Bulletproof (Healer) (30 page)

             
Dad joins us, Shannon whips him up some American pancakes which he drowns in golden syrup. Jana is telling me about her princess drawing and asking me if I want to paint with her. “I’d love to,” I say and this makes her grin. I’ve missed her adorable smile.

             
Shannon’s mother, Donna, picks up the children and I’m left in an awkward silence with dad and Shannon. There is still a lot to talk about. I want to know more about my mother. Dad can’t deprive me of old stories now that I’ve opened the book up. I’m thinking about all the things I want to ask him when I notice that Shannon’s tummy is looking rather rotund.

             
My eyes widen. She keeps in good shape, has a nice slender figure considering she’s got two young kids but her stomach definitely looks bloated this morning. “Uh... what... uh...” I stutter as the realisation comes to me. Shannon is pregnant.

             
“You’re pregnant?” I gasp and Shannon instinctively covers her plump belly with her hands and smiles fondly, switching her gaze from dad to me then back.

             
“Surprise,” she grins.

             
“We wanted to tell you last night but we wanted you to settle in,” dad says, wrapping his arm around her shoulder. “We were planning to tell you the day you were abducted actually.”

             
At first I feel irked. I have been gone for less than a month and I have been replaced. Lost one daughter, they conjured up another baby to fill the void. Then I let the self-centred anger fizzle out and feel the euphoria, I’m going to be a big sister again. I was only              seven when Shannon fell pregnant with Bruce but I have such fond memories, watching her grow bigger and dad get happier. A new baby in the household always brought a bundle of laughter and a mountain of happiness. This is exactly what we need.

             
“Congratulations,” I yelp and throw my arms around Shannon.

             
“You’re not mad?” she whispers.

             
“Why would I be?”

             
“I just don’t want you to feel like we were trying to replace you, Cass,” Shannon says. “It wasn’t planned and then you were taken and it was all a mess. We didn’t know how we’d cope without you here.”

             
“Yeah, I’m a lot older now. We’ll need your help this time around,” dad says.

             
“Of course,” I gush. “And I’m not mad at all. I’m so happy.” My poor dad. Discovering he has a new mouth to feed then his eldest daughter was kidnapped. That was just what he needed. I wish I’d known Shannon was expecting before I volunteered to go with Gabe. Not that my willingness was of particular concern to Gabe or Maurice. “Do Bruce and Jana know?”

             
Shannon nods, “Bruce hopes it’s a little boy and Jana doesn’t really understand but they’re both really excited.”

             
“We
all
are,” dad emphasises, giving her a strange look. Had Shannon been concerned that this baby would not be received in open arms? I can’t help but share her anxiety, dad is older now and less fit. He pushed the boat out with Jana but I still watch him get breathless from running around after two young kids. I hope he’s up to the task.

             
“Oh gosh,” Shannon says, taking a seat. “I’m so happy. Cassie is home, baby number three is on its way. This is a great day.”

             
I feel guilty. If only dad and Shannon knew what part I played in my ‘kidnapping’, under no circumstance was I whisked away against my will. I opted to leave that bar with Gabe and delve into the frightening world of vampires. I was excited. I longed for the peril. In doing so, I broke my family’s hearts. I’ll never tell them I voluntarily caused this hurt. They’d never look at me in the same way.

TWENTY-THREE

              After the giddiness from the big revelation dies down, dad talks more about my disappearance. He explains that he told the school and our neighbours that I’d visited relatives of my mum abroad. They didn’t question it or worry about me because everyone knows I’m untouchable - I feel like the boy who cried wolf. He asks me if we should be worried and I lie. I tell him that my friends have taken care of Maurice. There’s a new baby on the way, I can’t tell him that there is an ancient and deadly vampire with a desire to brutally murder us. This is a worry that I’ll have to burden myself with. I deserve this heavy weight on my shoulders after all I’ve put my family through.

             
“Enough of this chat,” dad says. “I’m going to watch telly.”

             
Back to normality, where my dad is content to sit on the couch all day and watch the world spin on. I return to my bedroom. I can’t return to my bad habits. Spending hours on the computer, reading about all the things I want to do but will never have the chance. Now I’ve tasted the dark side of the world and it leaves a very sour after taste.

             
I pull the box underneath my bed with old extreme sports magazines and newspaper and magazine clippings about vampires and I throw them in the bin. I am saying goodbye to this ridiculous need for more and appreciate now and here. No more lusting after the future. I want to make friends, spend time with my family and enjoy life in its entirety because I never know which day will be my last. Maurice will catch up with me eventually.

             
I finish deleting all of the vampire related files from my computer when the phone rings. “Hello?”

             
“Cassie, it’s me,” croaks a familiar voice which sends my heart on a frenzy. I’ve missed this sound but I ache at how low he sounds.

             
“Gabe, are you okay?”

             
“No,” he is laugh cynically under his breath, he always has to be difficult. Self-pitying bastard. “I feel terrible in fact.”

             
“It’ll be okay. Arrow will take it all away, right?”

             
His breathing is painfully dragged out. Maurice’s blood is destroying him. He is, effectively, dying. “Well, she says she can.”

             
“She can,” I say firmly. “She will.” Even if I have to lose him I have faith that she will make you better.

             
“But you understand what this means, Cassie?”

             
It’s my breathing that sounds harsh now. There is a shaky sigh - the kind that speaks a thousand words that won’t come out. “Rose explained.”

             
“I won’t even remember who you are,” he says. He sounds so angry. His life has been so difficult that it makes me glad that somebody can erase all that anguish. Arrow will give Gabe a clean slate. I should be happy. “I won’t remember any of this...”

             
“Maybe that’s a good thing.”

             
“How can you say that? I don’t want to lose you and Rose,” he says. I feel a pinch of hope that he says he is going to fight. I want him to tell me that he loves me so eternally that he can’t bear to lose me, that he would never wish away our memories for anything, that he will find another cure or a way to fight his animalistic vampire instincts when he turns but he states the obvious, “But I need to, don’t I? I can’t be like him.”

             
“Of course not,” I say. He doesn’t even want to try. I would never let him but when everything is gone, when the brooding Gabe I have come to care for deeply, it would be reassuring to know that he tried everything to keep me in his heart. Will he try to remember me?

             
“So this is goodbye I guess,” he says. I can’t believe how noncommittal he sounds about this. That is his way. Shutting down, turning off his feelings for me and being angry at life because it is easier that way. It’s the only way he knows how to survive life. That’s why he couldn’t bear to touch me, why he loathed being near me because I made him feel and Gabe can’t cope with the emotions loving somebody brings. Not after losing Claire and he certainly won’t want to start feeling those emotions now.

             
“I guess,” I say. How do I tell him that he has opened my eyes? He has changed me forever. I will never take my family for granted or let greed get the better of me. I’ll never trust another vampire. I am ameliorated because of him and all I can say is ‘I guess.’

             
He coughs awkwardly. This is it. This is the heartfelt speech. Gabe has probably only ever given one speech like this before in his life. To Claire, before her memories of him were erased and this will be his last before his life starts again. “It’s so weird to me how crazy I am about you, Cassie.”

             
I laugh and cry simultaneously then he continues, “I never thought I’d love anyone again after Claire. I thought she was the be all and end all in life. When I lost her I shut down and I never planned on waking up again. then you waltzed in with your perfect blonde hair and your ocean blue eyes and your sexy curves. I thought it’d be easy before I saw you. All I had to do was find another Healer then Maurice would released me and I could live my life as a sad, lonely drunk but you were so vibrant and so desperate to
live
that it made me want to live again and you wanted me to live too, you wanted to help me and it made me want to help myself. You made me want to be brave. And I was, wasn’t I? Saving you like that. I guess even if Arrow’s spell kills me or takes my memories from me, there will be a small part of me that knows I did the right thing eventually. It’s really sad, bittersweet, you know? That I finally feel like things could get better and it’s all going to waste.”

             
“Don’t say that,” I weep. “It’s not the end. You’ll start fresh. No vampires, no heartbreak or alcohol fuelled nights on a hotel room floor. You can start again, Gabe.”

             
“What if I don’t want to? What if I like the person I can be with you?”

             
“Then you become a vampire,” I say.

             
“Fuck,” his voice is becoming teary now. “Why’d life have to get so complicated? Somebody must hate me somewhere.”

             
“You will
always
be with me, Gabe,” this is my chance to say how I feel but the words feel static in my mouth. Spit it out. I take a deep breath and try to stifle the tears, “You think I’ve made you a better person? You have no idea what you’ve done to me. Before all of this I felt like a robot. I was just living life for the sake of it, going through the motions, but now I’m a human. I would never have felt so alive without you.”

             
“Someone else will make you feel alive,” he says.

             
“Don’t ruin it,” I say.

             
“I’m sorry. I have a habit of doing that.”

             
“Stop feeling sorry for yourself,” I laugh. We can turn the sweetest moments into an argument, playful or not.

             
“Ever get the feeling that we should have been given the chance to really love each other?” At least he doesn’t have to endure the ‘what if’s which will plague my mind for the rest of my life. No matter who I meet, even if I marry and have a family of my own, I will always wonder how my life would have been had Gabe and I been given the lifetime we deserved to make each other better, to make each other good.

             
“This is getting too soppy for me, Cassie,” he says softly.

             
“Yeah, well...”

             
“I’m going to go, Cassie, before I change my mind and decide to become a bloodsucker. Take care of yourself.” Then he is gone. I am overwhelmed with the knowledge that that was the last time I’ll ever hear his voice. I break down. The tears flow faster and harder, I bury my face into the pillow and let myself go into the sadness.

             
The phone rings again, sending a jolt of electricity through my heart. Thinking that it is Gabe again, I answer it instantly. It is a familiar voice but not the one I really wanted to hear. It’s Rose and I know whatever she has to say is only going to make me sadder.

             
“I wanted to call to tell you Arrow is going to perform the extraction spell on Gabe tonight and because Gabe has Maurice’s blood in his system, Arrow can use it to create a tracking spell on Maurice so we can keep an eye on his location.”

             
“Okay,” I say, trying to hide the fact that I can’t stop crying. “That’s great news.”