Brother's Blood (33 page)

Brother Helias looked thoughtful. ‘I don't think the situation is quite as you paint it.'

‘Why not?'

‘As you may be aware, Father Abbot goes to great pains to ensure that each of us serves God and the Order in the way best suited to us. He knows that you are intelligent and lettered. He knows that you would be of more worth to the abbey as a monk who could eventually become one of the obedientiaries, so he would surely admit you as a choir monk. There are many who would make good labourers, but few who would make good cellarers. Or, for that matter, good scholars.'

Edwin jerked his head up. ‘Scholars?'

‘Yes. Don't forget, once you are a monk you will be obliged to undertake the
lectio divina
. You will read every day, and deepen your faith and understanding.'

Edwin licked his lips. ‘Read? The books in the library here?'

Brother Helias inclined his head and watched Edwin for a moment. ‘But there is one more thing we must speak of. This woman you mentioned, whom you love.'

Misery returned. ‘She is in Lincoln, she is married to another, and I will never see her again.'

‘I know very little of these matters, my son, as I've been in the cloister all my adult life. But tell me, is it likely that you might ever love another?'

‘I – how can I know that? But in all honesty, I don't think so.'

‘So you will not pine for a different life? One with a wife and children?' He sighed. ‘I went through a period, many years ago, when I questioned my own life here and wondered how things would have been different had I married and had sons and daughters.'

‘How did you overcome it?'

‘I realised that I was in the right place. Had I been a married man with a wife and children, I would no doubt be yearning for the life of the cloister and of quiet contemplation. I prayed and I understood that we need to recognise that we will always dream that something else is better, when in fact it is not.'

‘So, you have been happy here?'

‘Yes.'

‘So your brother said – and I don't think he's very pleased about it.'

Brother Helias stifled a movement of surprise. ‘Ah. So, you know about that, do you?'

Edwin nodded. ‘I wasn't trying to pry, but I found out while I was looking into Brother Alexander's death. Sir Philip told me all about it because he thought I suspected him of being the killer.'

‘Philip would never kill a man in cold blood. In battle, yes, or maybe even if he struck someone during the heat of an argument, but he would never plan and carry out a murder like that.'

‘A true knight, then.'

Brother Helias sighed. ‘Yes, albeit one who prefers a knight's martial duties to his administrative ones. But that book is closed, and we shall speak of it no more. I am happy here, and I intend to stay in the Order, in whatever capacity God and Father Abbot see fit, until the day of my own death.'

‘Happy …' Edwin couldn't even start to comprehend what that might mean.

Brother Helias raised a finger. ‘But.'

‘But what?'

He had a thoughtful expression on his face. ‘The Lord grant that the words come out in the way that I intend them. But – when you are making your choices, you need to remember to be running
towards
something, not just away from something else.'

‘I … I don't think I understand what you mean.'

‘Do not choose to enter the Order only because you wish to get away from your position in the lord earl's household. The life here can be hard – the lack of sleep, the restricted diet, the obedience, the labour – and it is not to be undertaken lightly. Do not join us because you think you have nothing else. Join us only if you
want
to join. Ask yourself in your heart, do you
want
to live here, within these walls, for the rest of your life? Do you
want
to spend a large part of each day in prayer? Do you
want
to study and learn? Then, and only then, will you know where your path lies.'

Edwin stared ahead without speaking, and after a few moments Brother Helias stood and went quietly about his duties. Edwin watched him without seeing as he let all the thoughts in his mind crash against each other and fight their way through to the front. He closed his eyes, but that just made him feel as though he was falling from a high place. Better to stare straight ahead.

It was some while later when he stood. He brushed the front of his tunic down with his hands, ran his fingers through his hair to try and neaten it, and wiped his sleeve on his face. He took a deep breath. ‘Brother, do you think it would be possible to speak with the lord abbot? I have made a decision.'

Martin hummed to himself as he brushed the courser's coat until it shone. It was all over, they would be out of here by noon, and he could go back to where he belonged. His saddlebag was packed and lying in the corner, and he had already lugged over from the guesthouse the bag containing his mail hauberk. He hadn't needed it in the end, although perhaps he should try to persuade Edwin to wear one in future.

He looked over the horse's back to see Brother Guy approaching, so he waved and beckoned him over. He was still a little ashamed of his earlier behaviour, but he seemed to have been forgiven, and he had certainly appreciated the lay brother's presence during the scene the previous day.

Brother Guy picked up a second brush and looked enquiringly from Martin to Edwin's palfrey.

‘Please do, Brother. I'm just getting everything ready to leave. No doubt Edwin will be here soon.'

He watched as Brother Guy made swift, practised strokes and soothed the horse with calming sounds without actually speaking. Martin's own stokes grew slower and then stopped. ‘Brother, may I ask you a question?' He received a nod so he stepped round into the other stall. ‘How did you hit Brother … you know,
him
, so that he was knocked out straight away? He just went straight down after one punch and I've never seen that before.'

Brother Guy started to frown and shake his head so Martin rushed on. ‘I know, I know you're a brother now and you don't do that sort of thing, but it would be really useful for me to know, and it actually prevented more violence, didn't it?'

A conflicted expression crossed Brother Guy's face but eventually he nodded. He came to stand next to Martin, looked at the horse, pulled Martin out of the stall into the path through the stable where there was more space, then pointed to himself. He placed his left leg forward, right leg back, and then bounced a little to show he was loose. He indicated to Martin that he should do the same. The he started to bring his right arm back, low down, while twisting at the waist. Martin followed. Brother Guy gave him a considering look and then indicated that he was too tense. Martin tried to make his movements more free and Brother Guy nodded.

Next Brother Guy took up a position opposite Martin. He took Martin's arm and clenched fist, then squeezed to show that he should now tighten it. Martin braced himself, feeling the muscles in his arm harden. Then his fist was pulled round and placed on an exact spot on Brother Guy's face, on one side of the lower part of his jaw. Martin's eyes locked with the other man's even as his knuckles were pressed into his face.

‘I have to hit here? Exactly right here?'

Brother Guy nodded. He mimed his head snapping to one side away from the blow, and then rolled his eyes and made as if to fall backwards.

‘That will knock him out? If I make his head do that?'

Brother Guy nodded again. This time he took Martin's fist again and pulled his arm until it had gone past his head.

‘What … oh, you mean I need to make sure I follow through? I don't just stop once I've hit him?'

‘You also need to make sure you turn your hips a bit more.'

The voice had come from behind Martin and he turned in some embarrassment to see that Sir Philip had entered. The knight was carrying saddlebags which he dropped in another stall containing the bay Martin had seen previously, which now didn't have any sign of a bandage.

Sir Philip came towards them. Martin was acutely aware that he still had his fist in Brother Guy's face. ‘I'm setting off imminently. I didn't get the chance to talk to you last night but I heard what happened.' He looked from one to the other. ‘Heard about both of you.' He bowed deeply to Brother Guy. ‘My lord.'

Brother Guy shook his head with a sad smile and indicated his robes.

‘I know, I know. But what a man is now does not erase what he has been.' He looked up at Martin. ‘Or what he will be. You'll make a fine knight one day – just make sure you never stop learning. May I?' This last was addressed to Brother Guy, who inclined his head. ‘You're doing your arm exactly right, but don't stand there like a stone while you're bringing it round. If you twist your hips while you're doing it you'll be able to put more force behind it.'

Martin tried it and could immediately feel the difference. He stepped back so they could both see him, and then made the exact sequence of moves they had outlined between them.

‘Yes, good,' said Sir Philip, and Brother Guy nodded his approval once more.

The knight clapped them both on the back. ‘I might not know how to manage an estate, but I can still hit a man effectively. But now I must depart. Perhaps our paths will cross again.'

Martin watched him saddle the bay and lead it out of the stable before he turned to Brother Guy. ‘Do you think I'll make a good knight?'

The lay brother thought carefully for so long that Martin started to feel the first fingers of worry. Then Brother Guy nodded. He took Martin's right arm, held it up, and pointed to his sword. Martin understood. ‘I need to know how to use this.' Brother Guy indicated agreement, and then pointed to his head, tapping his temple with one finger. ‘And I also need to use my head. Well, I'm not quite so good at that, but I'll try. Sir Geoffrey is always saying that.' Brother Guy nodded once more but then held his finger up to show he hadn't finished. ‘Something else? What is it?'

Brother Guy pointed to his heart.

Martin bowed his head, and then knelt. ‘I will try, Brother, I really will. Please, will you bless me before I go?' He felt a hand on his head and looked up to see Brother Guy's lips moving silently in prayer. Then the hand was lifted and Brother Guy made the sign of the cross in the air over him before helping him to his feet. Then with one last pat on the shoulder he was gone, and Martin turned back to his horse.

He spent a long time at it – after all, he wanted them to look their best when they arrived back at Conisbrough in front of everyone – but eventually he found he had brushed, saddled and packed and there was still no sign of Edwin. Where in the Lord's name was he? Were they leaving or not?

Edwin stood with his hands behind his back so the abbot would not see him twisting his fingers. He felt obscurely as though he had been summoned to answer for some misdemeanour, although it was he who had asked for the meeting and he hadn't done anything wrong.

The abbot came as near to smiling as Edwin had ever seen. He was seated, his long fingers intertwined as he rested his hands on the table. ‘You wished to speak to me, my son?'

‘Yes, my lord.'

‘On the subject of your decision on joining the Order.'

‘Yes, my lord.'

‘You have considered carefully?'

‘Yes, my lord. And this morning I spoke at some length with Brother Helias, which helped me to get a number of things straight in my mind.'

‘Yes?'

‘He helped me to see, my lord, that a life here would mean many things. It would mean peace and seclusion, it would mean work and prayer, and it would mean studying and learning, so I could have a greater understanding of God and the world.'

The abbot nodded. ‘Very well put. Brother Helias sees things very clearly. And are these things attractive to you?'