Burning Bridges (13 page)

I dismissed all doubts that came to me when I reached out and held her in my arms. She was so small, and being in the
seventh
form, I didn
’
t know the first thing about girls. I guess, in some way, pain was pain. I
’
d had enough of it by then
to know
when a broken heart matched my own.
“
Your mother was amazing, Feven. I
’
m sorry she
’
s gone.
”

She tried to push me away, but the tighter I held, the more the challenge left her. She fell limp in my arms and convulsed with tears. She whispered,
“
Do you know what it
’
s like to have no one, Ayden?
It
’
s worse than loneliness…it
’
s
the
death
of you
.
”

She fell to the ground and
I
fell with her, locking my arms around her.
“
No, I don
’
t. But at some
point
I will.
”
Feven looked up at me.

That day, I wasn
’
t sure what it was,
but
I
’
d found someone else who was as broken a
s me, maybe even more so. T
he two of us had sat quietly for the rest of the evening, staring out at the open bay and blue skies
while
I listened to Feven murmur a pr
ayer for her mother
’
s ascension.
I had
no tears to shed or
a prayer
for
the deceased.

I
’
m so lost.

G
lancing up at the moon
through my small window
, I realized that
’
s exactly what
this
was.

We
were
broken. We
were
lost.

There was
no hope for the hopeless.

T E N

Echo

S
hadow was late and
Mother had already forced me through two plays of music, each of which I didn
’
t even know the composer.

“
Again,
”
she barked. I sat up straight and poised my fingers over the keys of the piano. My fingers were red from all the playing, but I continued.
“
Sing.
”
I opened my mouth to belt out the chords
and the words slipped from my lips in fluent New-Latin, a language well spoken in Thediby.

Mother showed no signs of stress when I looked at her from above the piano top. Not that I liked seeing her so mad and crazy, but every few minutes I found myself anticipating the moment she
’
d break down again. Remotely, I wondered if she was sick. It wasn
’
t a good thought, but it was better than thinking your mother had two personas.

“
I can
’
t hear you,
”
she yelled.

I rolled my eyes and sang louder.
“
Follow me to the garden of Eden / where the willows bloom and meadows sing— / Run with me as we take the sky / and flee the sorrow that tomorrow will bring
—
”

I
’
d known this song as if I
’
d been born with it. It was an old nursery rhyme Mother was so adamant on me learning. I
’
d played it enough to know I would never, even in a million years, forget it.

My words were cut off by Shadow
’
s footsteps on the parquet. Mother looked at her angrily when she asked to take me into town. She complied anyway and I left with Shadow.

I smiled discreetly.

“
What took you so long? She was killing me in there,
”
I said as we passed the guards outside the door and sauntered down the huge lawn of the
palace
.

Shadow rolled her eyes and dismissed me.
“
Does it matter? I
’
m here now. And I heard you in there; it seemed to me like you needed the practice.
”

I gasped and nudged her shoulder with my own.
“
You know I
’
m not the piano-playing type.
”
I skipped in front of her
, walking backwards and doing my best not to trip over my feet.
“
Besides, I
’
m going to be a Tigress like you and Ezily.
”
At the sound of those words, they just felt right.

“
Let
’
s not far-fetch this, okay?
”
Shadow sneered.
“
I just want you to know how to protect yourself, just in case.
”

I froze.
“
Just in case what, Shadow?
”

“
Nothing.
”
She waved it off and continued to walk. We were outside the
palace
compounds now, walking along the dusty roads to the market gates.
“
It
’
s nothing. Anyway, you
’
re getting married, you
’
ll be Queen soon, and no one will be able to hurt you.
You won
’
t need to be a Tigress.
”

I stopped and allowed Shadow to walk ahead. It wasn
’
t the fact that she
’
d pushed my temper with the marriage
talk
or even being Queen. It was that last bit that I would have missed had I not been listening intently. Shad
ow had never lied to me, nor had
she ever had reason to. Was she implying that
I wasn
’
t
good enough
? Or was this just her ensuring our family
’
s title? She was another mystery to me, as well was everyone lately. For the first time, I questioned the stability of my family.

Ezily waited by the same tree she did
everyday when we met her for practice
. This time there was no target on the tree, but a sword in Ezily
’
s hand that made her look more of a Tigress than she
’
d ever been.
“
I see you
’
ve dressed for the occasion,
”
she said, swinging the sword around in her hand, gracefully slicing the air.

I shrugged and smoothed down the front of the leather corset Shadow let me borrow. The pants were mine, the only thing I owned that wasn
’
t a dress. My hair was pulled into a tight ponytail that hung well past my shoulders.
“
Dress to impress, right?
”

Ezily smiled.
“
That
’
s what I like to hear.
”
She sheathed the sword and whispered something to Shadow. Shadow nodded and I watched her take her place further down the park, somewhat hidden behind the big tree.
“
Shadow
’
s your target.
”
Ezily quickly untied her sheathed sword from her waist and threw it to me.
“
I want to see what you can do under pressure.
”

I barely caught the sword.
“
Are you kidding me? That
’
s li
ke putting me in a den of lions—
I don
’
t know anything yet!
”

Ezily laughed.
“
You
’
re smart, so do something.
”
She looked back at Shadow who had dropped into a
low stance,
and cocked her head towards me.
“
Don
’
t worry,
”
Ezily whispered.
“
She
’
s your sister, so by law
she can
’
t kill you. Purposely, anyway.
”

And that makes me feel so much better.

I unsheathed the heavy, adorned sword and tried my best to hold it above my head, or was it supposed to be behind me like a swinging bat? Ezily laughed at me and I sulked.
“
You
’
re cruel,
”
I told her.

“
We
’
ll see who
’
s cruel.
”
She waved over to Shadow and I braced myself for impact as she charged for me. Something had told me, probably years ago, that I was born to be a fighter. Maybe it was seeing my sister take out that boar or living the monotonous life I knew I couldn
’
t carry on much longer. I was a fighter, but I just didn
’
t know what to fight for.

As Shadow grew nearer, I found what I wanted to fight for and I reached for it. Freedom—that is all I ever wanted. Shadow wasn
’
t my father, the one who was stripping me of that liberty, but for the moment she was. I released the pent up anger of being shut down and allowed it to swallow me whole. Revenge—it was something I had never craved for until now. Temptation, rebellion, and love—my only allies in a disastrous war against myself.

“
Don
’
t just stand there, move!
”
Ezily barked, and almost immediately, I reacted. When Shadow was at most a foot away from me, she swung down with her sword in earnest mean
s
to harm me.
Or scare, in which she had done
successfully. But my reaction time was fast and I quickly ducked out of the way, turning so that I was standing behind her.

Shadow laughed and said,
“
Not bad. For a rookie.
”
She swung again, but this time she was deft and unpredictable. There was no time to
counter
, so I ducked again, meeting the edge of Shadow
’
s sword face to face.
“
Always look where you are
turning;
never take your eyes from your enemy
’
s weapon. Do so—
”
Shadow lifted the edge of her sword to my neck and shook her head,
“
—and you die.
”

“
Again!
”
Ezily shouted.
“
Concentrate, Echo.
”

I am
, I thought. With a sigh, I held my sword up to Shadow
’
s. Ezily counted to three and gave us the thumbs up to go. I
’
d always known Shadow was strong, but when she pushed
forward
with her sword and charged for me again, I seriously thought she was going to kill me.
Too many
times
to count
a m
atch had ended with her sword to
my neck or me face-
planted in
the
hard,
packed
dirt while she
pressed down on my back with a heavy foot
. By the end of the day, I was tired and frustrated.

“
Don
’
t worry, you
’
ll get it. Shadow
’
s had years of practice, remember?
She wasn
’
t always great, nor was
anybody.
”
Ezily draped an arm around my shoulder and smiled.

I stared at her.
“
It
’
s not that. I just expected more out of myself. Maybe I need to give it another shot?
”

Shadow came around from behind us and shook her head at me.
“
Don
’
t stress yourself out, Echo. We can try it again tomorrow.
”
When I sighed, she continued.
“
You were doing it all wrong, you know? I saw the look in your eyes.
”

“
What look?
”
I moved away from the two of them to sheath the sword. I handed it back to Ezily with a frown.

“
One of vengeance and anger,
”
Shadow answered.
“
You thought it could fuel you, but you were wrong.
”

“
No, I—
”

“
You can
’
t go on adrenaline alone,
”
Ezily cut in.
“
It will only carry you so far. When the rush is over, and you can
’
t face the reality of war
singlehandedly
, you
’
ve succumbed to the worst defeat. Yourself.
”

I shook my head.
“
I don
’
t get it.
”

Sighing, Shadow unsheathed her sword and began twirling it around in the air, talking to me but not at me.
“
Greatness lies somewhere between defeat and victory
—only there
, in fact
—
as a mind cannot work without a body. Anger blinds you and keeps you focused on one thing: killing the person who hurt you. But keep in mind that the other has the same goal, and when two similar fronts collide, there
’
s hell to pay.
”

Where had I heard that before?

She stopped, pointing the gold
-
hilte
d sword at me.
“
You have to be smarter, wiser, and focused. There is no defeat in war, there is only victory.
”

“
But—
”

“
The only war worth fighting for is the war against
you
rself
. Ju
st so happens that in every war
there
are
reasons
why you are fighting so hard,
the main one being your own salvation.
Remember that.
”
Ezily patted my back
and
then went to Shadow, playfully punching her in the arm as she walked back towards the tree.