Bruno (4 page)

“What?” I’m so confused. “Why didn’t you tell me? I would have gone with you.” I’m mad and hurt he didn’t ask me. I really wanted to go with him. He never asked, so I thought he didn’t mind… I wish I would have had the guts to ask him myself.

“It’s not just that dance. It’s before we ever really became friends. When you’d date the guys you date, and go to dances with the guys you did. I liked you from afar. You were interesting. Here you are: captain of the cheer team, you win all these beauty pageants, you model sometimes, and you date all these popular guys. But you were nice. The nice kind of nice, the kind of nice that means you care about other people even when you don’t have to. And you’re smart. Seeing you with any guy, even before you knew who I was, broke my heart.”

I lean in towards him. “I had no idea, Bruno.”

“Well this is a dream come true for me. To be here with you on the one homecoming that counts. I don’t want him to ruin our night. You don’t deserve to be sad. You’re too pretty to be sad.”

I wasn’t ever sad when I was with him. Today wasn’t going to be the first day I was.

“I have an idea!” He says, pulling me up from the booth. We abandon our food and head to ‘our spot’. He turns on the headlights and blasts the same radio station we listened to on the way there. He bows at the waists and asks me to dance. Giggling, I greedily accept.

And that’s how we spent our homecoming night; dancing the night away, under the moon and stars, on a hill in the woods, with nothing but headlights and fireflies to light up the ground around us. It really was magical.

We only danced to slow songs. They are much more intimate than the “shake-your-butt” songs. I stayed in his arms for hours, moving slowly back and forth to the words of love coming from the car speakers. I felt his heartbeat, I felt his hands on my back, and sometimes, I felt his hands playing with my hair. I felt safe when he was holding me, because if someone tried to take him from me, even if that someone was death, I could squeeze him tighter and never let him go.

After what seemed like minutes, but was really hours, we made the responsible choice to get back into the car and head home. I know my brothers would be demanding to know where I was. I check my phone and have 15 new texts and two new voicemails. Melanie told me I won homecoming queen. Last year that was all I wanted, but now, all I wanted was Bruno.

My dad left the porch light on for me, just like he always does. Bruno walks me to my front door and tells me this was the best night of his life. I want to tell him it was mine, too, but I can’t find the words.

He squeezes me tight before I walk into the house. He doesn’t kiss me, but I don’t mind. There are tons of kisses from him in my future. I push my forehead up against the glass window and watch his car disappear in the darkness. I sigh heavily and take off my coat. A piece of paper drops from one of the pockets. I open it up and in red crayon, (probably borrowed from Alex), Bruno had written: “AMORE VINCI OMNIA.”  

FIVE

SQQQQQQQQQQQUEKKKKK

Ugh, I hate the sound old doors make. I’m glad my parents weren’t stingy with the WD-40. Nothing in my old Victorian house creaked anymore.

Bruno’s mother had called me, asking me to stop by after school. It’s been three weeks since the dance. I thought I’d see more of Bruno, and for a while I did, but for the past week he’s retreated. I know he’s been getting the necessary tests done, but that’s all I know.

I don’t remember Bruno’s house being this sterile. It’s like everyone was so busy trying to make someone they love not die, they forgot to live. The toys that used to be scattered on the floor are now sparse. One lone blanket sits in the corner by the window next to a toppled over book. Alex’s doing, I bet. Thanksgiving decorations have been placed on the coffee table. I have seen the same decorations last year, and the new ones were one’s Alex had made in school. I pick up the decoration closes to me. It’s of Alex’s hand in the shape of a turkey. I turn it over, and on the back he had scribbled, hardly legible, “I’m thankful for my big brother Bruno.” I set it back down.

I wrap my arms around me tighter, stretching my Aero hoodie. I feel bad for feeling like I’m in some unfamiliar, scary place and not Bruno’s home. I turn towards the kitchen just as I see Bruno’s mom, Anita, peak her head through the door. “Saige! Come in, come in.” She dries her hand on a washcloth, opening her arms. I smell Italian bread cooking and my mouth begins to water.

She seats me on one of their weathering table-chairs and hands me a glass of juice. Apple, my favorite. She settles down across from me, and my eyes focus on her face for the first time in a long time. It’s amazing how much a year of sadness can make you age. Or maybe it really isn’t facial features that age, but just the care-free out-look she once had has been replaced with the realization that everything isn’t always going to be rainbows and butterflies.

As she sirs the coffee that she has gotten for herself, she asks me how I have been.

I don’t tell her how I’ve really been. I don’t tell her much of anything. Instead, I just do what I always do, what everyone does, really; and say “I’ve been good.” Pretending at its finest - or worst.

Without missing a beat, she goes on to tell me in detail about her outdoor garden that they’ve always had, which three years ago started to expand. She tells me about Alex’s citizenship award for friendliest student in his first grade class. She tells me about the new recipe she’s trying to get perfect for the upcoming fall festival. She tells me all these wonderful things, but as I nod my head and listen to her go on and on, I know that there is something weighing heavily on her mind. Something she hasn’t yet mentioned.

After her speech about wanting to get a cat to help ward-off mice, she stops. She just outrights stops talking altogether. Inside, I panic, but before my body can make any movements to better the situation, tears start to fall from her eyes. Within moments she is sobbing into the kitchen table. My heart breaks for Bruno’s mom. I’ve never been good with crying, but I feel compelled to say something. I’m deciding between “don’t worry” and “it’ll be okay” when I hear her speak between gasps for air,

“He has cancer again.”

She raises her head and dabs her eyes with the same dishcloth she’s been squeezing throughout our conversation. She sniffles and recomposes herself. I sit in astonishment, trying to recollect my feelings. I replay back what happened last spring. We can’t go through that again. Bruno can’t go through that again.

As I’m leaving the Castino’s, I see Alex bounding up the driveway, dragging his backpack through the dirt. “Saige!” He calls, dropping his bag, running to me full force.

I smile because he’s so adorable, and because it’s harder to cry when your lips are curved upwards. “Alex! How was school?”

I carry him down the driveway to retrieve his backpack, knowing full-well that if I don’t pick it up, it will be entirely forgotten. He takes his bag from me and opens it, showing me his crinkled award his mother had been proudly telling me about. “I’m the most friendliest kid in my grade!”

“Way to go, A!” I high-five his extended hand.

I must be really good at pretending because Alex doesn’t seem to notice my eyes red from rubbing away tears minutes before. His smile is genuine and toothless, his curls bouncy with energy and so full of life. I vow right then and there to make sure he never loses his love for living, even when death is right around the corner.

“Good. Bruno likes that more than spaghetti and meatballs. About time, too, I’ve been waiting my whole life for him to love what I love!”

His innocence is the best thing about life. He grabs my hand, pulling me towards his open front-door. I gently pull my hand out of his, saying I had to get home to see my mommy. He is sad for a quick second, and then smiling, saying “Oh yeah! Sometimes I forget other people have their own mommies.”

He waves to me, yelling for me to come back and play trucks with him. I smile and promise to do so, knowing I’d keep my promise just to keep that smile on his face. I start my car, knowing that even though I said I was going back to my house, I had something more important to do first.

Bruno’s swinging his legs off the handmade bench someone had abandoned up on the hill years ago. As I approach him, I can see he has dirt all over the bottom of his pants, as if he had walked. I sit beside him and we don’t say a word.

The sun is setting. Funny, we’ve never seen the sunrise; we’ve only seen it set. We’ve seen the sun go to sleep but we were never there to see it awaken. We always count on it to wake up and go back into the sky, but we never really make sure it does. Maybe one day we’ll be disappointed when it never wakes up.

“I walked here because I wanted to make sure I notice all of the hill’s beauty.”

I don’t say anything.

He continues, “Sometimes when you’re driving you’re going too fast to notice just how beautiful the little things are.” He hands me a rose that is covered slightly in dirt. You can tell he picked it because it’s not as pretty as the ones you buy from the stores. “And I wanted to make sure I walked the hill before I was too weak to really do it.”

I stare down at the rivers. They make a pretty shape. I know they aren’t all connected, but from up here, they look like it. With anyone else, I would have said something positive, something along the lines of “Oh, hush, silly! You’ll never be too weak to walks up this little ole hill.” But I don’t say that. I just sit and stare.

“You know what the most beautiful thing is about you?” He asks.

I shake my head no.

“Remember that day you were late for cheer practice? And if you didn’t make it on time you couldn’t be eligible for captain? I was coming out of science lab and I saw you running down the stairs, trying not to be late. I saw what you did. There was a girl at her locker, crying, trying to find her key in her bag. She had spilt her bag on the floor, desperately searching for it, and sobbing uncontrollably. You could have kept going to cheer practice. You probably would have made it, too. Then you wouldn’t have had to do all the makeup work and skip those pageants to make captain. But you stopped anyway. You got on the floor next to her and helped to find her key. You opened her locker for her, you hugged her, whispered something to her, and then you left for practice. You didn’t have to do that. But you did it anyway, because you’re a beautiful person. That’s what makes you beautiful.”

I can’t believe he remembers that; it was so long ago. Any other guy would have said the thing that makes me beautiful is my baby blue eyes, or long blonde hair, or pretty smile, or maybe even my body. But he didn’t. And that’s what makes him beautiful.

“Because you’re the only girl I’ve ever been here with. You’re the only person I’ve ever experienced this special spot with. Every time we come here it’s magical and intimate. We always have a good time and make memories that will last forever. This spot is beautiful because it reminds me of you and how happy you make me.”

“Love is beautiful because the people who love each other are beautiful. Love is beautiful because love makes you do beautiful things; both for the person you love and other people. Love is beautiful because it’s the best feeling in the world and you feel beautiful when you feel love. You are beautiful to me because I love you, and I love you because you are a beautiful person, both inside and out.”

The tears are falling now. I don’t try to hide my face the way I do when I cry around anyone else. I just let the tears fall like ran. They silently splash on to my lap. Bruno is still looking down at the view, but suddenly, he turns to me.

He takes his hand and wipes my cheeks with his soft fingers. This is the first time he’s ever touched my face.

“Don’t be sad,” he says, “you’re too beautiful to be sad.”

I close my eyes to stop the tears. It works a little. He pulls me close to him and I sob into his soft wool jacket. He doesn’t tell me to stop crying anymore. He just lets me cry. I guess even beauty cries.

He doesn’t speak for a while, but when my sobs soften, he start’s talking again.

“I know you pretend, Saige. I can see it in your smile, in your eyes; I can feel it in your heart. You don’t have to be okay all the time, just so you can make other people happy. You deserve to be happy, too. “

My sobs start again, but this time because I know he’s right. And I am so tired of pretending.

“I’ve loved you for so long, Saige. And even though you’ve never told me you love me, I know you love me, too. That’s the best kind of love – when you just know someone loves you with all their heart, because you can feel their love surrounding you all the time. That’s why I whispered ‘Amore Vinci Omnia’ to you in the doctor’s office. I felt your love and I knew it was going to be okay. Just because I’m not here with you physically doesn’t mean your love didn’t make it all better. Heck, your love works even better than the greatest hospitals’ Band-Aids.”

He starts to play with my hair as my sobs soften again.

“I am so glad you came into my life when you did. Most people want a love story that starts before they even know what love is. But what good is that? Why do you want to start loving someone before you even know how great love can really feel? You were my angel, Saige. I knew you were an angel before you were mine, but now it’s even more amazing because you’re MY angel. I’m not scared to go now. I’ve experienced love and that’s what life’s all about, right? To love and be loved in returned? I wasn’t scared when I had to get treatments; I wasn’t scared when I lost those my curls that you love so much; I wasn’t scared when they said the cancer had come back – even worse than before. I wasn’t scared and I’m still not scared, because I have you. I don’t want you to be scared, either. I don’t want you to give up on believing in love. Everyone gets a fairytale in their life time. Some just aren’t the type of fairy-tales in Disney movies. But hey, this one is pretty good, right? I mean, I’m not Prince Charming, but hopefully I will do.”