Broken World (23 page)

A thrill goes through me. Bad choice of
words on his part. It makes me think of last night. His mouth on mine, his
hands on my body. I try not to focus on it, but we’re alone and it seems to be
all I can think about. He moves closer and his arm brushes against mine. I
shiver, but he doesn’t react.

“Try this.” He holds out a compound bow
and our hands brush when I take it. His touch is like fire. “How’s it? Not too
hard?”

I shake my head while I do my best not
to focus on the desire coursing through me.

Axl hands me an arrow. “Go ahead and try
to shoot it, let me see what you can do.”

I’ve never shot a bow, but I’ve seen it
done, so I try to mimic what I’ve seen other people do. It’s awkward. I have to
be doing something wrong. I wait for Axl to correct me, but he doesn’t. He
stands silently off to the side and watches.

When I release the arrow, it goes about
a foot and a half and way off to the right before falling to the ground. I look
at Axl with my eyebrow raised, waiting for him to step in and instruct or
something.

He walks forward. “You gotta follow
through.”

“I have no idea what that means.”

He picks up the poorly-shot arrow and
gives it back to me. “Try again.”

I sigh and put the arrow on the bow,
then pull the string back as far as I can.

“No, stand like this.”

He grabs my hips and moves me a little,
then pushes my left leg back a tad. Then steps back to study me. He purses his
lips and his eyes go up and down my body. He’s not checking me out, but it
still makes the hair on my scalp tingle. I can’t help picturing his muscled
chest while I remember how it felt to have his hot mouth on mine. My cheeks
warm. They have to be bright red.

“Good.” He nods. “Now stand up
straighter.”

He puts his left hand in the middle of
my back and the other on my shoulder, shifting my body until I’m standing
straight. When that’s done, he moves up next to me. His chest presses against
my back. My heart races when he reaches around me to show me the right way to
hold the bow. His warm breath tickles my neck. It’s distracting, but I try to
focus on what he’s showing me. I don’t want to make a fool of myself.

“Relax,” he says. “Pull the back string
till the feathers are touchin’ your cheek. Focus. Let out a deep breath, look
down the shaft and make sure the arrow’s lined up with the target.”

I let out a nervous giggle when he says
shaft
.

“Focus,” he says firmly.

I exhale and push all thoughts of Axl
and his body out of my mind. My eyes focus on the target, and when I think I’m
good, I release the arrow. It flies through the air and sticks in the target.
Not in the center, but not too far off either.

“Good.” Axl steps back.

A triumphant smile spreads across my
face. Axl grabs another arrow and hands it to me, nodding in approval. He even
has a little smile on his lips. It’s small, but it’s there. He’s so serious
when he’s teaching.

I repeat the process, getting the arrow
ready and pulling back on the string. Trying to relax. Axl steps forward and
once again presses his body against mine, adjusting my stance. A bulge presses
against my hip that wasn’t there the first time. A thrill shoots through me. It
doesn’t take a genius to know what it is.

“You enjoying yourself?” I ask. I can’t
help myself.

“Why?”

I lower the bow and turn to face him,
moving my gaze to his crotch.

He shrugs, totally unembarrassed. “You
know I got no control over these things, right? What’d you expect? I’m all
pressed up against you. It ain’t like I’ve gotten laid recently or anything.”

I laugh. “You have a hand, don’t you?”

His lips twitch. “It ain’t the same.”

“Fine,” I say. “Whatever.”

I turn around and resume my stance,
raising the bow and pulling the string back. Axl presses up against me again.
The bulge is even bigger than before. I try hard to ignore it, but I can’t.
Suddenly it’s all I can think about. Him throwing me on the ground and screwing
me right here in the middle of the shooting range. My pulse quickens and I bite
my lip, trying to focus on the target. But it’s impossible. All I can think
about is the hardness pressed against my hip.

When I release the arrow it flies
through the air, misses the target completely, and bounces off the back wall.

“What the hell was that?” Axl steps away
from me.

I turn and smile at him, my face warm
and my body hot. “I couldn’t concentrate.” I look at his crotch again.

His expression hardens. “Shit, are you
kiddin’ me? You’re gonna let something as insignificant as my dick distract
you? What’re you gonna do when you got some dead guy chargin’ you? You gonna
freeze up?”

I didn’t expect his anger. For a second
I can’t speak, but then annoyance builds up inside me. I glare at him. “What’s
your problem?”

His jaw tightens. “You gotta get your
act together, lady! You got that little girl dependin’ on you now. You can’t
mess around with this bullshit or you’ll be dead and she’ll be screwed!”

His words sting because they’re true and
he’s right and it hurts that he’s yelling at me. “Screw you, Axl!” I say,
slamming the bow into his chest. I turn and storm out of the room. My entire
body shakes. I nearly bump into Angus when I step out of the shooting range.

“What’s all the hollerin’ ‘bout?”

“Your brother’s an ass!”

He chuckles and puffs his chest out. He
actually looks proud. “Taught him everythin’ he knows.”

I glare at him and head back to Emily.
My face is on fire and I’m sure everyone who sees me will know immediately what
happened. That Axl rejected me and I failed Emily. Again. It pisses me off that
Axl can be so focused. What’s wrong with me? Am I really this weak?

Not anymore. From here on out I will be
the person I’m supposed to be. That I’ve always been. Strong and resilient. A
survivor.

25

“EVERYTHING
OKAY?” Arthur asks when he sees me.

I press my lips together as I lower
myself to the floor next to Emily. Her forehead is still cool when I touch it,
and a shiver runs down my spine. She doesn’t have a fever. That should be a
good thing, right?

I caress her cheek and her eyes open.
She smiles.

I smile back and whisper, “How you
feeling, Sweetheart?”

“I’m hungry.”

My smile spreads, becomes more genuine.
When I exhale some of the tension rolls off me. She hasn’t eaten a thing since
she was bitten. This is progress. “I’ll get you some food. You want to sit up?”
She nods, and my smile widens until my cheeks ache.

Ava’s face lights up when she sees that
Emily is awake. “Emily! You want to play?”

Emily climbs out of bed, and the girls
run over to a tent that’s set up for display. They duck inside. Giggles and
whispers float through the thin walls. My body relaxes even more. I had no idea
how tense I was until now.

“Sounds like she’s doing better,”
Jessica says as I dig through the boxes.

I pull out a loaf of bread and a jar of
peanut butter. “I know. I was starting to get really worried. She must have
been in shock.”

“Can any of us blame her?”

“Not really.”

Giggles break through the room and the
mood lightens drastically. Everyone seems to let out a collective sigh of
relief. Conversations get louder, people move around more. We were all worried.

I make Emily a sandwich, then take it
and a juice box to her. I slip my head through the door of the tent and smile
at the two girls. “You need to eat, Emily, and then you can play. Okay?”

She nods and takes the food from me. I
watch her for a second longer before heading back to the group.

“What a wonderful sound that is!” Arthur
says with a smile.

I squeeze his hand, way too overwhelmed
to say anything. Axl comes out of the shooting range and my eye catches his.
His face is still hard, but the corner of his mouth turns up. He really does
love that kid.

I plop down next to Jessica where I have
a good view of the tent and let out a deep breath. “I never thought something
as small as a laugh could make you feel so good.”

She looks toward the tent and smiles,
but it looks almost painful. “I was a teacher. There were bad days, but those
good days made it worthwhile.”

“What grade did you teach?”

“First. It was my first year, but I
loved it. I could have done it for the rest of my life.” She sighs and shakes
her head.

“Well, it looks like you’ll have two
students,” Sophia says.

Jessica’s eyes light up. “I hadn’t even
thought of that. That’s something at least.”

She’s quiet for a second, then her mouth
turns down and her eyes fill with tears. “I can’t believe everything that was
here just a month ago is gone. It still feels like a dream.” She plays with a
ring on her left hand. A large diamond sparkles back at me.

“Oh Jessica, I’m so sorry.”

She stares at the ring like she doesn’t
know what to do with it. “He proposed on the fourth of July. We were going to
get married next summer. I’d just bought my dress…” Tears stream down her
cheeks. She wipes them away with the back of her hand. “I can’t believe I’ll
never see him again.”

I bite my lip and search desperately for
something to say. I can’t think of anything. All these people have lost so
much, and I just can’t relate. I guess there’s something to be said for not
having any friends or family. The world ended and it barely affected me. In
fact, I have more now with this group than I’ve ever had in my entire life.

“We all know how you feel,” Sophia says.

I nod, because I don’t want them to know
it isn’t true. There’s something pathetic about admitting you’ve always been
alone.

Emily giggles and it pierces my heart.
I’m not alone anymore. I have Emily. And Axl…

I search the room until I find Axl. He’s
by the gun counter, putting ammo into a cardboard box, and the second my eyes
land on him my heart pounds faster. Like it’s trying to jump out of my chest so
it can be near him.

“I’ll be right back,” I say as I get to
my feet. I walk over to him, and my heart thumps faster with each step.

Axl purses his lips. “Sorry for bein’ an
ass.”

An apology isn’t what I expected, and it
takes me a second to find my voice. I touch his arm. The contact takes my
breath away. “No, you were right. I’m just not used to having someone else to
look out for and I need to be reminded. I’ve always been on my own, so this is
new for me.”

He his eyes flit down to my hand. “Was
still an ass.”

“Yes, you were, but I’m used to it.”

His face relaxes and the corner of his mouth
turns up. “She’s a good kid.”

“She’s amazing.”

His eyes search mine, and that thing
inside me stirs. He glances toward my mouth more than once and I bite my lip.
The desire to kiss him is so overwhelming I have to hold myself back. We can’t
do that. Not in front of everyone. We need to talk about what’s going on
between us.

Mitchell appears out of nowhere and the
intimacy of the moment melts away. Axl tenses and my stomach jolts. I’d love to
kick that asshole in the balls.

“Looks like you were right about the
girl,” Mitchell says.

Axl’s eyes harden. “Knew I was.”

Mitchell holds his gaze. He tilts his
head to the side and bites his lower lip. “What exactly did you do before the
virus hit? You seem to have a very eclectic knowledge base.”

Axl’s jaw tightens. He shakes his head
and turns away from Mitchell. “Don’t matter now. All that matters is I’m
prepared to survive this thing and you ain’t. How’s all that money workin’ for
you?”

Mitchell frowns. “You need to think
carefully about who you’re making enemies with.”

Axl spins around and gets right in
Mitchell’s face. “Is that a threat? I ain’t scared of you, and you ain’t
nothin’ special no more. You need to get that through your head. We’re equals
now.”

Mitchell smiles and there’s something
sinister about it. “No, we’re not.”

He walks away, and my stomach clenches.
“He’s not going to let us into that shelter.”

“Never thought he would,” Axl says.

“Then why are we going?”

“Gotta try. It’s our best chance at
survivin’ this thing.”

I sigh and all the earlier tension
returns to my body. My shoulders are tight and sore. I’ve always carried my
stress there. “I’m going to check on Emily, it’s getting late.”

Everyone seems to be settling in and the
store has grown quiet. Even the girls aren’t giggling anymore, and I’m not
surprised to find them laying down in the tent. After all the sleeping Emily
did today, I can’t believe she’s tired already, but she seems to be.

Her sandwich and juice are sitting on
the floor of the tent. Only one tiny bite has been taken out of the sandwich
and the juice box is still full.

“I thought you were hungry?”

“It tasted yucky,” she says, making a
face that suddenly reminds me of her father. That’s a pleasant thought.

I wish she would eat, but I don’t have
enough experience to know what to do about it. “Are you feeling okay still?”

She nods and I crawl inside, so I can
feel her forehead. It’s still cool.

“Okay. Are you ready for bed?”

“We want to sleep in here,” she says.

I smile and kiss her forehead. “I’ll
make sure Ava’s mommy says it’s okay.”

Both girls squeal with delight and I
laugh. Hopefully, Mitchell turns out to be a better person than I think he is
and he comes through for us.

“I’ll be right back.”

Sophia offers to sleep in the tent with
the girls. I help her get sleeping bags set up before tucking Emily in and
kissing her on the head. I’m so relieved she’s okay that I hug her longer than
I should. My heart aches with joy when her tiny arms squeeze me back. She’s
going to have times when she’ll miss her parents, but right now it feels like
it’s always been just the two of us. And everything is going to be fine.

“Goodnight,” I whisper, then crawl out.

I end up on a king size air mattress,
and I’m not the least bit surprised when Axl lies down next to me. I scoot
closer and my body relaxes even more. Within seconds I drift off to sleep.

* * *

When I open my eyes the store is pitch
black, and the only sound is the heavy breathing of my companions. Axl’s arm is
draped across me. The pressure in my bladder is intense, but I’m comfortable
and cozy with Axl’s warm body next to mine. Getting up is the last thing I want
to do.

I do my best to ignore it, but Axl
shifts in his sleep and when his arm presses against my bladder I almost lose
it. There’s no way I’ll be able to make it until morning.

Gently, I lift Axl’s arm and roll off
the mattress. It creaks under my weight and Axl’s eye twitches, but he doesn’t
wake up. I grab a flashlight and head to the back. The chilly air tickles my
skin. I shiver and wrap my arms around myself, rubbing them while I quickly
make my way to the bathroom.

It’s so dark. I should have brought a
lantern. The flashlight doesn’t do me a lot of good when I have to set it on
the floor. The beam shines straight up, casting eerie shadows across the inside
of the stall. The hair stands up on the back of my neck. I want to get back to
the group. Being in this bathroom alone is freaking me out.

When I’m done, I grab the flashlight and
practically run through the store. My heart pounds and all I want is to curl
back up on the mattress with Axl. Where it’s warm and safe.

My feet stop moving when I pass the
tent. Maybe I should check on Emily before I go back to bed. Just to reassure
myself that she still hasn’t developed a fever.

When I push the canvas door aside, I
cover the beam with my hand to mute the light. I don’t want to blind them. I
pan it around and inhale sharply. I have to be seeing things. I close my eyes
and take a deep breath, but when I open them nothing has changed. Emily isn’t
in the tent. I move my hand away, so I can use the full beam, then feel the
sleeping bag to be sure. But it’s empty.

My heart pounds. This is stupid. I need
to calm down. She probably got on the air mattress with Axl. I climb out and
move the flashlight across the room, searching the sleeping faces for Emily.
She isn’t on the floor anywhere, and she isn’t on the air mattress with Axl. I
even check with Angus, but he’s asleep by himself on a cot.

Emily is nowhere in sight.

My heart almost explodes.

“Shit,” I whisper.

She must have had to pee or something,
that’s the only explanation. I tiptoe through the sleeping group of people and
head to the bathroom. Once I’m a safe distance from the group, I start to
whisper her name, shining the flashlight up and down the aisles.

I don’t find her before I reach the
bathroom. She has to be inside. It’s the
only
explanation. But when I
step in and call her name there’s no response. I check the stalls, but they’re
empty, and my heart pounds so hard I can barely focus. Maybe she went into the
men’s room by accident? But when I check, it’s empty too and my stomach twists
so tight that for a second I’m pretty sure I’m going to throw up.

I swallow and do my best to hold the
panic in as I step out of the bathroom. My shaky voice echoes through the store
when I call Emily’s name. Just like before, I’m greeted by silence. Where could
she be?

The quiet sound of footsteps makes me
jump.

“Emily?” I say again, shining the
flashlight toward the sound.

The footsteps get louder and my pulse
races. I take a few steps down the aisle and my hands shake. Why? There’s
nothing scary inside this store.

The footsteps move faster. Closer. They
aren’t Emily’s. They’re too heavy, too loud to belong to a four-year-old. I
bite my lip and try hard to ignore the pounding of my heart as I walk forward.

“Who’s there?” My voice is so shaky it
scares even me.

I turn the corner and slam into
something hard and solid. And warm. The flashlight slips from my hand and the
beam of light spins as it rolls across the floor. Hands grab my shoulders. I
jerk away and let out a little yelp that sounds more like a wounded animal than
a terrified person. But my heart pounds so hard it makes it impossible for me
to focus or react in a rational way.

“Vivian, you scared the shit outta me.”

Axl. Shit. My heart races and his hands
slip off my shoulders. I’m still trembling when I grab for the flashlight. I
need to calm down.