Butterfly Hunter 01 (26 page)

Are too. Can’t
fool me, Davey.

He turned the thing to
silent, and shoved it back in his pocket. Cleared his throat and
said to Nicholas, “Shall we go do the grocery shopping for next
week? Get that done?”

“
It can wait
for tomorrow, can’t it?”

“
Guess so. If
you don’t mind it being a long day, with the drive as
well.”

“
Don’t worry
about that. I’m feeling rather like seizing the Dave
again.”

“
Oh,” he said,
unable to prevent a pleased smile giving everything away. It was
just as well no one was about on this warm afternoon, for surely
this was worse than holding hands.

As it turned out, Nicholas
didn’t seize him at all, but instead treated him sweetly and
gently, as if Dave needed seducing. It was lovely.

Later that evening, after
they’d eaten dinner and were sprawled on the lounge watching TV,
Nicholas said, “Don’t worry about tomorrow. We’re not going
back.”

Dave was so startled, that
all he could do was repeat, “We’re not –”

“
No,” said
Nicholas very evenly. “I’ve changed my ticket. I’m flying back to
England tomorrow.”

Dave’s hand was clutching
painfully at Nicholas’s, but the man didn’t flinch or indeed show
anything much. “What?” Dave managed. “No …”

“
I’m no good
at farewells. At this point, I’d rather take the coward’s way out
and go home.”

“
No. No,
you
can’t.”

“
I am, though.
At least I’m telling you today. It’s hard enough living with the
goodbye for a few hours. I can’t do it for a few weeks.”

“
But –” It
wasn’t just about Dave. It was about the whole trip. “You haven’t
finished with the butterflies yet! The trip’s barely half
over!”

Nicholas cleared his
throat. “The balance of your fee will be in your account by now.
Simon’s taking care of it.”

“
God, d’you
really think I care about the money?”

“
No, I don’t
suppose that you do. But I care about upholding my end of a
deal.”

“
Is
that
what you think you’re doing?” Dave demanded –
immediately continuing, “You haven’t finished with the butterflies.
You haven’t seen the caterpillars yet.”

“
But we don’t
know when that will be. They might only go through one life cycle
each year. Even if the eggs don’t have a dormant phase, they might
take weeks to hatch. We could go back and spend over a month doing
nothing but watching the eggs.”

“
Doing nothing
… ?” he protested.

“
David, it’s
done. My flight leaves around one in the afternoon. I’ll take a
taxi to the airport, if you’d prefer. In fact, I’ll take a taxi
now, if you like, and stay at a hotel for the night.”

“
Don’t be
ridiculous!” Dave burst out.

“
Well, don’t
make this any harder than it needs to be.”

Dave fell silent, and let
the man’s hand go. This was horrible. Dave felt as if he’d ruined
everything. But he also felt that Nicholas had wilfully let it be
ruined. Though the man had enough to be dealing with already, and
no doubt he was doing the best he could. They were both just doing
the best they could, weren’t they? Dave sighed.

“
I don’t
understand,” he said. “What do you mean about not being good at
farewells?”

“
Just exactly
that. I don’t have the art of saying goodbye. Not gracefully.
Normally, I don’t let things start – not really – so that I don’t
have to say goodbye at the end.” Nicholas reached to take Dave’s
hand in his again. “I broke all my rules for you.”

“
Then we’re
even, aren’t we,” said Dave. “Just … talk to me. I want to
understand. And give it to me straight. I reckon I already have
abandonment issues, so don’t worry about that.”

“
Oh,
David,”
Nicholas said with a wry
fondness.

“
Is this about
… the last goodbye? The final one?”

“
Well. Yes. I
almost – don’t want to start living, because I can’t face it
ending. Being alone – other than my family – It makes the prospect
of letting go – easier.”

“
Ah, no … No,
mate.”

“
Tell me
another way. There is no other way. It can’t be another
way.”

“
I get
it,” said Dave. “I do. But it’s too late. You
are
living. You’ve
transformed. You’re the fabulous butterfly now.”

“
Because of
you,” Nicholas suggested with a half–sceptical half–pleased little
smile.

“
No, you
already were when you met me. You just didn’t know it
yet.”

“
Oh God,”
Nicholas said, with his breath shuddering for a moment. “David.
This has been –”

“
I know,” said
Dave, cutting him off, terrified that they’d both end up bawling
like babies. “I know.”

And Nicholas pushed over to kiss
him, and then he really did seize Dave, and they fucked, right
there on the lounge. Frantically.

They eventually made it to
Dave’s bed, and Nicholas abruptly fell deeply asleep. He was
exhausted, and perhaps taking the coward’s way out in this as well.
David didn’t blame him at all, even while he lay awake, already
feeling lonely.

The following morning,
they were polite to each other, in a friendly enough way. They
didn’t fuck again. Nicholas took his time repacking his gear, which
didn’t really need it. He’d obviously been at least half intending
to do this all along. Dave helped him, and fed him, made him
coffee, and watched him, keeping his distance, as
required.

He found himself wishing
that Nicholas would say something – any little thing – to indicate
that they might meet again. A hint of plans for another trip next
year to see the butterflies. An invitation to drop by if Dave
should ever find himself in England. Anything like that. But no.
Nicholas talked about practicalities, but was otherwise quiet – not
reminiscing about the trip, and not looking ahead to anything
beyond his flight.

Soon enough, they had to
leave so that Nicholas had time for all the international check–in
procedures.

Soon enough – too soon –
it was time to part. Once Nicholas was beyond the security
barriers, then he was as good as out of the country.

“
Just tell me
you don’t hate me,” Nicholas said as they stood there
together.

“
For
what?”

Nicholas shrugged. “Just
tell me. Lie if you have to.”

Dave looked at him, steady
and true. “I don’t hate you.”

“
Thank you,”
Nicholas said. And there in Departures, with everyone milling
around them, Nicholas pressed one last kiss to Dave’s mouth. And
Dave didn’t hate him for that, either. “Goodbye, David.”

“
Goodbye,” he
whispered.

Nicholas turned, and
resolutely headed for the security entrance. He turned left into
the corridor with his head high and one last glance that barely
even made it halfway towards Dave. A moment later the man was
gone.

Dave felt at a total loss.
He took care of the Cruiser and its contents that afternoon
– clearing everything out, cleaning it,
reorganising, noting what needed restocking, and all the rest of
it. He bought himself some groceries, and caught up with his
laundry.

He gave hours of serious
thought to going back out to the waterhole by himself. Surely he
owed it to Nicholas to go and record the hatching of the eggs, and
the … the crawling of the caterpillars. Even if it was taking a
while, he could probably go back every couple of weeks or so, just
to keep an eye on developments. After all, if Dave hadn’t broken
his own rules, then Nicholas would still be here, they’d be client
and tour guide – with some tensions, perhaps, and probably not
friends as they’d become – and his client wouldn’t have felt the
need to cut his trip short, and maybe could even have extended it
if he’d needed to. If the butterflies really weren’t
cooperating.

But the thought of going
back there right away on his own just filled him with reluctance.
He felt almost a physical resistance to the idea. Dave had been
alone for so long that he’d gotten used to it. Before his
unexpected English earling had turned up, anyway. Now he thought
that hanging around that waterhole without Nicholas to share it
with would crush him with loneliness.

Not that hanging around
home was going to be much better, he supposed. He’d have to start
calling around the travel agents and tourist centres, and let them
know that he was available again for short or long trips. He’d have
to get used to the notion of having other people to take care of.
He’d have to relearn how to keep a professional
distance.

Dave sighed, and headed
back inside. The scent of Nicholas and sex still lingered in his
bed, so Dave grabbed a pillow and took it through to the lounge
with him. Wore away the night hours with television. Which wasn’t
an answer, but it got him through the first day.

Or maybe, he found himself
reflecting on the second day, he could have broken his
fraternisation rules but handled it all better so that Nicholas
hadn’t panicked and felt the need to leave. There must have been
some way to reassure the man that they could part with a laconic
Aussie ‘see ya’ rather than a solemn English ‘goodbye’. That way,
they could have had five more weeks of sex and friendship and –
well, Dave had to acknowledge the truth – affection. Surely he
could have managed that.

He was obviously totally useless
at relationships, whether short or long.

He lay low for most of
that first week, pottering about the house and working on the
garden. Reading
The Reverse of
the Medal
and
The Letter of Marque
.

And then he finally went around
to see Denise.

She was astonished, to say
the least, to find him on her doorstep. And all the more so to find
him alone. “Davey! Why aren’t you out at your waterhole? And what
have you done with Nicholas?”

He explained, as best he
could, at the dining table over a mug of coffee. He kept his voice
low, and avoided both dire curses and airy denials, because Zoe was
asleep in a bassinet just around the corner in the living room. Not
that he needed to curse or deny. It had ended badly, which was
probably to be expected given that he’d made so many mistakes. But
that was that, and Dave just had to get used to being alone
again.

“
Oh,
Davey
…” Denise said in sorrowful tones, reaching to
wrap his hand in hers.

He didn’t need sympathy.
He took his hand away and drank his coffee.

“
Nicholas was
trying to do the right thing by you,” she said rather more
coolly.

“
Yeah,
absolutely …” he said, voice heavy with sarcasm.

“
You probably
made it clear to him that it was only a holiday fling.”

“
It
was
only a holiday fling.”

“
Oh, for God’s
sake!” she said, sitting back and rolling her eyes. “So what’s with
all the moping now?”

Dave glared at her. “Cos
he just left! Five weeks early! And I stuffed everything up, I
ruined his trip for him, I should have known better than to break
my rules, and he was bloody–minded enough to pay the fee for the
whole three months as well!”

Denise sighed. “From what
I saw of Nicholas, I’d say he had the time of his life out there
with you. Perhaps he wanted to end it on a high note.”

“
I don’t see
how that’s doing the right thing by me.”

“
Oh you idiot,
do you really not get it? You’re such a loveable sort, Davey. We
all want to take care of you. Your dad, me. Nicholas. We try to do
what’s right for you.”

“
Leaving
wasn’t right for me.” He frowned, and amended that: “Not yet,
anyway. Obviously he was going to leave later.”

“
If you were
really so determined that it was only for the three months and no
longer, then you can hardly blame him for ending it on his own
terms. Poor sod.”

That earned her another
glare. “I should have known you’d take his side in
this.”

“
Davey, don’t
be any more idiotic than you have to be.”

“
Look,” he
said stiffly. “I have found that … nothing lasts
forever.”

“
If that’s the
only thing I taught you, Davey, then I’m more sorry than I can say.
But it’s not, is it?”

He set his face against her at
the time, and in a thoroughly disgruntled mood Dave left and walked
home again. Wondering what the hell to do next.

But it didn’t take him
long to back down a bit. Fair’s fair, he thought. So he texted
her:
Not the only
thing.

Charlie called the next
day, and was almost totally convincing in claiming that Denise
hadn
’t put him up to it. “Nah, mate, I’m
coming up to Brisbane for a few days. Thought we should have a
beer.”