Burdened (A Burdened Novel) (64 page)

She walks over to me and I move closer to Nathan
, not wanting her to touch me.

“Taylor
,” Justin says softly, grabbing her attention.

She cringes
. “Baby, I am so sorry.” Her voice cracks.

I start moving from the bed
, letting go of Nathan’s arm. Whatever I was helping, by holding him, floods out.

“How could you
, Taylor!?” Nathan shouts. “How could you trust him!? Why would you go to him!?” His voice booms against the walls of the room. “We are
family
, and he was going to die anyway! You don’t hold a smidgen of patience!” He looks at her through low eyes. “All you had to do was tell me, ‘Nathan, we need to handle this now,’ and the shit would have been handled.”

He stands from the bed. “You want to know something
, Taylor?” he says in a softer tone. “It wasn’t Roehl seeing Tracey tonight that sparked his interest. Don’t get me wrong, hearing her and tasting her made him want her. But because you had already sparked his interest and she is with me—and you know how Roehl feels about me—he had wanted her before now.”

He pushes both hands through
his hair, leaving them at the back of his head. He’s trying to calm himself down. I can feel him shifting through anger and calm, and then…

He blows
up. “What the fuck were you thinking, Taylor!?” He is loud, making the air shake in the room.

I start to walk over to him
, but he leans over. Five seconds pass and he yells as he rises, the entire bed coming with him. It flips roughly through the air. I duck as it flies over me. It hits the wall—with a loud crash from the bedrails. I run over to him.

He looks at me. “Don’t
, Tracey.” I have to—he’s shaking.

Justin runs over to Taylor
, pushing her behind him. I continue towards Nathan, just not as quickly. His hands are balled into fists and his jaw is locked. He looks from me to Taylor. His eyes are dark as he walks over to the wall opposite them. Anger is ruling over his calm.

“Nathan
, please. Just hear me out,” Taylor begs from behind Justin.

“What is there to hear
, Taylor!?” he yells in a deep voice. “What could you possibly have to say? Look at what you’ve done. As if enough shit was not going on. I’m not that hard or heartless. The many times I would have killed him, if you would have only asked me. What would have made this time any different? Why bring her into it?”

“Nathan
, I—”

“You were selfish! You only thought of yourself!”
he shouts, cutting her off.

“No!” She matches his yelling voice. “I did
it for us!”

“Us?
Who—you and Justin?”

“No, the lot of us.”

“How? How could that have been for
us
? You said it yourself—he could walk through her classroom, right? Follow her home. You brought this on.” He says calmer, “What happened to you? What did he do to you?” He pauses. “No, a better question is: what did you
give
him?” It’s said from the back of his throat, full of anger.

I’m a foot away from him
, and he puts his hand out to stop me.

“Don’t stop me
, Nathan.” I’m still trying to move to him, but there is a barrier holding me back.

“Wait
, Tracey. Just let her answer the question.”

Taylor moves from around Justin. “I will answer
, but only after you accept Tracey.”

Nathan’s anger roars inside
of him. He fights against it, enjoying the feeling and hating it at the same time. He drops the barrier and I run to him. I grab his face for him to look at me. He turns to me, but his eyes are closed.

“Tracey, I need to know her answer.”

“No, baby. You need to calm down. Let me help you.” I push my hands from his face to his neck. “Look at me.”

He opens his dark
, night-blue eyes. “Tracey, why would she do that?” His eyes shake. He looks away from me and towards Taylor. “Not you, Taylor.” He almost whispers, “Everyone else, I can accept would do it. Everyone else can cross me. But I never thought
you
would.

“
And what makes it all so much worse is, you went after my heart’s utmost desire. You risked my heart for yours to be better.” He moves me to the side, and Justin is pushed to the wall and pinned there.

Taylor squares off. “Nathan,” she says firmly.

“What did you give?” he says through his teeth in a growl. I reach for him, but I can’t move. I look over to Justin and he’s struggling.

Taylor starts crying. “Blind him, and take away his hearing
and speech.”

Justin silently screams
, searching with blind eyes, until he calms against the wall. I can only imagine the pain he is going through.

“I am growing impatient
, Taylor.” I watch a tear roll down his cheek. His hands are out at his sides. They start to turn that dark, reddish color.

“Me. Uncontrolled. I promised
I’d take care of a few things for him. And that I would convince you to come back.” Back?

“Why?”

“I needed him dead,” she speaks through shaky tears.

“Why not come to me?” The
‘convince you to come back’ clearly was not a shocker.

“Excuses don’t matter
, brother, but—” She wipes her tears. “—I love you, Nathan, and I never thought he would come back. I didn’t think about him wanting her.” Her tears return. “I was selfish and thought only of my needs. I am sorry.”

She steps
up to him, and another tear falls from him. His hurt eats away at me, and I want nothing more than to comfort him.

“We are family and I love you
,” she expresses to him. “I’m not going to ask you to forgive me, but continue to stand with me. You know I’m not going to be able to do whatever it is he is going to require of me.”

Nathan lets go of Justin and walks backwards to me. I stand still
, while Justin stands, waiting for Taylor. He looks pissed.

Nathan grabs my hand and kisses my cheek. “I’m sorry I did that to you.” He is calm
—as if nothing happened. I say nothing.

He looks back at Taylor as he walks us from the room. “I have no love for you
, Taylor, and I will
not
help you. You are as good as dead to me,” he says calmly. “See you at breakfast.”

We walk into the hall and he picks
me up, rushing us to his room. He closes and locks the door behind us.

I sit in his bed against the head board with his head lying in my lap
. It’s dark and quiet.

Five minutes
of me rubbing my fingers through his hair, he breaks. He screams out through clenched teeth—a hurtful, roar-like scream—then wraps his arms around my waist tightly. I say nothing, just hold him and stay there.

Epilogue

Nathan and Scott

“I know. I told her not to worry about it. I’ll stay around and you’re there while y’all are at school,” I answer Scott’s question about Roehl.

I hate
that this Roehl shit had to happen right before Tracey had to go back to school. I gotta admit, Taylor was right about him being the type to go after her—even while she is at school. But he wouldn’t try it, not something that easy.

He would test me first
to see how far he could push me before he actually tries to take her. Not that I would let
that
happen.

“You could always get in with us
for the last few weeks.” Scott has been trying to talk me into going to school with them.

It is
not a good idea, because I and high school, with the girls Tracey goes to school with, would have a bad ending. “Yeah, right.” I rub my hand over my beard. “Tracey will end up killing one of those girls, just for looking at me like they want me.”

He laughs
, throwing his head back. “Yeah, Tracey is spicy.” He sobers. “We’ll get this figured out. How’s Aunt Nati holding up?” ‘Nati’ is what he calls my mother.

“She’s doing better. She knew it was going to happen one day
—we all did. It’s hard on her, dealing with losing him, and I hate that I had to hurt her. But, honestly, enough was enough. She’ll be better soon. Aunt Cent will help her through it.” My Aunt Cent—their school’s nurse—lost her mate two years ago.

“Yea
h, I remember when she lost Donald and it was hard on her too. Aunt Nati is actually taking the loss better than she did.”

I nod
. “I think that’s because of the many times she almost lost him before.”

“Maybe.”

My mom is taking my father’s death better than we all expected. We all know she is hurting though. When she sneaks away, we can hear her cry out for him. Or, she walks along the edge of the water for hours, never looking away from the sun. It’s hard to see her like that again, but she’s been doing a good job at holding it all together.

“Speaking of figuring things out
…you finished erasing Glen’s memory?” I ask Scott, sitting on the couch in the living room.

He looks at
me like I’m being an ass. “Very funny. Where are they, anyway?”

“Helping my mom with the flowers in the front. Tracey has been trying to stick close to her, feeling guilty about her losing my father. Glen joined h
er a little while ago.” I look at my phone vibrating again. It’s been going off because of some shit that happened with Olar. “Why can’t you keep up with your girl?”

“What d
o you mean?” he asks bleakly.

I sense his discomfort
and it amuses me. “How don’t you know where your girl is?”

“Why?”

I shrug. “Just asking. But, seriously, you really need to stop treating her like that.” Scott and Glen are better after their talk at the beach. But things are still off with their relationship. It seems forced.

“Don’t start on that bullshit
, Nate. Treating her like what?”

“Hiding things from her, then telling her
, then erasing it. You are going to damage that girl’s brain. It’s bad enough you took away her choices.”

“
Fuck’s that supposed to mean!?” He’s getting worked up, so I push it further.

“Come on
, Scott.” I smile at his anger. “You know what you did. You bonded with her before she even knew you well-enough—making her obligated to you before she knew what she was getting into.”

He’
s sitting on the loveseat and leans over onto his knees. “I know. I don’t know. You know I didn’t want this, and she is not the easiest person to talk to. I did fuck her, before we even had a real conversation, but I couldn’t help myself—better yet, control myself. I’ve been going to school with the girl forever.

“
I’ve always noticed her, but didn’t feel a real attraction to her, until I saved her from busting her ass when she was about to fall down the stairs. She was soft and smelt good, and in looking at her and feeling her, I felt that stupid drop of my heart. I let her go, trying to seem calm, hoping when I stopped touching her, it would go away.”

That was real stupid of him to think.
“Did it go away?” I ask sarcastically.

“Don’t be a dick
. I got around the corner and felt my breath taken away, like they described what happens when you meet your mate. Shortly after, my heart started to beat again, but differently, and I became aware of her. You talk about how Tracey is calm and down-to-earth. Well, Glen is the complete opposite. She’s always revved up, always either trying to argue or get fucked. There isn’t an in-between.”

I laugh
. “This comes back to you not being able to control yo girl.”

“So you don’t have to deal with going back and forth with Tracey? Even after you all bound?”

“No. Tracey doesn’t do back and forth, unless she thinks I’m hiding something from her.”

“And you are hiding something from her.”

“I may be, but back to you and Glen.” I’m not talking about me and Tracey. “Your taking away her choices will cause confusion in her.”

“Glen and I are fine. Stop worrying about us and
focus on the possibility of
yo girl
choosing another guy.”

I sit forward
, staring at him. He really just went there. “You know, if it wasn’t for you and your fucked up relationship, I wouldn’t have to worry about that.”

“Take that up with your disloyal sister, not me.”

“Scott, you’re a little too comfortable coming at my family.”

“But it’s okay for you t
o come at mine?” His head jerks as he speaks.

“All I’m saying is
—” I sit back. “—you need to start handling your relationship better. Your girl is crazy and confused, and if you would have done things the right way, a lot of shit would have been avoided, including my girl being influenced. And since you want to talk about possibilities, if you don’t get yo shit together and start focusing on y’all’s needs, instead of her want to fuck. Don’t be surprised when she dives off a mountain in an attempt to kill you
and
her.”