Brooklyn & Beale (28 page)

With a reluctant nod, Chloe pulled her hand free and walked back down the hall, all the while fighting to ignore the way her palm tingled from his touch.

Rehearsal was torture. Any excitement he felt in revealing his performance with Jack Green was overshadowed by Chloe. He couldn’t take his eyes off her. When she’d walked into the recording room, it felt like all the air was siphoned from the space, yet it was the first time since she’d left Devon that he felt like he could breathe. He knew it then, what he’d tried to deny for so long.

He was in love with Chloe.

It shouldn’t have happened. He wasn’t a cheater. He loved Jess. He didn’t want to be the kind of guy who begged for second chances and made promises, only to break them, break her, all over again. A dark feeling began to spread through Reid as he watched Chloe sway to the music. The realization that he was exactly that guy became crystal clear when he admitted to himself—consequences be damned—he wanted Chloe in every way. He needed her. His face twisted with self-loathing as he thought about his time in Memphis, how he’d worried about losing both of them. He should lose them both. That would be poetic justice, because he didn’t deserve either of them.

By the time rehearsals ended, Reid felt as though he was going to be sick. As much as he wanted to talk to Chloe, he needed a little time to clear his head. His knee-jerk reactions and impulsive tendencies had landed him in more trouble than he cared to admit, and he couldn’t allow himself to screw up any more than he already had. Once home, he showered and ate dinner. He paced his living room as he tried to sort out what he needed to do next. When he spotted the bag he’d brought from the airport, his shoulders dropped and all of the fight drained out of him. With a heavy exhale, he grabbed his keys and the bag and headed for the door.

As he pulled onto Chloe’s street, he argued with himself about showing up unannounced. A few weeks ago, he wouldn’t have given it a second thought, but things were different now. He pulled to a stop by the mailbox and killed the ignition. The front porch light was on and her rental car was in the driveway. With a small, self-deprecating laugh, he grabbed the bag and climbed out of the car. He was only fooling himself if he really thought he was going to leave without seeing her.

On the porch, he rapped his knuckles on the door and took a small step back. Only seconds passed before the lock clicked and Chloe opened the door wide. “Come on in.” Reid’s brows dented as he took a hesitant step inside. Chloe must have noticed his confusion because she answered his question before he asked. “I saw you sitting in your car out front. I was beginning to wonder if you were going to actually get out of the car or not.”

Reid dropped his chin to his chest and his skin heated with embarrassment. “I was debating over whether or not you would strike me down with a lightsaber for showing up without calling.”

Chloe pursed her lips, but it didn’t disguise the small smile she fought to hide. “You’re lucky it’s still packed away or that might have been a real possibility. Especially after the crap that happened earlier today with you and Greer.”

Reid groaned and held the bag out for Chloe to take. “Can I give you this first? Believe me, you’ll have plenty of opportunities to be mad at me soon enough.”

“What is this?” Chloe asked, her eyes narrowed with skepticism as she pulled the bag from his hand.

“It’s a housewarming gift.”

Chloe’s expression softened as she tilted her head toward the living room. “Come sit down, Padawan.”

Reid grinned and shoved his hands in his pockets as he followed Chloe to the sofa. “This is a really cool place,” he commented as he sat next to her.

“It’s the biggest place I’ve lived in since I moved from my childhood home. Josie renting this place to me was some kind of miracle. She could have gotten three times as much if she’d wanted.”

“But you can’t put a price on peace of mind. Imagine her renting to some stranger who ended up trashing the place. At least this way, she knows it will be taken care of.”

“That’s exactly what she said.”

Reid bumped her shoulder and dropped his eyes to the bag. “Go on. Open it.”

With an exaggerated sigh, Chloe opened the bag. The sound of her laughter immediately filled the room. “Oh my God. What on earth is this?”

“It’s Yoda,” Reid exclaimed, his expression filled with mock horror.

Chloe rolled her eyes. “I know that. But what does it do? It’s heavy. It has to do something.”

Reid pulled the ceramic Yoda figure from her hands and tsked. “Of course it does something,” he said, pulling off the top of Yoda’s head. “It hides your stash.”

Chloe leaned over to peek inside the jar and started laughing all over again. “Oh, this is perfect,” she giggled, pulling the jar out of his hands. Reaching inside, she grabbed a pink Starburst and tossed the wrapper on the table.

“I started to fill it with cookies, but I figured this would be more appropriate.”

“It’s completely appropriate. Where did you get this?”

Reid relaxed back on the couch. “I saw it at the airport. You wouldn’t believe all of the
Star Wars
merchandise I’ve seen lately. It’s obnoxious.”

Chloe lifted her brow. “And by obnoxious, you mean the most amazing thing ever, right?”

Reid nodded solemnly. “Of course.”

“Smart man. And thank you. I really do love it.”

“You’re welcome,” Reid answered, his voice taking on a quieter, more serious tone.

Chloe set the cookie jar on the table and mimicked his position. With her fingers laced, she schooled her features as she waited for him to broach the real reason he stopped by.

“I did something really stupid,” he began, his eyes downcast. “And I’m not telling you this for sympathy.” A choked laugh stuck in his throat as he wiped his sweaty palms on his jeans. “As a matter of fact, sympathy is probably the last thing you’ll feel.” With a deep breath, he met Chloe’s gaze. “I’m telling you this because you deserve to hear it from me and not one of the guys.”

“Okay,” she whispered, fidgeting with the ends of her hair.

With a long exhale, Reid told Chloe about being given the cocaine, finding it in his bag, and what happened the following day. The entire time she remained quiet. If it wasn’t for the slight shimmer in her eyes or the deep creases outlining her frown, he wouldn’t have guessed she cared at all. Once he finished, he waited for her to respond. To say something, anything, but as the silence wore on, the more anxious he became until he couldn’t take it anymore.

“Say something,” he pleaded.

Chloe clasped her hands. “Why did you do it?” she asked simply, her voice cracking.

As much as Reid wanted to hear her voice, he was unprepared to answer the one question he’d managed to shove below all the other crap swimming around inside his head. But this was Chloe, and he’d bared himself to her in ways he hadn’t anyone else.

“Because I realized that everything I’d tried so hard to deny was true. Because I wanted to forget just how much I hated myself for one minute. So I took the easy way out. I chose to escape.” Reid pushed off the couch and walked across the room, needing a little space.

“What did you realize?” Chloe asked, rising from the couch and making her way to Reid.

“That I’m going to break promises. I know you don’t understand what that means right now, but you will.” Reid dropped his chin and sighed. “I’m so sorry that I hurt you. There was this moment when you left that I couldn’t stop myself from wondering if I’d see you again. If you hated me.”

Chloe choked out a laugh and rolled her eyes. “I don’t hate you. Things would be a lot simpler if I did,” she mumbled, the words so distorted Reid couldn’t be certain if he’d heard her correctly. Before he could ask her to repeat herself, she spoke again.

“You did something really stupid, but we’ve had this conversation. People make mistakes. It’s all part of life. Am I mad that you did what you did? Of course I am. You’re so damn lucky your picture isn’t plastered on the cover of every gossip magazine from here to China. What it all comes down to is that you have to be stronger. You can’t let things like what happened between us trigger a relapse. Guilt is a powerful thing, and if you let it, it will eat you alive.”

Reid lowered his gaze. “I know,” he whispered, embarrassment making his skin prickle.

Chloe sighed and grabbed Reid’s arm. “Come sit. Do you want anything to drink?”

Reid shook his head and followed her to the couch. “I’m good.”

“So Tom, Greer, and I’m assuming, Drew know what happened?”

“Yeah.”

Chloe cleared her throat and looked at her hands. It was obvious whatever she planned to say made her uncomfortable. “How did Jess take it?”

Reid pushed the hair off his forehead and frowned. “I didn’t tell her.”

Chloe’s mouth fell open. “Reid . . .”

“I know,” he cut in. “Add it to the list of all the ways I’m a terrible fucking boyfriend.”

“I didn’t—”

“You didn’t have to.”

Chloe pressed her lips into a thin line. “Well, thanks for letting me know. Now you don’t have to worry about Greer using it against you when you two are having another pissing contest.”

Reid grabbed Chloe’s hand to stop her from standing. “No, Chloe. That’s not why I told you. I don’t give a shit about what Greer says.”

“Then why did you tell me?” she shot back, her eyes dark.

Reid opened and closed his mouth several times before his shoulders sagged in defeat. Leaning forward, he rested his elbows on his knees and sighed. “Honestly? I never once considered keeping it from you, and not because of Greer or Drew or anyone else. I don’t know . . . It just wouldn’t have felt right to keep something like that from you, Chloe.”

Chloe pulled her hands free and stood. She threaded her fingers through her hair and squeezed her eyes shut. “This is so messed up.”

“I’m sorry.”

Chloe dropped her arms and shrugged. “For what? You told me what happened. The question is, why didn’t you tell Jess?”

Reid dropped his head in his hands and pulled in a deep breath, his exhale laced with a humorless chuckle. Slapping his hands on his knees, he pushed off the couch. “I don’t think either of us is prepared for that conversation.”

Chloe stared at him in challenge before nodding in acquiescence. “Okay.”

Reid walked with hesitant steps to where Chloe stood. “Another time?”

“Sure.” Chloe’s tone was clipped, annoyed.

“Please don’t be mad.”

“I’m not mad. I’m just having a hard time understanding what’s going on with you.”

“Fair enough,” Reid answered with a nod. “I promise you’ll understand soon.”

“Okay.” Chloe turned for the front door and grabbed the handle. “Thank you for the housewarming gift and for telling me what happened.”

Reid swallowed and walked to the front door. Chloe’s dismissal was crystal clear. “You’re welcome.” Stepping onto the front porch, he twisted to the side. “I’ll see you in the morning?”

Chloe leaned against the doorframe and sighed. “Yeah. I’ll see you then. Good night, Reid.”

With a sad smile, Reid pulled his keys from his pocket. “Good night, Chloe.”

“Chloe, you need to come in a beat sooner,” Reid instructed.

Chloe ground her teeth together. It was the fifth time she’d messed up the intro. She was beyond annoyed. Reid eyed her before turning to the others and signaling to start over. Chloe adjusted her violin and pulled in a deep breath. Drew banged his drumsticks as he counted to four then began to play. One measure passed then Greer joined. Reid jumped in on the next. All she had to do was count to four. She closed her eyes and, just like the time before, she missed her intro.

“Damn it!” she hissed, dropping her violin from her shoulder. “I’m sorry, you guys. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

Reid pushed the hair from his face and waved to the sound guy to take a break. Pulling his guitar strap from his shoulder, he walked over to Chloe. “Are you okay?”

“Clearly, I’m not,” she snapped before dropping her chin to her chest. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m just having an off day.”

“Why don’t we take a break? The lighting guys want to walk through some things for my song with Jack. Go back to the lounge or the dressing room I’m using and take a breather.”

“I’m sorry,” Chloe said again, feeling terrible for screwing up rehearsals.

Reid gave her a half smile, his eyes filled with concern. “Are you sick? Do we need to have a doctor look at you?”

Chloe sniffled, suddenly overcome with emotions. “No. I just need a minute to get my head right. I’ll be back in a few.” Without waiting for Reid to say anything, she scurried off the stage, nearly barreling into Josie.

“Whoa!” Josie yelped, twisting out of the way. “Where’s the fire?”

“Shit,” Chloe gasped, her hand flying to her heart. “I didn’t see you!” Her surprise melted into confusion when she realized who was standing before her. “Josie? What are you doing here?”

“The movie I’m working on is filming a scene at the Inglewood Cemetery right down the road. We broke for lunch, so I thought I’d pop over and say hi.”

Chloe pressed her palm to her forehead and gave Josie a shaky smile. “Hi.”

Josie looped her arm with Chloe’s. “So you wanna tell me what all that was about?”

“God,” Chloe groaned, pinching her eyes shut at the thought of Josie seeing her repeated screw-ups. “Let’s go back to Reid’s dressing room and see if there’s any alcohol.”

Josie agreed and followed Chloe down the hall. Once inside, Chloe grabbed two sodas from the minifridge, frowning at the lack of booze. Passing one to Josie, she fell onto the sofa and threw her arm over her face. “I have no idea what my problem is.”

Josie laughed and sat beside her. “My guess is that it’s about six feet tall with brown hair, wicked tattoos, and a face that any mother would love. Daughters, aunts, and nieces, too,” Josie mumbled as she took a sip of her drink. Chloe lifted her arm on one side, her narrowed eye burning a hole into Josie.

“Don’t one-eyed pirate bitchface me, Chloe! You know I’m right.” Josie tugged on Chloe’s arm until it fell by her side. “I’ve watched far too many YouTube videos of you two then I care to admit, and I can tell you this—what I saw just now? It’s a wreck. Whatever is going on with you is totally screwing with your onstage chemistry. And not with just Reid. The entire band is like this bumbling, awkward mishmash of strangers. I’m assuming since you’re the one missing your cue that whatever has thrown everyone into a funk has to do with you. Now, I only have about forty-five minutes before I need to get back on set. Don’t make this difficult. Spill it now, or I’ll give Maddie the rest of the day off and send her your way.”

Chloe groaned and turned to face Josie. “You want to know what’s going on? I’ll tell you. I have spent this entire break mentally distancing myself from Reid. I have repeated in my head over and over again that my feelings for him are superficial, that I feel the way I do because of the amount of time we spent together over the last six months. But you know what? The moment I heard his voice, it set off a million butterflies in my stomach. When he touched me, I felt hot all over and
still
I lied to myself. Then he showed up at your house,
my house
, with a housewarming present, and I felt like such a freaking girl because I was so happy to see him. Do you know that I peeked out the window nearly twenty times before he finally showed up? You know why? Because I knew he would come. I knew the moment I gave Tom the address in front of him that he would show up. And I shouldn’t have wanted that, but I did. I wanted it and I hated myself for it. Then he tells me something that I can’t repeat and I felt so close to him, until I found out he didn’t tell his girlfriend. That might make most people feel better, but it only solidified that the feelings I have for him are one-sided. He didn’t tell his girlfriend because he didn’t want to hurt her and because he didn’t want to disappoint her. His good pal Chloe, though, the one he kissed after one too many drinks, well, he had no problem telling her. Nope. Because she doesn’t matter that way. Jesus, I’m a fucking idiot.”

Chloe scrubbed her hands over her face before giving Josie a blank stare. “I think that about sums it up.”

“Holy shit,” Josie exhaled, looking from her can of soda to Chloe. “No wonder you wanted alcohol. That’s was one hell of an unload.”

“I know,” Chloe sighed. “I needed to get it off my chest. I’m the reason we’re not gelling on stage and I’ve got to fix it. I’ve never played on a scale like this. I’m performing with Reid Ryder at the MTV Video Music Awards, for Christ’s sake! This will be the biggest performance of my career. I can’t screw up. This is my chance to really be noticed. I can’t screw this up,” Chloe repeated, her voice breaking. “I’ve wanted this for so long; now it’s finally here and I’m acting like a damn teenager over a guy.”

“Then don’t,” Josie said simply. “When things were a mess with me and Anders and I wanted to act like a girl and just cry, Maddie called me out. I’ll tell you what she told me. You have to put yourself first. You have to go out there and show the world what you’re made of. The stage chemistry between you and Reid is something special. I’ve never seen anything like it and you have to remember where I work. I’ve seen actors show chemistry so strong you would swear they were soul mates, but once that camera stops rolling and the director yells cut, those same actors part ways and go home to their significant others. Chloe, you are a performer, so that’s what you need to do. You go on stage and you let all of the other shit fall away, and you give in to whatever it is you feel and ride that wave until the curtain falls. And then you go home and you let it go.”

Chloe sniffled and wiped away the tears sticking to her lashes. “But it isn’t fake. Not for me. That’s what’s so hard.”

Josie leaned forward and covered Chloe’s hands with hers. When Chloe didn’t meet her gaze, Josie squeezed gently. “I don’t think it is for him either. I listened to what you said, but I’m not sure you did.”

“I don’t understand,” Chloe hiccupped. “I feel like I’m losing my mind.”

Josie looked to her side when her phone vibrated. She and Chloe laughed when the name Asshole flashed across the screen. “I understand more than you know,” Josie said with a smirk. “But being with Anders has made it easier for me to see things that others normally wouldn’t. And I’ll tell you this,” Josie grunted, pulling Chloe with her as she stood. “This thing with Reid isn’t nearly as simple as you think it is.”

“I don’t think it’s simple at all,” Chloe argued. “Look at me. I’m a freaking mess.”

Josie smiled and hugged Chloe. Pressing a soft kiss against her cheek, Josie whispered, “You may be a mess, but you’re not the only one.” Taking a step back, Josie grinned. “I just moved in with Anders ‘Issues’ Ellis. Trust me when I say, things are not always as they seem. But don’t worry about that right now. Everything will work out like it should. If nothing else, being with Anders has taught me that.”

“You guys are really going to make it, aren’t you?” Chloe asked with a smile, her eyes glassy.

Josie grinned and lifted her phone when it began to ring again. “You’re damn right, we are. Now go, I’ll call you soon.”

Chloe waved and took in a deep breath. Josie was right. She couldn’t let the mess going on in her head affect the one thing she’d worked so hard for. With her shoulders thrown back and her eyes clear of the turmoil she’d felt less than an hour ago, Chloe made her way to the stage. It was game time.

The lights danced over the stage and the crowd screamed as the platform lifted Reid to the main stage beside Jack. The pair smiled as the deep bass of Jack’s guitar met the high peal of Reid’s. While Jack riled up the crowd, Reid’s eyes drifted to where Drew, Greer, and Chloe stood hidden from the audience’s view just off the side of the stage. Reid had done this a million times, but it somehow felt like more. He wasn’t sure if it was because of the guy standing next to him, or because things were slowly returning to normal with Chloe. Whatever happened when she disappeared into his dressing room a few days ago seemed to have done the trick. She played with more poise and passion than he’d ever witnessed. Her energy was like a battery that charged everyone around her.

Reid’s attention was brought back into the present when beams of colors raced across the fog-covered stage. As Jack began to sing the first verse, a feeling of nostalgia washed over Reid. Growing up, Jack Green’s song “Turbulence” had been one of his all-time favorites. Hearing the lyrics now, however, had a different effect than they used to. When he joined Jack on the chorus and they sang about being caught in the turbulence of their lives, love, lies, and denials, Reid couldn’t stop his gaze from sliding to where Chloe stood. She beamed when she caught him looking. He grinned back, embarrassed to be caught, but loving the way his stomach twisted into knots at the sight of her smile. For the remainder of the song, he could barely keep his eyes off her. When the lights dropped and the audience cheered, he all but ran off the stage.

“Holy shit,” Chloe gasped, her eyes wide. “That was amazing!”

He smiled and pulled his guitar over his head, handing it to one of the stage crew. “Yeah?” he asked, breathless and charged with energy.

Chloe slapped his shoulder and laughed. “I thought you were above fishing for compliments.”

Reid hunched his shoulders and ducked his chin. “Busted.”

“Do you need anything? We need to get to our places soon. We go on in twenty minutes.”

“Are you trying to squeeze me out of a job, Chloe?” Tom asked with a chuckle as he stepped beside Reid and clapped him on the shoulder.

Chloe grinned and hooked her thumb toward Greer and Drew while giving Reid a pointed stare. “And be responsible for keeping these three in line? Working as Jabba the Hutt’s personal trainer would be less taxing. Your job, sir, is all yours.”

Drew and Greer joined the circle, Drew laughing with Reid and Tom when he noticed Greer’s outraged expression.

“You know, since Chloe forced us to watch all those movies, I know who that is. She just downgraded us below a giant fucking slug. Why am I the only one who doesn’t find this funny?” Greer’s comment only made them laugh harder. In that moment, Reid felt his anger toward Greer fade. Reaching out, he threw his arm over Greer’s shoulders and started walking them toward their places.

“Look at it this way, it could have been worse. She could have compared us
to
Jabba the Hutt. That, my friend, would have been so much worse.”

Greer jabbed Reid with his elbow and grinned. “Jabba had a half-naked princess for a slave. I still say we got the raw end of the deal.”

Reid conceded. “Touché.”

“Hey, Reid,” Tom called, moving to his side. “Can you hang on a sec? I wanted to talk to you about something.”

“Yeah, sure,” he said, his brows pulling together when he caught a knowing look pass between Drew and Greer. All at once, his good mood vanished and anxiety settled in. “What’s up?”

Tom looked around to make sure no one was listening before speaking. “You might have a bit of a problem on your hands.”

Reid’s stomach dropped. “What happened? Did something come out about Devon?”

“No. It’s nothing like that. It’s just . . .” Tom’s hesitation kept Reid on edge.