Bunny Tales (32 page)

We next went to dinner at the Voodoo Bar; we would have preferred to go somewhere else—Vegas has so many world-class restaurants—but we went there because Bridget, being a fan of horrors and all that is macabre, wanted to go there for the trademark drink, The Witches Brew. After the dinner, we were off to our big party at Rain Nightclub at the Palms. We were disappointed to discover that once again, we were isolated on our own balcony, our own little prison, far away from the celebrities and anyone that might actually be interesting to talk to. We could not just step over the rope and mingle—we would get in trouble with Hef. We weren’t even allowed to go the bathroom on our own. And so we proceeded to drink and dance and tried to have fun despite our restrictions. The only person we got to talk to was Tony Curtis, who was very nice and friendly and invited us to come visit him in Las Vegas. The only reason Hef tolerated Tony’s presence on his balcony was because Tony was with his sweet wife, Jill. Although when Hef noticed Tony talking to me a bit too much, he started getting irritated. It didn’t matter though because we left the party soon after.

The fiftieth anniversary celebration continued with an official party at the Playboy Mansion in October. Although we had fun in Las Vegas and I knew we would have a great time on an upcoming trip to New York City, we were excited about having a people over at the Mansion. We were told that there would be musical performances, and it sounded like a lot of fun. In addition, the party at the Mansion was to be televised on A&E, which is a bonus for girls who enjoy attention.

My own personal level of enthusiasm was low. After years of suffering from chronic and severe back pain, my mother was going to have a risky back surgery: an artificial disc replacement. She was so hopeful that this surgery would solve her pain that I looked forward to it, but I was also nervous. After all, this was a serious, highly invasive surgery. It was scheduled for the day of her birthday, September 24, the day before my own birthday. I wanted to go home for at least two weeks after the surgery to take care of her, but the party fell on October 4. This meant I would be able to take care of her only for a few days. I resented not being able to be there for my mom, but I was keenly aware of my obligations. The night before I left, I went to say goodbye to Hef and asked him for my allowance early. All he had to say to me was, “You know, since you won’t be here, you will not get your allowance next week when you get back.” I was stunned. Here I was, so anxious and scared for my mom, and he just wanted to make sure I was aware of what I would lose out on? I was not going to Club Med for crying out loud, I was going home to be with my mom for her surgery and take care of her afterward. I paid for the plane ticket, I had to book some lousy motel to stay at right by the hospital, and I would be spending my mom’s and my own birthday in a hospital waiting room, and here he was just making sure I knew that I was not going to get my allowance. I hated him at that moment. You would think that my boyfriend would offer to help somehow. He didn’t even have the courtesy to say something hopeful, something encouraging or kind. He just tried to make me feel guilty about not being at the Mansion for a week and was making sure I knew the punishment would be no allowance. What kind of a “boyfriend” was that? What kind of a “family” was this? I knew then that if he ever tried to use those words again, I would throw up.

The week of my mom’s surgery was one of the hardest in my life. To wait for five hours was torture. To see her so weak and in so much pain tore me up inside. My dad drove up to see her right after her surgery, but he had to go back to work while I stayed behind. I was not allowed to be with her all day, so I stayed alone in my motel most of the time. The morning of my birthday I had breakfast by myself at the motel diner; it was the saddest, loneliest birthday, or any day, of my life. I waited to see my mom and spend a few hours with her before returning to my motel room. After a few days I was able to take my mom home; that was a two-hour trip, but she made it through the drive. I got her special needs equipment, bought groceries, and cooked for her. My dad was unable to take time off to care for her. I did everything I could before I left. I hated to leave her but swore I would be back very soon.

My mom had waited so long to get the necessary treatment in Canada, only to undergo a horrendous surgery that did not help her condition. She was in pain immediately afterward and to this day does not know why her pain continues. It kills me to helplessly watch her suffer. Hef has access to the best medical care possible, but he never offered to help. I thought about writing Oprah a letter, like many people do on behalf of their mothers, so that she could help my mom figure out where the pain is coming from, and how to help her since the doctors in Canada are clueless and helpless to help her. So while my mom could not move out of bed, I was obliged to rush back to the Mansion so that there were enough blondes around to make Hef look good.

I got back to the Mansion the night before the party. Needless to say, I wasn’t in a celebratory mood. I didn’t even bother to buy a new dress or do anything special. I put on a white dress that was already in my closet and did my own hair and makeup. Now, looking back, the party was soothing. I had been so sad and scared the previous few days that it was nice to release that tension, even temporarily. The show was hosted by the funny, foul-mouthed Jenny McCarthy. There was a cool performances by Blu Cantrell, and Kelly Osbourne performed a song by Cindy Lauper. Sharon Osbourne had been so sweet to us (she came to interview us for her show a few months later), that Hef felt bad that Kelly’s performance did not make it onto the air in the television special. I didn’t understand it; I thought she was great. Some of the other celebrities in attendance included Pamela Anderson, Anna Nicole Smith, and Paris and Nicky Hilton. Barbi Benton, Hef’s former longtime love, was also there. Hef stepped away for a while for a one-on-one conversation with Barbi. I thought it was charming that the two famous lovers were reunited, and I thought Barbi still looked cute. I ran into her and Gloria Allred as I was walking around the party and introduced myself. I told her that Hef speaks fondly of her. “See, I told you,” remarked Gloria Allred. “Oh no, he doesn’t,” replied Barbi with a girlish coyness. I was so tempted to engage Miss Allred in a legal conversation, but I resisted. She gave me her card, and at times I have been tempted to contact her, but I don’t know what to say. I wondered if she would be disappointed in me wasting my education or if she would understand that after years of schooling, I was trying something new.

Holly was not amused. She threw a jealous fit that Hef and Barbi had that intimate moment. She harped on it for a couple of days and made Hef feel bad about it. She couldn’t believe he did that. She disappeared from the party for a while and then cried about it the next day. On one of the episodes of
The Girls Next Door
when Barbi comes to visit, Holly’s dislike is clearly visible and she tries to belittle Barbi by dismissing her as too old for Hef. Although I felt that Barbi was a little condescending toward the girls, I think Holly’s attitude toward her was unfriendly from the very beginning. I didn’t understand it. I thought that Hef’s connection with Barbi was very special, and that it was wonderful that she could be there to celebrate the fiftieth anniversary of
Playboy
with him. When I heard about Holly’s reaction I thought it was ridiculous. She constantly made Hef feel guilty about his ex-Girlfriends; she would pout, cry, and then go sleep in the game house to punish him for her own feelings of inadequacy.

I thought she was also hostile to Kimberly Hefner. Whenever Kimberly came to greet Hef at parties or other events, Holly acted disrespectfully. I think she was jealous that the kids were an eternal connection between Hef and Kimberly. She constantly made negative remarks about the concept of marriage and family; I remember when we heard that one of Hef’s ex-Girlfriends and a Playmate had a baby and got engaged, Holly thought it was lame. I thought it was comical that she found going out to clubs twice a week and having to share her boyfriend with many women so much more meaningful. That is why when I heard the rumor this year that Hef was considering having a baby with Holly, I was skeptical. Since she cannot marry him—as he is still married to Kimberly—I think she figures the only other way to guarantee getting her hands on the inheritance is a baby. Holly must know a child by Hef would provide her with money and power, and she would finally feel up to par with Kim. The sad thing is that Holly seemed to me barely able to take care of her dogs, with the assistance of several staff. I never saw Holly demonstrate any type of maternal instinct or love. I heard her speak with disdain about family; she never once went to visit her parents while I lived at the Mansion. She also announced that she had no friends to visit at home or anywhere else, and no one ever visited her. I think Holly will make a terrific trophy wife for someone, but I cannot imagine her as a mother.

Last but not least on the anniversary agenda was New York City. I love New York, and I was so excited to hear Playboy was throwing a big party there. Not only do I love the city, but it was also wonderful to get out of the house. It may be one of the most famous Mansions in the world, but when you live there day in and day out, it is still a house and you can feel cooped up in it. Sure, it was nice when we had a party and people came over, but that did not happen often enough. So off we went on our private plane. We stayed at The Pierre. As per usual, drama ensued with the room assignment. Emma and I snatched our own room, Holly slept with Hef, and Susan was stuck in a room with Bridget and Candy, who stayed in the other bedroom in Hef’s suite. I stayed out of it as was my habit; no one was going to ruin my trip to one of my very favorite cities.

The first night we went to see
The Boy from Oz
, starring the talented Hugh Jackman, who was absolutely wonderful in it (the tight pants helped too!). We even got to meet him in his dressing room after the show, right out of the shower, and he was very friendly and handsome. At the end of the show, he was speaking about AIDS and the importance of contributing to the search for a cure, when he noticed Hef sitting in the audience and, right then and there, asked if Hef was willing to donate anything. Hef told him about the anniversary party, and agreed to donate a pair of tickets to be auctioned off with the proceeds going to the AIDS charity. After the show we went to Bungalow 8 for cocktails. We didn’t stay out long since the big party was the next night.

By the time Emma, Susan, and I woke up the next day, everyone was gone. We found out that Hef went to ring the bell at the Stock Exchange; of course no one had mentioned it to us. When we asked why the three of us weren’t informed, he said the other girls suggested we would not be interested.
Oh really?
I thought.
How convenient
. It was one thing after another, any opportunity to leave us out. We got our own limo and our own security guards—hot New York City police officers—and we hit the town. A little shopping at one of my fave stores, Henri Bendel (when we shopped for anything other than a dress for specific, formal events, we always spent our own money), followed by a visit to TRL, and last a stop at an authentic pizzeria. We came back to get ready for the main event, where we were met by a couple of makeup artists we had met at MAC the night before, who were fabulously talented and fun. Then off to the party!

The party took place at the New York State Armory, which is a huge venue. The décor was amazing. Some of the attendees included Donald Trump and his then girlfriend, and now wife, Melania Knauss, Dr. Ruth, Lara Flynn Boyle, our buddy Ja Rule, party girl Bai Ling, Jason Lewis and Evan Handler from
Sex and the City
, Dale Earnhardt Jr., and Gina Gershon. At the climax of the party, Ashanti came out of a big cake and began singing, serenading Hef from afar, and she was followed out of the cake by Pamela Anderson—the ultimate Playmate! She and the talented photographer David LaChapelle came to sit at our table for quite some time. Pamela was sitting next to me drinking champagne, hers and then mine. I asked her why she was wearing sunglasses when it was so damn dark in the place; turns out she had unsightly pink eye. She was flirting with Hef and telling him everything he wanted to hear—
ahh
, I thought,
so
that
is how she gets all the hot men!
That and the boobs, of course. She coyly asked Hef why they never see each other and why he never invites her over. He said she could come over anytime. She teased him that she is single now. She told me we were lucky; I told her she was the lucky one. She has dated some of the hottest men around, including one of my favorites, Kid Rock. “No, Hef is the ultimate rock star,” she replied. I laughed, thinking,
Girrrl, you can have him, let’s trade
! Then she borrowed my lip gloss and took off. I guess Hef wasn’t as irresistible as she claimed after all.

And just like that, all of the anniversary parties came to an end. What were we going to do to make time go faster? We were bored with the Mansion routine, and having something, anything, to look forward to kept life exciting. We desperately wanted to go to the Cannes Film Festival. Just the opportunity to travel to Europe with Hef would be fantastic. But it was too expensive, and we didn’t go. We were so tired, we kept asking Hef for a vacation. We were worn out from going out so much, from the constant drinking, staying out late and always wearing so much makeup. We asked Hef if he could take us to Hawaii. We told him he could play backgammon on the beach and we would just swim and relax. At night we could have dinner and hang out. He always seemed to brush it off. And whenever there was any problems with the girls, he would say, “See? How can we go on a vacation together when there is no harmony in the group.” Well, maybe if we got a break, a chance to unwind and get away from the usual surroundings, everyone would be in a better mood. Maybe we could even bond while we were away. But it was futile, he wouldn’t take us, he wouldn’t let us go on our own. We were prisoners.