Buckeye Dreams (26 page)

He stared at her. “I love you, Adele,” he said finally.

She shook her head.

“I was ready to marry you.”

“But I was never ready to marry you.” Adele looked down and said a small prayer. “Jonah is my husband now. Nothing will change that.” She backed away and grasped the door handle. “And please call me Mrs. Kirby. Even in private.” Opening the door, she left.

Jonah walked in from the barn later on Sunday afternoon, irritated. Just after lunch, as he was making his way out to hitch Babe up to the plow, Ben Carr rode up the drive.

He dismounted and tied his horse to the fence outside the house. “Good afternoon,” the young man called as he walked up to him. “Do you have some time to talk, Mr. Kirby? I was just on my way back from church in Ostrander and saw you.”

He stopped short when he noticed Jonah was in work clothes. “You’re working? Today?”

Jonah narrowed his eyes at him. “Yes. So I don’t have time to talk to you right now. As I said before, when I’m ready to talk with you, I’ll let you know.” He started to move off when Ben spoke once more.

“Well, if you’re set on working today, could I lend you a hand? You would get more work done and—” He stopped as Jonah swung around and glared at him.

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you? Get a look at my fields and my barn to try to see how much they’re worth, and then offer me next to nothing for them. You’re no different than your uncle.”

Ben stared at him as his eyes grew dark with anger. “And you’re just like what Uncle Eli said about you. He said you and your family were a pain in the neck. Ma and I took what he said about people with a grain of salt because he tended to exaggerate. But I guess he wasn’t exaggerating about you.” Ben turned and left.

But his words were as irritating as a sliver of wood under the skin. A pain in the neck? Like Elijah Carr had any room to talk. He’d been constantly trying to figure out a way of buying up the Kirby farm. Neither Pa’s nor his repeated refusals seemed to have any effect on him. Once, after a confrontation with the man, Jonah had vented his frustration to his mother, only to have her remind him that Elijah Carr was a hurting man and they should pray for him.

“He was brought up to believe a man’s worth lies in what he can obtain,” she’d said, looking up from her mending. “He needs our compassion. If we show him Christ’s love, he might yet change.”

But Jonah had never been able to bring himself to do that. And he knew for a fact that Carr had died just as he lived.

Shaking the thoughts from his mind, he went out to the fields and tried to get some work done. But nothing seemed to go right the rest of the afternoon. The plow stuck just about every other row he worked, and Babe was uncharacteristically antsy and shy. Jonah gave up on the field and tried working on a few things in the barn, but nothing turned out right.

Disgusted, he strode up to the house. When he went in, he was greeted by a sob coming from the parlor.

Adele stood in front of the fireplace, quickly trying to wipe her face off with a handkerchief. A letter lay on the mantel.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, stepping into the room.

She looked at him and then the letter. “I have had news,” she said softly. “About Erich.”

Frowning, Jonah walked in and took the letter. What disaster had God brought down on them now?

Jonah stared at the letter. Erich had gone west after Nate and Adele had married, always having had a heart for wandering. He’d only stayed in Ostrander when they were younger for his sister’s sake. Once she married Nate, he felt free to do as he liked.

He’d written faithfully at first, but Adele hadn’t heard from him in over a year and had indeed written to her brother just after they married, hoping against hope he wasn’t dead. So many went west and were never heard from again that it was a familiar scenario.

Jonah looked at her.

“I knew in my heart he was not alive,” Adele said. “But I did not want to believe it.”

More than anything, Jonah wanted to pull her into his arms and hold her. Instead, he grasped her elbow and settled her into the nearby high-backed chair while he took a seat on the sofa. Each tear she shed was like a knife sticking him in the back. He clenched his teeth and looked away, trying not to allow the anger inside him to burn through and show in his eyes.
How could He do this to her?

Once he had collected himself, he glanced up. “I’m sorry, Addie.”

“I will write Mr. Benton and tell him to send Erich’s things here,” she said softly.

“Do you want me to see if we could bring his body back? I know this Mr. Benton said otherwise, but it might be possible. Seems only proper to have him buried here.”

She gave him a teary smile. “He would not have wanted me to go to so much trouble. Let him rest in peace. He is with the Lord now.”

Jonah stood abruptly and strode over to the window. “He should still be here with you.”

Didn’t God have enough souls with Him now? Hadn’t four years of war made heaven a bit too crowded?

A soft hand gently grasped his arm, and he looked to see Adele standing there close to him. Too close. “I wish he was still here, too,” she said. “We could talk about him, about the good times we had while he was still with us.”

Her blue eyes, while somewhat faded by her tears, almost convinced him. Would it be so bad to talk a little? It would be a comfort to Adele for him to sit with her awhile.

He clenched his teeth. No. She would somehow point the conversation in a direction he didn’t want to go. So he pushed the thought and her hand away and headed for the door. There must be something he could find to do in the barn.

A
dele awoke to the sound of boots going downstairs. She sighed and, flinging back the sheets, rose and walked to the window. She watched as Jonah stepped out into the courtyard and looked at the moon. Then he strode into the orchard and disappeared from view. She turned from the window and slowly made her way to her bed and lay back down.

For the past four months, two or three nights a week, she had woken up every time he left. Even though Adele slept in what had been his parents’ room and he just next door in his own, she still heard him. He was always very quiet, but something in her knew he was awake. She would go to the window to watch him walk away, to make sure he was all right.

Adele caught a glimpse of his face before he walked off this time. He looked as if his soul was weary of this odd ritual. As always, she prayed before going back to sleep.
Father, he has been home for over a year now. When will he have peace from this war?

She was always given the same answer.
If he would turn to Me, I would heal him
.

She sat up in bed. “How, Father?” she softly asked in the darkness. “He will not listen to me. I have been patient, and I have tried to be kind and understanding, but still he will not listen.”

Since the news came of Erich’s death, he’d been even more close-lipped. Oh, he talked about farm matters and more mundane details, but nothing beyond that. Every night when he came into the parlor after evening chores, Adele tried to get him to open up, tried to get over the wall he had built. But she might as well be trying to scale it with sewing thread. Her every attempt was quickly and effectively snipped by a cross answer or silence. She hugged her knees and wrestled with what to do until she had to get up and start breakfast.

“Be sure you ask Fred Decker about that plow head,” Jonah told her at breakfast. “You’ll have to go into town by yourself today.”

“Why?”Adele looked at Jonah, who was looking at her son. Jacob had become somewhat belligerent toward his stepfather over the last few weeks. Any good report Will gave Jonah about her son was shrugged off, and Jonah was forever harping about what he should know about farming at his age. She understood her son’s frustration. As much as both had been praying, nothing about Jonah seemed to be changing. But even so, she would not put up with Jacob being disrespectful. She frowned. “What has happened?”

“He was shirking his chores this morning,” Jonah replied.

“It wasn’t like that, Ma. I was just taking a peek at a book for a second before Will and I started on the cows… .”

“And you’ll stay home today and make up for the time you lost this morning,” Jonah said.

Jacob looked at him angrily. “It wasn’t more than a second.”

“Jacob Nathaniel, you will not talk back,” Adele said.

“But …” He glanced over at Will, who looked away uncomfortably. The boy’s shoulders slumped a little. “Yes, ma’am.”

“And Will,” Jonah said. “I don’t pay you to work on your own property. You need to be on time.”

Adele pressed her lips together as she listened to Jonah go on about the young man’s tardiness. Will was working hard to make her old home livable again. From the looks he and Clara Williams shared at church, it was not hard to understand why. And it couldn’t be an easy task, considering he worked at their farm from sunup until sundown. Nathaniel had worked for the Kirbys until they were married and was often late when he was building the place. As far as she knew, neither Jonah nor his mother had ever taken him to task for it. “Jonah …”

“No, ma’am, it’s all right,” Will said. “I’m sorry, sir. I’ll try to be on time from now on.”

Later Will brought the buggy around for Adele. She started to apologize for Jonah’s behavior, but he waved it away. “No, ma’am, I’m the one who should be apologizing.”

“It is very understandable why you must be late sometimes.”

“No, it’s not that.” He looked uncomfortable. “It’s Jacob, ma’am. It’s my fault he’s in a scrape.”

Adele stared at him. “What do you mean?”

“Mrs. Kirby, Jacob was looking for a pretty piece of poetry for me to send to Miss Williams.” Will was beet red with embarrassment.

Adele did her level best to hold back the smile that threatened to take over her face. “I see.”

“I came to America for a new life, ma’am. And Miss Williams is just the bonniest lass … but I don’t know how to talk to her. Jacob said Professor Kirby, your brother-in-law, used to send his wife poems before they married. He was looking for one of them. I never thought it would get him in trouble.”

“That is all right, Will,” Adele replied. “I will find out from Mrs. Kirby which poems he sent her, but don’t you think you should try to talk to Miss Williams yourself?”

“Oh ma’am … I …”

“Will!” Jonah strode up to the buggy. He had his own rifle in one hand and Nathaniel’s old one in another. “Make sure Jake is doing what he’s supposed to in the barn. Cyrus and me are going out to mow hay.”

Will nodded to both of them and strode off toward the barn.

Jonah handed Nathaniel’s rifle to her.

“Jonah, the rabid animal is dead by now,” she replied, not taking it. No one in the area had found any more mangled animals since the first part of April. “I will be fine.”

He gave her a hard look. “You know as well as I do it might have infected another animal. I don’t want rabid livestock.”

Adele glanced at the gun then looked away. “Slide it under the seat please.”

“You do know you’ll have to actually touch it in order to use it,” he said as he did so.

“Nathaniel was killed with such a gun,” she snapped, then looked at him instantly contrite. “Jonah, I am sorry …”

The hardness slid from his face. “No. I’m sorry, Addie.” He ran a hand through his hair. “I was up early again.”

“I know. I woke, too.”

He frowned. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“You did not,” she said. “Somehow I know when you wake up, and I wake as well.”

He stared at her a moment. “You mean for the past four months—”

“Yes.”

He looked away, but Adele saw in his face the same look he’d had when she had made bauernfrühstück for him so many months ago. He’d finally removed a brick, and the real Jonah was appearing from behind the wall he’d built.

“Jonah, talk to me. Tonight, in the parlor. I will make sure Jacob is in bed.”

In an instant, the brick was replaced, and he was impenetrable once again. “You’d best get going. Make sure you speak to Mr. Decker about that plow.” He retreated toward the barn, and Adele felt tears prick at the corners of her eyes.