BUCKED Box Set: A Bull Rider Western Romance (53 page)

Then, when she actually would be cornered
into making plans with her son, especially when he was little, it was all Shawn
would talk about. And on the day that she was supposed to come, he would wait
for her for hours. I knew this all too well, because I was usually the one
waiting with him; she would never show.

In all the years that I had known and
lived with Shawn, I had seen his mother a total of three times. I seriously
doubted that Shawn had seen her many more times than that.

She was a selfish, horrible woman and I
couldn’t understand why, even now, he would trust her enough to try to live
with her. But I supposed it was really his prerogative. There wasn’t much that
I was going to do about him going, especially since lately, for whatever reason
he wasn’t even speaking to me.

This bothered me and I had confided in
Zachary about his, but he just told me that he was jealous.

Though I felt that there was something
more than that, I couldn’t disagree with him. I knew that he felt my father
treated me better than he treated Shawn, but that certainly wasn’t my fault.

Zachary shook his head as he watched the discussion
play out between my mother and my stepbrother. They were always very close,
which was why it seemed so natural when his father and my mother decided to get
married; she was already a solid mother figure in Shawn’s life and had been for
years.

“I don’t get it,” Zachary answered
finally, “At least his father wants him.”

Zachary, like me, was raised by a single
mother. Both of our fathers had passed away, which was part of what drew me to
him in the first place.

We both had similar experiences and feelings,
which made him easy to talk to. Zachary understood not only the feelings I had
concerning my father, but also the friendship that Shawn and I had once shared.

Zachary was not the jealous type, which
was good. When we first started dating, Shawn and I were still trying to
maintain our friendship and so, I spent a lot of time with him.

As time went on though, he witnessed the
decline in our friendship and was there for me, when I didn’t feel like I could
talk to anyone else. It wasn’t like I could talk to my mother about it, because
she seemed to be on Shawn’s side a lot of the time. And it just didn’t seem
right talking to my stepfather about his son, whether he agreed or not;
especially because I was afraid of what I might admit once I started to talk.

“At least he has the option to live with
both of his parents,” I said carefully, shrugging my shoulders in a way that
came across far more envious than I had meant it.

Zachary smiled, though, in an
understanding way and closed his hand around my own. He didn’t say anything,
but he really didn’t have to. I knew that he understood and I was once again
overwhelmed with a sense of thankfulness.

I looked back at Zachary, leaned up and
kissed him, simply needing to feel that extra sense of comfort wash over me.
Feeling this comfort and understanding touch made all of the difference in the
world to me.

At
least I have Zachary,
I thought to myself, relishing in the
closeness that the two of us acquired easily.

With him, I found that special connection
that unfortunately, I had once felt very strongly between Shawn and I. Even
though I yearned to have that feeling once again with Shawn, I was happy that
for now, what I had with Zachary was enough.

Chapter
2

Shawn

God
this is going to be terrible,
I thought as I packed
the last box into my car, which I bought with my own money after working for
the past two summers. It wasn’t a great car — in fact, it was just about on its
last leg — but I didn’t care.
Lesser of
the two evils, though…

It was mine and so far, it had succeeded
in getting me anywhere I needed to go.

My stepmother helped me pack while my
father sat in his office, watching the two us, upset that I was leaving.

“You know, Shawn…” my stepmother, Diana
said as she stepped back from the car and put her hands on her hips, staring at
me in a slightly more motherly way then I would have liked at this moment, “you
don’t have to do this.”

I shrugged, trying to keep emotions out of
it.

Even though she had helped me move, it
didn’t mean that she agreed with my decision and in a way, I couldn’t blame
her. She had been more of a mother to me than my own flesh and blood ever was,
but I needed a change of scenery.

It wasn’t a good environment for me or the
family. I had learned to despise my stepsister for being daddy’s little girl,
when he wasn’t even her real father, and resented my father for treating a girl
who wasn’t even his real daughter better than he treated me.

My life wasn’t always like that though.
Once upon a time, not all that long ago, I had one parent who really cared for
me. My father was a great man and always treated me well.

However, then he had to go and get
married, which changed everything for me. This move, really, was just a very
long time coming.

It was almost three years to the day,
actually. My father and stepmother always made a big deal out of their
anniversary and I had no doubt they were in love. I just wasn’t feeling it.
While everyone else’s lives seemed to get better that day, my life took a turn
for the worst.

I liked the life my father and I had, but
when he got married, I realized that I wasn’t enough. He started to change,
which only compounded the estranged nature of what was once a very strong
relationship.

Yet, I had nothing against my stepmother,
or really even my father marrying Diana. In fact, out of everyone, I was
closest to my stepmother then I had ever been to anyone; and out of everyone in
the household, I knew that I would miss her probably the most.

I had known her for most of my life, and
she was the one constant influence who didn’t do a paradigm shift the moment
she and my father said “I do.”

But after much consideration, I realized
that this move was just something I had to do.

Still, I watched as she gave me a look of
warning before she moved in close to me and placed her hand on my arm. She
sighed. “I know that these past three years have been rough on you and I wish I
knew how to make it better.”

“It’s not you,” I said before looking down
at the ground. “I assure you.”

Even though I didn’t look up at her face, I
was sure that her lips were pursed in the silence that came before another deep
breath. “Your father means well, Shawn.”

“Then how come you can tell me what to do
and try to help, without making me feel like I am the black sheep of the
family? He alienates me and I’m sick of it.”

At this, my stepmother turned her head and
stared at me with intensity before she asked in an honest, yet revealing way,
“You think your mother is going to treat you better?”

Hearing her say this, I felt my shoulders
slouch as the truth of her words sunk in. If anyone was qualified to speak the
truth about my mother, especially to me, it was Diana. She had been with my
father and I through every missed birthday and disappointment since I was five.
It was her that was there to fill the gap, even before she married, or even
dated my father.

Diana had never let me down. Not even
once. I might have not liked what she had to say, but regardless, she was
always there for me.

She, at the very least, knew how to treat
both her daughter and her stepson equally, without showing obvious favoritism.

“No,” I replied stiffly before looking
back up at her and adding, “But there’s no surprise there. With Dad, our
relationship has changed and I don’t like it. My mother has always tried to
push me aside, so I might feel more at home there.”

Diana chuckled in a strange way. “I don’t
think that’s a very good reason. After all, your father has watched you grow
up. Your mother doesn’t even know you. She lives in the same town and you’re
lucky to receive a text from her.”

I shrugged. “Yeah, well, that’s my
decision.”

She nodded and rubbed my arm in something
of a supportive gesture. “And that’s your decision, Shawn. You know that you
will always have a home here with us, but if you feel like this is something
that you have to do, then I support you.”

“Do you think my father ever will?” I
asked, even though I didn’t want to let on that I actually cared. Still, I was
pretty certain that my stepmother knew better anyway.

She shrugged and answered encouragingly,
“I think you just need to give him some time. I know that Valerie and I are
going to miss you though, so make sure to come back and visit.”

I smiled at her, but didn’t say anything
that I was feeling. I just shrugged and laughed. “You know I’m just going to be
across town, right? It’s not like I’m moving to Africa…” Then, I teased, “What
are you going to do when Val and I go to college?”

“Cry,” she answered quickly, before a
small laugh. “A lot.”

I smiled at her and shook my head. “Well,
you’ve got a little bit of time left still, so maybe you’ll get sick of our
faces before then.”

“Never,” she answered as tears began to
well in her eyes. After another heavy sigh, she clapped her hand on my arm
solidly. “Go. Now. Before I bribe you into staying, or something.”

I smiled and gave her a hug. “Thank you,
Diana. For everything.” I quickly turned around and got into the car, before
she really did say anything that would convince me to stay.
    

As I left, I spied my stepsister, Valerie,
watching from a few houses down, alongside her boyfriend, Zachary.

The two of them were making out, which
made me roll my eyes as I passed them. Even still, I waved, but they paid me no
mind.

He was an okay guy and everything, but
just like everything else in Valerie’s life she could do no wrong when it came
to picking a boyfriend. To my father, but even to my stepmother at times,
Zachary was wonder boy, while I was always the underdog who never seemed to
rise to the occasion.

I had gotten a lot of,
“Why can’t you be more like Zachary…”
from my father, which really angered me. He got good grades and seemed to excel
fluidly at any sport he tried, while still managing to have just enough time
for Valerie.

It was exceedingly nauseating.

After all, I wasn’t Zachary and even
though there was a part of me that did want to be a little more like Zachary in
certain ways, I was never going to be like him. I wished people would just stop
implying that was a possibility.

Granted, I hadn’t had a particularly bad
life. I knew from some of my friends, things that I heard and the way my own
mother treated me when I was little, that things could be worse. But under my
father’s unforgiving thumb was just not how I chose to live my life. I didn’t
want to have my father looking over my shoulder anymore and pointing out every
single one of my mistakes. I wanted to be able to enjoy what I had and take
pride in my own accomplishments, as small as they may have seemed to everyone
else but me.

I was also sick of Valerie outdoing me at
everything.

In a way, I longed for the flippant nature
that my birth mother showed. I didn’t necessarily need to have anyone’s
approval. I just wanted to do my own thing without having the constant stain of
someone’s disapproval following every move I made.

I figured living with my mother, which
would basically be like living by myself, I would have the freedom I sought and
it would give everyone a chance to cool down.

I was angry, yes, but there was a
deep-seated reason for that anger that had very little to do with the actual
people involved, but rather the situation.

Therefore, I decided that if I was able to
move away, I could lessen the burden of that anger, which would make me able to
enjoy the people who I knew, deep down, still truly cared for me.

I wasn’t even off of my father’s street
before I heard my cellphone ring. I answered the phone and put it on speaker,
but I knew who it was before I even said hello.

“Hi, Dalilah,” I yelled into the phone.

“Did you leave yet?” my girlfriend asked,
after a pause, “It sounds like you’re in the car.” Dalilah was a good girl, but
had wild hair. She was the one who had encouraged me to go to my mother’s
house, but I wouldn’t dare tell anyone that. My family already disliked her as
it was.

“Yeah,” I said. “I’m on my way.”

“Good!” she answered, sounding relieved.
“Do you need help unpacking?”

“No…I should be good,” I replied, now
starting to get nervous. My mother knew that I was coming, but after not seeing
her in almost a year, I wasn’t exactly sure what to expect.

Now that I had officially left, I was
beginning to think that I had made an impulsive decision.
What if she changes her mind?
I thought, feeling slightly panicked.
“Hey, listen, can I call you back?”