Burn This! (A 300 Moons Book)(Bad Boy Alphas) (4 page)

J
ohnny dreamed of ringing bells
.

Far below him, the peal of church bells echoed between rhythmic gusts of wind.

But the intervals were too regular, and the bells were too soft. Something wasn’t right.

He woke up suddenly, blinded by the harsh afternoon sun pouring in mercilessly through the floor-to-ceiling windows.

His phone was ringing. Somewhere.

Those bells were Mom’s ringtone.

Oh, fuck.

He pressed a button on the bedside table and night panels slid in front of the windows.

Now it was so dark he couldn’t see.

He stubbed his toe on something hard on the way to the light switch.

Was there a level of stardom, he wondered, where you never had to stub your damned toe? Did Bowie’s room have a button by the bed for the lights too? Did Ozzy get some kind of robotic maid to clean up his stuff?

Johnny’s clothes were piled haphazardly on the floor, a tangle of leather and denim. Underneath it all the phone still rang.

He managed to dig it out before it went to voicemail.

“Mom,” he said, wincing at the rough quality of his voice. He should have given himself time to wake up first. But he wasn’t raised to keep his mother waiting.

“Did I wake you up?” she asked too brightly.

“Um, no, I was just…” he began.

“How was the show last night?” she asked, saving him from making up a lie.

“It was great,” he replied carefully.

“You know you’re the top video on the internet today?”

Crap.

“So you saw that?” he asking, playing for more time.

“Of course I did. How could you be so careless?”

“I’m fine, Mom,” he assured her. “Don’t worry.”

“I know you’re fine. It was just fire. What I’m worried about is what the hundred million people who’ve watched the video are going to think.”

He sighed. She was right. She was always right.

“Now do you want to tell me what really happened?” she asked, compassion in her voice now.

“I’m not really sure,” he admitted. “I’ve been… on edge lately. And then last night, there was this girl, she took her shirt off. And I, I thought I was falling in love with her or something. My animal was bursting to come out, worse than he ever has. And then my arm was burning.”

He stopped speaking for a minute to look down at his left forearm. Beneath the tattoos there was definitely something dark.

When he looked closer it almost seemed to be… pulsing.

God, he was a mess, he was seeing things.

Maybe it was an infection of some kind, but the tattoos there were pretty old. Although not nearly old enough to be fading the way they were.

“I was afraid of something like this,” she said in her familiar worried tone. “You shouldn’t have let them extend the tour into this month, John.”

“You think this has to do with…” he couldn’t say it. To say it would be to make it real.

“Your 300th moon,” she said matter-of-factly. “What else would it be?”

“I thought that was just a made-up thing,” he offered unconvincingly. “Something to keep us in line.”

Mom laughed hard. The sound of that deep laugh always made him feel great inside.

“Well it certainly didn’t do much in that regard,” she said.

“I guess not,” he agreed with a smile.

“We need to talk about it, son, it’s high time. How much have you figured out?”

Johnny thought about it.

“I remember the night I came to you. I was so upset when my mom was leaving. I was afraid I would explode. But I didn’t. You read me those funny stories,” he said, starting with what he knew was true.

“Yes,” Mom agreed. “
Pippi Longstocking
.”

“And Mrs. Cortez came, with sweets.” He suddenly remembered the rich bitterness of the chocolate in the heavenly sweet pastry - he could taste it like it was still in his mouth.

“She did,” Mom agreed, her voice subdued.

“And when I finally got tired, she started singing,” he finished. “But I don’t remember the rest. I think I fell asleep on her lap.”

“That was pretty much it,” Mom told him.

“The same thing happened to the other kids, right? I mean not the part with the book or the sweets, but the song,” he offered.

“Yes,” Mom agreed.

“Is that song the reason why I don’t shift all the time when I’m mad?” he asked.

“Yes,” she agreed.

“And in 300 moons it wears off, right?” he asked. “Why would you never admit it when we asked?”

“Because we’re not sure that’s what happens.” The tone of her voice told him it pained her to admit it.

“What do you mean, you’re not sure?” he demanded.

“No one had ever attempted this before, John. Mrs. Cortez did her best and she succeeded. For three hundred moons you’ve had control over your gift. But no magic is free. The price
will
be paid. We just don’t know yet how.”

“Will I lose my gift, if I don’t give in to it before the moon is over?” he asked, trying not to let her hear the hope in his voice.

“I don’t know. You might,” she allowed. “Please come home, so we can help you through it.”

“I’m fine, Mom,” he told her, sure that if he went home she would not want him to give up his animal. She and the rest of his family had always seen it as some kind of blessing. But of course, they’d never caused the kind of pain he had.

“John, you’re an adult and I can’t make you come home, but I’m asking you, please. You need your family right now.”

His heart broke at the idea of disappointing her. Kate Harkness was a strong woman and it wasn’t like her to openly admit that she was powerless.

“We’ll fix you a room on the third floor, away from the little ones, away from the tourists - a sanctuary. Think of it just like a little vacation so you don’t have to go through this in the public eye,” she continued. “I’ve asked Derek, and Chance and Darcy, as well. Since you all arrived at the farm that same month, they’ll be dealing with it too. It will be a chance to catch up with your siblings. We miss you.”

The idea of seeing them all again was appealing, but of course they’d just take Mom’s side if he ever mentioned that he wanted to give up on shifting. Darcy would clobber him for even thinking about it.

And besides, his mind had caught on something she’d said already.

Sanctuary…

An idea began to form in his mind.

“Mom, I have a plan,” he assured her. “I’ll be home as soon as the moon is done. Everything will be fine, I promise you.”

J
ohnny was starting
to get uncomfortable under Seth’s gaze. His bandmate looked distinctly suspicious.

And for good reason.

Johnny looked out the window to avoid conversation.

“Are you sure about this?” Seth asked.

Damnit, they were so close.

“It’s something I need to do,” Johnny replied.

“I don’t know, you seem okay to me. I’m afraid you’ll come out all church-y or something,” Seth worried.

“It’s only for a month, buddy,” Johnny assured him.

“We need you, Johnny,” Seth said flatly.

“The tour is over. And you know I do my best writing when it’s just me and Ruby. This will give me a chance to hole up. I haven’t been feeling myself lately - too much drinking, not enough music,” he lied. “I need this.”

He felt pretty bad about it when he felt Seth’s hand on his arm.

“Whatever you have to do to get your head straight, man,” Seth told him. “You know I’m behind you.”

Johnny knew that was true, which made the lie all the more painful.

“Thanks. And don’t try to replace me while I’m in there,” he joked weakly.

Seth laughed and the car mercifully pulled up to the iron gates before they had more time to talk.

Malibu Sanctuaries spread out before them on an emerald lawn - a campus of luxury adobe buildings with huge windows and terra cotta roof tiles. The grass alone would cost a fortune to irrigate.

A guard came around to chat with Ethan. That would be a one-way conversation.

“Swanky,” Seth said, eyebrows raised.

“Right?” Johnny said.

“It looks like the place where I had my Bar Mitzvah,” Seth noted.

“I’m here for your things, sir,” a young man said in a firm, clear voice without making more than a normal amount of eye contact. He did not seem to be overly excited to see a big star in person.

That was what eight thousand dollars a day bought - anonymity - or the closest possible imitation.

“Not the guitar,” Johnny corrected him. “I’ll carry her myself.”

He jumped out and grabbed little Ruby out of the trunk. She had her own compartment, but he always worried.

He could see even more of the property now. It looked like there was a swimming pool. The sun reflected off its surface like blue glass.

He turned back to say good-bye to Seth and couldn’t help but notice a black SUV parked across the street. Had that been there before? He was probably just being paranoid.

He knew this would hit the papers, the trashy ones, at least. But he had been hoping to delay it for as long as possible. He didn’t want his family to worry. And once he was checked in, he’d be cut off from the outside world. That was part of the deal with this place. One of the main reasons he chose it.

“I’ll walk in with you, man,” Seth told him.

Johnny nodded and they headed inside.

The open lobby was all glass walls and uncomfortable looking chairs - like the inside of a spaceship or something. At least they were getting interior design mileage out of that green, green grass outside.

A buxom brunette at the desk stood up to greet him. Her face turned pink when she recognized him.

The beast inside him tasted the air.

“Welcome to Malibu Sanctuaries, I’m Angela,” she said in a breathy voice.

She might as well have said, “
Hello there! My name doesn’t matter. I’m here to give you a championship blow job.”

“Hey babe,” he said with a wink.

Her lips parted and she blinked twice at him.

“Um, Dr. Carter will be right here to do your physical. Then I can help you get settled in your room if you’d like,” she offered, batting her eyelashes just a bit.

“That sounds great, but I don’t need the physical. I had my results sent ahead by my own doctor,” he corrected her.

The nurse who was seated beside the receptionist stepped into the conversation. She was an older woman, and she wasn’t batting any eyelashes.

“All patients have an intake exam,” she explained. “It’s part of treatment.”

“No,” Johnny said firmly. “I will not be examined by another doctor.”

If some strange doctor got access to him, this whole thing was up in smoke.

“Sir, as you can imagine, in a rehabilitation facility, you will be examined, and often,” she said, standing to look directly into his eyes. “Blood testing, urine testing, none of this is optional if you want to get well.”

“I
will not
be examined or have samples taken by anyone here. I came here for privacy, that was part of the deal,” he tried to stay calm, but the creature within him was stirring.

“What seems to be the problem?” a young doctor walking past stopped and came over. For sure the doc was a fan - he had a goddamned claw tattoo on his right hand. But he made no sign that he recognized Johnny. Which, come to think of it, was beginning to piss him off.

“He doesn’t want to let us examine him,” the nurse put in, before Johnny could reply.

“Sir—” the doctor began.

“Look, you can ‘sir’ me all you want, but there’s no way any of the quacks in here are having access to my body. You’ll have my blood up in an online auction in a heartbeat. I’m a fucking rock star! I spit on a guy once, and he sold the shirt for a thousand bucks. If you want samples, you’re gonna have to try the grocery store, cause I don’t give my shit away for free. ”

He was just gearing up to make a real ass of himself when he heard another set of footsteps from behind.

“John Lazarus?” a husky female voice asked.

It sounded like the teacher calling his name on the first day of school - familiar, maybe even a tad condescending, but in a reassuring, contralto tone that made him feel weirdly safe.

He turned to see the owner of the voice.

A nurse. Dark hair and darker eyes, warm brown skin like the beach at twilight, clean but well-worn purple scrubs. She could have been any woman - someone’s sister, someone’s wife, a stranger on a bus. She was neither thin nor fat, her skin didn’t glow. Her eyes were a bit large but quite at home in her kind face. She was in every way unremarkable.

But there was something…

She stood before him, simply looking. She didn’t subconsciously adjust her hair or clothing. She wasn’t trying to see herself through his eyes.

Under her frank gaze, he realized that she was not pretending not to know that he was a star. Her expression told him clearly that she knew it all and was planning to judge him on his own merits anyway.

The words he had been shouting froze in his throat and he swallowed.

“Yeah, that’s me,” he said at last.

She cocked her head slightly to the side in a cool manner that the beast inside found most pleasing.

“I’ve got your files. If you can step this way I will see you to your room. Angela, make sure Mr. Lazarus’s belongings make it to his room. Dr. Thayer, please check with Marlene if you have questions about this patient,” she said over her shoulder as they walked.

A sense of relief washed over him as he followed.

“I guess I’ll see you, Johnny,” Seth called to him.

He lifted his arm in farewell, without turning. He wasn’t going to chance losing this nurse and having to deal with staff all over again.

And, man, she was a fast walker.

N
eve’s clogs
tapped the pine floors in a satisfying way as she led the patient down the long hallway to his suite. The sound told her that she was wide awake and that all was right with the world. She was only feeling light-headed because she hadn’t had her caffeine yet.

And thank God for it, because if she hadn’t known better she would have sworn she’d just heard bells and seen a halo around Johnny Lazarus, arguably the most self-indulgent jerk in the music industry today.

Behind her, she heard the lighter tread of the patient speed up to catch up. He wasn’t used to walking this fast.

Well, good. Let him see how the rest of the world had to hustle.

Though in truth, she hadn’t gotten an entitled vibe from him at reception, in spite of what he’d been saying.

She’d gotten a scared vibe.

Which was normal for an addict facing the prospect of getting clean. But this fear was… different.

She pushed the doubt aside. Caffeine was the solution to this mystery. And sleep. Eventually.

At last they reached the double oak doors that led to the nicest suite on campus. She slid her access key through the reader.

When she pushed open the doors, soft light greeted her. Unlike Jocelyn’s suite, this one had a view of the cliffs and the valley, an area of the property that was untouched and absolutely private.

This particular room was suspended on a cantilever over the cliffside, giving the occupants the sensation of floating.

The beauty of the unspoiled view always tugged a bit at Neve’s heart.

“Wow,” Johnny Lazarus whispered.

She turned to him. Was he being sarcastic?

He was so tall she had to look up when he stood close. From her vantage point below, his face was filled with wonder and appreciation.

Oh. Not being a jerk then. Why was her guard up with him? He was just like the rest of the patients that came through every day.

“Nice, right?” she asked, pleased, as she walked neatly over to the bedside to check on everything. There was a mint, a remote control for the shades and lights, a menu of group sessions, and a card with the wifi password.

“Exquisite,” his deep voice said.

She turned back to see him at the window, though how he had gotten there so quickly and silently she had no idea.

The sun was beginning to sink behind the trees, its warm glow silhouetting him. His wide muscular shoulders formed a triangle over his narrow waist.

She found herself walking over to join him without meaning to. The closer she got to him the closer she wanted to be.

He appeared to take no notice of her, making it easy for her to approach.

She stopped when she was two feet from him, though a crazy instinct told her to keep going and lean against his shoulder.

Her gaze slid to the purple valley below. It was so beautiful, even in shadow.

She sensed a change in his stillness, and looked up.

Johnny was staring down at her, searching her face.

His look was so familiar, the curve of long dark hair hanging a bit in front of those unusual amber eyes, the slant of his high cheekbones. She expected it was only because she’d seen it, larger than life, on the cover of Rolling Stone. But it was more than that.

As she held his gaze, his jaw rippled with tension, and she saw pain in his eyes again.

Neve was filled with the desire to reach up and cup his face in her hands. Her body tingled with certainty that if she touched him she would relieve him of the pain he felt.

No, Neve. This is a patient. You can’t hug him into recovery. He needs the confidence and desire to heal himself.

She forced herself to look away from him and go back to her duties.

“The remote here will allow you to adjust the shades on the windows and the lighting,” she chattered, as she trotted back over to the bedside console.

“Niiice,” he intoned from a few inches away.

She nearly jumped in the air. He was beside her - he had seated himself on the bed without her hearing it.

“Just like Bowie,” he mused.

“What?” she asked.

“Nothing. What did you say your name was?” he asked.

“Neve Whittaker,” she told him.

“It’s nice to meet you, Neve Whittaker. I’m Johnny Lazarus,” he said, searching her face again as if there was something to know besides her name. He was so tall that although he was seated on the bed his face only tilted up slightly.

“I know who you are,” she remarked, pretending to smooth out his pillow case to avoid more confusing eye contact.

“Not a fan, huh?” he laughed.

“You’ve had a very successful career. I have a lot of respect for you,” she said carefully.

“But you don’t like my music,” he said.

“Rock isn’t really my cup of tea,” she admitted.

“Thanks for being honest,” he said softly.

The earnest tone took her by surprise, and made her forget not to look into his eyes. Suddenly she was lost in them again.

“So what
is
your cup of tea?” he asked.

His gaze was doing things to her, asserting a pull on every cell of her own body, making her think to herself that maybe
he
was her cup of tea.

The left side of his sensual mouth lifted in a smirk.

She found herself wanting to smack that look off his face, bite his lower lip, pull his messy hair, push him back on the bed and crush the studied coolness out of him with her own heat.

Taking a deep breath, she shrugged.

“A good book and a quiet evening,” she offered. “And an actual cup of tea.”

The smirk was gone from his face.

“You sound like my mom,” he told her.

“If that’s your only basis for comparison, then most women probably do,” she smiled.

“No, most women talk about reality TV and wine,” he observed lazily.

“You’re hanging out with the wrong women,” she said without thinking.

“That’s what my mom says,” he nodded.

“I think I’d like your mom,” she smiled.

“I know she’d like you,” he said.

The idea delighted her, though of course she would never meet his mother and he was being ridiculous. She let herself smile just a little.

“I’m sure you want to get yourself settled in. Let us know if you need anything. There’s a menu of group sessions on the console.”

“Thanks, I’m good,” he said, dismissing the idea like they all did.

“Spending time with other people who share your experience will help you feel less alone,” she said, following her instincts.

Neve was no doctor. Not because she wasn’t smart enough, or skilled enough, and heaven knew it wasn’t because she lacked the drive - hell, she’d done most of the coursework to get there already. But there was something about being in the trenches, really getting your hands dirty and helping people, that called to her. And she knew she was in the best position to do that as a nurse.

Besides, everyone knew she practically ran the place. Even the doctors on staff came to her for advice. She had good instincts. And right now, those instincts were telling her there was more to her new patient then met the eye.

“I’m Johnny fucking Lazarus,” he laughed. “I’m never alone.”

Neve shrugged. Sometimes, that was the worst kind of loneliness.

“Well, I’m off to make my rounds,” she told him. “Just call the desk if you need anything.”

She didn’t really feel like going, but there was so much to do. Besides, there was something about this guy that was… off. She couldn’t put her finger on it, but she needed to get out of here before their weird chemistry made her do something she regretted.

“I need something,” he said quietly.

“What?” she asked.

At that moment, the clouds outside the window parted, filling the room with soft moonlight.

Johnny’s face seemed almost to glow under the caress of the moon, then he winced, as if in pain.

“Nothing,” he said quickly. “It was nice to meet you, but I know you have to go. Will you check on me later?”

“Um, sure,” Neve replied.

He had stopped looking at her and was instead staring down at his clenched fists in his lap.

“You’re going to be okay, John Lazarus,” she told him. “Go to a group session.”

But he didn’t answer.