Burning Tigress (18 page)

She nodded, her thoughts still scattered. "Joanna..." She refused to think of her best friend as dead—in grave danger, perhaps, but not dead. She looked at Ken Jin. "Is there anything I can do to help Joanna? Anything—"

He shook his head. "I cannot even help the Tans, and they are not the cause of the whole disturbance."

She frowned, trying to remember the Tans—the Tigress teacher and her husband, she recalled. "But if we can find Joanna—"

"We cannot. They are running, Miss Charlotte, from a powerful enemy." Ken Jin stepped forward, towering over her. "She made her choice and now walks her path. It is time, Miss Charlotte, for you to choose yours."

"But I don't understand any of this!" She was crying now, not with tears on her face, but inside, like a little child lost in a grown-up world. Her head seemed too large for her body, and her thoughts sizzled and popped, but in no order, with no coherence.

"Focus!" he ordered.

"On what?" she snapped back. But she knew what; he had already told her. "On healing my brother," she whispered.

Ken Jin just stood there, backlit by the fire but not warmed by it. Indeed, there was nothing warm or giving about him. Which meant she would have to choose her path without further guidance. Would she pursue what he offered, his strange qi energies and naked madness—or did she throw it all away?

If Ken Jin was a cad, she still believed she could get rid of him. A few well-phrased half-truths to her father, and Ken Jin would be tossed out on his ear. But that was the path of a liar.

She had already tried the Christian devotion her mother embraced. She abandoned that years ago. She still went to Mass, she still supported her mother's good works, but she could not throw herself into endless prayers and hours of castigation for past sins. That was her mother's road, not hers.

Which left what? Modern science hadn't helped William; neither had practical discipline or any number of other discourses on child rearing. What was left?

She shuddered at the thought of embracing something so completely alien as Ken Jin's teachings. Not that she feared the sexual, but she knew there would be no turning back once begun. Ken Jin would require total dedication or nothing, and she had no idea where this path would take her.

There was some consolation. It seemed her friend Joanna had already embraced the Tigress teachings, and she was the smartest person Charlotte knew. She read and discussed ad infinitum all the classics—Chinese, American, British or French. If Joanna had embraced this path enough to disappear for a week and then run off... Charlotte's thoughts stopped there. She could not speculate on Joanna's fate. Except—

"How do you know that I won't destroy everything around me like Joanna?"

Ken Jin slowly lowered himself until he crouched on his heels before her. "I do not know the details of Miss Crane's introduction to the practice. It is possible that she did not begin in the best way."

There was something there, something unpleasant. "How wasn't it the best? What happened?"

"I do not know. I was not there, and one does not question the Tigress Shi Po. She has her reasons and has already guided one couple to Immortality."

"Immortality? They're dead?" Charlotte gasped.

He took a moment, then grimaced. "When the Chinese say Immortal, we refer to living people who walk both on Earth and in Heaven."

"So, Immortals are alive?"

He nodded.

"But Joanna... She's running for her life—"

Again, the heavy sigh. "I do not know the details. I will not speculate."

Charlotte huffed. She recognized the tone of a man who would not be pushed, so she tried a different tack. "How do you know we won't make the same mistakes, end the same way?"

"I am well trained, Miss Charlotte. I have seen many introduced successfully into the practice."

She stared into his eyes, suspicious. "But have you done it?"

He nodded. "Once."

She did not like his flat tone. "How did that end?"

He shrugged. "Badly. As you said, Little Pearl hates me."

She blinked. "Little Pearl? The woman at the school?"

"Yes."

"What happened?"

His gaze did not waver from her face, but in his lap, his hands whitened into fists. "I was too young, too eager. Little Pearl grows angry when pushed." He lifted his chin. "I will not make the same mistake."

"You think you are the best teacher for me?" She wasn't sure how she felt about that.

He snorted with impatience. "I am the only teacher for you. The Tigress and her husband are in jail. I cannot even see them, much less manage their release. Little Pearl will not accept a white woman, nor will any other Tigress in the whole of China." He paused long enough to make sure she looked directly into his eyes. "And I will not turn you over to another Dragon partner, some stranger who will not understand your goals and will not like your white yin." He spoke with a force fueled by anger. He clearly did not like her questioning his choices. But this was a significant choice—a life-altering choice. He would have to understand that she would not walk any path blindly.

Except, how could this be anything but blind? She had only his words to guide her, only his faith and his passion. She couldn't even ask anyone else for direction. At best, the questions would brand her a bluestocking. The worse and much more likely outcome was that she would be ruined.

No, she could not ask anyone else for advice. She had only Ken Jin's words and her own powers of reason, and the knowledge that Joanna had sought this training as well. And that was the tipping point she used to finally make her decision. If she wanted to find her friend—as she did—she would embrace this learning. True, Joanna might be dead, but Charlotte wouldn't give up. Besides, she was much more levelheaded than her friend. Joanna often got caught up in intellectual fervor, whereas Charlotte had never had such inclinations. She would be able to remain focused where Joanna probably wandered off into the quagmire.

Charlotte had one other advantage: She had Ken Jin. As far as she could tell, despite all the bizarre things he believed, he had never, ever lied to her. He had never dismissed her, nor had he ever forced her.

Yes, she was starting in a much safer place than her friend. She would not end up destroying everything around her with rampant, uncontrolled qi. She would be careful. She had a goal: to refine her yin in order to make William better. She could stay focused on that. And if she ever wandered from that path, then she would simply abandon the practice. She could stop at any time and would trust that she could make Ken Jin obey. He was, after all, her servant. If she changed her mind, she would make sure he had no choice but to accept her decision.

She lifted her chin. Ken Jin remained crouched before her, his gaze level, his attitude patient.

"Very well," she said, appalled to hear her voice shake. It wasn't fear, but excitement. "Shall I undress here? Or in my bedroom?"

* * *

Jan 2, 1892

To honored Father, honored Mother:

Many years have passed since I left your gracious presence. In that time, I have often yearned for knowledge of your health. As your hands are skilled and your knowledge vast, I am sure that your business thrives and all in Peking are in a state of great health due to your work. How I wish we had acupuncturists of your ability in Shanghai.

The New Year fast approaches, and I find I long to see the soaring temples of Peking again. Plus, I miss the smell of red peony root tincture and the low moans of patients benefiting from your vast experience.

Please accept these humble gifts as a token of my esteem, my most respected parents. Though I am sure none of it compares to what can be found in Peking, I have poured all my skills into purchasing the finest objects in Shanghai. As I did not know your sizes, I have sent seven bolts of silk for fabric and taels of silver to pay the tailor. And because the measurement process would be most tedious, I have included a jade toy elephant for my younger brother to pass the time.

Of course, he must be a tall, handsome figure now, since he always favored our father. Perhaps he is too old to play with such a meager thing. If so, please give it to a young cousin. My brother can enjoy the scroll of Tang poetry I have included instead.

I will be traveling to Peking soon on business for my employer. It would bring such happiness to my heart if I could see what work the Peking tailors accomplished with such average material. In fervent prayer for your continued good health,

Your son,

Ken Jin

~

Jan 13,1892

Dear Sir:

Do not visit; we do not know you. We have only two sons. One, Gao Jin, lives inside the Forbidden City, and is the Emperor's most valued eunuch. The other, Feng Jin, grows daily in studious application of the family craft. Both are filial, devoted children. We would accept nothing less from those we call our own.

Wen Geng Zi

FOR FAINTING:

Apply the fingernail to stimulate the acupoint on the midline two-thirds of the way up between the upper lip and the nose. If a person faints frequently for no apparent reason, medical advice should be sought.

Tong Sing, the Chinese Book of Wisdom

Dr. Charles Windridge

Chapter 8

Ken Jin tried to not tremble in the face of Miss Charlotte's decision. She wished to train as a Tigress, and he had agreed to teach her—not just the beginning, a few exercises while he absorbed her yin tide—but the true path of a Tigress. What arrogance he showed to think he could do this. But she had no other instructor, and he needed her yin. No other woman had ever brought his yang surging to the fore like she did. In short, it was an equitable arrangement; plus, he was well trained in what they would do.

And yet he still quivered in fear. There were risks, even with the most experienced teacher. He had only been the tiniest bit too aggressive with Little Pearl, and she'd wound up hating him for the last decade. Partners lost control all the time. What if he accidentally took Charlotte's virginity? Made her pregnant? What then? How would he feel if Charlotte despised him? What would happen to his job and his family should her parents discover what they did?