Bronwyn Scott's Sexy Regency Bundle (159 page)

166

Notorious Rake, Innocent Lady

He shouldn't have done it, Paine thought ruefully. He lay on his back, one hand thrown over his eyes against the sun, on the blanket next to a dozing Julia. He told himself she'd been a willing participant in what had transpired on the blanket. But the argument was a weak one, only a technical justification at best. She was an innocent, untouched by any but him. He was experienced in the art of pleasure and arousal. He'd known he could easily coax her submission. He'd used her own body against her. In truth, she'd hardly had a choice.

It wasn't that the coupling hadn't been enjoyable for her. It was just that he had done it for the wrong reasons.

He'd wanted her from the moment he'd seen her in the breakfast room and so he'd taken her with no regard for the uncertainties surrounding them.

Her requirements of him had been met. She was thoroughly ruined in both reality and circumstance. No well-bred young lady put herself in the hands of Paine for a night, let alone
an
entire week spent in his company, a week that had her visiting gaming hells and

a mad dash across country unescorted. They had not spoken of continuing their sexual relationship beyond the confines of the agreement. There were many things they'd not

about and should have. Their

association was quickly spiralling far beyond the parameters of their original intent.

Certainly, acting as her self-appointed protector hadn't been part of the deal or even discussed. Yet, the role had been implicitly affirmed. That was at the core

Scott

of what bothered him. He had brought her here to Dursley Park for her own safety because it was the right thing to do.

He didn't want Julia thinking that she had to pay for his favours, that his protection was bought only with the currency of sex or that she would suddenly find herself set adrift if she failed to comply with his wishes.

His pride couldn't bear such a notion. More importantly, his honour would not tolerate it. For a man believed by many to have very little honour, the thought was humbling.

Yet, he had perpetrated the act with utter carelessness, all in the name of selfish need. He'd even gone so far as to couch it in terms of 'education'. Julia had seen right through that ruse, just as he'd immediately seen her reasons for refusing to accept it under the guise of such educational experience. She was not mentally or emotionally equipped to transmute their congress into simple terms of physical gratification and leave it at that. He was partly at fault. He'd not given her the tools to adjust her way of thinking. Instead, he'd prattled on about the Hindus seeing sex as a sacred expression of religion. Now, he was facing the consequences. Julia wanted him as more than a tutor in the sexual arts.

Worse, he could not, should not, allow her to believe more was possible and yet he craved her.

He wanted her with a desire so intense he'd been willing to put all other considerations aside, pride and honour be damned, just to caress her body, to be inside her again, to feel the hot pulsing rush of his seed and

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Notorious Rake, Innocent Lady

know that the shuddering release of his climax would bring the exquisite peace he'd mysteriously found with her.

No matter how short lived that peace was.

He would need her again.

Already his coveted peace was slipping away. He'd expected it would. The eastern scholars he in India

had taught that only true peace came from within. No one could give peace to another, at least not permanently. One had to find permanent peace from within oneself. They'd also taught him the key to such peace started with forgiveness of oneself. Paine often doubted he'd ever be able to do that. Julia's purity was a stark reminder of how far he'd fallen.

He thought of the story he'd fabricated to explain Julia's association with him-that her love had reformed him. It made a nice fantasy to ponder, starting with the bit about her falling in love with him. gently bred girl like Julia would come to rue the day she fell in love with a man like him. She'd been very clear the night she'd come to him about why she was there. He was the most immoral man she could think of, who would do what she asked, all because he lived by a different code she could not completely understand.

Still, she'd put her trust in him. She'd followed him to the country and she'd fought beside him on the road.

She never doubted his ability to protect her and when she turned those green eyes on him, they were not full of calculation, proving she no longer thought of him as only a man to stand to stud. The thought gave him some