Burn for Burn (12 page)

I nod again. Ms. Holtz tells me all the time how I’m her favorite of Rennie’s friends. I mean, it’s a nice compliment, but today something about it makes me feel uncomfortable. Or maybe that’s my own guilty conscience.

Rennie comes in with two towels, one wrapped around her body and one around her head.

“Pizza’s here, Ren,” Ms. Holtz says.

“Cool. Thanks, Mom. Have a good night!” Rennie practically closes the door in her mom’s face.

She takes the towel off her head and flings it onto the bed. She has to unplug her air conditioner to have an open outlet for her hair dryer. I go open the window so her room won’t get too hot. She sits on the floor in front of the mirror hanging on the back of her bedroom door and starts blowing out her hair with a round brush.

“So, what are we doing tonight?” she asks.

I climb off her bed and crawl on my knees over to her. “Let’s go to the movies. We haven’t been to a movie in, like, forever.” That’s what Rennie and I would do whenever it rained. This summer there were a million sunny days. Tonight I want to go so I won’t have to talk to her or look at her.

“Ooh! Yeah. You want to make it a girls’ night? Me, you, and Ash?”

“No. Call the boys.” I have to say it, because that’s old Lillia. And that’s who I need to be.

“Just Reeve and PJ? Or should we call Alex, too? Is he done with his hissy fit about us bailing on his party?”

“I’m sure he’s over it by now.” I start to braid my hair. “Besides, who else is going to buy me candy?”

Rennie falls backward laughing, and in the process topples me over with her. She starts squeezing my knee, and I can’t help but crack up, because I’m so ticklish. Then Rennie rolls on her side and smiles at me. “Lil,” she says, before letting out a sigh. “I’m so glad . . .” I don’t know if she expects me to finish her sentence or what, but when I don’t, she lies back down and says, without looking at me, “You’re making the right decision. Letting it go.”

I dig my nails into the palm of my hand and feel the almost-dry polish curdle against my skin. “I know,” I say, my eyes closed tight.

*   *   *

I woke up to Rennie shaking my shoulder.
“Get up, Lillia. Get up!”

It was dark. I was lying on a leather couch, my legs hanging off the side. My tank top and my shorts were gone. I was just wearing my one-piece bathing suit. “What’s happening?” I croaked. My mouth felt dry and cottony, and my head was spinning.

Rennie, her eyes as big as I’ve ever seen them, leaned in close to my face and whispered, “Shh!” Her breath reeked of tequila. She had her shoes in her hands. “We’re getting out of here.”

I sat up on the couch, and the room was spinning. I was still drunk. Someone was lying in the bed, asleep. My guy, Mike, wasn’t in the room. I didn’t know where he was.

Rennie was on her hands and knees, feeling around in the dark for my shirt. She found it over by the desk. I quickly slid it over my head, and found my shorts behind one of the couch cushions. Rennie opened the bedroom door a crack, keeping her eyes on the boy in the bed. She let me out first.

The house was totally wrecked. A couple of people were asleep in the rooms we passed, and on a pullout couch in the living room. I didn’t even breathe. I was running for the door, and Rennie was right behind me.

We didn’t stop running until we were down the driveway. I fell into the mailbox, heaving for breath. Rennie crouched down and put her heels on. I stood next to her, trying to remember what just happened. Where the night went. Everything was blurry in my head.

But then I remembered. Taking the shots of tequila. Following the guys up to the bedroom. They said we were going to watch a movie. Mike, kissing my neck. Picking me up, putting me on the desk. I kissed him back. I liked it. Then I didn’t. I said no. I think I said no. Didn’t he hear me?

I felt the bile rise in my throat. “I think I’m going to be sick.” I started to dry heave, and Rennie guided me over to the curb.

I threw up everything.

“You need to walk,” Rennie told me. “My Jeep’s blocked in the driveway.”

“No!” I said. I was already crying. “We can’t walk all the way to T-Town from here! It’s too far.”

“We have to.” She didn’t sound sympathetic. She started walking. “Let’s go.”

I didn’t say anything for the first mile or so. I just cried. Rennie stayed a few steps ahead of me, her back ramrod straight. My feet were hurting so bad in my sandals, but I couldn’t take them off. There was broken glass on the road. A couple cars drove by, and I wondered if they would stop for us. But they didn’t. They didn’t even slow down.

I threw up one more time in the grass. Rennie came over and pounded me on the back. “I can’t walk anymore,” I said, hugging my arms to me.

“Yes, you can. It’s not that far.”

Rennie started to walk again, but this time I didn’t move. “We have to call someone. I think—I think I need to go to the hospital. I think Mike put something in my drink.”

“He didn’t put anything in your drink.” Her hair was whipping around her face from the wind. “You just had too much, that’s all.”

“That’s not all! He—I didn’t . . .” I was crying hard, so hard that the tears were going in my mouth. “I could have an STD! I could be pregnant!”

Rennie shook her head. “He used a condom. Don’t worry.” She looked away. “He came over and asked Ian for one.”

“Oh my God. Oh my God.” I said it over and over. Like a prayer. A prayer for this to be a nightmare, to wake up and not be here. Anywhere but here.

“Lil, you need to—”

“Did you have sex with Ian?”

“Yeah.” She said it softly.

“Why didn’t you help me?” I wept. I remembered now, calling out her name. I saw her with Ian in the bed. Mike was kissing me down my neck, pulling the front of my bathing suit as low as it would go. I called out “Rennie.” Then I blacked out.

“You were fine! You were having a good time.” She started walking away from me.

I ran up to her and grabbed her arm. “No, I wasn’t! You knew I didn’t want it to happen this way!” With a boy I barely knew, in the same room as my best friend, so drunk I could barely keep my head up. My first time was supposed to be special. With someone I loved. I’d barely fooled around with anybody before. I’d only ever kissed three boys total.

Rennie shook me off. Her eyes were hard diamonds. “Things got out of hand. But we both knew what was going to happen when we went upstairs with them.”

“I didn’t know!” I screamed it so loud, my throat burned.

“Come on, Lillia! You were in it just as much as I was. No one poured those shots down your throat.”

“It—it wasn’t supposed to happen like that. Not to me.”

Rennie curled her lip. “But it was okay for me? I might not be a virgin, but I’m no slut.” I was crying too hard to answer her, and she sighed and said, “Look, it happened but it’s over. Let’s just forget it.”

“I can’t,” I said, my shoulders shaking. “I mean, what if people find out? What if we see those guys again?” The thought of running into Mike somewhere on the island made me want to die.

Rennie shook her head and put her hands on my shoulders. “They were only renting for the week, remember? They’ll be gone by this afternoon.” She locked eyes with me. “I’m not saying anything. You’re not saying anything. No one will ever know.”

It was light out by the time we got to Rennie’s apartment complex. I wanted to go home. I wanted to tell my mom everything. She’d know what to do. She’d know how to fix it. But I couldn’t tell her. She thought I was having a sleepover at Rennie’s. And what would she think of me if she knew? What would my dad think? And Nadia? I would never be the same girl to them. Never, ever.

When I got out of the shower, Rennie was already in her bed, her eyes closed. I crawled in next to her. With our backs to each other, she said, “Tonight never happened. We’re never talking about this ever again.”

*   *   *

We pick up Ashlin and then drive over to the theater. I don’t even know what’s playing until we get there. The guys are waiting outside for us. Rennie jumps onto Reeve’s back, and he carries her inside. Ashlin and I get in the concessions line and figure out our snack game plan.

“How about popcorn, Reese’s Pieces, and gummi bears?” she asks.

I can feel Alex lurking behind me, so I make a big show of saying, “No Sno-Caps? They’re the best!” Sno-Caps are Alex’s favorite.

Ashlin makes a face. “Sno-Caps are gross, Lil! They taste like dust.”

And just like clockwork, Alex comes over and says to Ashlin, “Are you kidding? Sno-Caps are awesome.”

“See?” I say to Ashlin. “I’m not the only one who likes them.”

To the girl at the concessions stand, Alex says, “One box of Sno-Caps, please.”

I put my chin on his shoulder. “You’re sharing with me, right?”

“Get your own box,” he says. But the backs of his ears are pink, and the corners of his mouth are turned up in a smile.

Just like that, I know I’ve got Alex right where I want him—thinking everything’s cool between us and that I don’t suspect a thing.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

MARY

I
’M AT THE KITCHEN TABLE, FINISHING UP MY HOMEWORK.
Aunt Bette’s on the phone with one of her friends as she does the dinner dishes. She says, “Things are great. Mary’s been keeping me company.”

Even though things were a little awkward those first few days, now Aunt Bette is really happy to have me here. We’ve settled into a nice routine. I try to stay out of her way, and not interrupt her while she’s painting. And if my bedroom door is closed, she leaves me alone.

When I came home super late from that night at the docks, Aunt Bette was still up. I begged her to please not say anything to my parents. If they found out, they’d probably pack up the car and come and get me. Aunt Bette didn’t say yes or no, but my parents haven’t showed up in the minivan, so I’m pretty sure she didn’t tell them.

That’s the kind of cool aunt she is.

As soon as Aunt Bette goes to bed, I sneak outside to wait for Kat. I sit on the curb with my legs stretched out. The other houses are dark, and far, far down the hill I can just barely make out the moon hitting the water. If I concentrate hard enough, I bet I could hear the ocean.

Eventually Kat’s convertible comes up the hill with the lights off, and I jump up from the curb. She pulls to a stop right in front of me. “Hey,” she says. “Ready to do this?”

“Totally,” I say as I climb in over the door and into the backseat. “I can’t wait to get my license.” I mean, I love my bike, but with a license I could go anywhere. So long as Aunt Bette let me borrow the Volvo.

Turning around, she says, “Why are you sitting in the back? I’m not a chauffeur.”

I flush. “I don’t know. I thought I’d give Lillia the front seat.”

I feel clumsy and stupid until she starts to drive and then she says, “I’m sure that’s exactly what she’d expect. Only the best for Princess Lillia.”

“I really don’t mind,” I say, leaning forward.

Kat snorts. “Of course you don’t,” but she says it nice, as if it were a compliment.

Pretty soon we’re in front of Lillia’s house. It’s so big and modern. It’s not even a house; it’s a full-on mansion. Lillia lives on the ritziest part of the island, White Haven. Most of the houses have thick hedges around the yards so you can barely see what they look like. And there’s so much space. The houses are spread far apart, with big garages that fit a ton of cars, and fancy gardens and manicured lawns.

Kat shuts off the engine and the headlights. She blows her bangs out of her eyes and says, “She’s late. It’s so like her to not be considerate of anyone else.”

I smile to myself. I don’t say what I am thinking—that Kat was late too.

As we sit there in the dark, the wind picks up. Kat zips her hoodie and turns to me. “Aren’t you freezing? There might be one of Pat’s work shirts in the trunk.”

“No,” I say, tugging at my pale pink shorts. “I’m not cold at all. Too excited, I think.”

That’s when Lillia appears. It’s so dark outside, all I can see is her face, until she gets a bit closer. She’s sneaking down the driveway, dressed entirely in black. Black turtleneck, black leggings, black ballet flats.

Kat busts up laughing. “Oh my God.”

Lillia runs up to the car, breathless. “Hey,” she says, climbing into the passenger seat.

“Lillia, we’re not robbing a freaking bank,” Kat says. “This isn’t a heist.”

Defensively she says, “We have to be careful!” Lillia glances back at me and frowns. “Oh, well. I guess it doesn’t matter.”

I feel like I’ve done the wrong thing again. We’re the same age, but these girls feel so much older than me.

Alex’s house isn’t far from Lillia’s. Just a couple of miles. It’s as big as Lillia’s but more traditional-looking, lots of brick. They even have their own dock, and there’s a speedboat tied to it. Kat slows down and dims the headlights as soon as we get close. She parks the car a few houses away from his.

I can’t believe we’re really going to do this.

“Does everybody remember what to do?” Lillia’s asking both of us, but she’s looking at me in the passenger vanity mirror.

It’s been decided that I should be the lookout. I’m relieved I don’t actually have to break into his SUV. She might be a cool aunt, but I don’t think Aunt Bette could hide it from my parents if she had to bail me out of jail. The way they worry about me, I would be on lockdown for the rest of my life.

Kat rolls her eyes. “We’ve only been over this fifty times. It’s not that complicated.”

Kat’s job is to look for some special notebook of Alex’s. Lillia says he’s always scribbling in it, but he never lets anybody read it. She called it his secret diary. She’s sure there’ll be good ammunition in the notebook, and at the very least he’ll freak out over having lost it.

“Whatever,” Lillia says, “I was just making sure.”

“You just worry about yourself,” Kat says as she reaches over Lillia to open the glove compartment. She fishes out a flashlight. “Do you have the Retin-A?”

Lillia lifts up a travel-size bottle of lotion.

“Is that enough?” Kat asks.