Butterfly Summer (15 page)

“He’s got a grip of iron for such a little thing,” said Mrs. Jackson. “How’s your mum getting on, by the way? Has she had any luck finding a job?”

“No, not yet, there doesn’t seem to be much around. I should be getting back to her, to be honest. She’s not feeling too good at the moment.”

Mrs. Jackson nodded sympathetically. “Send her my best, won’t you?”

Mum was sitting in her usual place, sorting out the green section of the puzzle. She’d finished the poppies over the weekend and had moved onto the fields.

“Look at this,” she said, as I came in. “It’s impossible. I’m trying to separate the pieces but they’re almost identical. I never realized there were so many similar shades of green.”

“Mack’s dad Colin said he’s met me before. When I was a little girl.” My hands flew up to my mouth but it was too late. The words were out.

“I’m trying to do the dark green first,” said Mum, as if I hadn’t spoken. She didn’t even turn round. “I don’t think you understand quite how tricky it is.”

“Are you listening to me, Mum? Stop going on about the stupid puzzle, can’t you? Did you hear what I said? About Colin?”

“I could tell you some things about Colin,” said Mum, pressing her fingers to the sides of her head. “He’s not to be trusted. He’s a terrible liar. Leaving him was the best thing Stella ever did.”

“
Mum
, I don’t care about Colin and Stella and their marriage. Colin said the last time he saw me at the pool I was
with my dad
.”

“What do you mean, the
last time
he saw you at the pool?” She whipped round to face me, her eyes blazing. “Tell me you haven’t been at the pool, Becky! Why were you there? You haven’t been
swimming
, have you?”

She was doing it again. Her usual trick. “Stop it! Stop twisting things round. So what if I’ve been swimming? He
says
I was a toddler. And that I was
with my dad
. My dad, who according to you
I’ve never met
!” I was shouting now, waving my arms about. “Why have you lied to me? You’ve lied about everything! You said he left before I was born!”

Mum’s face was bright red. She pulled at her top as if it was too tight round her neck. “Becky, I...” She slumped forward suddenly, holding her head in her hands. I should’ve stopped. I should’ve realized she couldn’t cope, but I was keyed up and angry and desperate to know the truth.

“And that’s not all!” I screamed, running out of the room. I tore up the stairs, unable to stop now I’d started. I crawled under Mum’s bed, reaching for the box. “I
know
!” I yelled, as I flew back down the stairs. “I know about the photo!”

I raced back into the kitchen, holding the box out in front of me, ready to bring everything into the open. But Mum wasn’t sitting at the table any more; she was lying collapsed in a heap in the middle of the floor. And she wasn’t moving.

I dropped the box and ran to her side, grabbing a tea towel to put under her head. Her body was in a funny position, twisted up, with her legs jutting out at a weird angle.

“Wake up, Mum, come on,
please
wake up.” I grasped hold of her shoulders to give her a shake but she was too heavy. “
MUM!
” I shouted in her ear but she didn’t even flinch. I tried to remember what you’re supposed to do when someone collapses. We did this first-aid thing at school once, about airways and breathing, but I couldn’t get it straight in my head. I shook her again. Her face was horribly red and puffy. “Wake up, Mum, wake up. Just
please
, wake up.”

She groaned slightly and her eyelids fluttered. I leaped up and ran out to the hall to call an ambulance.

“My mum’s collapsed,” I said as soon as someone answered, and then I burst out crying. I don’t know how I got out the address or gave any proper details, I was sobbing so hard. The woman kept telling me to take deep breaths, and she stayed on the phone until the ambulance arrived, talking in this slow, calm voice. She asked me my name and if I was alone with Mum and if there was anyone they could call, but I couldn’t work out the answers.

Everything happened very fast after that. The ambulance men rushed in, put an oxygen mask over Mum’s face and then lifted her onto a stretcher, asking me loads of questions at the same time: her name, her age, what she’d eaten, if she’d been drinking, or taking any medication. The questions went on and on as we climbed into the back of the ambulance.

I tried to explain that it was all my fault. That I’d found a box under her bed and it was supposed to be a secret and that I’d asked her about my dad. I said a whole load of other stuff about swimming and Mack and lying to Mum. The words came tumbling out, mixed up and confused. I couldn’t stop. There was a nurse in the back. She told me her name was Pam and she put a heavy blanket round me and cuddled me close.

“You’ve had a nasty shock, Becky,” she said, stroking my hair. “Everything’s going to be okay now, you’ll see.”

As soon as we got to the hospital, they whisked Mum away on a trolley. I tried to follow but Pam pulled me back – she said I had to stay with her until Mum was sorted. She led me into the main waiting area and handed me a cup of sweet tea. It was in one of those polystyrene cups and burning hot. “Have a few sips of this, the sugar will help with the shock, and then we’ll see about getting someone to look after you.” She kneeled down in front of me. “Do you have a number for your dad, Becky? Is he at work?”

I shook my head. “My mum looks after me. It’s just me and Mum. It’s
always
been me and Mum.”

Pam stood up, sighing. “Okay, my love. I’m just going to pop over to the desk for a minute and make a few phone calls.”

I sat there, trembling all over. I couldn’t believe I’d been so stupid. I should’ve listened to Rosa May. She was right all along. She said Mum wouldn’t be able to cope. Why hadn’t I kept my mouth shut? I could see Pam at the reception desk. She was on the phone but she kept glancing over. I picked at the edges of the cup, wondering who she was talking to.

I was still sitting there when Stella came bursting through the doors. I don’t know how they found her except I think I might have said something about her being Mum’s friend when we were in the ambulance. I jumped up and ran into her arms. It was such a relief to see someone familiar.

“Where is she, Becky?” she said, holding me tight. “What happened?”

“It was all my fault,” I sobbed. “I found this box under her bed and her head was hurting and—”

“Hey, come on, calm down. It is
not
your fault. I don’t want to hear you say that.” She cupped my face in her hands. “None of this is your fault, Becky. None of it. Do you understand?” I stared up at her, nodding. She wiped away my tears and gave me another hug. “I’ll go and have a chat with Pam, tell her I’m here to look after you, and then we’ll find out how Mum is, okay?”

We had to wait for ages for any news, but eventually the doctor came out to tell us that Mum was okay. He said she was very weak and that her blood pressure was sky-high, but that she’d soon be back on her feet.

“We’re going to keep her in for a day or two and run some tests, but I’m not expecting to find anything too serious.” He reached out and ruffled my hair. “I hear you’re to be commended for your quick thinking, young lady – calling the ambulance and looking after your mum until it arrived. She’s lucky to have a clever girl like you.”

I just stared at him. I wasn’t clever, I was stupid. Whatever Stella said, Mum had only collapsed because of me and my big mouth. I wasn’t going to say another word. Not to Mum or Stella or the doctors. I wanted to know the truth more than ever, I was
desperate
to know, but there was no way I was going to confront Mum again.

“I’ll be staying with Becky for a few days until her mum’s up and about,” Stella was saying to the doctor. “I’ve spoken to my ex-husband and he’s happy to have my son until Tracy’s well enough to come home.”

The doctor glanced at Stella over my head. “Could we have a quick chat before you go? I just need to tie up some loose ends, if that’s okay.” They walked off to the side, their heads close together. Pam came over from the desk to wait with me.

“Can I see my mum now?” I asked in a small voice.

She smiled. “You can pop up for a second. But you mustn’t wake her if she’s sleeping.”

Mum was sleeping. She was lying in a big metal bed, attached to lots of wires and tubes. She looked small and fragile, like she could slip away at any moment and no one would even notice. I leaned over the bed to kiss her cheek but she didn’t move.

“I’m sorry, Mum,” I whispered. “I’m sorry I shouted at you and called you a liar. I didn’t mean it.” I turned round to Pam. “Are you sure she’s okay? She’s so still.”

“She’s fine,” said Pam firmly. “Really. Let’s get you home now, Becky, you’ll be needing a rest too.”

I smoothed Mum’s hair off her face and kissed her cheek again. “I’ll make it up to you, I promise. Just get better,
please
.”

It was awful going back to the house with Stella. I was too scared to go in at first. I kept imagining Mum collapsed on the floor in the middle of the kitchen, lying in that horrid, twisted-up position. The first thing I did was put the box back under her bed. I didn’t even look inside. I was sorry I’d ever found it in the first place.

Stella tried her best to be cheery and bright but it wasn’t the same without Mum there. She bustled around the kitchen, making toast and tea, but just the smell of it made me feel ill. I tried to force some food down, but my throat was clogged up. If only I hadn’t said anything. If only I’d sat down with Mum and helped her with the puzzle or done the washing-up, or...

“Come on, Becky, eat up, you’ve got to stay strong for your mum.”

“I just keep thinking of her all alone in that big metal bed. What if she wakes up and I’m not there. She’ll be worried about me. We’ve never been apart before. Not even for one night.”

Stella reached for my hand across the table. “The nurses will tell her where you are, love; they’re looking after her really well. I know it all seems bleak and hopeless tonight but everything will seem brighter in the morning. I’ll nip back from work at lunchtime and take you up to see her, I promise.”

I sat up in bed for ages that night, trying to work things out in my head; all the different pieces of the puzzle. Mum said it was the new job that brought her back to Oakbridge – that it was supposed to be this great opportunity – but why did she leave Oakbridge in the first place? Was it my dad? Did he do something to her? Is that what she meant about
everyone knowing
? And who
was
the baby in the photo? Something drove her away and something brought her back, and apart from Mum, there was only one other person who knew the whole story and that was my dad.

I woke up feeling groggy, like I was lost in a thick fog. I had the tightest knot in my stomach but it took me a few moments to remember why. Downstairs, the kitchen was sparkly clean and Stella had left me a note by the jigsaw puzzle saying she’d see me at midday. It was nearly ten already, but if I left straight away, I’d have just about enough time to get down to the Butterfly Garden to see Rosa May.

It was already warm out, but misty, as if the whole of Oakbridge was trying to keep secrets from me. I started off walking but as I got nearer to the Garden I felt scared suddenly and broke into a run. The knot in my stomach was worse, like something terrible was about to happen and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I swear I could hear Rosa May calling for me, but somehow the faster I ran, the longer it seemed to take.

I spotted her as soon as I arrived. She was lying face down in the middle of the lake, her arms and legs spread out in the shape of a star. I raced across the field, calling her name and waving my arms. She must’ve heard me coming because she started to swim towards the side, but then just before she reached me she disappeared under the water. She was showing off – or punishing me for leaving without saying goodbye the day before. I watched for her, my eyes fixed on the surface, counting in my head, holding my breath. I should’ve been used to her trying to scare me by now, but it got to me every time.

I scanned the lake, searching for some sign she was there, but it was completely still.
Come on, Rosa May, come on
. My phone buzzed suddenly, making me jump. It was a text from Mack:
I heard about your mum – r u ok?
I didn’t know what to text back. I still wanted to see him, so much, but I felt weird after what had happened at the pool with Colin – really embarrassed.

“Hey!” It was Rosa May. “What are you doing?”

I switched off my phone and slipped it back in my pocket as she pulled herself out of the lake.

“My mum’s in hospital,” I gabbled, grabbing her arm. “I called her a liar. I tried to show her the photo but she collapsed. It was awful, Rosa May, she was just lying there on the floor in the middle of the kitchen. I was certain she was dead. I didn’t tell the doctor, or Stella, but that’s what I thought when I saw her.”

My legs felt as if they were going to give way. I sank down into the grass, dizzy and short of breath. Rosa May stood over me. “Why the hell did you do that?” she spat. “I told you what would happen. Why didn’t you listen to me?”