 
No one ever knows when it’s too much until it’s too late, right?”

He leans forward suddenly and puts the empty glass on the table before dropping his head into his hands.
 
He runs his fingers through the hair above his ears, like he’s massaging the sides of his head because he’s stressed out.
 
“Fuck! … Fuck!”

I begin to wonder if he’s high.
 
I hadn’t detected that he was under the influence when he arrived, but it’s the only explanation that makes sense.
 
I hope I’ve been speaking with a semi-straight person this whole time, otherwise I’m going to have to do it all over again once he’s clean.

“Are you okay?” I ask.

He laughs bitterly and then sits up, staring at me intensely.
 
“Okay?
 
No.
 
I’m far from okay, as you’ve so clearly pointed out.”

I stand, feeling like having a friend around right now is a good idea for him.
 
“Mind if I invite Zach and Leonard in?”

He shakes his head, back to staring at the ground.
 
“Do whatever you want.
 
I don’t care.”

I signal the bodyguard to come in.
 
When he opens the door, I say, “Would you get Leonard and join us in here?”

He nods and disappears around the corner.

I sit back down and wait for Tarin to say something.
 
I don’t want to stop his flow of thoughts with my own spoken ones.

“I can’t fucking believe it,” he says.
 
Then he throws himself back into the cushions, staring at the ceiling.
 
“After all this fucking time…Austin.”

“Austin’s been gone for two years.
 
It’s not that long.”

He angles his eyes down to look at me.
 
“Feels like forever.
 
I’ve been looking over my shoulder for fucking
ever
.”

It seems like a strange way to describe the situation, but he’s the poet-musician, not me.
 
“I know what you mean.”
 
I lie when I say that, because to me it feels like it was just last week that I was staring into Austin’s bloodshot eyes for the last time.

“So when do we start this deal?” he asks as the door slides open to admit Zach and Leonard.
 
He acknowledges them with barely a glance, before looking back at me.

“We have a deal, then?” I ask.
 
“You agree to my terms?”

“Yeah, fine.” He tips his head back into the cushions and looks at the ceiling
 
“We have a fucking deal.”

“Good.
 
To answer your question, it starts today. You’re going to make an announcement to all your people and your team that I’m in charge and that they follow my direction.
 
Tomorrow morning starts your healthy living campaign.
 
You will get you up at six for your first workout.
 
We’ll discuss the rest of the plan while you’re running on the treadmill after.”

Zach and Leonard take seats next to me and Tarin.
 
“Don’t look so freaked out,” says Zach, nudging him in the leg.
 
“We’ll do it with you.”

Tarin says nothing, he just lifts his head and stares at his friends with his mouth partway open, his jaw off kilter.

I continue, not wanting to break my rhythm.
 
“I’m going to be firing some people.
 
Whoever I let go, you need to support me on it.”
 
Tarin presses his lips into a thin line but still says nothing, so I keep going. “Who’s supplying you with drugs?
 
Is it Brett Campbell?”

Tarin sighs loudly before nodding and answering.
 
“Yeah.”

“Okay, he’s gone.
 
Zach and Len, I need you to make sure he stays away.”

“Consider it done,” promises Zach. Leonard nods his head in agreement. They both look happy about the prospect.

“What about Clay?” I ask.
 
“Is he bringing drugs in too?”

Tarin folds his arms.
 
“No.”

“What’s his function in your life? Because I know he’s not a friend.”

“He’s a friend.”
 
Tarin acts offended but it’s too much.
 
He’s defensive.

“Truth, Tarin.
 
No more messing around.”

He rolls his eyes.
 
“Fine.
 
He brings the party guests.”

“He means the hoes,” says Zach, smiling mischievously.

Tarin scowls at him, but doesn’t deny it.

“Nice. So he’s the pimp.”
 
I look at the bodyguards.
 
“He’s out too.”

They nod.

I address Tarin, putting the full weight of my determination in my gaze.
 
“You’ll call them when we get back to the dock and tell them yourself that they’re out.
 
If they have any stuff at any of your properties, they have until the end of the day to get it.”
 
I shift my attention to Zach.
 
“Make sure they have escorts so they don’t steal anything.”

He nods at me and then at Leonard.
 
They exchange a look and some sort of silent agreement.

“Oh, man, no,” says Tarin, sounding desperate, “don’t make me do that.
 
Please don’t make me call them and tell them to fuck off.”
 
He’s begging and both Zach and Leonard look shocked at his tone.
 
I can’t help but be surprised too.
 
He’s always struck me as tougher than that.
 
Maybe he’s not as heartless as he seems.
 
Or maybe he’s just worried about missing out on the parties and the chicks.

“Sorry, but it’ll be easier on them in the long run if they hear it from the horse’s mouth.
 
If they hear it from me they’re going to get their asses beat by these guys when they try to force themselves back in.”

Tarin bows his head and rests his face in his open palm.
 
His voice comes out muffled.
 
“Fine.
 
Anything else?”

“How close are you to Jelly?”

He lifts his head suddenly.
 
“What the
fuck?
 
I have to give up sex too?!”

Zach snorts.
 
Leonard looks away to hide his face.

I smile, noting that he considers her for sex before companionship.
 
I have a feeling she won’t be around for long if that’s the case.
 
I don’t know why that makes me happy, but I shove the feelings away.
 
“No, you don’t have to give up sex.
 
But you have to give up all bad influences.”

Tarin looks at Zach.
 
“Do you think she’s a bad influence?”

“Don’t ask me, man.
 
I’m just the enforcer.”

He punches him sloppily in the arm.
 
“Don’t be a fucking pussy, just tell me.”

Leonard joins the conversation.
 
“She did get busted for DUI and possession.
 
She’s got shit in her purse every time she comes to see you.
 
She likes to get high.”

“So I’ll tell her to clean her shit up.
 
She can stay clean with me.”

I shrug.
 
“I’m willing to give her a chance.
 
If she can do it, she can stay.”

“Fine.
 
She stays then.”
 
Tarin looks like he’s won something, and I’m happy to see it.
 
I don’t want him going into this all beat down.
 
He’ll do better if he has a hand in his recovery.
 
Plus, his relationship to Jelly is nothing to me.
 
Nothing at all.

“Anyone else on the chopping block?” he asks, some of his spark back.

“Maybe your drummer.
 
We’ll see.”

He laughs, but more with shock than anything else.
 
“What…?
 
Dave?”
 
He looks at Zach.
 
“She’s kidding, right?”

Zach shakes his head silently.

“Fuuuuck me. That’s just fucking
crazy
talk right there.”
 
He stares at me, half challenging me and half fearful of me. “You can’t kick people out of the band.
 
That’s going too far.”

I narrow my eyes.
 
“I can do whatever I want.
 
We have a deal.”

He swallows with effort and then throws up his hands.
 
His voice comes out an octave higher than normal.
 
“Fine.
 
Fucking kick Dave out, see if I care.
 
Fucker’s an H fiend anyway.”
 
He looks away, but not before I see his eyes going shiny.

“Don’t worry about Dave,” I say, hoping to calm him down.
 
Tears aren’t a good thing right now.
 
He’ll feel too vulnerable and I need him strong.
 
“We’re going to try and help him too.
 
I don’t want to do anything with the band.
 
You guys are great.
 
You just need to get your shit together again, that’s all.
 
Dave sounds like he wants to help, so if he accepts it, he stays, not a problem.”

“I don’t even know if we have shit to get together at this point,” Tarin says, staring out the window at the ocean.

I stand, preparing to leave him alone so I can use the ship’s phone to call Scott.
 
“Sure you do. The garbage you’ve been filling your life with has blocked some of your creativity, but we’ll get it back.
 
Don’t worry.”

“You’re going to do all that … get our lives back and clean our shit up … in how long?
 
A year?”

“Thirty days.”

“Thirty days,” he deadpans, looking at me like I’m nuts.

“That’s the deal.”

“Good luck with that,” he says, dropping his head back on the cushions and closing his eyes.

I leave the salon, sliding the door closed behind me.

Chapter Nine

SCOTT IS MORE NERVOUS THAN I am.
 
I slap him gently on the arm.
 
“Would you please chill?
 
You’re going to freak us both out if you keep doing that.”

He’s bouncing up and down and flicking his hands around.
 
I don’t tell him, but whenever he does that it reminds me of his brother.
 
Austin used to do it before a show; he said it limbered him up and got the blood flowing.
 
I should have known Austin was in trouble when he stopped doing it and just sauntered out onto the stage without caring.
 
There were so many signs I ignored.
 
Or maybe I felt powerless to control them.
 
Either way, it was no secret Austin was in trouble and I didn’t do anything to stop the train wreck from happening.
 
I was too weak and afraid. But not anymore. Now I’m in complete control.
 
I will not let Tarin down.

Scott’s bending his head left, right, front, and back, like he’s exercising his neck.
 
“I can’t chill out.
 
What if he flips?
 
It could get seriously ugly.
 
You know I hate scenes.”

“We’ve been through this several times with other people and it always worked out.
 
Why are you so jittery this time?
 
You’ve never done this before.”
 
He looks lost, so I grab his hand and yank it once before letting it go, trying to pull him back into our reality.

“This one is different.”
 
He looks at me, real fear in his eyes as he grabs my arm with two hands.
 
“Can’t you feel it? Tell me I’m not crazy and that you feel it too.
 
It’s like … a tingle in my butt cheeks or something.”

“Ew. Bad visual. And for the record, you
are
crazy, but I know what you mean.
 
He reminds me … of … stuff.”
 
I shake Scott off as I look away, hoping to see people walking through the door; but it remains closed.

Scott isn’t done pestering me.
 
“It’s Austin, right?
 
I know he reminds you of Austin.
 
He reminds
me
of Austin and I haven’t even
met
him yet.”
 
Scott’s bouncing again.
 
“This is fucking nuts, man.
 
Nuts with a capital T for testicle.”

“He has the same intensity as Austin, but other than that, there’s no similarity.”
 
I’m not sure I’m being exactly honest about that, because I sense the possibility of a lot of other similarities, but I don’t want Scott fixating on that stuff.
 
He needs to keep his head in the game just like I do, and he’s even more sensitive about Austin’s death than I am.
 
Austin was his hero and his only sibling.
 
Aside from his dad, I’m his only family now.