Butterflies in Heat (5 page)

"I'm not used to that," the man said, dabbing at the corner of his mouth with a towel. "I'm Ralph."

"Numie." The room sent a shiver through him, and he put his hands in his pockets." Look, man, I've got to go. This place gives me the creeps." Almost as if to confirm his statement, the cicada let out another shrill chirp.

"My car's parked out back," Ralph said. "Would you meet me there?"

For Numie, the invitation was an all too familiar one.

"Yeah," he agreed, "but I'd think tonight would have made you suspicious of strangers."

"I am," Ralph said, "always ... but I need one every now and then." His eyes met Numie's.

Numie withdrew at the sight of their intensity. "It'll cost you."

"They took my, money."

"No ice, no dice."

"Wait, my watch. They didn't take my watch. It cost a lot of money. A gift from a friend."

Numie took the watch. "I prefer cash." Bargaining over sex always repulsed him, regardless of how many times he'd forced himself to do it.

"That's all I've got right now."

"It's a deal," Numie said. "I usually charge thirty dollars."

"You'll have to lower your price in this town. But the watch is far more valuable." Ralph was buttoning up his shirt. "We could go for a ride in my boat and watch the sun come up. It's the nicest part of the day."

Numie started to say no. But there was something in Ralph's last statement that appealed to him. Unlike his first impression of him, Ralph apparently had enough of a soul to appreciate a sunrise. "It sounds okay," Numie said, not wanting to sound too enthusiastic.

"Good." Ralph reached into his pocket and pulled out a ring of keys, handing it to Numie.

This simple act of trust further elevated Ralph in Numie's eyes: Was it possible that he could be mugged and robbed only minutes before, then turn over his car keys to a perfect stranger the next moment?

"It's the red sports car out back," Ralph said. "I'll meet you there in a few minutes."

"If
you don't hurry, we'll miss the sunrise," Numie said.

"The story of my life," Ralph called after him.

Ralph's boat zoomed through the waters of the green-blue strait, stirring up a backlash that rained down on Numie's head. His jeans were getting soaked, but he liked the pelting water.

An early morning invitation from a stranger—just the kind of excitement he needed.

Out on the dark sea, he saw a rare world—clean, refreshing. As the boat neared an uninhabited key, the sky was turning pink. Shadows remained, though. Did the night want to let go?

"Look!" Ralph yelled. In the distance, a small island with a sandy beach came into view. Palm trees flapped their fronds in the cool air.

The sun was breaking through.

Numie shivered in his wet clothes. "Man," he said.

"It's my favorite spot." Ralph steered the boat toward an inlet.

Orange rays cut into the water over the reef. Conchs heaved forward with their permanent smiles. Purple sea fans moved in time with the rhythm of the waves; and rainbow parrot fish glided between the sulfur yellow sponges and corals.

Numie stepped over jagged pieces of rock. Then he ran down the beach, kicking the white sand. Had he ever been this free? He wanted the whole world to stand still.

"Take off those wet jeans," Ralph commanded.

"What else is on your mind?"

"To see the jewels."

The jeans were peeled from his legs. He stood proudly, meeting Ralph's penetrating stare. "Do I pass inspection?"

"Triple A."

"Before we get down to business," Numie said, "I want to look around."

"Okay, I'll be your guide," Ralph volunteered, "but that's not why I brought you here."

Numie paused. Just once in his life, he wished somebody would invite him somewhere without his having to sing for his supper.

For the next hour, Ralph revealed the hidden spots of beauty. A nest of blue-red orchids. A place where water was the color of crystal. A field of thick banana trees, bearing fruit that only wild things ate.

Ralph charted the way back to the beach. "I have a big map at home with all these islands drawn in," he said. "I named this one after myself. I don't really own it, but I feel like I do."

Numie remained silent. As he surveyed the island, his thoughts were different from Ralph's. He felt this oasis should belong to no one in particular, but should
be
used by anyone wanting to get away and escape—at least for a while—the real world.

He put his hands on his hips, spread his legs, arched his spine, and tossed his head back, enjoying the fresh air.

Ralph's body trembled. He looked down the beach, squinting his eyes to keep out the glare. Then he leaned over quickly and kissed Numie on the lips.

The gentle movement met no resistance. But the kiss was not returned. Even so, it stung. Numie instinctively reached to rub his mouth.

"Are you strictly trade?"

"If
you want to call it that. I'm not a kisser, but I throw a pretty good fuck."

"You can't prove it by me." Ralph's eyes glowed with an overpowering hunger.

Numie's body moved over him.

"Make it hurt," Ralph whispered. His low moans were the only sound heard on the island.

Numie lay quietly on the beach. He had raped Ralph with a savagery he didn't know he had in him. The more he ripped and tore, the more Ralph had responded. Ralph had called forth the animal in him and had found it. Ralph didn't want love, tenderness. Rather, almost a primordial attack. Were those sailor muggers actually performing a service for Ralph? What a way to get rid of guilt! Numie found himself almost wishing it could be as easy for him as well. To use the act of sex to get rid of your rages, hidden angers, the poisons that clogged the system, made a lot of sense.
If
you could do it. Numie couldn't.

Instead he was ashamed of himself. Not for having had sex with Ralph, but for getting too close a look inside Ralph's head.

Numie felt some strong need to convince Ralph he wasn't the beast he'd been when he was mounting him.

Ralph was toying with a silver chain around Numie's neck. Then he picked up a tiny ebony blackbird it held captive, examining it like an appraiser with a precious stone. "Why do you wear this?"

The perfect opener, Numie thought, to let Ralph know he wasn't just a hustler. Numie looked into the fully awakened morning sky as if it were a window onto the past. Then he closed his eyes. "A reminder of a friend I once had"

"Care to tell me about him?" Ralph's voice was soft, caressing, inviting confidences.

"I don't think it would interest you," Numie said, secretly hoping Ralph would ask more.
If
it had been the city streets, Numie would have grabbed the blackbird and rested it back on his chest. He always rebuffed anybody who inquired about it. But the safe haven of the island inspired him in ways no other place had.

"At least you had a friend," Ralph said. "People usually say they can count their friends on their fingers. I can't even raise one little pinkie. What was your friend like?"

"I met him at boarding school when I was fourteen. He was tall and shy, but great on the basketball court."

Ralph began to massage his back.

"We were roommates," Numie continued, wondering how far to go.

"Did you ever get it on with him?" Ralph asked, growing impatient.

"Hell no!" Numie said. "We were close buddies, not that kind of friends. We hung out everywhere together—even went to a school dance where we did nothing but sit around rapping with each other."

"That must have gone over big," Ralph said.

"It did." Having said this much, Numie impulsively went on. "One night Marty came back to our room. He was edgy as hell. I was washing out our socks in the sink. He took his away. Told me he'd do his own from now on." Numie was speaking rapidly, knowing if he didn't he'd never finish the story. "He sat me down on the bed. Damn, did he have sad eyes! He told me there was a lot of ugly talk going around about us. I didn't know what he meant.

"I bet," Ralph said sarcastically.

"No, I didn't really," Numie said, sorry he felt it necessary to defend such a long-ago relationship. "He said he was moving to another dormitory. He'd had a talk with the dean."

"Your friend hadn't come out of the closet."

"He was trying to tell me, but couldn't. All he could manage was he was afraid I'd hate him if he told me about himself. I didn't think that was giving me much credit."

"You were too young."

"I remember, he got up and held out his hand. 'Thanks for everything, little one,' he said. I didn't take his hand. Then he took this blackbird and put it on the bed. Never returned to school after that."

"He really did believe in punishing himself," Ralph said.

"Did you ever see him again?" Ralph stopped the massage.

"Yeah, I did—sorry to say." Numie turned over, staring into the sun. "I hitched to his hometown a few years later. It was about thirty miles from the old boarding school, and he was still living there. We had dinner. It was awkward as hell. He didn't know what to say to me. A married man with two kids. Still hadn't come to terms with himself. Worse yet, he was selling insurance. And he used to tell me he was going to be a poet."

"It's stupid to think you can ever go back... to anything," Ralph said. "Me, I never had anything like that to go back to"

"I don't understand you, man." Numie got up and reached for his jeans. "You're attractive, probably loaded. I don't know why you don't have friends."

"I'm on a total sex trip. When I'm not working, I'm out searching. "

"Can't you get it on with just one person?" Numie asked. "A regular?"

"No way." Ralph sat up quickly. "After I've had a guy—even
when he's great in bed—I lose interest. I feel the person's no good after he's put out."

"I know where I stand."

"I didn't mean it that way. I guess you think I'm sick."

Numie nodded. "Too bad," he said, zipping up. "I thought I turned you on, and you'd want another round like manana."

"You did turn me on, but from now on you're going to have to wave the flag at somebody else."

"I see." There was a long, hurt pause. "Shit, here I was telling you the story of my life."

"I did listen."

"Sure." Numie's anger was rising. "Well, forget it. I made it up." Ralph had robbed him of something precious.

"I don't believe you." Ralph said smugly. "You're mad at me all of a sudden."

"I'm not mad at you. It's just I'm always meeting guys like you. I'd better get back to Tortuga." A tougher, more familiar shell was encasing Numie. He smiled sardonically. "For an appointment with a queen."

"I didn't know you had anything left," Ralph said. "Wasn't I sufficient?"

"You were terrific. This date's with a different type queen."

Pearl Street was the dividing line between the western and eastern halves of Tortuga. Pearl Street was also the dividing line between the two ways of life: The rich and poor. Unlike most towns, the island didn't have a middle-class section to separate the two extremes. Most of the houses Numie passed on his way to Leonora's were boarded up for the summer. Deserted by the wintering wealthy, they were a sad and neglected lot on this hot, sticky afternoon.