Burned 2 (8 page)

Chapter
10

We had a blast at the beach. For the first time in public, I managed to dance without tripping myself over-maybe it was because my eyes were on Ethan all the time during our dance. As soon as he entered the dance floor, Ethan transformed into this sexy,
dishy, smoky wolf of a dancer. He drew me in with his alluring steps and I followed him quite naturally like I had done this many a times. He was right. This dance was different. As I focused on Ethan and the passionate Latin beats drown my senses, I felt the world was just the two of us. All I could feel was the firm way Ethan held my hand, the closeness when I pressed my body against his and the spark of desire risen inside of me when he held my waist and span.

That’s when I realized: I wanted him! And it’s urgent.

Sure I was such a slow poke. I had always
wanted
to show him as my boyfriend to my parents. I had somehow underestimated my own desire. Even though I claimed to be a living fossil, digging the books buried in hundreds years of dust, my body was one of a lively college girl. I just didn’t realize it so loud and clear until now.

“Now what are you thinking?” Ethan asked me, breaking in my thoughts. We ordered some drinks at the beach bar. I must be zooming out for a bit.

“What?” I almost jumped. “Cookies! I was thinking about cookies.” I picked up the smoothie and stared swallowing it.

Ethan reached out and took the glass from my hand. He looked at my face with such intensity. “Hmm, nope,” his bad-boy smile appeared. “That’s definitely
not
cookies.”

Gee, could I please hide my head in the sand? “Can you just let me drink my smoothie,” I hissed at Ethan and picked up the drink, devouring it.

“Sorry, Miss?” A boyish voice came from just behind me.

“Yes?” I looked back to see who that was.

“I am terribly sorry,” the boy waiter said, holding another smoothie. “I gave you the Sex on the Beach drink earlier. Here is your smoothie.”

Ethan busted into laughter, falling back to his chair. I almost spitted the rest of the alcohol on him. I looked at the glass. Darn, I almost finished it in one go.

“You can have your drinks for free,” the waiter said in a small voice, put down the smoothie and retreated silently.

“
Hahaha,” Ethan was still laughing. “If I didn’t know you better, I’d say you are sexually frustrated.”

Now I was feeling a little light headed from the alcohol. I was giving Ethan a glare. But my fingers reached out to him and touched the back of his hand. “Am I?” I heard myself whispered, my voice husky.

Ethan stopped laughing the moment we touched. He looked at my hand and looked at me. We made eye contact and we stared at each other for a long time. I might be under the influence but I saw his eyes were fired up with want. The alcohol gave me an excuse to hit on him-guilty charged. I wasn’t originally planning on this but my body wanted to venture forward. All he needed to do was to be the bad boy that he was and lure me in like his smooth dance moves. As Vicky said, all boys wanted to get in girls’ pants. He must want me in that way, too, right?

“You are such a light weight,” Ethan chuckled and looked away, breaking the tension. He took my hand, got up from his chair. And before I realized it, he placed a gentle kiss on my cheek.

I watched him sat back down with wide eyes. The feeling of his lips on my skin still lingered.

“What? You are too cute when you blush. I can’t help it,” he picked up his drink like nothing was happening. He kissed me on the cheek. What did that even mean?!

Did he not want me in that way at all?!

“I am really happy I come to this beach trip with you, Dana,” Ethan said, watching the edge of the ocean.

“Yeah?” I was so confused. I followed his gaze and saw the sun setting. The clouds were dyed with a golden hue. The waves and the seafowls were singing a song.  The alcohol was invading my head in full force. I was really a light weight. I had almost passed out on my first beer after high school prom. I was lucky that my date, a childhood friend of mine, was a good boy.

“Yeah.
Maybe we can come back here in summer when the water is warm enough to swim,” Ethan said softly, like he was saying a thought out loud.

I didn’t know why, hearing that just made me all sorts of happy. Was he saying that he would still like to date me till at least summer? I moved my chair closer to him and rested my head on Ethan’s shoulder. I didn’t know what other girls fantasized to do with their dream-guys - I always wanted to rest my head on the strong, firm shoulder of a handsome man. Now that I was half-drunk, I had the guts to finally do it. Ethan’s shoulder was just as firm as I imagined and he smelled so good-like fresh mint and almond milk mixed together. He was a bit surprised on contact but soon he put his arm around my back, supporting my head naturally. “We definitely will come back in the summer,” I said the words slowly, making sure I was still speaking proper sentences with the alcohol in my head.

Ethan just nodded. I felt the head movement but I couldn’t see his expression. I was too absorbed by the sunset at the moment. I felt so comfortable leaning on Ethan like that.

“It will work out, right, Ethan?” I asked, hoping the summer would come soon and I could still lean close to him.

“What?” Ethan sounded confused.

“Our relationship?”
I mumbled. “I don’t know what we are having. But…but whenever I am with you, I feel…warm. Gosh, what am I saying…” I chuckled nervously. I felt Ethan’s arm holding me even tighter. I wanted to turn I see his face but my head was too heavy. “I really hope things will work out…between us. Dad said he didn’t like you,” I swallowed as I realized what I just said. “He said you are hiding something.” I found myself was still talking. “But I really want to…be with you, still.”

Ethan straightened his body suddenly. He held me up with his hands. As I blinked slowly, I saw him looking at me with a burning intensity. 
“Something wrong?” I asked, waking up a little from the dizziness.

Ethan shook his head but he sighed. “Do you want to go back to campus? You are falling asleep and we have a long drive back.”

“Oh yeah, we have study groups tomorrow,” I jumped up from the chair and almost fell. Ethan caught me with his arms. I giggled as he looked at me, eyes full of concern.

“Seriously?
You are really drunk,” he carefully supported me until I could stand on my own. “Hold on,” he reached his pocket and pull out his wallet. He took out two $20 bills and put on the table.

“A generous prince,” I murmured, nodding at the bills.

“If that kid is smart, he will fill the orders of our drinks,” Ethan tone was a bit too grim for the matter. “Don’t want the kid to lose his job.”

“Mine
mine, you are going to be a good lawyer!” I exclaimed and hugged him.

“Can you walk?” he asked, holding my arm.

“I should be fine. We…” I leaned toward Ethan. “We need to say bye to Mom and Dad.”

“Okay,” Ethan led the way as he continued supporting my arm.

When we got to our house, Mom already had some food packed for us to eat on the road. Dad went to have a chat with Uncle Joe again. Clearly he didn’t want more talk before I dissolve this boyfriend issue. My head started to hurt already. How did I get myself into this mess? Was I turning into a bad girl? Maybe I could convince Dad that Ethan was a good person? After all, he hadn’t done anything wrong for me to find a reason to break up with him. He always had been a gentleman despite his playboy reputation.

“Oh
oh, do you work out every day? Even your back muscles are so firm!” Mom’s voice stopped my train of thoughts. She was hugging Ethan good-bye and apparently feeling him up too.

“Mom!”
I waved at Ethan to come back to the car. She hugged Ethan longer than she hugged me. How could she?

“Just checking this guy out for
ya,” Mom giggled and patted Ethan on the shoulder, sending him my way.

“She gave me some cookies,” Ethan showed me a paper bag in his hand like it was a trophy.

“Gee, you let my Mom grope you because of cookies?” I teased.

“
Drunk Dana has a mouth, huh?” Ethan put the paper bag carefully a container in the backseat. “But like you said, my life doesn’t have cookies as good as your Mom’s, so yeah,” He shrugged and started the car. For a moment, I thought I saw that sad smile again on Ethan. But it disappeared quickly. 

Chapter
11

I fell asleep once we got on the road. I had a sweet dream of Ethan and
I swimming in the ocean. He was whispering words in my ear. I couldn’t remember what exactly he said but I felt so warm and happy when I heard them. I wanted this to last forever as we held hands in the water while the gentle sea wind brush on our skin. 

“Dana, we are here,” I heard Ethan’s voice clearer this time.

“Where?” I opened my eyes and saw Ethan’s face. He was looking down at me and his hand was on my shoulder. What’s the pillow under my head? It’s so firm…wait, that’s not a pillow. I had been using Ethan’s lap as a pillow as I fell asleep sideway in the passenger seat. Realization started to kick in and I sat up rapidly. “I fell asleep? Why didn’t you wake me up?” I asked Ethan while I fixed my hair.

“Why would I miss a chance to see how cute you are when you sleep?” Ethan winked and got out of the car. I could feel the heat rushed up to my cheeks. 

I got out of the car and looked up toward my window. No lights were on. Vicky must be out to her regular night-hunting.

“Dana, I need to tell you something…” Ethan took out my luggage and walked toward me.

“Would you help me take my bag upstairs like you suggested this morning?” I was caught up in a flash of “wicked” idea that I interrupted Ethan. Turned out I wasn’t a very good luggage-packer since I didn’t use 80% of the things I brought for this little trip. But it did serve a purpose-to get Ethan and me alone in my room.

“Hmm, sure,” Ethan’s expression was unreadable. I hoped he got the hint? How could he not?

We walked in my room and I turned on the light. To my relief, the room looked tidy enough for a guest visit. I was lucky that Vicky didn’t left out one of her bra on the floor. But it’s still not as impressive as Ethan’s room I saw on my surprised visit last time. “Make youself comfortable,” I said, putting some books in order on my desk. I had actually never invited a boy to my room. This was all new and exciting.

Ethan closed the door after he put down my bag. I was suddenly nervous when I turned around and faced him. I didn’t know exactly why. It was not like that I didn’t trust him. We met each other’s parents after all. He wouldn’t really do anything bad to me. Gee, I wanted him to do bad things to me. Maybe it was because his face looked too grim at the moment. He wasn’t doing the smirking, the bad-boy smile or the general teasing. He just looked grim and even a little painful.

“Well, what’s wrong?” I walked up to him slowly. The closer I was to him, the more painful his expressions became. He looked like a wounded warrior, fighting a war of internal torment.

“The question you asked me at the beach…if we will work out,” Ethan was looking at the ground as he spoke. He never looked at the ground. Something must be really wrong. “I actually don’t know,” he continued.

“What do you mean?” I reached out and rested my hand on his arm. His eyes snapped in contact with mine as I touched him. I saw the same fire of desire in his ever green eyes but they were also full of struggle.

“Your father was right,” he looked down again. My heart sank as he broke our eye contact. What was he saying that my father was right?
Right about what? “You are a wonderful person, Dana,” Ethan’s voice was low.

“Well, so are you?” I tried to hold myself together. He was giving me a compliment but I didn’t like the sound of it. I watched enough shows and read enough books to know this was the beginning of a break up line. I just hope this wasn’t. I was just so hopeless right now.

Ethan laughed drily. I didn’t like the sound of that either. “I am not good for you, Dana,” he shook his head. “I am certainly not good enough for you.”

Was he serious? Was that an insult? He was handsome, smart and an elite student in our university. If he wasn’t good enough then who would be? Ethan was the only guy that was willing to date me this long. Sure he had a reputation spreading around the school rumor channel and a layer of heavy mystery always overshadowing his presence. But I had a lot of flaws myself. Heck, even my room was messier than his. How could he say he was not good enough? I grabbed Ethan’s sleeves and forced him to look at me. “Who are you to decide what is good enough for me?” I heard myself groan. “If I say you are good enough, then you are!”

“You don’t know me, Dana,” Ethan didn’t look away this time. He held my gaze and I felt the pain in his eyes pour into mine. I could see myself in the reflections in his pupils. I looked so desperate but I didn’t care. I didn’t want him to go. And I wouldn’t let him without trying.

“Then let me get to know you?” I sounded like I was pleading and I hated myself for it. I had backed Ethan to the wall. We were so close I could feel his breath on my skin. I wasn’t giving him any space but he wasn’t pushing me away. He was just not moving. Conflicts were written all over his face.

“We should take a break. Stop seeing each other for a while,” Ethan said the words as his face twisted into an excruciating expression, like they hurt him as they came out of his mouth. I was frozen from head to toe. Anything melted in me would be tears. Why? Why? Why?

“I can’t believe you just said that,” I shook my head, trying my hardest not to cry. There shouldn’t be any reason for me to cry. I went out my way to find a boyfriend because Dad wished it. Now my Dad didn’t like this “boyfriend” and Ethan wanted to back out on his own. I should be glad the problem solved itself, right? But why was I so sad, so beaten,
so crashed by Ethan’s words?  Did he really think there was nothing between us? How could he break things off so easily? No, I just couldn’t accept it. I stepped even closer to him. “I see the ways you look at me, Ethan,” my hand holds onto his arm, demanding his attention. “I know you want me.” My voice was raw. “I know
this
mean something to you, too,” I watched Ethan’s face as his eyes grew wider. He was not denying. “I can’t be wrong,” I whispered. 

I stood on my toes and seal my lips with Ethan’s. Longingly, I kissed him. I just couldn’t believe there was nothing at all. Even if he was hiding something and I had an agenda of my own, hearts couldn’t lie. What I felt the last two times we kissed was amazing, phenomenal and indescribable. I just wanted to feel
it again-to prove me right. Except, Ethan was not kissing me back. His body was rigid and I felt him shaking as my body pressed against his.

I pulled back and stood still. Two steams of warm tears poured down my face. “Am I wrong?” I was panting I could hardly speak. I saw Ethan was panting in front of me. I felt we were a universe away now. He had drifted so far away from me.

“No,” Ethan’s voice was rough. He stepped forward and warped his arm around my waist before I could move. His other hand held the back of my head possessively. He kissed me hard as he span me around and pressed me against the wall. My whole world started to spin. The butterflies in my stomach flapped their wings furiously as Ethan lips drank me in. He kissed me like I was the water source in the desert and his life depended on it. “You are not wrong, Dana,” he whispered in my ears. His breath felt so hot on my skin. Before I could respond, he bit down my earlobe gently and sucked it.

“Oh,” I sucked in a sharp breath and gripped on Ethan tighter. What he was doing had rebooted my frozen body. I felt the blood in my vein was running warmer and hotter as his tongue worked on the sensitive spots on my neck. Ethan held me in place, giving me a quick kiss and started to target my other ear. All I could do was melt against him.

Holding my waist and kissing down my neck, Ethan moved us toward my bed. We knocked down a few books I just put together when we crashed with the desk. “You okay?” Ethan asked in a hurry. I nodded rapidly.
Please don’t stop now,
I screamed internally. Ethan’s eyes flash of hunger and want. Immediately he was back on sucking each inch skin down my neck. His hand supported and guided me to lie on the bed as his other hand unbuttoned my shirt. I was shocked and a little disturbed by the swift and smooth way he was undressing me. It could only mean the rumors were true. But I still didn’t want to stop. I wanted Ethan Lancaster, only him and no one else. If he was a playboy in the past then I would accept that, as long as from now on he would be mine.

I found my hands slid under Ethan shirt, touching the bare skin on his back. His back muscles were hard and distinguished. I pulled him closer to me as my hands travelled up and down, feeling each shape of his muscles. Ethan’s mouth found my collarbone and bit down on a sweet spot I never knew existed. I whimpered at the feeling. I didn’t notice when Ethan had unbuckled my bra. His hands came over my shoulder and pulled down my bra straps. My breasts were revealed in their entirety, displaying right in front of him. My heart was beating out of my chest. I watched Ethan focused all his attention on my naked upper body, not daring to move. This was totally new to me. Thrill and excitement rose in me as I felt Ethan’s eyes
on me.

“Oh, Dana,” Ethan’s voice was rough. His eyes were fixated. “You are so
beautiful!” He lowered his head kissed across my bare skin. The sensation spread through my body like electricity. I had never felt so needed and desired before. His arms came around and embraced me tightly as he continued buried his head in my chest.

I thrust one hand in his flawless golden hair, feeling his passionate movements. I was consume
d bit by bit and I wanted more-and not just his body. “Oh Ethan,” I called his name. “I don’t care if I knew you. Just let me know you now,” I whispered softly into his ear.

The movements suddenly stopped. Ethan let go of me slowly and supported himself up and away from me with his arms. His eyes looked right into mine. He looked like something just shocked him and all he could do was panting helplessly. I held my breath, not knowing what happened. Time frizzed for a long while. “I am so sorry, Dana,” Ethan finally said, his expression painted with remorse. Reluctantly, he pulled up the strapped of my bra and slowly and quite awkwardly buttoned up my shirt.

I felt like I was pushed down a cliff. I was so modified I couldn’t say a word.

“I am really sorry Dana,” Ethan said so tenderly as he finished dressing me up. Now everything was cleaned up. No evidence of our passion was left, except our sweat that was turning cold by the second. “I need to go,” Ethan looked at the floor again. “I don’t expect you to understand.”

“Just go,” I pulled myself farther away from him.

Ethan nodded and got up the bed. I closed my eyes and hid my face. I didn’t want to see him go and I didn’t want him to see me cry.

When I heard the sound of the door closing, Ethan’s body heat still lingered on my skin. But it only burned me on the inside.