Butcher Bird (24 page)

"Are we close to the bottom, Lulu?" asked Shrike.

"Damned if I know. It just keeps going down."

"It's getting hot," said Shrike.

"Yeah, but it's a dry heat," said Spyder. No one laughed.

"Why can't the Prince of Darkness have an elevator? Ozzy would," Lulu said.

"Don't disrespect the demons in their own house, dear."

"Yes, daddy."

"Maybe this should be a quiet time, while we try to get our bearings," said Shrike.

Spyder stumbled again, cursed. He leaned over the railing and felt a warm wind rising from somewhere below. It still smelled of roses, but there was an undercurrent of something musky and subterranean, darkly fungal. Spyder had to admit that he was a little surprised and kind of annoyed with himself. After all the reading and study he'd done concerning the underworld, now that he was actually here, he kind of wanted the place to be a furnace full of guys in red suits, pointy beards and pitchforks. Those childhood images and fears never go away and never really get updated, he thought. You can add on new ones, but you never completely bury the old nightmares.

"How many angels are there?" asked Lulu.

"Depends on who you ask. Some claim a hundred and forty-four thousand. Other guys a million, a hundred million, or even a billion, but those are probably just bad translations. Anyway, a third of Heaven went down with Lucifer when he got the door."

"You're saying, there's between a hundred forty thousand and a few million crackhead angels down there?"

"Give or take."

"How fucked are we?"

"It could be worse," said Shrike. "We're sneaking into to a mad place at a chaotic time. War is a perfect cover for crime."

"What's going to be down at the bottom of this staircase?" asked Lulu.

"I wish I knew," Spyder said. "Hell's pretty flexible. Different to different people at different times. It's got a geography, all these little fiefdoms controlled by Lucifer's lodge buddies. There's the big boy's palace in the biggest city, Pandemonium. Some prophets say Hell's just a big, pointless machine, that all the damned souls are cogs and gears and that the machine's only purpose is to grow with no purpose at all. Others say that life in Hell's just like life on earth, only more hopeless and boring. Some traditional types still go with the fire and brimstone story, and why not? Someone's got to have that old school stick up their ass." Spyder shrugged. "I've talked to Shrike about the demons and laws and traps I've read about, but, we're not going to know what's down there until we're on the ground."

Lulu laughed.

"What?" asked Spyder.

"I'm just rememberin' something. After I came out to my folks, all the times they told me this is where I'd end up. And here I am."

The air grew hotter and more fragile, brittle almost. Not like the desert. It felt artificial, as if someone had left on a giant dehumidifier and it was sucking the moisture from everything. The rising air from below was full of an itchy grit that settled on everyone's skin and instantly itched. Hell already sucked and we're barely through the door, Spyder thought.

Spyder felt Shrike's hand close around his. "When we get down there you stick close to me, pony boy."

"Why didn't you tell me that being blind was such a drag?"

"You get used to it.

"This probably wasn't the time to start."

"Damn. We're here. The bottom," said Lulu. "Be careful stepping down."

"Where do we go now?" Spyder asked.

"I was going to ask you, Mr. Wizard. What is this?"

"Describe it. I'm Stevie Wonder over here."

"Right. Sorry," she said. "Okay. We're in a big cavern at the bottom of the stairs. There's light, but hell if I can tell where it's coming from. In front, there's three really big doors. There's no signs or nothing, but all of the doors have the pug ugliest demon faces carved on them. Looks like we're marching down some monster's gullet, whatever we do. But which one do we open?"

"This wasn't in any of the books," Spyder said. "What do the demons look like?"

"Like demons. Big scary teeth and huge goddam claws."

"Do the demons have snouts? Like dogs or wolves?"

"Yeah. Kind of. What are they?"

"I think I got it," said Spyder. "It's not 'they.' It's 'it.' This is Cerberus. The three-headed hellhound. Some stories say Cerberus guards the entrance to Hell. Some say he
is
the entrance. To get inside, Cerberus swallows you. Only you have to pick the right mouth, otherwise, he shits you out into chaos. Not Heaven or Hell, just stone-cold nothing."

"So, which head gets the bone?"

Spyder hesitated. He heard someone moving around by the doors. Shrike. She was muttering a spell that wasn't working. The situation was so frustrating. Spyder wanted to rip the idiot blindfold off his eyes and not have to stand around like a crippled child.

"The one on the right feels light on its hinges. It's been used the most. Maybe it's the way," said Shrike.

"Or it's a trick to get us down the beast's belly," said Lulu.

"We go in through the center," Spyder said.

"How do you know?" asked Shrike.

"Count Non knew things about Hell. He told me to be like the Buddha. Buddha always took the Middle Way."

"Are you sure?"

"Open it."

He listened to Lulu going to the door. Hesitation. A footfall. Silence. The sound of dry hinges grinding and a door scraping over a dirty floor.

"Lulu?" asked Shrike.

"There's a tunnel. Something's moving at the end. People. And like a river, I think." She pushed the door open wider. "Hey man, thanks for not dooming us right off."

Spyder smiled. "All part of the service. I guess we're supposed to go in there now."

Someone fell. The sound was dry and hollow in the warm, thick air of Hell. Spyder moved toward the sound.

"Shrike, are you all right?"

"I'm fine. Let me catch my breath."

"Lulu?"

"I've got her. Follow my voice over here."

Spyder found them sitting on the floor. Shrike was leaning on the cavern wall. Her hands were wet and cold.

"Something in my chest," she said. "I think it's the key Madame Cinders put inside me. I can feel it moving. It must know we're getting near the book."

"When you're ready, we'll go," said Spyder.

"I'm ready," she said, and got up slowly.

The middle tunnel through Cerberus' gullet was warm and wet. When Spyder touched the wall, the stone was fleshy and yielding. They all hurried through as quickly as they could.

"Hello?" Lulu called. "Anyone back there?"

"What's wrong?" asked Spyder.

"I thought I heard something behind us in the tunnel. Who'd a thought there'd be weird sounds in Hell?"

"Is there a river ahead?" asked Shrike. "We have to cross it to get to Pandemonium."

"Yeah, there's a river, and no problem crossing it."

"Lay it out for us, Lulu," said Spyder. He had his back to a stone outcropping just beyond the tunnel. Around them were dozens of voices, people screaming and talking, people on crying jags. From above came a metallic humming punctuated by momentary squeals, the wail of rusted wheels and rotten gears. Spyder didn't like the idea of machines that he couldn't see hanging over his head.

"I don't know where to start. We're in a what's his name? Bosch. We're in a Bosch painting," Lulu said. "Hear all those people? They're standing around waiting to get across the river. I bet you don't smell roses anymore, do you? There's pipes all around dumping what looks a lot like shit, blood, carcasses and lord knows what other puke into the river. Jesus fuck!"

"What is it?" Shrike asked, her sword half-raised.

"Something, like a big, white worm just popped out of the water, latched on to one of those people and dragged 'em under."

"They aren't people, Lulu. They're souls. Don't worry, they can't drown," said Spyder

"No, but I bet that thing can chew on 'em for a good long time."

"What else do you see? Can you tell how we get to the other side?" asked Shrike.

"Yeah. There's these metal cars, like the sky cars at an old amusement park, slung on wires over the water. Shit. I don't know if I want to ride on one of those with those hungry worms waiting for us to drop."

"We have to," said Spyder. "Listen, the thing that grabbed that guy, it wasn't random. Souls are sorted all over Hell, starting right here. This is the Bone Sea. The ones who end up in it are so foul that even Hell doesn't want them. The ones wandering around this shore and on the other side, they're maybe worse off. Completely lost. They can't get into Heaven and they won't go into Hell. They'll spend eternity right here by this river of shit. We don't have that option. If we don't move, Shrike's going to die."

The voices of the wandering souls grew quiet, then came back louder than ever. Lulu said, "Remember how I used say it was all ironic with you named Spyder, that you're so afraid of spiders?"

"We worked that over once or twice."

"Be glad you're blind right now. I shit you not, there's a twelve-foot-tall spider strolling down the shoreline kicking people out of his way like he's Donald fucking Trump."

Spyder reflexively pressed his back into the outcropping and went very cold inside. He wanted desperately to find the tunnel and go back up the way they had come, but Shrike grabbed him and held on.

"We have to go on," said Shrike. "Trust me. I'll take care of you."

"Weird," said Lulu. "That spider looks sort of mechanical. Like someone took about ten junked cars, some old TVs and prosthetic limbs, wired them together and taught them to walk. And it gets better. The thing's got a human head."

Feedback knifed through Spyder's head, bringing back memories of a hundred sweaty clubs on a thousand drunken nights. A voice crackled and boomed, broken, imperious and mad.

"Move along, you desperate scum, you noxious void of the earth's bowels, move along! Your fate lies across the Bone Sea, not on my shore! Across the river is the eternity you courted your whole corrupt and sorrowful lives. No one remains on my shore. Move along, you lost lambs, you food for the wolf. Lollygag and your suffering will begin all the sooner!"

"Shrike, get your sword up," said Lulu. "Daddy longlegs is headed this way, twelve o'clock high."

A rhythmic clanking filled the air, along with the smell of burning oil, decaying flesh and overheated circuit boards. Spyder sensed some enormous presence looming over them.

"My god. You're alive," came the voice. It was low and human. The madness was gone. "Forgive me for that scene a moment ago. They make me say and do those terrible things. The beasts that run the machines. I'm attached, you see."

"Who are you?" asked Shrike.

"Cornelius . . . something, I think," said the spider machine. "I was once one of these poor souls. Lost and terrified. I don't belong here. I don't deserve Hell. I refused to cross the Bone Sea. Demons came with nets and rounded us up like wild animals. When I awoke I was the foul thing you see before you."

"You must've gotten on someone's bad side, then super-sized it," said Lulu.

"I can't remember," Cornelius said. "Kind souls, will you kill me and free me from this endless torment?"

"I don't think we can kill you, Cornelius," said Shrike. "You're already dead."

"Am I? It's been such a long time. I don't remember."

"Cornelius, we need to get to Pandemonium. Can you help us?"

"I would if I could, dear lady. I've never been there or even seen the place, but I hear it's glorious. I've never been anywhere but this shore." Madness was edging back into his voice.

"That's not true. You were a man," said Spyder. "Don't ever forget that."

"A man. Was I? How nice. Yes, I remember. I was a boy and we lived by the sea. In Brighton. There were trains and gulls. It was lovely . . . " Circuits fried. The spider machine lurched and Spyder felt the ground shake.

The demented, amplified voice was back. "Move along, you wandering excrement, God's pitiful blunders. Move along and despair!" Cornelius moved back in the direction of the shore, hunting wandering souls. His voice faded as he went, but its echo filled whatever space enclosed them.

"I think it's time to go," said Lulu. She led Spyder and Shrike to the edge of the stinking, clotted water and helped them into one of the elevated cars. Souls fell back as they went. Spyder felt their hands caress him, as if looking for warmth. The car lurched into the air and carried them over the Bone Sea.

"I seriously wonder if we're gonna make it out of here," said Lulu. No one replied.

It seemed to Spyder that it was taking a long damned time for the little cart to clatter and squeal its way over the Bone Sea.

"Talk to me, Lulu," said Spyder. "Where are we?"

"'Bout halfway across," she said.

"How's that possible? We've been crossing for hours."

"Daddy, are we there yet? Daddy, are we there yet?"

"We're not in the world anymore," said Shrike. "We can't expect time to run here the way it does at home."

"This is an E-ticket freak show, I wanna tell you," said Lulu. "You sight-impaired types are missing some severe shit, which you don't need to know about. Not if you ever want to eat again."

"Tell us," said Spyder.

"I'm just babbling 'cause I'm a little scared. You don't need this stuff in your heads. My guess is there'll be plenty of monsters before this is over."

Spyder shifted in his seat, trying to find a comfortable position. The sheath for Apollyon's knife kept jabbing him in the leg. When he tried to stand, Lulu pulled him back down.

"There's things on the wires. Like baboons with porcupine quills all down their backs. The quills are matted together, like knives. They're eating this green fungus growing on the wires. The bored ones are grabbing souls from the other carts and dropping 'em into the sea. Oh Christ!"

Spyder nudged Lulu with his boot. "Hey, forget the stuff. Sing something."