Brunette Ambition (28 page)

As I mentioned, when I was doing
Spring Awakening
with Jonathan Groff, he introduced me to Ryan Murphy—who later professed to be writing a script called
Glee
with me in mind. Even though it supposedly had my name on it, I figured they would ultimately give it to someone like Vanessa Hudgens, who was in the midst of
High School Musical
fame. I just had locked into my head the idea that I wasn’t castable. A few Broadway stars had crossed over at that point, one of my favorites being Tony winner Sara Ramirez, who was on
Grey’s Anatomy
. I thought that I wouldn’t be a leading lady like her, but that maybe I could get some smaller roles. Maybe.

After
Spring Awakening
wrapped up, it seemed wise to step away for a little while. When you do something that big, that gets that much acclaim, you need to let the waters settle for a little bit. I was offered the role of Eponine in a
Les Misérables
production in Los Angeles at the Hollywood Bowl, and since I’d only ever been to L.A. once (to visit Jonathan, when I first met Ryan), I thought it might be a good opportunity for me to audition for some TV shows. After all, maybe once a year you find a Broadway show, like
The Book of Mormon
, that manages to get big outside of the theater community—and that year,
Spring Awakening
was it, so I thought I had enough credibility from the show to get some meetings with casting directors, and I wanted to capitalize on that. Really, all I wanted was to play a car crash victim on
Grey’s Anatomy
, mainly because it was my favorite show on TV.

While I was doing
Les Mis
at the Hollywood Bowl, I got the call that they wanted to see me for
Glee
. I remember reading the script for the first time and in that last scene, when the kids start singing “Don’t Stop Believin’,” I could hear the song in my head as I read, and I got chills. I just knew. I knew the show was going to be
huge
.

Even though I myself was having trouble believing that I would actually land the role, the minute I read the part of Rachel Berry, I knew nobody could play her better than me. It’s as if she had lived inside of me for my entire life. We’re not the same person, but I completely understood who she was and what she was all about. I could access everything about her.

When I went in for my first audition, I thought it went terribly: The piano player messed up, and so I asked him to stop midway through the song and go back. I had to do a scene where Rachel slaps Finn (it was cut from the pilot). The casting director played Finn opposite me and in the moment, I accidentally slapped him for real. Inside, I was freaking out that I was bombing in real time, but little did I know, I was Rachel Berry in those moments. Rachel Berry is the one who stopped the piano player and slapped the casting director. It was all so her. When you ask Ryan, or any of the others who were in the room that day, they will tell you that it was clear. In fact, I was the only girl they saw for the role, at both the production studio and at Fox, the network.

Before my second audition, which was for Fox, I got into the infamous car accident. That day, I sang “Not for the Life of Me” from
Thoroughly Modern Millie
and “On My Own” from
Les Misérables
. Ryan had told me that if he thought it wasn’t looking good for me in there, he would intervene and tell them that I was his first choice. After I got the part, he confessed that not only had he not intervened, but the network execs didn’t even know that he knew me. I got the role completely on my own. I was so proud to know that I earned it.

After my audition, the casting director sent me out to the waiting room. And then they called me back in to tell me that the role was mine, which is definitely unusual. They rarely call you back into the room to deliver the news in person. I was so happy I screamed.

When we shot the pilot, I met Cory Monteith, Kevin McHale, Amber Riley, and Chris Colfer for the first time. I had worked on Broadway with Jenna Ushkowitz and Matt Morrison before. Matt had been a friend of mine for years, and in fact we’d actually dated back in the day for a Broadway beat. But strangers or not, we were all babies and completely new to the big-time spotlight. Cory came from Canada and drove his Honda Civic all the way to Los Angeles. Chris Colfer was from Clovis, California, and had never worked professionally in his life. Kevin McHale and Amber Riley were two of the most talented people I had ever met but were also reasonably new to the television world. It was really only Jane Lynch who was known—she was the one getting the TV show its initial credibility.

Kristin Chenoweth and me accepting our platinum records for
Glee
.

Cory in one of the White House hallways—with a bunny, of course—when we sang for the president and his family on Easter.

Chris Colfer in the White House.

Ryan Murphy and me receiving our first
Glee
platinum record.

Cory in the White House.

We all clicked like we were brothers and sisters and were inseparable from the start. When we shot the pilot we knew that it was something special, but just because a show is something special doesn’t mean it’s necessarily going to get picked up and have a life on TV. I was living in New York at the time, so when shooting wrapped I headed home. Jenna was staying with me, and Chris came to visit New York for the first time. I got to show him Times Square and the
Wicked
theater. (Flash forward five years and we were in front of that same theater shooting
Glee
.) The three of us were hanging out at my house in New York when I got the e-mail from Ryan telling me that we got picked up for thirteen episodes. I printed that message out and still have it, because that’s the moment when my life completely changed. And it changed quickly: We shot the pilot in October 2008, and we started filming the first thirteen episodes in January 2009, in a total bubble. Nobody knew who we were or what
Glee
was, and so it was a very pure time for all of us. When the show finally aired in September 2009, everything changed overnight: The show was a sensation. We were nominated for awards (Chris won a Golden Globe; I was nominated for an Emmy and for a best-actress-in-a-comedy Golden Globe), we were on
Oprah
, we met the president, and we went around the world on live tours. There was merchandise, there were Christmas records, there was porn made in our honor. It was amazing. But it was hard, too.

Suddenly, we were becoming famous: Paparazzi became interested in my comings and goings, our pictures were in magazines, and people started to decide who I was. They decided, for one, that I was a diva—but not a diva in the way I had always wanted to be (a Broadway diva, the best thing ever!). The “high-maintenance diva” accusation was frustrating because I’m the farthest thing from that: I’m just a girl who knows who she is and what she wants, and I tend to speak my mind. What’s disappointing is that there are so many people in this business who are not nice and who are difficult to work with but pretend like they’re not. I guess at the end of the day I’d rather be misjudged than pretend to be someone I’m not and be publicly liked for being fake. That period definitely thickened my skin, as I learned quickly that I can’t control other people’s opinions. I really try to not let things like that get to me anymore. I thank my family and good friends for knowing who I really am and making that what matters most.

Thankfully, we’re all pretty grounded kids who come from great families, which was essential for getting us through that first onslaught of interest and press. Without that sort of support, it could have been scary. I also credit Ryan for seeing us through, because as much as we were part of a huge machine that was propelling us forward, he cared about us. Before our first Golden Globes, he took all of the girls shopping and helped us pick out our dresses. And then he bought them for us, so that we could keep them with us for the rest of our lives.

I get asked a lot about the best moments from the beginning. When I look back, a few snapshots really stand out: Looking at my mom in the audience while I was onstage with Oprah; sitting in the box at the Super Bowl with my dad after singing “God Bless America”; peeing at the White House and stealing toilet paper that had the White House seal on it; standing onstage singing “Empire State of Mind” in New York City during our second concert tour. There are so many other amazing moments, but those are the ones I most remember.

The cast of
Glee
is amazing, and I can’t say enough good things about them. While we don’t hang out as much in our downtime now as we did on day one, when we were inseparable, our connection now is deeper. They are my family. Amber will text me out of the blue just to tell me that she loves me—so will Kevin McHale. And Chris Colfer is one of the loves of my life—I see us in forty years in some Broadway revival, sipping martinis and reminiscing about the good old days. I’ve known Jenna since I was a kid (when we got to work together on
Spring Awakening
). And then there’s Cory, who played such a large role in the show and also in my personal life.