Burdened (A Burdened Novel) (33 page)

“Thanks.” I’m not hungry.

She comes down the stairs. I try to perk myself up so I don’t have to have the ‘what’s wrong?’ talk.

“So Nathan seems like a nice guy. Where did you two meet?”

I don’t turn to her, but walk to the fridge. The mention of his name makes me feel worse. “Yes, he is. We met at school. He was there to pick up Scott. Then I saw him again at school another day that he was picking up Scott. And when I saw him at Andrew’s party, we talked.” I stare into the fridge, not looking for anything.

“Okay, so it’s not anything serious?”
It’s more of a statement than a question.

“Why do you ask?” I turn to her
, no longer caring how I look. I don’t like the direction this conversation is headed.

“Well
,” she starts slowly, “your father was offered a permanent position in Tennessee and we were discussing moving out there. It will keep him from traveling back and forth and will allow us more time to see him.”

“No,
him traveling back and forth is fine. And we will continue to see him when we see him.” I love my dad, and I do want to see him more, but not at the cost of not seeing Nathan. Moving?! No!

“Tracey, what would be holding you here
? You’ll be done with school very soon, and speaking of…we also need to talk about what schools you’re thinking about going to. You have put off the school search long enough.”

“Is this what you wanted to talk to me about with
Dad?”

“Yes.”

“Mom, I’m not moving, and yes, I will look into some schools.”

“Tracey
—”

“You said it yourself, I’ll have to choose a school to go to after I graduate. So what if I choose a school here?” I’m starting to get irritated
, and I’m not ready to have this conversation.

My mom notices my aggravation. “Okay Tracey, we will talk about
this later when your father comes home.” She doesn’t do well with anger. “I love you.” She starts towards the stairs.

“Love you too
, Mom,” I say, irritated.

I can’t remember what I came in the kitchen for anymore
, so I go to the family room and flip through the channels. Nothing good is on, and my mind is racing.

I need to relax my mind
—it hurts and nothing is making sense to me. I’ll go for a run on the trail through the forest preserve. It’s night time, so it won’t be crowded—just a few late runners and couples. I change into my fitted jogging pants and running shoes. Telling my mom I’m going for a run, I walk out the patio doors and put in my ear buds—IPod on my arm.

I run
into the preserve from behind my house. I need to run to clear my head—my mom telling me about moving, Nathan being pissed with me for putting Pepper in her place.

Although I can understand
him with his whole ‘needing to be in control’ thing and me showing I have none. But I never told him I had control, but that I will help
him
stay in control. I don’t know about that.

Glen and her Scott situation
, and Scott and his Glen situation, whichever way it’s put, gives me a headache too. He tells her, and because she blows up, he takes it away. What do we do about those two?

The wind is cool in the warm air as I run. My
legs, stretching with each push from the floor, feels refreshing. I’m not getting tired, which surprises me, and I enjoy the feeling of being outside, smelling the freshly bloomed trees and flowers that surround the preserve. It is beautiful, and it’s helping me feel better.

I stop by an opening
—where we often see wild animals passing—to stretch and tie my hair into a ponytail. My legs crave for more of a pull, and my arms want to reach. I let them.

I stretch
to the sky. Looking up, the clouds are coming in, in the distance. The stars still fill the sky and I spot the half-moon, eating the ones that get too close. They twinkle and tease it.

I smile to myself, starting to stretch my sides
, preparing to run again. I’m not ready to go in yet, and I’m still not tired. I turn, pulling my ear buds out to hear the sounds of the night.

“What are you doing out here?” I turn
, startled, to an unfamiliar voice. It’s Nathan. Why does he sound so different?

“Hey, what’s wrong with you
r voice?” I look at him with my head slightly tilted to the side, trying to make out his face in the dark.

He emerges into the moonlight
, but not coming close. I assume he notices my struggle. He smiles—one I’m not familiar with. “Nothing. Why are you outside by yourself?”

“I needed to go for a run to clear my head.” I walk towards him
. “I’m sorry about earlier. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

He puts a hand out before I reach him, stopping me from walking closer. He nods his head so that we can walk. I follow
, cautiously. He’s acting weird.

“You know
, it’s not safe to be out by yourself.” There is distance between us. “What if something were to happen to you?”

“I think I’ll be fine
. Nothing happens out here.”

“Not yet
,” he says quietly, almost under his breath.

I look over at him and he meets my gaze, his eyes a bright
-grey. I’ve never seen that color before and it startles me. His expression is dark.

“Are you okay?”
I ask.

“Of course
. Why wouldn’t I be? I’m with you, right?” There is no enthusiasm in his tone, and it doesn’t sound like something Nathan would say. Or, I’ve just never heard him talk this way before. “Come on. Have a seat with me.”

I sit on the bench
that we walked upon, feeling a little weird about him. He smiles at me—it looks plastered on. He sits on the other end of the bench after I sit down.

“What’s up with you? You don’t want me to touch you
, and now you don’t want to sit by me?”

“No, I just want to talk to you and not affect your feelings by my touch.”

“What could you have to talk to me about?” I am really tired of talking.

“Look
, Tracey, you’re a danger to me, and I am to you. We should end this.”

A lump builds in my throat. “What?” I
croak.

He moves in front of me
, quicker than I could see. His eyes are swirling clockwise in front of me. “End this.” His voice is venomous as he says the words with authority.

All I can d
o is stare into the grey, swirling eyes. I can’t respond. I can’t move.

He looks down
, and when he looks back up, Nathan is a different person. Smiling, he says, “I know what you’re thinking. But just know I’m doing this because those…
burdeneds
don’t deserve what we Sephlems have. They don’t do right by
our
privilege
of mating. They abuse and destroy it, and in time, destroy themselves.”

His face fills with hate. It’s slim
, and his eyes are slanted. His has thin lips that move smoothly when he says, “Then, for the ones that do, supposedly, overpower the demon urge, they are a disgrace, walking around as if they are better than the rest of us, their mates taking on some of their abilities, the imprudent bond enabling them to abolish anything.”

He fiddles
through his pockets, never breaking eye-contact.

“And Nathan
,” he spits with disgust, “the Newcomb’s worthy mensch. He’s definitely
not
going to get the privilege to enjoy a happy life with his mate.” He smiles. “See, I won’t kill you, because that would kill him, and I don’t want the ‘great one’ to just die. I want him to fall. I want that demon to go back to hell—where he came from—alive!”

I can’t speak
, and there is a lot I need to say. I’m stuck—not moving, not thinking, just hearing every word. He pulls from his pocket, what looks like, a knife.

“Put your arms out.” I do
, against my inner will.

He takes the knife and cuts my arm from
the vein in the crook of my elbow, to my palm, to the tip of my middle finger. I can feel it—all the pain—and I want to scream. But I can’t—I can neither move nor cry out.

I feel the wetness
of tears against my cheeks. He notices and smiles. Then he does the other arm. I feel myself growing faint as the blood rushes from my arms. The pain is unbearable and my head spins.

“Know that it’s not your fault
that this is happening. This isn’t about you; this is about Nathan. He will come to save you when I release you. And when he heals you, saving your life, you will leave him. Do you understand?”

I nod, my mind filling with
thoughts of leaving Nathan. I have no desire for him.

“And for good measure.” He places the knife to my temple
, not going deep, and cuts me quickly from there to my jawline.

I hit the bench
, seeing nothing.

“Tracey!” I open my eyes, hazily seeing another Nathan. I close them quickly.

“Tracey, please wake up.” No! “Tracey
, open your eyes.”

I open them
and my mind slowly clears. I no longer feel pain or the gushing of blood. Warm hands cuff my cheeks. Through my haze, I see him looking back at me with green and brown eyes.

I push his hands away from my face. “Don’t touch me!” I say disgustingly.

“What? Baby, what’s wrong? What happened to you?” Concern fills his voice.

I get up and he grabs my arm. My b
ody is confused, fighting against wanting his touch and not wanting it. It’s a weird feeling: craving and disgust at the same time.

I look at his hand grasping my arm
, trying to make sense of it. I rip my arm from his hand. My chest tightens worse than I’ve ever felt, my knees hit the ground, and I buckle over forward, catching myself with my hands.

I reach for my chest
, confused. What is happening to me? Nathan is at my side, trying to help me from the ground.

“Tracey, just
try to relax and talk to me for minute, please?”

I look at him
, not sure about who he is. My heart tells me he’s okay, but my mind tells me not to trust him. “Why do you keep bothering me?” He looks at me confused, and squints his eyes as he stares. “What are you doing?”

His expression softens and he backs up a little. “I’m sorry
, Tracey. Can I please talk to you for moment?” He stands with his hands in his pockets.

“Why?”

“Please?” His expression is innocent and wanting.

I recognize him
, but something in me rejects him, while the other half wants him. “Why did you do this to me?”

“Can you tell me what I did?”

I can’t. I just remember him hurting me. “No,” I say too quickly. Nothing is clear.

He steps
up to me and I back away. “Can we walk?”

I’m okay with walking
; I want to get home anyway. “Nathan, right?” I say, walking past him.

“Yes
,” he says hurtfully.

“I don’t want to be with you. I don’t want to have anything to do with you. I need you out of my life.” Each statement is a question
, more than a feeling. Confusion floods me as my heart and mind fight against each other about this Nathan.

“Tracey, this isn’t you talking.”

“You don’t know me. Can’t you just listen to me and leave me the hell alone?” My mind wins. “Don’t come around here anymore.”

I take off in
a full sprint, not understanding why I need to get away from him so fast. Two yards and he is in front of me, pulling me to him by my waist and planting his lips against mine. It feels like heaven. Butterflies fill my body as he kisses me, not stopping. He opens my mouth with his, sweeping his tongue against mine.

His taste sends my taste buds
, body, and heart insane. I kiss him back subconsciously, wanting more of whatever it is he has. I slowly reach up to his neck and hair, not sure if it’s appropriate. He doesn’t stop me and it feels familiar to my touch.

H
is kiss deepens and becomes more desperate. No! I push him back and he pulls me close, kissing me gently.

“Remember me
, Tracey,” he begs in-between kisses. Quickly, he picks me up and backs us from the trail into the darkness of the woods and against a tree. “Please?” He lifts my shirt, placing his hands against my back. Calm and desperation fills me.

I pull back and his eyes are desperate
, colored in a sandy, ocean-blue.

“You tricked me!” I try to push him away,
force him to move from me. He doesn’t budge as he grabs my arms and pushes them over my head. The tree bark scratches my skin.

His eyebrows scrunch together
, confused. “How?”